Well I have read all your comments about the rude DIL. The mother that said "have patience"....I've been patient for 10 months now. My grandson was born last October. I welcomed my son's girlfriend in my home 2 years before she became pregnant (living with me). I think I have a great relationship with her personally. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to come to the hospital for the birth. I respected their wishes because they wanted it done this way. No one to be there so they could relax and bond with no company. Her mom did not respect this and showed up anyway and stressed her and my son so bad by being there (constantly talking, laughing, etc) all day that her labor became stressful. My son was so upset. Finally they booted her mom out. Again I'm saying, I respected the wishes. My DIL breastfeeds and she claims he won't take a bottle. I say she's wrong. A little bottle manipulation will take care of that. Mfg. companies do not make the nipples wide enough so not enough milk comes out. (I breastfed my son but pumped so my parents could feed and bond with their grandson--I had to have the nipples opened a little more so he would take it). I feel she doesn't want me and my husband to feed him, which is a bonding experience to grandparents. When I told her about this trick, my son was excited to try it because he too wants to feed his son. If I'm giving to her (money, gifts, going out to eat, etc.) she comes over and stays for a good while so I can play with him. If I don't have anything to offer, I never see her and she's always busy if I want to go over to her house. Her mother and family dont help them out or see the baby but once a month, but when there is holidays, her family gets first dibs on the visit. Me and my husband are always last and the baby is tired because they get to my house so late. His first birthday party is being planned around her mothers schedule, not the grandparents that have literally spent out thousands of dollars to help with their bills and baby items. (they have asked and I have offered). Yes, I am expected to help her out with buying decorations, food, and the rental space at the park but me and my husbands schedule didnt matter. I, too, have taken care of many babies and know what I'm doing. She won't let the baby out of her sight. She's always "right there" and seems she wants him to always want her or cry for her when he sees her so she can take him. I feel I haven't got a grandchild or bonded the way my parents bonded with my son. I've respected their wishes since she gave birth to him. I've only babysat 20 minutes a couple times. Although one time she and my son was doing some delivery work to make some extra cash and left him with us for 3 hours when he was 5 months. I insisted on them not to ride around that long with the baby in the carseat. They agreed reluctantly.....Believe me, by the time they got back, my grandson was not happy. He wanted food that I couldn't give. Did not have a bottle because i was not allowed to feed him. So needless to say, I dont watch him long periods like that anymore (with no bottle). She pumps but claims she doesn't pump enough. He feeds and within an hour he's hungry again and she feeds him again. Seems like she's breastfeeding constantly. Like I said, I feel I'm being used and I have to "pay" to see my grandson. When hes out of the baby stage, boy, people will be getting some good deals at my yard sale because everything is new since I see him maybe once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I've tried everything. In my opinion she's too too too overprotective. I'd like for my grandson to grow to be a tough playing little boy not the opposite. I need that bonding experience. Yes, i have tried to talk to both of them and theres always excuses that doesnt make sense. I do want you to know I love my DIL very much. I just want to feel I've got a grandson and feel the baby stage experience... not blink and he's a grown boy. Any advise, please help. I've done everything I know of and now just being unemployed, I'm short on money. Makes me feel I'm being used. My husband is upset, too. HELP!!!!

Finchlover, I'm going to try to tread lightly here, because I don't want to cause you any more grief. That said, I am appalled at the reaction of your other children. Before you get mad at me, I'll share some of my life with you. My daughter died at home by her own hand just over two years ago as well. She was only 13 at the time. So, I kind of know what you went through. I say kind of, because there are always differences. We live in a small town, so there was no option to just blend in. Everyone knew what happened. You absolutely should not disown your DIL. You do not want to break ties with the mother of your grandchildren. Your other children need to back off and realize that your son did this to himself. No one make anyone else kill themselves. Shame on them for blaming her. One day they will probably realize this. I also feel compassion for your other children because it would be wonderful if they actually COULD blame her. Then they wouldn't have to fully face what your other son did. My daughter had a very difficult time with her sisters death. She still has a hard time, and she always will. I do see both sides of this. They shouldn't disown her either, because to do so would to cut off any contact with your son's precious children. Please understand that if I said anything that hurt you, it was not intended to do so. Like I said, I can empathize with you in a way that most people cannot. I wish you all the best and hug those grandkids for me.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a couple of very close female friends who were involved with my son or were good friends with my daughter when she was living. I am very close to them, also. I consider them family and would be very upset if something happened to them. I can understand your pain as well as your guilt. Like Susan said, don't beat yourself up for the negative thoughts. We are all human. It sounds like you were a great friend to her. You obviously didn't let on that at times you didn't feel like talking. She continued to call you and talk, so she must have cared for you very much also. Lu

The kids have lots of friends. Nadine is a 4th grade school teacher and many want to come and help. They have even gone so far as to say they will set up a schedule. Our grandaughter is a wonderful little girl and so easy to keep. She loves to go to the barn with papaw. Keeping her will be the easy part.. It's the time that wil be spent on the road that is hard. But we know it is only for a few weeks and we will be more then happy to do all of it. Our other 2 kids and their families are good to help with Rachael and fixing food and such. We have a very wondeful close family. Our oldest daughter is also going to have a baby the middle of April. The kids have everything already set up for when they bring the babies home. Rachael got a new room and it is finished. Dad works for himself so his days are flexable. This is a great help. You should see the new hospital rooms now. Moms area is huge and they have a separate area for the dads to stay. It has a pull out bed, small frig, microwave and a flat screen tv hanging on the wall. A desk at the other end with computer hookup. Actually our son can work from there. There is also a separate room for the babies. Then the bathrooms are nothing but fabulous. Huge and looks like it came out of a magazine. I know everything will be ok, it is just going to take some time. One thing is I feel bad for our daughter-in-law because she really misses her Mom during this time. Her mom died unexpectedly 2 months after Rachael was born. They were several states away and it was a big ordeal getting her back here. I have tried to always be here for our daughter-in-law. She is a wonderful gal and terrific mom. Grandpa and I work well together on all of this . We each do our part.. We wouldn't have it any other way. We love our children.. Susie