Steffie, I wish we were next-door neighbors, too, but since we live more than just a few miles apart, we'll have to be cyber-neighbors. :) I am far from an expert, just a gardening nut who relentlessly tries to learn and understand and improve what I do as I go along. And, lest you think I have a perfect yard or landscape, let me disabuse you of that notion right away! I have weeds I can't defeat, bermuda that invades beds it shouldn't, trees and shrubs that outgrow the spot where they were oh-so-carefully placed, plants that just give up and die and I never really figure out why they died, etc., etc., etc. Discussing things with my Oklahoma friends and neighbors here at this forum helps me keep things in perspective. It educates me. It offers me encouragement on those days when everything seems wrong and nothing seems right. It gives me new ideas and inspiration. Every one of you is better than me at something that is gardening-related. And, believe me, I know it. So, for example, when one of you writes about hydangeas, I pay attention and soak up everything you say, because one of these days I WILL succeed with hydranges. Have you ever noticed that most all gardeners are just the kindest, most giving and sharing people? You know what I'm talking about.....you see someone working out in the yard and you stop to tell them that you love their irises....and they dig up a couple on the spot and insist you take them, saying...."I needed to divide them anyway". Or, you drop off some of your extra tomatoes and a carton of hen or guinea eggs at a neighbor's house.....and they won't let you leave until you have some of their 'extra' fresh corn and peaches right off the tree, and some bacon from a hog they slaughtered and processed. I've yet to meet a fellow gardener who wouldn't give you the shirt off their back, or loan you their rototiller, or give you tons and tons of advice and ideas, and then apologize to you if their ideas don't work for you. So, I am very touched when you say that I am your hero. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. You have to believe me when I say that I feel the same way about each and every one of you. I believe we are all heroes for one another, and I believe that is how God meant for it to be. Life in this world can be cold, hard, and cruel, at times. For those of us who love to garden, the love, friendship, caring and support we receive from one another is a beautiful gift And, it is a gift I appreciate each and every day. Hugs to you, Steffie, and hugs to all the rest of you too. Dawn

I usually give gifts with the receipt in the box. Like someone else said, I don't want to waste my money giving a gift the receiver doesn't like or can't use. I want THEM to be happy so if I guessed wrong, let them get something they like. Natal: I loved your thought. We have a green pyrex mixing bowl we always use on holidays because it was my MIL's. It's like she's enjoying the holiday with us. Oh, and my DIL's mother just buys stuff at the outlet, then figures out who to give it to later. Mostly clothes, so size is optional. Dee

