What's to be gained by lying? What's the harm?

16 years ago

If a person whose honesty is in doubt doesn't have some obvious pay-off in material goods (money, gifts, etc.) there are some posters who believe that a story being posted therefore MUST be true... i.e."If they aren't asking for money, then there is no reason to lie." And further, "Even IF they lied, "What harm has been done to you?"

Tally posted the link below & I took the time to read the article. (Thanks, Tally) It's really too good to be overlooked & might have been lost in the fray. Both the above conclusions would be wrong. The pay-off can be non-material in nature & there IS harm to the group, as well as to individuals.

Here's a small excerpt:

Three lost souls with heart-rending stories, they clicked their way to Internet support groups, where they elicited outpourings of sympathy from fellow sufferers.

All three were incorrigible fakers. They lied their way into networks of people with real troubles who had come to care about one another and to think of themselves as communities. For months the frauds strung along their on-line audiences, which included many people who were living through genuine crises and tragedies but who had nonetheless extended themselves to comfort others.

Eventually, tripped up by their own lies and confronted by their victims, the intruders withdrew. But they had broken the trust of the groups they invaded, leaving members hurt, angry, embarrassed and suspicious of one another....

Why would anyone do such terrible things? Dr. Feldman said most people with factitious disorders were ''longing for nurturing, sympathy, care and concern that they feel unable to get in appropriate ways.'' They also like being treated as heroes and admired for their courage in the face of adversity.

''But some may have a bit of sadistic motivation in that they get some glee in deceiving others,'' Dr. Feldman said.

There's lots more. It's a really informative article, surprisingly, written in 1998, the year that the KT came into being. It sheds some light into understanding "Why?" and also "Why would you question someone's honesty?"

Here is a link that might be useful: I encourage you to read this.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (9)

Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana
16 years ago
I do know that I take a lot of things said on the net (like forums), with a grain of salt.

If it is anything important to me, I will consult experts on the matter.

Here is a link that might be useful: What is the Difference Between a Sociopath, a Compulsive, a Pathological, a Chronic, and a Habitual Liar?
magic_arizona
16 years ago
That was a very interesting article. The thing that struck me the most is

"They also like being treated as heroes and admired for their courage in the face of adversity."

