The thing I don't like about the peeves topics or other similar types of threads, is that we are inevitably complaining about each other when we do that, so that feelings will get hurt. Personal or not, I know when I read them, it's a bit disheartening to hear how annoying, misunderstood, or whatever, I am, just for being myself on any given day : / Usually when people are peeving, venting, or stating their opinions, they're with people they know well, so know what the boundaries would be as to not be hurting one of the others. Assuming they would care, of course. We all have things that bug us about the world, some days worse than others, but I still can't believe some of the stuff when I read it. Or the interpretations or assumptions that are put on some things. I find it very discouraging to read about just how much people bug each other, and often over such small or inconsequential things. Makes me feel like I should just roll over and die. Even my smiley face has been put under attack a couple times, fgs. (And no, I usually don't read those threads or posts anymore, though I sometimes peek to see what's going on.)

I don't necessarily agree with the let the kids tell point of view... although very situational dependant. BUT, if the kids are still kids not adults, and if there is any possibility whatsoever that the ex will take it badly-- interestingly, for all the reasons serenity said let the kids tell, I say don't. Maybe it'd be easier on the parents to not have to have the conversation directly, but it's not fair to a young child or teenager to make them or expect them to be the messenger of news that is going to upset their mom or dad. I would have been horribly uncomfortable if my dad had expected me to tell me mom when he got engaged. My mom was depressed for a while after the divorce and even though I knew she didn't want my dad back, I also knew enough to know it would be hard for her to hear he was happy in a new relationship getting married. I don't know how my mom would have felt about hearing it from us not him, but even if it would have made things easier for her, **I** (getting my selfish teenager hat out of the closet now) would have hated it and resented the hell out of being expected to do it. It would not have been a good start to the whole step thing.

It says the parents will have joint legal custody and share in the responsibility and confer in good faith on matters concerning health, education, & welfare of the child. The parents must confer in making decisions on the following matters: Enrollment in or leaving a particular private or public school or daycare center. Out of Country or Out of State travel. In all other matters in exercising joint legal custody, the parents may act alone, as long as the action does not conflict with any orders concerning the physical custody of the children. There is also a 'special decision making' section that reads: The father will be responsible for making decisions regarding the following: 1. Participation in school & extra curricular activities during the school year. 2. Non major or routine medical care. (Of course, the activities cannot be on BM's time, and apparently she has a problem with medical care on her time too) That's all it says regarding decision making, so he really can't tell her anything. He has primary physical custody & BM has three weekends a month, so it isn't any different than a non custodial father taking his child to get their hair chopped off... my oldest son's father did that several times to piss me off. When me would send my son back with a knit beanie, I knew what he'd done. He even had little lines shaved into the side, just above my son's ears. The result ended up that my son was teased because the kids in my son's school thought it was weird. It was a trend in the town where my son's father lived but had not been picked up here by the kids and he was made fun of for being different. In my SD's case, (or maybe moreso when it comes to girls just because they usually care more about their looks than boys do, in my experience anyways) it should be on the person that has primary responsibility for the care of the child since it would be easy for a NCP to take a kid to get a high maintenance hairstyle and then they expect the CP to keep it maintained? It's really not fair to expect the CP to now have to buy special hair products or spend extra time to maintain a style that the NCP wanted and only sees a couple of times a month. With older kids, it would be on the kid to maintain it themselves, but it was a challenge to teach my SD how to pull her hair into ponytail... that's why DH took her to get it layered. She didn't want to wear a ponytail but it was the only way to keep it from looking like she didn't comb it. I don't have time to flat iron it in the morning and she said she loved it layered. Maybe she is just going along with both parents and who knows what the hell she wants? All I know is that now it's going to take extra work to send her off looking presentable and I have to listen to DH complain about it.

I used to cut my own hair. My HS grad picture is a 'selfed' haircut and its really not bad. I would cut my Mom's for her, friends. BUT, that's been a long, long time ago and my cut is the basis for my entire look ;0) I wouldn't consider attempting it myself other than nip 1/4" at the bangs maybe a week before my standing appointment. Really, two people in the last 30 years have gotten the cut right so that its 'fix it and forget it' for all day whether wind, nap, gardening, whatever I'm doing. I've stuck to them like glue. I have an appt April 8 that I don't know if I'll be able to keep. Small shop, two stylists. There is rarely more than 4 total at any one time inside even though spacious square footage. Both stylists seem to begin and complete one appointment at a time and not overlap, no cutting of one while a color is processing on a second. Each customer has their full attention until finished.