Oh for Pete's sake, there is ABSOLUTELY no reason to think the fiance is some kind of psycho abuser wanting to molest OP's granddaughter. This is blame-shifting at it's finest. It's irresponsible and slanderous and it doesn't help the OP at all. If anything is leads her down a false path that will only make her problems with her daughter worse. Per OP, the fiance doesn't seem to like her or her husband much. He is not warm, doesn't make much eye contact and seems to avoid them to a certain extent. However, she also reports that he is civil and there's been no open hostility or disagreement or harsh words. He appears to dislike them, but has not withheld his daughters from the OP, which he could have done if he disliked her intensely. OP considers his daughters to be unruly brats who don't really belong to her family, altho she's willing to make a small effort to play step-grandmother if it's not too much trouble. The fiance did participate in the Disney breakfast altho it was clear he was not happy about it--so he's willing to accommodate her to a certain extent to keep family peace. To try to blame the estrangement on him, and then escalate him into an abusing child molester is ridiculous. In any interpersonal conflict there is fault on both sides, even though usually everyone wants to believe that they are completely innocent and misused. If you are estranged from a family member, you ARE partially at fault. People don't like hearing that; they think they must be an exception, but it doesn't work that way. And nothing can be resolved until they are willing to own their part of the problem. Nothing. In fact, it will continue to get worse as long as someone insists they are perfectly lovely and always correct and complete victim. The OP has a multi decade relationship with her daughter. It's long and complicated. But we know that her daughter worries about the OP making scenes, and that worry would be based upon past experience. We know the daughter has accused OP of trying to buy her and her children, and in fact OP did state she built a $100,000 for a 2 year old (altho I am sure that's not the only reason the pool was built I hope). The problem was severe enough, the daughter forbade further gifts and the OP worries about gifts and cards being returned. She has only recently sent a tub of popcorn at Thanksgiving which is not inappropriate, if it came before the request to stop sending gifts. If it came afterwards, it was pushy and way out of bounds. Per OP she's had problems with several other family members. And she was pushy and insensitive regarding the Disney trip. They invited themselves, and then when they found out they weren't wanted after buying the tickets but before getting on the plane, they did not change the date of their vacation or did not go as scheduled but stay away from the daughter's family (which would have been easy to do). She insisted on a breakfast. She did not respect what they wanted. We can also see from what the OP wrote that she has conflicting requirements, she doesn't want to be in large gatherings with the girls, unless it's at Disney. She doesn't like coping with all of them, but is willing to babysit. She calls them unruly, out of control and screeching, but says they are lovely. She doesn't want to take them out in public, unless apparently they are at an amusement park. We also see from the OP's post that she is reactionary, resists self insight, and lashes out easily when she doesn't hear what she wants to hear. You can imagine how difficult would be for her daughter to deal with. And the OP's rejection of her newborn son over not getting to see her daughter alone would be very painful and angering. The OP is unreasonably rigid. We see from what the OP wrote here she is very focused on what she wants and does not seem to be much aware of the wants of her daughter. That her daughter wants something different than what OP wants does not make what the daughter wants wrong or bad, just different. But OP doesn't see that, she only sees that it is not what she wants and finds that sufficient basis to judge her daughter's wants as being wrong. Two strong willed women whose wants conflict does not in any way mean a third person is an child molesting abuser. It's very clear that the OP is at fault here. The daughter is also at fault. She is as inflexible as her mother, and just because her mother is rigid, does not make it right for the daughter to be rigid. What harm would it be to allow some time for grandmother and granddaughter to be alone together at least on occasion? One would think the daughter would understand OP would like to recreate that time she spent with her grandmother and the time when her granddaughter lived with her. I wonder if the daughter has nice memories of spending time along with her grandmother, or did the OP not facilitate that relationship? I also wonder if the daughter is worried about her mother showing favoritism among the children. The favoritism is clear (and understandable perhaps) especially the distinction between the biological granddaughter and step granddaughters, but it's hard believe the daughter would tolerate her mother favoring her daughter over the son. The daughter also has problems communicating with her mother. She didn't want her mother to come on the vacation and yet when her parents asked, she didn't say so right out then. Perhaps she was afraid of a scene. But that's not an excuse to not be clear. l Perhaps she thought it was rhetorical, it wouldn't really happen, or thought it meant it was something they should do sometime, not necessarily this time. A sort of 'let's do lunch' proposal. But again, it was her responsibility as well as OP's to make sure they were talking about the same thing. OP said she seemed initially approving of the idea then changed her mind after the tickets were purchased. Maybe she liked the idea but her fiance didn't and she encouraged the self-inviting without considering it was also her fiance's vacation and she should have spoken to him before allowing anyone else to crash the vacation, particularly since he's made it clear, they aren't his favorite people. So perhaps she initially encouraged her parents to join the vacation w/o thinking of her fiance's feelings. And then she found herself in the awkward position of having to backtrack. (btw, that the fiance may not have wanted OP and her husband on the vacation does not mean he's a child molesting abuser) So the daughter is at fault too. But the daughter isn't the one writing here, she's not the one deprived of the relationship with these children. Children who won't be children for long. OP however is the one looking for answers, and the only responsible answer is for HER to change some of the things about her that contributes to the problem. Doing the same thing she's done for the last 5+ years is not going to suddenly work. She needs to do something else, and blaming the fiance is not that something else. Looking honestly are her part in the estrangement is. A therapist would be a worthwhile investment.

