I can relate - sadly, there is NOTHING you can do until your son hits rock-bottom - I am speaking from experience!

I know this is tough on his Mom. I'm sorry,its not easier for you all.
Have a feeling its like Kay says....that seems to be the way with any type of addiction.
(((Bigack)))

Just want to send you a caring thought....this is really so tough for the family to go through, as it is with any addiction. May he get the help he needs.

Same as Phyllis said. I'm so sorry, it's really heartbreaking. Here's a blessing: your wonderful older son who is willing to step in and do what he can. He sounds like a fine man.

Take care.

Susan

Susan, I really don't know what to say, but wanted to offer you hugs and support. I had a close family member who put all of us through hell with her addiction. It wasn't just the addiction itself; it was all the by-products too...the stealing, the prostitution, the lying, the jail time. It took 20 years before she decided enough was enough. As family members we tried to help her, but we often didn't know where the cut off point was between helping and abetting.

I hope your son is able to find a rehab place because little by little he will drain you of everything you and your dh have worked and saved for over the years. You said you were harsh with him over the phone and I believe you. I also believe he is genuinely sorry that he used your credit cards and that he hurt you. You know he loves all of you, but remember that love is the little angel sitting on his left shoulder saying no, no, no and the addiction is the great big devil sitting on his right shoulder saying yes, yes, yes. He has a big battle to win and he needs your support, but it would be wise for you and dh and his brother as well to get some counseling or go to a support group to be sure you are helping him and not abetting.

I hope this doesn't sound mean. I said it out of concern for you and your family.
hugs to you,
Linda

Sorry to hear that things are not better. Sending good thoughts for you and your family (((Susan))).

Thank you, yes, DH and I are going to the family meetings of Gamblers also. I'm looking forward to getting him home tomorrow, we love him so much, and he's such a good guy in spite of himself, lol!

I know it won't be quick, but I wish your family and your son a resolution to this anxiety causing problem.

I know this sounds weird but contact a casino and see if they can refer you to some help. I am sure your son is not the first gambling addict they have encountered.

Is there a Salvation Army in your area? I retired the Army 2 years ago. I don't know if they have any shelters and assistance for gambling but they have them for drugs, etc. and they helped a lot of people. Maybe if they don't have one they could give you a referral. Good Luck Betty jo

Found this. Hope it helps.

Here is a link that might be useful: gambling info

My SO, now deceased, was a recovering alcoholic. He didn't go for treatment (several years in a VA Hospital) until he hit rock bottom and he was too proud to live on the streets.

Prayers for your family.

Suzi

Susan, will pray for all of you that this will soon be behind you.

I just heard today that a gal I know of in town is losing her house, due to gambling. Dang, she must be about 65 yrs old. so sad! I live in a small town, & you'd be surprised how many peeps have embezzled to support their gambling habits!

Hope your DS can get the help thats needed.

Donna (^_^)

No help, I feel your pain, and extending my thoughts.

Good Luck as I am sure this must be very hard on all of you.

Unfortunately, I'd say love your son as much as you can, but don't trust him. Lock up anything of value when he comes to your house. He probably does feel bad about taking your money & CC's, but the addiction will overpower any feelings of remorse.

My friend went to school at LSU and said he saw many people gamble away their rent/tution/scholarship money and had to drop out of school. Very sad.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I have no advice to offer other than to encourage you to continue going to the Gam Anon family meetings.

I have a friend who is a gambler.She in her sixties. Interestingly she never gambled in her life until being put on the drug Mirapex for her restless leg syndrome. Meanwhile she did seek psychiatric help and the doctor diagnosed her as a manic/depressive (BiPolar). She was put on meds and taken off the Mirapex and her life turned around completely. She started to sleep at night,act responsibly,stopped gambling (for her it is slots)and did quite well for a time. Unfortunately she missed the energy levels so she quit her medication. Then she started taking her Mirapex again. It has become a handy excuse for her to fall. Her DH was told to guard his assets by the doctor even to the point of being advised to divorce her. He is very passive about the whole thing though. So her latest manipulation technique is to go off her meds, take the Mirapex to have something to blame her Gambling on,get into trouble sometimes losing 1000's of dollars in one night and then go back to a doctor to seek treatment at the point her DH is about to toss her out. This cycle has been going on for at least two years now.

I truly believe that you cannot do anything to really help your son other than letting him hit bottom and being supportive (never financially) when he is actively seeking help,going to his meetings,taking his meds and seeing his therapist.

I do have to ask why isn't he working, selling his own car and figuring out how to pay for rehab himself? He is an adult and while your heart may want to care for him other than a roof over his head only when he plays by your rules he should be out working a job. If he's smart enough to steal your credit cards and get himself to a casino, he's perfectly capable of working and either supporting himself or paying you a bit for the roof over his head.

My thoughts are with you. Stay strong and don't forget to take care of yourself.

Our son isn't working because he has severe anxiety, and depression, he is on meds. It's Friday morning, our older son just called and said Steve took off walking, so now he's going to look for him. PLEASE PRAY that he finds him! We were just getting ready to leave to meet them halfway. I'll update later on this evening.

Hugs bigack...I must have missed your first post...I can also relate to this gambling diese and it is...a sickness....alot of people think it is not and that you can just stop it but it is a addiction like any others....Hugs STacy

I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending you and your family prayers for hope and strength through this. I am sorry to hear it is really hard for him right now, in return making this hard on you also.

Susan, I hope your other son found Steve.

I don't know what anti-depressant he is on and if the gambling problem came first or later... but I found the link below very very interesting. Please read it as there may be similar problems with other anti-depressants as well.

Here is a link that might be useful: Effexor and Gambling

Very tough situation and I'm sure everybody here is with me when I say our hearts break for you and the rest of your family -
unfortunately, you cannot ultimately be the one to save your dear son from this addiction, he has to be able to help himself.
Please don't take offense at this but it's vital that you and your husband and your other son take all access to anything valuable away so that the gambler cannot get to it. Change passwords, buy some padlocks, change bank accounts if necessary - you must make it impossible for him to access any thing you all have that could be turned into cash.
His addiction is so powerful now that no words from the family are going to end it, despite his remorse when he initially comes home.
Please protect what you have left!
Suzan J

I hope he is found safe and he gets into rehab! I will be checking for the update.
More hugs for you all!!

Susan Vince and I will add our prayers to the other KTers. I was just telling Vince about it and know you and your Husband Need them God Bless.

Good luck, Susan. I hope he gets the help he needs and straightens up. Someday he's going to look back and smack himself on the forehead and say "I was such an idiot!" I hope that day is sooner rather than later.

Protect your assets, sweetie. He's too unpredictable right now to trust over anything.

Sending good thoughts and a hug your way!!!!

Regarding the Effexor and gambling that is just one example of how antidepressants can bring on the manic side and cause people to make bad choices. It is extremely important that anyone taking anti-depressants of ANY kind know for a fact that they are not Bipolar. It is not so much that the drugs make one into a different person, just that they can bring out the manic side that is the side that gets people into trouble.

Too many people see depression as a problem but the manic side goes unnoticed as long as it is channeled into positive attributes....creativity,hard work,high energy etc. Everything is just hunky dory until it manifests itself into negative attributes...gambling,cheating,not being able to stick with a job, over-spending, etc.

I don't have any advice, just want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers. It is so hard when something like this happens to your child.

(((Susan))) I am so sorry that you are going through this. It has to be so very hard on everyone. I am so glad that you are able to share this at the KT and get some shoulders!!! Please keep us updated so we can continue to keep you all in our thoughts and prayers.

Is everything ok Susan?
I mean did you find your DS?