Well, the last two years, particularly late in the year, around August-November, there have been more butterflies than ever in our neighborhood. My neighbors have even commented on the number of butterflies they've seen! I just kind of chuckle to myself (tee hee hee). But, it is harder to attract them in an urban setting, when their habitat is usually prairie, either tall or short grass, woodsy areas, and wet areas, and not an urban garden. Slowly but surely, they are stopping in more often. My neighbors around me usually let their backyards go wild, too, so maybe that helps as well. My friend Linda, in Kingfisher, though, just gets tons and tons and tons of butterflies in her garden that she grows specifically for butterflies. In fact, she got pipevine swallowtails this week for the first time ever! Hers have been planted about 3 years now. It takes awhile for the vines and/or plants to grow, and then to populate them with the butterflies you're trying to attract. But, she lives in a smaller, rural town. Here in the city, it's a different story. Last year, she helped me get started with Monarchs, Gulf Fritillaries and Silvery Checkerspots. Once I had a few eggs, it was Katie Bar the Door. I had Monarchs everywhere, and raised 100+ myself. I've had Black Swallowtails for several years, as well as Giant Swallowtails - but in small numbers. I don't get the HUGE numbers like you guys in more rural areas. But, if I had more, I wouldn't have the food supply for them either. One thing for sure. Once they find your garden, they WILL be back next year. It's like they have some kind of built-in radar that brings them back year after year. I had to do a lot of things, though, like I had to quit using even the most innocuous pesticide - like Safer soap for instance. I cannot believe that 6 years ago I was using BT on my cleome to get rid of the Cabbage White caterpillars! Oh, my - I was a butterfly exterminator! I had to plant host plants. You'll get a few butterflies with just nectar plants, but with host plants you get so many more butterflies. It has been a work in progress (still is), a lesson in patience (still is), and the best experience of my life! I would not want a garden without butterflies and moths - ever! Or, the other critters that come along here and there, too. I appreciate so much more in life by undertaking this personal journey with God's creatures. I feel a connection with the earth, the air, the sky, the water, the wind that I never felt before. Do you know what I mean? My spirit was never fed at all by working in an office. But, gardening and especially butterfly gardening, fills my spirit with such love and a realization that there must be something more out there beyond this physical existence with which I connect at a deeper level. Oh, I am getting gooey, huh? Where else are the butterflies going to go but the city, along with many other of God's creatures? We have driven them into the city by taking away their resources, their food, their water, their homes. If I can provide just a small, tiny area to help them along, then I am doing my part. What would it be like if we all did that? Susan

A "good" group meeting seems tough to find, for whatever reasons. In addition to helping yourself, your own experiences are a benefit to others. Nationwide on any given day, there are also seminars packed with people seeking information. I feel better after having joined several on-line forums, support groups where people communicate The "been there, done that" approach from individuals is great, and many times provide contact to care otherwise unknown to you. All done from the comfort of your home. Just like using GW to ask questions . Some get lots of replies and support, some get few. The topic has nothing to do with handicap stalls.

I don't think there's a 'one size fits all' on what will make your parents feel better. We lost our precious 10 year old poodle almost 3 months ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I'm 66. He had not been well for 4 years but I'm an optimist and chose to believe he had more time left. DH is a pessimist and thought he was going long before he did. We both thought it best to make arrangements before hand and I'm glad we did. I ordered him a beautiful casket, almost like a human one, and we had our SIL prepare his burial spot and put a plastic container large enough for the casket to go in. Once that was done I felt no need to discuss it but DH would talk about it when any of our kids were here. I think it made them uncomfortable and I would ask him not to bring it up. Jett suddenly got worse @ 4:00 on a Friday. After getting his usual treats and meds he shortly got behind a chair where he had never gotten before and we knew something was wrong. We rushed him to the vet, he checked him and told us what had happened was actually a blessing. I secretly questioned his sanity but he meant that Jett was going quickly instead of long and drawn out. His lungs had filled with fluid and he had a tumor in his abdomen that DH had just discovered that day and he knew every bump on him since he held him pretty much the entire time he was home. The vet said we needed to let him go and I first told him I simply couldn't. He was concerned that Jett would get in trouble afterhours and he wasn't on call. I held Jett while he went to check who would be on call and to get him an injection for pain. When I realized it was better to let him go I made the decision right then to make it easier for him. I stayed with him to the end but DH couldn't. I'm saying all this to tell you that each person has to do things their own way. There's no way I would have left him though it was hard to see him take his last breath. I had always said I didn't think I would survive losing either of my 'babies' but somehow you go on. It was a horrible week, then the tears got farther apart. Now I tear up thinking about him but I know he's at peace and waiting for us. As for your parents not wanting to go anywhere, I totally understand. We didn't both leave ours for anything. Jett has a 'sister' 6 months younger and we don't leave her even though she isn't sick. While she hasn't verbally grieved (like our neighbor's dog still does after losing her partner 3 months ago) she just doesn't seem happy now. I don't know how to help her. I expected her to totally freak out when Jett left and had the vet give her a sedation injection. He also gave us meds to give her but she didn't visually get upset so I haven't given them. She has a cat to play with and doesn't seem to look for Jett but just seems sad. We also have her arrangements made, hopefully way in advance. I hope your parents have a lot of time left with him and that they can cope when the time comes. I would just suggest you listen if they want to talk about it and try to comfort them when it's his time. I have never let myself question if I did the right thing. We have to make decisions based on what we think is best and it doesn't help to torture ourselves with the 'what if's'. My thoughts are with you and your sister too.

Pardon me while I crash this thread to vent. Today's main vent is tangentially related to kitchens: we designed an eat-in kitchen in our remodel, so our formal dining room is now a guest room, and the workman I'm venting about is doing finish carpentry in that area. He's taking two days to do what should be about a four-hour job, he's been over two hours late each day, and he's pushing me to pay the balance of the job in cash due to some income restriction/tax dodge that's, frankly, not my business OR my problem. I was mildly sympathetic to his plea, but when he emailed at 9.50am for our 10am appointment to say he'd be here at 11am IF he could find parking; then emailed at noon to whine about not being able to find a spot.....let's just say my sympathy dried right up. Today's minor vent: we've been at substantial completion on our kitchen-plus job since December 2014, GC has done about half the punchlist and the longer he waits to do the rest (and get paid his retainer), the more problems crop up: a tile might be lifting off the bathroom floor, a kitchen cabinet door is hanging improperly, we suspect the bathroom vent is not quite doing its job because there's a musty smell that takes a while to build up but is definitely there. Will this danged job EVER end???????