Hi, I'm new here. I've been looking online for ways to cope with living with a very sloppy person. It seems nearly impossible to change a slob. I found one site about living with a sloppy partner. I have read such sad accounts, couples that marry (I guess totally unaware of how the other really keeps house), and end up divorcing. I notice that mostly, the tidy, organized person, the one who prefer to live in a sanitary and orderly house, ends up having to change, ends up having to relax their standards, ends up having to back down, and having to live in silent frustration. It seems so unfair, how slobs are able to have/take such control. They dictate how things are going to be, how things going to look, smell, etc. Slobs don't see a need to change how they are, all they have to do is drive the clean person crazy. My daughter and her child and I share a rental since she split up with her bf. Every day I wake up and cringe, dreading what the day will hold. It starts with my daughter never waking to my gd crying and screaming. I have to go in her room to wake her and I dread it because I just know I'm going to have an out of body experience. The smell of her room hits me as I open the door. This sets me off. She doesn't bother to flush her toilet. She lived in poverty with her bf for several years and developed some really bad habits, like half the time they didn't have tp, so she doesn't always bother to use it. Her floor always has junk thrown about, clothes all over, clean mixed with dirty, who know which is which, dirty silverware and drinking glasses she has repeatedly been asked not to take to her room, pop cans spilled or half full and just waiting to be spilled by her child. A big stinky mess, squalor. And there she is snoring away, none of this bothering her, not even a bit. Sigh She makes a mess in every other room, has to be reminded to clean up after herself, or she won't do it. Her cleaning up after herself barely qualifies as cleaning. She works full-time and goes to school, so she is busy, but she uses this as an excuse every time we get into it over her piggish ways. We get into some big screaming matches, and I'm always the loser. Nothing ever changes. She might go to her room and make an angry attempt at straightening out, but not really cleaning, slamming things and yelling so I hear her. I feel like I'm living with a child, not a young adult. I'm having to parent her, and should not have to. I'm near retirement age with my many joint pains, it was a struggle to keep up with my own chores when I lived alone. and now I feel like I work nonstop and get nowhere. I'm sad and angry over all of this, and when depression sets in, it really affects how I feel and what I'm able to do. None of this filth bothers her. Her brand new car, the new car smell has been replaced with the smell of rotting food. She is so gross. I sometimes lose my mind, especially when the smell from her room makes it's way downstairs. I have simply lost it and have started cleaning her room while she's at work, because I just can't take it anymore. I have found dirty diapers tossed in the cabinet under the sink, pads with dried blood thrown on the floor by the toilet, scum with hair, dried toothpaste and makeup on every inch of her sink. I can't understand how someone can live comfortably in such an unsanitary environment. Disgusting. Thanks for reading my long vent about what I'm living with. Thank you for your comments.

found an interesting article about whether it's ethical to photoshop/alter photos in real estate... food for thoughts. Here is a link that might be useful: Altered photos: Removing the real from real estate

Why are you replacing with triple sliding with double (not single)? I am you have thought through this but.... What if you replaced it with standard single door with large glass area (since you have decided to bite the bullet and replace door and spend the money).... I think this will be fine since you have access to the "deck" from the sliding door in the living room. So you still have double access to the deck. Sliding double door versus single door has the exact same access width. The only difference is the amount of light coming in. I think you have enough light that you can do this. I would not do any uppers between the frig and sink to open up the room a little. You could move the frig to that wall, so you have frig, sink, then range on the L going from left to right. This will give you more landing around the stove. I think you will still have enough room for a table in the eating area. Visually, if you are running the cabinets to the ceiling, you need trim that is as wide if not slightly wider than the stiles of the cabinets. Even if the crown is simple in detail, you still need a little more "weight" to balance the cabinets than what is drawn. If you want more modern clean line look (which would not look good with your 6 panel doors), then you can use slab or very plain doors with minimal trim.