Just retired, need advice

17 years ago

I am hoping that some KT members who are retirees can help me from making mistakes in my so-called golden years. DH and I have just retired. I am 66 and he is 63, and we are both in good health but on a very limited budget.

I am old enough to know that early on in any project or relationship, precedents are set. It seems that what happens in the beginning sets all the rules. So, I want to lay the groundwork for a satisfying retirement.

We have all heard stories and jokes about couples going a little crazy with having to spend so much time together. DH and I enjoy each otherÂs company and we have worked together in self employment for the length of our marriage, 16 years. But, we do have different interests and different body clocks.

The problem I am foreseeing is that he will be counting on me to be the Cruise Director, you know, in charge of creating entertainment, and also accompanying or assisting him in his projects. I am looking forward to reading, sewing, gardening, crafting and socializing with my friends and family. We do share an interest in boating and travel, but both these interests take money we donÂt have to spend. He isnÂt much of a reader (unless about boats), craftsperson, sports enthusiast, or social networker. The closest family we have is two hours away.

Since women often have more household responsibilities and interests than men, I suspect that this is a common scenario, so I came here to pick brains. If you have tips and lessons learned from experience, please pass them along. I want to do the things I love and have looked forward to pursuing, yet not give my husband the message that heÂs on his own. Please donÂt mention joining clubs or volunteering because we already do all of that we want to do (boat clubs, gardening clubs, meals on wheels, community watch...).

Thanks to anyone who responds.

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Comments (9)

susanjf_gw
17 years ago
congrats!? maybe this the time to start his/her nights for food prep, household chores.(although my one friend came home from work to find the food alphabitized, lol)

maybe dh will have to be nudged into being more self-motivated...asking my dh to do things is very hard for me. i always feel guilty, lol...maybe you won't be! but then i wouldn't give up my books for anyone!
heather_on
17 years ago
DH helps me with all of the gardening and housework. He is the cook in the family for the majority of the meals and does the laundry. I get to clean his messes in the kitchen!

He likes to stay up later than I do and sleep in. This is the time I do my hobbies. DH is more of a TV watcher than I am but I usually stay in the same room in the evening and do my craftwork.

It is amazing, we have grown so close since I stopped working we can finish each other's sentences and often say the same thing at the same time. He stopped working about 5 years before I did due to his health.

We are pretty careful with our money and don't spend a whole lot frivolously. We do plan special outings along the way. We are lucky, most of our neighbours are retired so we do have company that way.
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Hi again dolcemia, I am pleased that your husband has a retirement plan ... and that you have one, as well. At what age can you begin to draw on them? Usually they are set up to begin at age 65 ... can you choose to begin drawing before that? For example, in Canada, the Federal pension, to which we all contribute, which began over 40 years ago, intends to have us retire at 65, with full pension (if we made full rate of contributions ... which you don't, if you earn anything near minimum wage, meaning that low income hurts, even into retirement). If I choose to retire earlier, they won't allow me to do it before age 60, and for each 2 months that I retire before age 65, they reduce my pension by 1% ... which means 6% per year, and if I chose to retire at age 60, there would be a 30% reduction. On the other hand, if I choose not to retire until after age 65, I get a bonus of 1% for each 2 months extra that I work and contribute, 6% per year. Is your pension set up so that as inflation continues over the years, does the amount of your pension increase, as well? If there is a provision for it to increase due to inflation, it's almost certain that it won't increase at the same rate as the rate of inflation, but less ... which means that it won't cover as many expenses as the years go by as it would earlier. They call that a pension being indexed for inflation. Is your husband's pension indexed to inflation? ______________________ Do you owe money on credit cards, that you don't pay in full each month when the bill arrives? Is it/are they mainline cards, or cards issued by stores? Do you know what rate of interest that you pay on those unpaid balances? Usually on mainline cards it's about 15 - 18% annual rate. Usually on store-issued cards it's up around 25 - 28% annual rate. If I loaned you $100. and said that you owed me $25. per year for the use of it, would you consider me some kind of rascal? May I ask you a question ... have you heard the saying, "A penny saved is a penny earned"? Do you believe it? If you say that you agree, I'd like to disagree, in terms of much of the stuff that, when you buy, you might be able to save a dollar on the purchase. When you consider most of the stuff that you buy ... when you prepare your income tax, can you deduct the price of it as you calculate the amount of tax that you owe? For much of the goods that most of us buy ... the cost is not deductible. Which means that we have to buy it using money that we've already paid income tax on, i.e., after-tax money. Let's suppose that you could save $1.00 on a purchase that you make. If you're in 25% marginal tax rate (i.e. the rate of tax that you pay on your top dollar of income), that means that you have to earn $1.33 before-tax, then pay 33 cents tax, leaving yu with $1.00 in hand to go out to buy that item. So .. if you save $1.00 on the cost of the purchse ... you've saved $1.333 of extra earnings, right? Plus... if you pay that 28% on a store-issued credit card, most of the things that you bought when using it were not tax-deductible, right? Which means that, if you're in 25% income tax rate, you have to earn $36.00 pre-tax income, then pay the 25%, or $9.00 income tax, leaving you with $27.00 ... oh,oh ... not quite enough to pay that $28.00 owing. Drat!! When you buy a car (or do you lease) do you pay cash for it, or do you finance it? If finance, do you shop around to find the best rate of interest and terms? Are you a member of a credit union, or are there some in your area? Sometimes they offer lower rates, or better terms, than the usual market offers. Do you try to pay the loan off as soon as possible? I recommend that. Be sure to pay off the loan quite a while before you need to replace the car. Then keep putting away that amount of money (or nearly as much) each month, building a fund to enable you to make a far larger down payment on the next car. It would be best if you can pay the full cost in cash ... that lets you put the amount of interest into your own pocket that you'd been paying earlier to a lender. I like keeping my money in my jeans over paying others to borrow theirs. Do you have an emergency fund? That is, if you had no family income for 3 months (or, even better, 6 months ... or, better yet, a year) would you have anough money available that you would still be able to live fairly comfortably? It's important to have such an emergency fund, in case unexpected expenses crop up ... including if we get laid off from work, especially if permanently, as your husbnad is dealing with at the moment. I recommend learning how money works - it's an interesting hobby. And, know what? It pays well ... very well. As I said earlier .. pay off your store-issued credit card balances fully when they come in each month ... save yourself 35%. And that saving is ... guaranteed. Where else can you earn 35% on your money ... guaranteed!?!? Good wishes for making your money work harder for you than for the other fellers! ole joyful
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Happy_Go_Lucky_Gayle
17 years ago
Well.....Good Luck!

