I was always a SAHM...never went to work...Volunteered myself to death...

The only time I've ever needed to work was now...and I'm old and my feet are in bad shape and no one wants to hire someone like me...

I sure wish I could find a nice part time job that would work for me.

patti

Larry makes WAY more than I do...I guess I could live on my income if the need arose,but not in this house.I'd have to give up a lot.Not that we have a lot,but I'd certainly have much less alone.

I choose to be a SAHM. I have been married for almost 37 years. My DH knows I have worked hard and doesn't mind being the breadwinner. We have never considered income from any source to be mine or his. It is ours. Just as our children were ours and he never babysat them he parented them right along with me.

I am his banker,accountant,laundress,cook,housekeeper, priest and psychologist. LOL

I do have some separate property and I also have credit in my own name etc.

I don't feel like a kept woman. I am 1/2 of a partnership.

DD is in a dilemma right now. She and her spouse both work. She has the skills to bring in a better income and benefits at this point in their lives. They hope to start a family soon. It is extremely important to them that the child be raised by them and not day cares or nannies. So it is on the table that he may decide to be a stay at home dad and maybe work part time or they may have to split their shifts so one can be home at all times. Both realize that parenting is the most important job they can do. Whatever they decide it will be a partnership. The only kink is the breastfeeding issue. I never used bottles at all ever and DD would prefer not to also. She is looking for a job that is breast-feeding friendly. (yes they do exist) So until the sippy cup stage it will be a circus. LOL

I have always been dependent on my husbands working. Married at 18, stayed home until youngest was in school and then got a PT job for the local school district so we would have similar scheldule. I quit working when youngest was a sophmore in college. DH was starting to travel alot in his business and wanted me able to go with him. But he has always treated me as a whole partner in the marriage.He has always realized what it would cost to have someone else do all that I did to keep the family going. Enabled him to focus mainly on the growing business.Even now I am able to help out DD by taking care of her youngest 3 days a week while she and her DH work.
He has always had plans set for my future if anything should happen to him. Insurance (life and disability), investments and all. And yes,I take care of the finances, I know what we have.;-)

I got married in my first year of college and was pregnant in my second year of college. I went to work 6 weeks after my DD was born, part-time (between 24-30 hours a week), even though I could collect EIB. I had previously been impoverished, and I did not want to ever put myself or my child(ren) through that again. Most of my part time shifts were scheduled for when DH was home with the children- they had child care sometimes, but not very often. However, I do believe that children do well in good day cares.

I spent most of my vacation time for many years with the kids for school trips, functions like pancake day, etc. DH was always good about doing housework, laundry and caring for the children- everything but cooking, but he has always done the dishes. I worked my way into better jobs, until I landed the one I have now. This job satisfies me.

Anyway, back to the question, I have always been afraid of finding myself without resources again, and you never know when you might have to face separation, divorce, disability or death in the marriage. As unpleasant as it is to think about, things happen, and I didn't want to end up in a desperate situation. So we bought a nice (new) house in a nice neighbourhood, but not anything lavish. We set it up so that either of us could carry the mortgage alone if something unforeseen happened. The extra money from the second income (mine) went to extra mortgage payments, and then the house was paid off rather quickly. After that, due to an unforeseen event, I then got a substantial settlement.

So now we each have our own incomes and assets. On paper some of them are itemized as "his" and "mine" but we think of it all as "ours". We have our expenses divided as to who pays what, and we take turns providing the grocery money for the week. We never have any trouble making decisions on small or large financial expenditures.

I love having the independence and peace of mind that having an income allows. I love doing things around the house, and many times people suggest I retire early and enjoy my time, but I get enough vacation and time off at this stage of the game, that I just throw myself into home keeping when I am off. I am very happy with our set up... it works for us.

I was married twice and both of my husbands were happy with me staying home. My first husband wanted me to stay at home, my second was unsure, but he soon learned I could really stretch a dollar and I didn't waste money. He also enjoyed having a wife who had supper ready and who was relaxed and good company. I worked two and a half years between marriages, I could not live on what I earned. I would never stay with a guy just for the money. It worked out well for us.

