I once went to a funeral where somebody's teen-aged daughter wore a black cocktail dress; I'm guessing she knew black was appropriate & respectful, & it was the only black dress she had, & she was doing her best. I once went to a funeral where the pallbearers, the teen-aged great-nephews of the deceased, wore starched white shirts, ties, & their best starched jeans, & I know it was because their great-aunt, knowing the family budget, requested it. I've been to several wintertime funerals & graveside services where the elderly ladies wore pantsuits & tennis shoes & warm hats, & I know they were showing their respects even though they must have been freezing & could have begged off on the basis of age & fragility. I was touched at all these people, doing their best even if it wasn't the customary attire. but I can't think of any excuse for ripped jeans, tee shirts with logos, or baseball caps. If I were a family member, I might be offended enough to ask the funeral director to not let them in.

I agree with Jen. If she doesn't want to wear make up and doesn't want to get dressed up, that's her choice. It might actually end up being even more uncomfortable for her to wear make up and dress in clothes she doesn't feel good in. I was going to ask if she regretted not attending previous reunions but you said she went to her 20th. So that makes me think she really DOES know the score. She knows what people wore, how she got along, if she was able to connect with people, etc. The fact that it didn't turn out that great for her is really all the evidence she needs to make an intelligent decision about this event. If she chooses to ignore that experience, I'm not sure what you can do about that. I went to my five year (too soon!!) and ten year reunions. Five year, we were mostly still in college or just barely out. Not enough time had passed. So I gave it a second chance with the ten year. That told me everything I needed to know about HS reunions. It was a relive-your-glory-days, who's-the-cutest, who's-the-most-popular redux. Ugh. I am actually still friends with a few of my HS gang, 30+ years later. I care about them, we see each other regularly and I don't need to spend $$$ for a formal event at a hotel to "catch up". The rest of the people, I could pretty much go the rest of my life without giving them another thought. The point is, I think, that the people who are currently IN our lives are the ones who really make a difference in our lives. All those people I knew 30 years ago have absolutely no bearing on my present reality. Maybe that's something your friend has to realize on her own.

I agree with "Hello" or "Good morning". You might choose to add the "Father" ... but doubt that you'd choose to familiarize it to "Dad". As for some brands of Protestant clergy, some speak to them using the term, "reverend, as in in, "hello, reverend", or may be referred to in such a way as, in, say, a radio interview, " ... what's your opinion about that, reverend ..." The term "reverend" is considered an adjective, as a descriptor, and one would not use it in introducing someone as "Reverend Smith" any more than one would introduce you as "good Smith", if Smith happened to be your name. When introducing such a person, in a circumstance where one wished to convey that information, one would introduce such a person as "Reverend Mr./Ms. Smith". In a radio interview, where one wished to indicate the person's title, "Rev. Mr./Ms. Smith" in the beginning, after that just "Mr./Ms. Smith", or "Jane/John", as is common in that informal atmosphere. ole joyful

I suppose some of you have a point, in that there are those who haven't a friggin' clue as to what constitutes proper attire - and what does not. I'm perfectly capable of dressing up a pair of nice blue jeans (as I have today - although they're actually gray skinny jeans that I've topped with a long, flowy turquoise jacket and completed with 4" espadrille wedges) as it's "Casual Friday" in my workplace. That said, our HR Department did recently have to send a reminder email to employees about what that means. Don't wear your flip-flops, don't wear that spaghetti-strap maxi dress, and please, for the love of all things holy, don't wear leggings to the office with a top so short that your privates are on view. It's rather mind-boggling that people have to be given explicit instructions such as this, because in my mind we should all be perfectly capable of understanding how to dress in casual fashion to go out and how to dress in casual fashion to bop around the house or work in the garden. There is a huge difference, but I do get it that some people just don't get it. ::sigh::