Take lots of Girl Trips with friends. Volunteer. Get Him to Volunteer.

Make a "work schedule", so you don't fall into a "rut". Been there.
mcmann
17 years ago
Great question. I'll be facing this issue within a year or two and I've often wondered the same things. I'm hoping that my husband decides to work part time or do some consulting work so that he can ease his way into retirement. Luckily he loves to cook so that's one activity I'll be happy to give up. I know he'll also help with household chores but it will probably be up to me to ask for help.

What if you brought home a book or two on retirement and mentioned that you were interested in making the future years the best you could and suggested that he read them?
Is there a local senior group in your community or church that you both could join? The ones in my town schedule frequent trips of varying lengths. They'll plan a day trip to see a show, or for shopping in NYC, or to the Vietnam Memorial in DC, or even gambling at the casinos in Atlantic city. These are very reasonable in price. They also plan weekend jaunts for fall foliage or to visit a historic site like the Newport R.I. mansions etc. Some of the other groups offer trips in Europe too.

This would be an opportunity to expand your circle and your husband might meet some other men who share his interests.
minnie_tx
17 years ago
been married twice but have been alone most of my life. So my retirement was based on me. I'd still advise getting a part time job to keep your finger in the pie so to speak and keep lots of acquaintences and friends. don't get into a stick in the mud existence. planning a schedule (flexible of course) gives you a great hold on the days and weeks
pink_overalls
Original Author
17 years ago
All these suggestions sound good. Except getting him to cook or do yardwork, both of which I love doing. He does enjoy keeping busy and has always worked, so encouraging him to find a parttime job might be just the ticket. Win-win. He's busy. I get me-time. We get money. I like it.
jemdandy
17 years ago
Actually, accomodating different sleep schedules is much easier after retirement than before. One rule: If its sleeping, don't poke it. LOL. You both can enjoy different interests, so long as you have a few things in common like taking an annual vacation trip, or visiting the relatives. There are times when you both need to be awake and dressed at the same time such as visiting, traveling, etc.

The main friction is who gets the TV controller. This conflict, too, can be reduced. One way is for hubby to get a smaller TV that he can move around to his "roon of interest" at the moment.

You will need to come to an agreement on the division of labor around the house: Who cooks, washes dishes, laundry, sweeps the floor, etc. One way is each one to clean up his own mess. At our house, we do our laundry separately. We each have different preferences and each doing their own laundry keeps us out of each other's hair. I don't much care how my laundry is done so long as the dirt gets gone. I separate my laundry into 2 piles: general stuff such as underclothing, socks, towels, things that need a vigorous washing with some bleach thrown in sometimes; The second pile is all the wash-n-wear stuff. When sorting the laundry, I will include my wife's socks. I rarely use the 2md rinse - she often uses the second rinse. She also has fabrics that need gentle care - I make sure that when I buy my clothes that I don't get any of those fabrics. By separating the laundry, we stay out of each other's hair.

The solution seem to be: keep from irritating your partner too much. If you can do that, then eveything else seems to fall into place.
lisa11310
17 years ago
My Mom gently took my Dads hand and showed him all the things in the house she had been meaning to get to but had not had time, IE: going around and getting all the carpet fuz near the wall that the vaccume does not get, cleaning behind things,cleaning cupboard shelves etc. LOL. Dad is one to do a bang up job on whatever he does and enjoyed helping get the house spic and span but he also found his own things to do so she would not FIND him more chores.I think he has painted the trim 4 times now! Giggle!
monica_pa Grieves
17 years ago
I do the cooking and laundry...he vacuums and dusts.
Other than that...we manage with "if you see something that needs to be done - do it".

The bed still gets made, the cat fed, the bathrooms are kept clean...we don't count who does what.

We grocery shop together...he carries the bags in and I unpack.

I get the trash together in the evening...he puts it out.

This all fell together by itself.

We deliberately have things we do, places we go...either alone or with other people. Can't be together 24/7.

Just retired, need advice

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