I married on my 18th birthday. DH worked and I stayed home. Kids came along and I was always a SAHM and loved my job. After my youngest was grown, I got part-time jobs doing private sitting with the elderly. Then I went to work in the CandleShop and that's where I was working when my husband died in June '08. I've only got to work "now and then" since then. They promised me my job would always "be there",,,they LIED! Now,I'm pretty much a "booty-call" maybe once every 3 or 4 months. I'm too old and have no experience..so I can't just run out and get a job!:(

I have always been a stay at home mom. Have been married over 56 years. My husband did not want me to work away from home.

Sue

My husband and I have been together for 29 years; married for 24. No children for either of us. I was self-supporting before we met; there was a period of a couple of years before we were married when I couldn't work because of injuries sustained in an auto accident. He totally supported me then.

We share all expenses now, although he does pay a greater share than I do. 'Course, he earns nearly half again as much as I do, and I earn a very healthy salary... If anything were to happen to Hubs, I could easily live on my salary.

Worked the first 7 years of our marriage, then stayed home to raise our daughter. We've been married over 37 years now and I'm still a SAHW.

Being a SAH, though, doesn't mean NOT adding to the family income. For starters, I do ALL the: painting, paperhanging, decorating, gardening, etc etc etc--stuff that you often have to hire out, when both partners are working. I have the time to track down bargains (food, clothes, etc) further saving $$$. So from that standpoint, I save the family thousandes of $$$ a year--that's adding to the family finances.

On top of that, I've NEVER not added some outside $$$ in the course of a year--parttime jobs (I only do things that offer my family a real benefit, like teaching in the town summer school so my dd could go for free on top of me getting a salary), contest winnings (I'm a very successful recipe contestor and have won in a year, more than I ever made in a year of teaching.). I've also carefully invested, making still more $$$ for the family.

It's a major misconception that when women stay home they don't add financially to the family's well-being. Most of our husbands are far better for our efforts than they would be without us.

Let me just add this proof of that pudding. DH and I have always kept our money separate. Because of my lucrative ventures, careful investing, etc, I have been able to--ON MY OWN, with Dh's help--buy us a seond home that will be our retirement home in a year or 2, once DH retires and we sell our current house. SAHM/W's aren't all drones who just sit home, eating bonbons and spending their husband's money. And I really don't think I'm unique--I'm certain there are plenty of other women to whom staying home is a real financial boon to the familiy finances.

Married @ 19, got a college degree after that. Been through 4 plant shutdowns. No children by choice. Paid cash for everything, debt free. Put away enough money to live off the interest. We don't need much. Our newest vehicle is 16 years old.

My hat is off to you Nicole, you are my idol. That is exactly what I would do if I could retain my knowledge and do it all over again.

I loved being a mom and wife, but after 40 years I started going though major burn out, more due to our relationship than being a homemaker.

i'd sooner slit my own throat than be dependent on anyone or anything like social security, property values or stocks. i learned at a very young age that $$$ is the controller of everything. my mother was a CPA but did not drive so was completely dependent upon my dad to take her everywhere. i learned the hand that you are dependent on to feed you is truely the hand that holds you down. by the age of 13 i had a part time job to make sure i had more control. i have been completely on my own since i was 18. i put myself thru college, bought my own cars, house and everything else blah blah blah...before i got married. since i've been married 9 yrs i have been the breadwinner for most of that time, thou my dh worked as a teacher i still made double his salary. three yrs ago he quit working to finish his 5yr Honors BS degree in Mechanical Engineering and simultaneously work on an MS. in 1 week and 4 days he gets his Honors BS (cum laude no less) and in 1 yr his Honors MS. he will make more than double what i make so i guess somehow power will need to be shared hahah LOL.

in the meantime i am thinking of going back to school to either get another BS or possibly continue on and finish an MS i started lol. i always thought i'd like to quit working or just part time when DH is done but in reality that gives up tooooo much control, can't do that after all i have earned and worked for :-) i must maintain my lifestyle so if i need to work part time for that i will ~ liz

I always worked, even when I had young children, and I always felt the need to be able to support myself and my family, if necessary.

I probably felt that way because my father died when I was eight, and my mother, who had not worked since her wedding seventeen years earlier, had to go to work to support four children.

