Thank you all so much for your ideas and kind words-- but you know how it goes. The blessings go both ways. The kids (all of them-- not just the older ones) are generous with their time and love to share themselves with me too. It's not the same as it was when they were young -- or as often-- but I cherish what each of them brings to my life. I love the idea to give them good knives. It make such a difference and I remember how giddy when I was (in my 30s) when I *finally* got a really good knife. My then bf and I fought over who would be the sous chef! LOL I also love the panini maker because it goes a long way on a low budget. You can throw in a little spinach, a little cheese, tomato, pesto, whatever and have a delicious meal. I like the breville which is definitely a splurge they'd not make for themselves. I am pretty set on getting a good cast iron dutch oven or stew pot for my nephew. He uses only cast iron pans and he's asked for a good soup/stew pan. It's also a way to make the budget go far-- my gosh, I lived on soup when I was in grad school. Sephora is also a great idea for the girls--SO great, in fact, that we've done that for birthdays or breakups or just because (pedicure, lunch and sephora!) :) I will check with them to give them the option for money or a present but in the meantime, I am developing a plan for a different kitchen/cooking package for each. I think they'll prefer presents and that way, I'll be prepared. Now onto the tweens!

Neice gave me access to her account so I could "see" her photos and listen to her "great" music. I don't think she realizes I'm smart enough to navigate the entire site. I don't want to burst her bubble and let her know the music isn't really all that great, either. LOL I had to set up a dummy account of my own. I have a fake non-name user name; no personal info other than "married," "age" (was a default setting) and "USA", and have it set so no one except Niece can look at it. Nephew doesn't know I accessed his page. I used his email address, and BOOM!; there he was in all his pierced and tattooed glory. (Their tats don't bother me as much as the lip piercings; and neither bother me as much as the contents and comments.) The page was set to "public" so I could see it. For now, I'm just going to steer clear of the pages and continue to write, call, email, through the regular channels and try to encourage them to do the best they can. I never had children; but here I am, experiencing all the worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and hope "real" mothers are subjected to. Niece is, and has always been, my special girl and spent every summer with me from birth until she was 14. Her 15th summer was spent at home, and she got pregnant. Nephew lived with me two different times for a total of 4-5 years. I wish I could smack their bottoms, send them to their rooms, and ground them until they are 45. I have two other young nieces, three young nephews, and five great nieces/nephews. I better wear out the old knees praying there's hope for these young ones.

I once had an elderly relative who I would visit occasionally. We were not close. She was my grandfather's sister and I didn't meet her until I was in my 20s. Whenever I did see her she would make some comment about how long it had been since the last phone call/visit. It didn't make it fun to see her to be reminded that I had been remiss. I would lay off anything that is remotely guilt-trip-like including comments about broken dialing fingers, etc. They aren't amusing if the relationship is the least bit strained. Do drop the phone from your plan as scheduled. Give him another notice the day before that as of tomorrow the service will end. It only takes a day to get another phone. You may not have the number any longer, however! As for how he treats you and speaks to you. Be direct be clear. Not the same as a guilt trip. I have been through this with my kids. They are not permitted to snarl at me or ignore me or treat me like an ATM machine and short order cook. I have told them how this makes me feel. That it is hurtful. I once left my 12 year old daughter at a horse show (she had a ride home) after being given the bum's rush everytime I came over to where she was. I explained that I didn't like being treated like an annoyance unless she wanted money. Since she seemed too occupied with her friends to eat with me or talk to me, I was going home. I left in tears while she stood there crying and begging me to stay. She got it. Since then she has almost always been very thoughtful aobut my presence at one of her shows. One thing I learned as a mom and an employee and as a woman was how to say no. When I wore myself out trying to do everything for everyone (and nothing for myself) no one was happy or appreciative. Once I defined boundaries, said no if it was a burden or too costly or I was tired, my family and others became far more appreciative of those things I am willing and able to do. My children thank me for home cooked meals and trips to the mall or rides or having friends over. One thing to remember about saying no (calmly and quietly with no excuses) after everyone being used to you dropping and doing on demand is that they will be surprised and angry. Trust me, it will pass. In it's place will be new respect and appreciation. Really!

Sherry, I see alot of comments about what others would do or wouldn't do. Here's my take..I've been in these shoes. lol We live in my mothers home, she NOW lives out of state, and has off and on over the last 15 years. There has been times in the past 15 years, that she's moved back to her house with us..(It's a small house 3bed/1bath!, to small for a family of 5, then throw another adult in..'nough said. So space is the key!) Anyway, some problems are..parenting now is NOT like it was 20-30 years ago! She has her opinions and sometimes she did step in on the boys. She really didn't like being in that position, and I didn't like it either.(So she has for the most part learned to bite her tongue!) There was a time, when we didn't pay mortage/rent, but paid all the utlilities, I did all the shopping, cooking and cleaning. She'd pitch in on some things when I was working and she was on the "bench" with her consulting firm. We have always talked about getting some land and building two houses or having a duplex or splitting up a large house into 2 fully functional homes. So I certainly see where you and your kids are coming from. It's nice to have the family unit together. And it was done for generations! So here's my take as the married kid with kids who's lived with their parent... I still think it's a grand idea...I also think that what others have touched on..space, own kitchen, TV room, bathroom, entrance..are KEY! But certainly you and hubby and DIL/DS know your family dynamics. I think it's amazing that are really thinking all of this out ahead of time. My brother is sucessful and married..trying to adopt now..and lives 5 hours from the family home..He has NO desire for "fairness" of mom's time. I think you should approach your other children and ask their opinions too..