I so agree with folkv- keep the memories alive. It is so hard to know what to say and when to say it. But I feel that it really important to always speak of a child's parent. I think it can truly help them make choices in life even if that parent is gone. I have always tried to mention how my BIL would have felt about a given situation with both the kids and even my sis. He hated ties and I suggested to my sis that when his kids get married the groom should not wear a tie because dad would have thought that was funny. Would tick my mom off, she never liked my BIL, and that would have made my BIL laugh even harder. Even though someone has passed I feel their spirit lives on in us and can be so useful. ajsmama- I wondered how the service would go. Your post has brought me back 12.5 years to my having to watch my sis and her kids. It was something I would not even wish on my worst enemy. Please, stay in touch with these kids as much as you can. Family is so important even if it is just a card or call here and there. You seem to have such a caring heart, please share it with them. It will help you all. And one thing that is soooo important is that we allow ourselves to grieve and be sad. Everyone goes through the stages of grief but not in the same order. One may be quiet at first and yet the other is vocal. It may seem confusing but it is just our nature of processing grief differently. So don't be surprised by the kids behaviors, keep on your toes and don't avoid speaking about K no matter how difficult it may be. She is still their mom and always will be. Things, events etc will come up and it may feel uncomfortable. The best thing is to face things straight on. And you are right about the wedding thing. I told my sis that there is just no way to "avoid" everything without ruining the day. I told her that every guest there will be feeling the same thing, they all knew her dad. Sometimes the best way to deal with the sorrow is to not do the "oh, so sad her dad isn't here to see this" but rather "her dad would be so proud of her, this day is exactly as he would have liked it to be for her". I think it really is about how you choose to deal with it and to not focus on the sad but rather the joy of the day. She will figure it out and it will be a wonderful day. Again, wishing you all as much peace as possible.

Suzieque...thank you so much. I just heard that the hospital may send her home tomorrow, they have her on a pump for pain and i am not sure if that will continue at home, but her dh said she wants to go home. Marie... I hope your DD and DH continue to improve. Thanks for the note, you have been so kind to me in the past. and helped me with other things. Ellie.... aw, thank you! I often feel, and say, that I wish I could be as articulate as some of you on here. I appreciate your kind words. I imagine as we all age, we will be in these situations more often than not. And, of course, one of these days...... no one can say when..... we will each be the one whose hand is being held. All I know is that we are not promised a tomorrow....so live today as if it is your last. I have not done that by any means, ever, in fact I am one of the worst for worrying about things I cannot change, but sometimes things happen to put life in perspective for you. This is a wonderful place, this KT, to come and share and ask for advice, and for prayer and good thoughts. And also to pass on encouragement to our 'cyber' friends as they need it. Bless you all!

Marie, I will be keeping your DD in my healing thoughts and prayers. I will also keep you and your DH in my prayers. It must be very difficult for you right now. Please keep us updated when you can.

Marie, if you send me an email thru my page, I will send you a surprise. I promise you it will be very handy. My Mother loves hers and takes it to all of her treatments. Pick a color green or blue or white with red stars. Kathy G in MI