When I was 51, my spouse decided he wanted a divorce. If I had not worked, I would have had to enter the workforce in an entry-level job at that age, and probably work until I died. As it was, I retired at age 56.

I, too, am in a full partnership with my hub. I stayed home with six kids and loved every minute of it. Hub never missed a single activity, game, band concert, etc, even during the sixteen years he commuted 102 miles a day.

I can't imagine feeling "dependent" on him! That isn't how is is in a partnership. Anyone can lose a job, and to us, raising the kids was THE most important job in the world. I am delighted to say that all of our grandchildren are being raised by their parents, too.

I worked part-time for several years when the youngest were grown, but I wouldn't consider raising kids a dependent job. And leaving the kids in someone else's care "in case" something went wrong just seems wrong to me. If you want to work, fine, work, but raising kids is certainly preparing for the future, and very worthy.

All my kids and grandkids were breast-fed for at least a year, self-weaning when they wanted to. One of the moms works full time and pumped so sahd could bottle-feed the kids. The babies adapted quite well to bottle-and-breast, so it can be done, wildchild.

I attribute the fact that I've never married to as a child seeing my mom utterly dependent and not in a good place when my dad died suddenly. I vowed never to let that happen to me. So I chose to go on in school to the top (Ph.D) and become a career woman. I am very independent minded and would never NOT have control over my own finances and financial future. I'm not saying this is the best attitude (sure hasn't helped me get married!) but it works for me.

Always been able to support myself, since I left High School.'
No children, so there was no reason to stop working when I was younger.
When first DH died, was able to continue lifestyle.
Now re-married, and current DH is retired....I stopped working 2-3 years ago because he wanted to be free to travel and do things. Both of us are able to live on our own if anything happens.

I can't imagine being dependent on anyone else.

I remember being astounded when a neighbor told me about her parents' marriage. Her father worked. Her mother worked at home, raising two children. Her mother NEVER knew anything about the family finances, not even how much her DH earned (or any payraises). On payday, Mr. Breadwinner handed Mama a set amount of money to run the household. No questions, "Here, make this last."

Yikes!

I was working when I married at 23 but stopped two years later after I had some medical problems and we were trying to have a child. I volunteered then and throughout our marriage. We were able to adopt when I was 30; I was a SAHM and go-fer for my severely arthritic MIL until she entered a nursing home. I also saw my own DM through her two year decline from leukemia.

From the outset, there was always just 'our' money -- along with 'our' everyhing else (happiness, problems, hopes, whatever). DH had some inheritance from his late father. I received some from my mother. We never considered either inheritance to be exclusive to either of us.

DS and DIL shifted schedules to be hands-on with DGS until he was two and a half and started pre-K/daycare. DIL breastfed and pumped for the first six months. She is a teacher. This fall DGS starts all-day kindergarten. Next February things change again with the expected arrival of Baby #2. Their money is 'their' money too.

My sister in law is around 83 years old and has never learned to drive. It was never a problem with her, she is one of the happier people I have known. She has so many friends who asks if she wants to go shopping or to the big city when they go. She plays cards once a week, everyone makes sure she has a ride. I would not be happy that way, but she is.

My mother graduated high school at 16 (skipped a grade,very smart), got a job as a secretary and worked for ten years, married at 24, I was born when she was 29, that's when she "retired" forever from regular work. But she raised 4 children, kept house, did the family finances,chauffered us, volunteered, etc. Dad worked all his life to take care of his family of 6. There were a few years when dad was unemployed, but Mom never worked again. She ended up qualifying for a small amount of Social security on her own, plus an additional amount as a wife, now widow. She regrets nothing.

Until the last few years I have always worked. Would have liked to have stayed home (in a way) with my kids, but I taught school and was still home with them a lot - school vacations, summers, etc.

That being said, maybe it's just me, but I would never want to be dependent on someone else to make a living for me. Twinkie draws considerably more a month than my retirement check is and I sometimes think about working parttime just to make it even.

I'm funny that way, I guess. I think each couple/individual has to work out what feels right to them. I don't begrudge a single SAHM. If they're doing their job right - it's a HARD job.

