The best time, in general, is right before dawn. Lowest temperature and highest humidity, along with lowest wind, so less evaporation. And it's soon enough to sunup that it doesn't stay wet, as it would if watered earlier in the night, so less friendly environment for disease. The absolutely ideal time would be during a light summer rain before dawn. (The light rain doesn't contribute much water, but it pretty well prevents any evaporation at all.) I see plenty of commercial landscape being automatically watered during the day and plenty running water down the street, all of them supposedly maintained by "professionals." But the "professional" is likely just a guy with a trailer full of mowers and trimmers and some knotheads to run them and who can do the work cheap. And just because there's someone tending the landscape doesn't mean they control the sprinkers. And you know what. I'd bet a small sum that he doesn't really see all that many systems running during the day. That's the sort of bogus claim you hear from a bombastic know-it-all who will say anything to be righter than you. (Of course, there's no one like that in East Texas, is there. Ha!)

Seeing a counselor to go over what you experience as problematic in your life seems like a good idea (it's a stock kind of good idea, like if you were running a notable fever for no apparent reason it would probably be a good idea to get a medical consultation for that situation). Addictions in general are not healthy for people. Give some time and effort to figuring out what you think and feel about what you want from him, and from your relationship-- and why. Is it possible that he has demonstrated (at least in one way) that you and family are first in his life (he is a SAHD)? Are there are workable number of things you would need for him to change? By that kind of thing, the issues would be less about him being who is is and having the interests he does. It doesn't seem unreasonable to work out some kind of organized budget-- including awareness of, and explicit statements about what money there is and what money there is not (as well as why you both think and feel what you do). He may need to limit the time he spends with his friends if he is aware of his own tendencies to 'over do' things. The nature of cooperative relationships between adults is that people have to be willing to compromise reasonably to benefit all involved (each other and any children). Knowing other people's thoughts and feelings is not really possible with 100% accuracy. Some people wouldn't come home because they didn't necessarily put their 'home and family' first in that instant-- maybe. Others might not come home because they were out late and 'catching up with friends' they hadn't seen in what feels (to them) like ages and they didn't want to disturb their 'home and family.' Some might be passed out and more or less unable to relocate anywhere for the night. There are as many different ways of thinking about this as there are people who might have experienced not going home for the night. A complicating factor for your partner is that adults who perform a stay at home or home-based care giving schedule need some respite, like anyone else, from their workplace and work schedule. There is a normal need for anyone to be able to have breaks or away-times or vacations from work from time to time. A further complicating thing for women in general is that the stay at home tasks, as well as any general household work is seen or felt to be reflective of the woman of the house (so to speak). There is a kind of unspoken social pressure, maybe intensified depending on the woman's upbringing, to be focused on 'home and family' if one is a woman. It's much more emphasized and demanded of women than of men. It can seem like an 'addiction' which is focused on a partner, home, and family is healthy and normal for women anyway. Addictions by their very nature though are all-consuming and unhealthy. People live as if driven to get their next 'fix' (whatever that may be) instead of being able to live their lives the way they intend to. Whatever you do with self-counseling, writing, or seeing a counselor; make sure you are the one deciding what if anything to do. If anyone urges you to make some drastic life change, at least ask them to explain themselves and their thinking. The question would be, do you want you to leave him (and why or why not)-- if a counselor told you to leave him you might ask them why they would advise you to upheave your life and home, and your partner's and those of your children.

She doesn't have a "drinking problem", she's an alcoholic. Call it what it is. Imagining that there's anything you can do to get a practicing alcoholic to be a responsible parent is the problem here. Trying to appeal to her, reason with her, getting angry, or imagining that she can somehow "improve" and control her drinking is absurd. The only way an alcoholic can "improve" is if they stop drinking completely. Your husband shouldn't be indulging her drunken rants and pity trips--he should tell her to call him when she's sober and hang up the phone. Anything other than zero tolerance is enabling her to continue drinking. Alcoholics don't stop drinking on their own , and they don't do it for the sake of their children, or anyone else. An alcoholic only stops drinking when they get "sick and tired, of being sick and tired." Doesn't sound like she's anywhere near that point. You need give up on the silly notion that there's anything you can do to "help" her, and start documenting everything so you'll have a paper trail to try to get the children removed from her custody. If you really want to do something that might actually be beneficial, I highly recommend finding a local chapter of Alanon, and attending some of their meetings. Alanon is a support group for families of alcoholics that is associated with, and has adopted the principles of AA (alcoholics anonymous), in offering help and hope to those effected by alcoholics to find ways to resolve problems and obtain a better quality of life, regardless of whether the alcoholic stops drinking or not. If you can convince your husband to join you, that would be great, if not, go alone. They can offer all kinds of helpful tips, hints, and methods that have successfully worked for them and others, including advice on winning custody battles to remove children from continuing to be harmed by an alcoholic. They also have support groups for children of alcoholics, Alateen and Alatot, where your stepchildren can learn they're not alone, and provide them with a peer group to vent to and help them with the difficult challenges of dealing with the abuse and stigma of having an alcoholic parent. My husband was a practicing alcoholic, who went into rehab when he met me, and has been "clean and sober" ever since--going on 25 years now. I started attending Alanon while he was in rehab and felt it was the best therapy I ever received--and it's free! Best of luck!

Thanks for all of your warm sentiments. I'm still a little emotional about it...I bawled writing it and bawled reading what all of you wrote! Oh, and that pic of the police car is a proof I got from the newspaper site - not proof of the wreck. *grin* I talked to DHs sister today and she saw the chase as it went through an intersection where she was sitting at a light. She couldn't believe how fast they were going. Funny thing is - and not "ha ha" funny - Thursday afternoon when he got in from work is when we were scheduled for our appointment with the attorney to "get our affairs in order." When DH first called to tell me about his 'near miss' in the chase, I told him that if anything bad had happened, I would have felt like a jinx because it would have happened on the VERY day we had the appointment. Just goes to show you that we are all only "a breath away" and it can happen at any time. Yes, we're saying our THANK YOU prayers. Here is a link that might be useful: Followup story