Neice gave me access to her account so I could "see" her photos and listen to her "great" music. I don't think she realizes I'm smart enough to navigate the entire site. I don't want to burst her bubble and let her know the music isn't really all that great, either. LOL I had to set up a dummy account of my own. I have a fake non-name user name; no personal info other than "married," "age" (was a default setting) and "USA", and have it set so no one except Niece can look at it. Nephew doesn't know I accessed his page. I used his email address, and BOOM!; there he was in all his pierced and tattooed glory. (Their tats don't bother me as much as the lip piercings; and neither bother me as much as the contents and comments.) The page was set to "public" so I could see it. For now, I'm just going to steer clear of the pages and continue to write, call, email, through the regular channels and try to encourage them to do the best they can. I never had children; but here I am, experiencing all the worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and hope "real" mothers are subjected to. Niece is, and has always been, my special girl and spent every summer with me from birth until she was 14. Her 15th summer was spent at home, and she got pregnant. Nephew lived with me two different times for a total of 4-5 years. I wish I could smack their bottoms, send them to their rooms, and ground them until they are 45. I have two other young nieces, three young nephews, and five great nieces/nephews. I better wear out the old knees praying there's hope for these young ones.

I once had an elderly relative who I would visit occasionally. We were not close. She was my grandfather's sister and I didn't meet her until I was in my 20s. Whenever I did see her she would make some comment about how long it had been since the last phone call/visit. It didn't make it fun to see her to be reminded that I had been remiss. I would lay off anything that is remotely guilt-trip-like including comments about broken dialing fingers, etc. They aren't amusing if the relationship is the least bit strained. Do drop the phone from your plan as scheduled. Give him another notice the day before that as of tomorrow the service will end. It only takes a day to get another phone. You may not have the number any longer, however! As for how he treats you and speaks to you. Be direct be clear. Not the same as a guilt trip. I have been through this with my kids. They are not permitted to snarl at me or ignore me or treat me like an ATM machine and short order cook. I have told them how this makes me feel. That it is hurtful. I once left my 12 year old daughter at a horse show (she had a ride home) after being given the bum's rush everytime I came over to where she was. I explained that I didn't like being treated like an annoyance unless she wanted money. Since she seemed too occupied with her friends to eat with me or talk to me, I was going home. I left in tears while she stood there crying and begging me to stay. She got it. Since then she has almost always been very thoughtful aobut my presence at one of her shows. One thing I learned as a mom and an employee and as a woman was how to say no. When I wore myself out trying to do everything for everyone (and nothing for myself) no one was happy or appreciative. Once I defined boundaries, said no if it was a burden or too costly or I was tired, my family and others became far more appreciative of those things I am willing and able to do. My children thank me for home cooked meals and trips to the mall or rides or having friends over. One thing to remember about saying no (calmly and quietly with no excuses) after everyone being used to you dropping and doing on demand is that they will be surprised and angry. Trust me, it will pass. In it's place will be new respect and appreciation. Really!

ms500 - I hate to hear you are having such a hard time. I too am divorced - my ex wanted to devote 24-7 to building his own business and didn't want the responsibilities of a family to hold him down. This after almost 17 years of living our life around that business which included losing almost everything, including our home. It always came first and so I shouldn't have been surprised when he said he wanted out. I look back now and realize what a doormat I had become and now that my oldest son had tossed me aside, I don't know why I am surprised. He learned from his dad to put everything above family and if family gets in the way just walk away. I asked my counselor why, what I did - provide a loving and supportive home, be the nurturer and the disciplinarian, and not leave, did not influence him as much as what his dad did. His answer was - my son knows where his rock is when he needed someone. He knew who he could rely and he has no reason to believe you will not always be there. On the other hand - he doesn't have that with his dad and therefore will not push him or take him for granted because he doesn't trust him as much. I still remember people telling me that the payoff for raising kids came when they were older and understand what it is to be a parent. So yes I feel cheated in more ways than one. My ex who wanted more than his family is the one that gets to enjoy his family. What is fair about that. Yet I believe that in time you reap what you sow. I know what I have sown and what I am experienceing now is not my reward. I believe the same for you. For some reason they seem to be in denial of the neglect and abuse you took on their behalf because of their dad. Have faith and hope that in time you will be rewarded for your effort. I can say "that" even though I have never even met my only grandchild - because I believe someone greater than me is in control. Good luck and best wishes.

Lest I sound like the craziest mother on the planet for the timing of this move. We discussed and encouraged DS to take a gap year and either travel with us, or go off on his own (this is not a new idea for him- I have always liked the concept and encouraged him to consider it before) the answer from him has always been the same though- no thank you. DS is in a huge rush to become an engineer- he was born that way. Also, I had always encouraged DS to go to school on the East Coast. This idea had very little to no appeal to him. DS loves traveling the world, but when it comes to the US, he loves Northern California best of all. East Coast schools were back ups should he not have gotten into his first choice (which he was admitted to early decision.) We have kept the house in the very same town DS will go to school in and it will be occupied by our housekeeper and our cockatiel. In addition I am planning on having the kitchen remodeled, so I will have an excuse to visit every month. However, I am very sure I am not the person he will be missing the most- that distinction will be held by DS2 who is only one year behind and working very hard to get into the same school. Frosh orientation begins Spt. 19. The brothers (DS 2-4) have a two week fall break around Halloween, so perhaps a long weekend in SF could be arranged- if that seems like a good idea we could absolutely do that. And then we will spend Thanksgiving in NYC all together- and then there are three weeks for Christmas and so on and so forth. The last mitigating circumstance is that DS has a very close relationship with a professor at the school already - I am pretty sure they will see each other at least weekly at Mass (this prof. was DS's Confirmation sponsor.) Thank you so much sheesh and Kim for your kind and thoughtful feedback. Kim, I am very grateful to you for your offer of help.