I was married for 24 years, divorced for five and now remarried for 3-1/2 years. For those five years, I lived on $10,000 a year - or less - and it was tough but I did it by staying out of debt. Honestly, it was an interesting and wild ride, running around the country and hawking my books.

Now I'm married to a lawyer and he has a good income. My income (from book sales and honoraria) is still very, very modest. I really do wish I had an income that was comparable to his, mainly because money = power, IMHO.

When it comes to buying houses, selling stocks (and other important financial decisions), he gets the 51% vote because he has the big income and I have the little tiny income.

Rose

I always worked, married or not. I am able to take care of myself and don't depend upon his paycheck. We don't overspend.

Now this is why I love this forum. So many different opinions and none of them wrong--well, except for Chisue's post about that poor woman that was handed money and told to "make it last". That isn't a partnership. If it was me, that guy'd hit the road and I'd end up with all his money (well, hopefully).

I've been married 51 years. Worked the first two then became a SAHM. Never went back to a salaried position....say salaried position instead of back to work because SAHM and household chores is plenty of work. Money didn't equal power in my house. When it comes to buying cars, houses or any big ticket item, I have 75% of the vote DH 25%............... DH is not a wimp by any means, but trusts my judgement on those items. As he says, he makes all the big decisions like "should we go to war with China."

That being said, I think in today's day and age, the woman needs to earn a darn good living and keep her skills up because times have changed. Marriage commitment isn't what it use to be. It's scary out there today.

I worked off and on the first 12 years of DD's life (worked nights so DH could watch her). Haven't had an 'actual' job since then.

I have no real work skills (none that pay well anyhow) and have some health issues that would make it hard for me to work certain jobs.

If DH leaves me he's going to have to pay alimony. :-)

I had a career & worked the first 33 years of our marriage. Some years I made more than he did, other years vice versa. I **never** wanted to be a dependent spouse... I saw what my dear mother went thru with that. That was the motivator for me.

I retired to travel the past 7 yrs with dh in his career. I could still work if I HAD to, but I don't wanna. I love being a "kept" woman at this stage of the game. Works for us.

I had a very thoughtful husband he took me with him to his retirement meeting and when asked if he wanted me to draw his retirement if he died first, he said YES. He lost $125 a month to make that possible. The lady doing the paperwork looked over at me and said "do you realize how lucky you are, most men come in here with papers signed by their spouse giving up that pension." They probably didn't even know what they were signing.

Interesting perspectives - seems like everything has worked out well for most people in single income marriages. Also seems like maybe those who had mothers who ended up struggling financially (like me) were inspired to avoid the risk of ending up in a similar situation.

I do think background can reflect on choices.

But I have to add that I have seen many single earner homes do better than duel income families when an income is lost. Maybe it's because single income families are better at budgeting than some duel income families. I don't know. But I have seen a lot more duel income families in my area fall apart when one spouse lost their job or had to go on disability. But I do know it would scare the pants off me to have a mortgage that depended on both incomes.

wildchild, all my kids are in that situation..it's been very scary for ds2 as he has been out of work for almost a year...we, and his brother, have had him do work for us but that's getting thin...the one advanage is they havn't had to do daycare for the baby...

the one thing that saved them, couple of years ago they went thru a money management course, and had followed through...thank heaven the cc went, and school loans paid...

My husband has always made a lot more than me. My goal when I got married was to always be financially independent on my own. And I was for a long time. When I was laid off almost 10 years, I started my own company making half of what I did working in corporate America. However, since I work from home full time with little overhead, I am able to legitimately write off a nice portion of home utilities, rent for office space, social events, adventures, the occasional trip (due to the business I'm in), and so much more. So, even though I bring in less, I have many perks running a company from my home so it almost evens things out from the $$ I used to make.

When I worked outside the home, I was spending too much money on professional attire, eating out, gas, and frivolous items because I could. I'm much more conscience now but find buying "stuff" isn't important anymore. So, for me, even though I make less, I still contribute to the household bills, my own retirement fund and savings accounts and have money to do what I want to do.

Luckily, my DH has a wonderful job, good benes for both of us, and our home will be paid off in -6 yrs, well before we're 60. I guess you could say I am dependent on DH financially, but he is just as dependent on me in other ways. We make a great team still even after 27 years.