My problem is not about marriage! Mine is about my eldest, who loves to degrade me, talk about me to her friends, get them to believe she knows me SO WELL, that whatever she says about me is absolutely the truth! She will tell me, she is JUST TRYING TO HELP ME,that I have problems, that no one knows about but her, then she blasted me on an internet page, (not in private) but so E1 could read it, about something I did 2 mos ago and saying the current incident is THE SAME thing but that she stood up for me anyway, when another family member I now live with said I lied,(which I didn't). Anyway,twice, she had asked me to live with her, to help me financially, after becoming disabled and was struggling but both times, it was a disaster, and of course,(I got the blame) even though I stay to myself, respect others in the home,tried not to get work dumped on me. But both times I got accused of not doing ANY of that! And of course,also, SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT! If I would have my own opinion on ANYTHING...she would correct me, telling me and others how WRONG I am! We have mutual friends and I think she is also jealous of that! One of my other daughters has told her to stay away from her and her family, that she was no longer welcome in their home because she related her husband to someone else, that he is totally not like at all. A mutual friend on an internet site, doesn't talk to her anymore, and I recently asked her why that was, and she said she HONESTLY didn't know, she just quit talking to her? I just read the post on: "TOXIC Relationships"! And believe me, most of it has been going on for about 3 plus yrs. between us. I have stopped talking to her in the past, due to this behavior toward me but if she approached me and apologized,(which isn't often but she will do it, if there's a benefit in it somewhere)...or so it seems?...I have given her the benefit of the doubt and we have started hanging out again! It's funny how the very things she accuses me of, she does herself but somehow, the WAY she does it, is still better than me! I just moved out the last time at the end of Feb 11 and moved in with another fam. member because I had no where to go. She didn't ask me to move out but it wasn't pleasant, so decided it was best for me! (all involved)!I think she's jealous as I said about a mutual friend because I had asked her to go places with me without my daughter and so? Her and I get along! my daughter has told me to SHUT UP in public and embarrased me, and our friend said "respect her, that's your Mom". And she'd say, "I'm just playing"! For some reason she had gotten into this bad habit of saying this and even has said it to her husband making him mad too! However, she has gotten over that mostly! Her and her husband had their own problems and needed help, that's ok but now that they are, she advises others, as though she's all fixed and can/should tell others their problems and "learn from this" is what she likes to say now! I have made my mistakes ,I'm human but when I did said I wouldn't do it again and didn't but this last thing she decided to advise me on was similiar but not exactly the same thing happened but she isn't SAYING it but doesn't believe me about it! And when I told her she was wrong about it and me, she just kept going on and on about it and I asked her to quit, that I can kick my own butt all by myself. That I already felt bad about the situation and her rubbing it in wasn't helping!BUT she just kept on, so I said what I had to say and decided it was best to not talk to her and had to delete her off my internet page so I don't get her messages! It's too tempting for me to reply and I just don't need her "helpful" advise or hurtful words! I have felt like crap over all this happening! This is my eldest daughter! I've asked her to respect me, even if she didn't like things I DO! I don't go out of my way to say hurtful things to her! But even in common talk, she will begin YELLING..just to say something like she's anticipating a neg. reply before I speak, so I am already on the defense myself and YELL back! It is utterly ridiculous! ANd I have never liked it! But I can't get her to see her part in it! Even her best friend said,I dont argue with her, cause she has always GOT TO BE RIGHT! And her room mate that lives with them asked me a couple of times,"Why do you argue with her, just ignore her, smile and say BLESS YOUR HEART"!(but she either tells her off or kisses her rear end) and my daug. makes extra money off her for staying there? Well back then, I didn't realize the arguing is what she wanted to prove her point as to why she is always right! But if you tell her that, she will say "No she doesn't need to be"! SO, once again, I am having to just stay away from her,& not talk to her! It feels awful! But if I say look Im done, I can't take this anymore, you won't quit, she will say, "why do you treat me so mean"? "I do everything for everyone and this is how I get treated by everybody"! Gee, I don't know..hmmm!So here I am, on the net, looking up this problem to see, if I am wrong! But from what I've read, it is on her! Her own LOW SELF-ESTEEM, and she needs to do this! OMG, this is heart-breaking to me! She had me convinced for so long, that I was just a terrible Mother and making all these mistakes. Not when she was young, she had the utmost RESPECT for me! But as an adult, she has turned against me! And I honetly don't know why! She once said, she just didnt trust ANYONE anymore after her 2nd husband molested her kids!(13 yrs.ago and lots of counciling). That is where she lost trust! I can understand that but why me? I didn't do those things! Sorry this is so long but it DOES help to get it out! Without burdening my friends and family of hearing it ALL AGAIN! AND she doesn't WANT anyone TO THINK ANY OF IT IS HER FAULT! Never, ever,NEVER!!!! SO, I guess I do just have to stay completely away!?? That is so sad!She can seem so very caring and giving but I tell you, it will benefit her in the end! I did the best I could with what I knew raising my children, I have 4. 3 girls and one son! And the others don't treat me like this! And I'm not sure she treats them anywhere near how she does me! I don't hear all their conversations! Other than the other oldest(my 2nd) telling her to stay away since Thanksgivng I think? Or just around Christmas! By the way, she is 42, not a child! Anyway, thank you for letting me vent! Don't know if anyone has any comments or has had this kind of problem but it would be nice to hear whatever will help!? Thanks... CS

I'm so sorry for your loss. The hole where someone loved was is too hard to bear sometimes. My sister has made 4 attempts since she was 16 and still lives. She's 65 yrs old now. Each time we came home early from a trip or a friend stopped by on time for serious medical intervention. She's always had constant loving care and lives with my other sister so as said above when someone spirals in that direction there is not stopping them. We have been lucky but who knows if that will continue. :(