Gwanny - My SIL grew up in San Diego, Encinitas (sp?), her bro still lives there Flamingo - This was the first time I had met them over the new year holidays Joyfulguy - so true, wouldn't all that sun really age your skin? I wonder how the women deal with it.. Gramma - Bwahahahah is right - that is too funny Ronm - one of my best friends is from Alabama, and she says when she goes down south for a family reunion, you had better look good or "you will be discussed" lunchlady + shiela - I got a sewing machine when I graduated from college - My My how times have changed... Mariend - Wow, that's kinda twisted of them, don't you think? Was moving to the midwest a "culture shock"? Wildchild - At least insurance will pay for your teeth sometimes, wow, there is no excuse for that Jannie - If DH has that kind of money for that kind of thing, I'll tell him a nice set of pearls or diamond earings can magically make your chest look bigger - let him think about that one for awhile - bless his little heart..

It seems like at that age maybe the scoring should be left to paid officials. I don't know much about the game or anything about the scoring, but I wouldn't want to be drafted to have to keep score or referee a sporting event for my son especially since I have to take care of a toddler at the games. Do most sporting events in your community count on parental involvement for score keeping -- refereeing, etc. I would think parental scoring may not even be considered "fair" by some. Does the other team have a separate score keeper? How do the other teams do it? I still feel for you that you have to handle it all. Who would normally be involved in the scheduling the scorekeepers and who would you tell if you really couldn't make a game? Is there an Athletic Director or someone from the school that should be handling the scheduling of it? If it is your husband's responsibility since he's coach I would just have him send out a letter telling everyone they have to score (or find someone to score) for "this number of" games and that they should put down their first, second, and third choice of dates. Preferences will be given in order of receipt (or by lottery), and dates may be assigned that are not requested. Make sure to note that it is their responsiblity to switch dates with someone or find a substitute if needed. Although, I still think that having the parents pitch in some cash and hiring a paid score keeper (even a kid) may be the best answer. Maybe you could individually give them the option to pay for a scorer, or to just do the scoring themselves.

Well, here it is Wednesday and still no official word. I spoke with my attorney's office on Monday and they are still trying to verify the closing on Monday. I am about to lose my mind. I think it is possible that my buyer's attorney is waiting for the other transaction to close (the buyer of his client's house) before he schedules the closing, but I can't even get confirmation of that! I am trying to stay calm but this is very disturbing. We have in our contract that if the house does not close by April 10th then we can back out. Of course we would have to give the buyer her earnest money back and the house would have to go back on the market and if there were any offers, they would likely be less than what we are getting now. I am disinclined to back out right after the 10th as long as I have a reasonable expectation that this will happen. My husband is saying that we shouldn't give them much time after the 10th to make this happen and should put the house back on the market and give her right of first refusal if we get an offer. My buyer does not have any other means to purchase the house and she has taken a big hit on hers. She wants the house, has been trying to move to this community for 2 years, so I know she is motivated. My emotions are in turmoil at this time.

Not sure I buy the whole "parenting out of guilt" concept (but I've never read the book or anything, so maybe I shouldn't judge just yet)... but I can see where noncustodial bio-parents who don't get to see their children often may parent out of a sense of LOSS... which is what it sounds like may be happening here. I agree that it isn't fair to the other kids if the discrepancy is extreme... however it isn't 'fair' to the one child who doesn't get to live with Daddy full-time compared to the other kids who do. Seen this way, it wouldn't be 'fair' to treat all the kids EXACTLY the same when his daughter visits because the rest of the year, the other kids get so much more of his time and attention (in total, in quantity, if not in quality). That's where it gets really tricky. And that's where everyone kind of does have to expect that to a REASONABLE extent, the other child's visits will always be 'special' simply because they are rarer. The key word, though, is REASONABLE. Also knowing what's within control and able to be levelled out and what isn't. Rules, for example. All the kids should be following the same rules, with the same rewards/consequences. Money, also. Approximately equal amounts of money should be spent on all kids. Even chores (many might disagree with me on this) should be expected of all children, yes even the visiting child, provided they are reasonable and don't suck up too much of the quality time. Other thing, such as feelings, are harder to control. You can't stop DH from getting an xtra twinkle in his eye when his daughter coes to visit, just like you can't stop a parent from having an extra soft spot from their first-born, or for their youngest, or for the one who was a preemie, or the one with the cute freckles on his nose, etc. Ideally, the parent has one of these 'special soft spots' for each of his/her kids for different reasons. And that, I think, is the key to successful parenting, custodial or noncustodial, intact or blended family. Somehow, some way, each child needs to feel EQUALLY SPECIAL. All treated fairly, but also all unique. That's what I'd tell your husband, and at the same time I'd be pre-emptively reassuring the kids myself of their individual specialness. I'd very kindly and clamly discuss the issue with my husband and ask simply that we try to find some positive ways to balance things out just a little bit more between daughter visit periods and in-between daughter visit periods. Try to go out to eat a few times more when she's not there, even if you have to initiate it. Try to cook at home a few times more when she visits. Start out each year or quarter with a total budget for 'kid fun money', divide it by # of kids, and stick to it. If husband starts to go over it when his daughter is visiting, gently ask him "are you sure you want to spend the last part of this year's fun budget on THAT item and not a nicer gift for Christmas?", etc. There are practical material things taht can be balanced out, and when they are, hopefully that will take the sting out of it more when he seems to "come alive" more when she visits. As long as you know that things really are basically fair and that your kids are getting plenty of love & attention and feel special too, it should hopefully become less of a problem.