That's enough of a reward for some people and seemed to be the case in recent events.
Related Discussions
The Etiquette of Lying--I have a question
Q
Comments (16)
I'm not a diplomat I always get in trouble when I go do the UN thing.......... pack of...........diplomats! Yuck! I did however pass one of these people on the street a week ago and we nodded 1st time in 5 years. She asked me to co sign a loan and I was a bout to side step it but hit the iceberg head on. I knew she was in a 12 step program for debting and whe she said why would'nt I co sign this loan I told her my train of thought could only infurriate her. Go ahead try me "well I know your a recovering alcoholic and drug addict and If you asked me to score some heroin for you and pick up a six pack on the way to your house I would aslo have to refuse! So I can't be part of your debting! This person got me my current job and garden spot heavy load! This person owes the world and was divorced when she dragged her husband into her chaotic finances! A polite nod is as far as I want to go!
...See More
Will high K fertilizer harm fig trees in containers?
Q
Comments (5)
Hi, No, it's not balanced. It has far more K in it than N & P. It was a liquid fertilizer, so I don't imagine it will hang around in the pots very long. I can flush the pots, can't I? The way I understand it is I should water the pots and a short while later, really run water through the soil a couple of times to get rid of built up P & K. Thanks for your kind reply, noss
...See More
Hot Chocolate... What is Half... and Lying...
Q
Comments (95)
SS, I find it extremely hard. I just don't say much about it here. Mary's first post above describes a lot of how I feel. And especially when DD was younger. There are so many things you're supposed to be doing to be the best parent, I just think it's overwhelming. I think there's so much competition not just for the children, but for the parents, to get your kid into the right schools, to have the best/appropriate clothes, to do the right sports, to volunteer for the best organizations, have a certain standard behavior instilled by *this* age. I was overwhelmed when I had DD and I still get that way. I have always had a hard time balancing work and spending time with DD. I feel guilty a lot. But who else is going to put bacon on the table? Bottom line, I can't do it all and I can't be all. Sometimes DD goes to bed without brushing her teeth, sometimes she eats MickeyD's twice in a weekend. I know I'm not the best parent, I do things cause they are easier sometimes and I feel tremendous guilt at other times for not being the perfect parent. But you know what, that's just how I cope with it all and no one is perfect. I think you do a fine job and I'm sorry for laughing above, I didn't realize this was a little deeper than what you had originally posted. I think you should let up on yourself some.
...See More
How to deal with a rude, lying, stealing etc etc etc 13 year old?
Q
Comments (25)
teeweeone: I think you're being rude. > Pretending to be a step parent is not the same as BEING one. Rosie: I am not married to my partner. Yet I wipe my SS's behind when he poops, all my paycheck goes to the family, I spend *at least* half the time I'm not at work with the boy, I help him make cards for his BD, I'm teaching him to read, etc ad nauseum. If I'm not a step parent, I'm either doing a very good impression or insane. Possibly both. True, my legal status is somewhat hazy. However, the BD hasn't seen his kid in 20 months, hasn't lived with him in 2 years -- since he was 19 months old -- calls once or twice a month. I've been here, constantly and consistently for 2 years. In the boy's eyes, I'm *at least* a step parent, if not a dad-replacement. And as far as morals go...enh. I think I'm pretty ok. Perhaps even safe to walk the streets among the general populace. :) In less flip terms, I think that I'm raising my child -- yes, *my child* -- in a way that he'll turn out nice, think helping other people is a good thing to do, and thinking that cleaning up his own messes is a spiffy way to spend an evening. Dah-doo-run-run.
...See More
monica_pa Grieves
16 years ago
And the sniping continues...
Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana
16 years ago
hmmm...read my mind
golfergrrl
16 years ago
Very good article. Try reading it. It's information. Take what you will from it. *sigh* Your complaining about sniping is....... sniping. Not necessary, but anticipated.
wantoretire_did
16 years ago
I'm assuming that the entire events are true. How dare some people insist that FW document the legalities and timelines. The guardian/adoption procedure is complicated enough for those in the legal field, but for a lay person the entire procedure is overwhelming at best. Why are so many of you ready for an AHA moment of exposing a supposed falsehood? You are like dogs with a bone.

If it is all not true, then there must be caring for the need expressed. There has been so much caring for physical problems, why not for emotional, if that is the case.
kfca37
16 years ago
That was an interesting article about sociopathic v. compulsive liars. Still can't decide if the late health guru I did the genealogy work-up on was one or the other. He sure did lie about his background a lot. I'm leaning toward the sociopathic though. People Magazine did a three-page photo article on him the year before he died (Sonny Bono, if anybody remembers him, was on the cover that week) that was pure crappola.

I'll have to think about it more. Either that or eat dinner.
chisue
16 years ago
Well, *I* think The U.S. District Attorney for Northern Illinois is a VERY MEAN PERSON, the way he's picking on our poor removed-from-office former governor. After ALL, Rod never actually GOT any of the money he was *taped* attempting to extort in exchange for appointing a Senator from Illinois to replace Obama. Rod's just a big talker, that's all. He didn't really *mean* any of that. heh-heh-heh

We should forgive and forget. Move on. We shouldn't spend money to re-try the guy, even though this jury was hung on most counts because of one nutcase juror. Let's go out and build something instead! Roads are good. There's lots of room for graft in roads. Chicaga ain't ready fer reform!

(I'd almost agree if it meant I never had to hear another word about this creep again. We could continue politics-as-usual, but with somebody new!)
kfca37
16 years ago
What is the old joke about the former Chicago resident, directing to be buried there so he could always vote in that city....

What's to be gained by lying? What's the harm?

Comments (9)

Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana

magic_arizona

Related Discussions

monica_pa Grieves

Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana

golfergrrl

wantoretire_did

kfca37

chisue

kfca37

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US