Is there such a thing as a "helicopter wife"? I work with a girl who continually applies for jobs for her husband. Come to think of it, she does this for the kids as well. Anyway, I always thought she was "posing" as her husband when she applied for these jobs, which is bad enough. Someone I talked to today said that she is friends with an employer that my coworker sent an application/resume to, and in her cover letter she identified herself as the wife of the potential employee and then went on to describe why her husband would be a good candidate for the job! I remember that she applied to numerous jobs for him with no luck, and now it all makes sense! Hard to believe a good portion of our job is employment counseling!

Sam, sounds like you work at a University, like me! And yes, I've dealt with my share of Helicopter parents. The worst is when they ask for information on the campus-wide debit card. Federal regulations forbid us to go into specifics and they really get riled when I tell them that. Even then, I offer to e-mail the student a statement or specific information that they can either print or forward to their parents. I tell them they they also could not go to the bank or a credit card company and get information on their adult kids accounts.

LOL, I may be a bit of a helicopter wife when it comes to scheduling a doctor or dentist appointment for my husband! He works nights and I will try to remind him sometime during the day to make the appointment but if I waited forever he would never get his cholesterol checked or teeth cleaned! I am trying to train him, tho!

My brother and SIL are helicopter parents and it drives me nuts. I wish they would realize how much they have stunted my nieces growth. They are 21, 24 and 26 and have never fought their own battles or attempted anything on their own. SIL did all the necessary paperwork and phone calls to get them into colleges. My brother wrote each of the required essays for admission. Anytime there was a problem with grades or a professor, mom and dad took care of it. This is just college stuff, don't get me started on the rest of their lives.

Nessie
I have worked for universities for 15 years and have seen my share of these parents. It's amazing what they do for their kids and what they ask for

SamKaren

I am not, but I do know people who do. You can't really blame the kids though... If the parents want to do all the leg work, let them! Most people (kids and adults)will let someone else do the work (whether it is yard work, house work or making appointments) if someone else does it. Hey.. you want to come clean my house?? I won't stop you. lol

and in her cover letter she identified herself as the wife of the potential employee and then went on to describe why her husband would be a good candidate for the job! I have a friend whose husband did that for her. He was calling inquiring about jobs without her permission, filling out applications online, saying what a good worker she was, etc. She was p*ssed!! I would have been too!

I have a friend who was a helicopter mom and a helicopter wife. Her son was still doing his homework at the kitchen table throughout high school.

When her DH was seeking work she went with him. I believe he went to the interviews on his own though.LOL

All through high school she was convinced her DS would get a running scholarship. (he didn't) When he came home from school as a teenager she would prepare him a snack. He had a bedtime. Of course later there was a reason to decide against every college they visited (money was not the problem)so the kid ended up going to a local community college and lived at home.

He never gained many social skills with his peers. I remember my DS (couple years younger) would run into him at clubs later when "Chester" was in his twenties. DS said he kind of felt sory for him cuz he would like some girl or other and they though he was too immature though they hung out with my DS and some were even younger.

"Chester" went on to do in his 20's what my kids did in their mid teens. He now lives alone. With a cat. He has a good job but it's his first real job that mommy didn't get for him. I pretty much know if he lost it he'd have a tough time finding a new one. He's too one dimensional. I'm guessing mommy and daddy still subsidize him. I know they "helped" him buy his car and paid the insurance. He's had one GF in the past. An older woman (10 years senior) who controlled him who mom couldn't stand.

One year they had a foreign exchange student who had a regular guy appetite and she was appalled that he would be snacking and taking seconds at dinner. LOL

lol! It would seem my MIL is one to her dh. He probably wouldn't eat if it wasn't for her. She does the books, lots of legal stuff, takes care of the truck, cleaning it, washing it..gosh all sorts of stuff he ought to know how to do by this age. Guess being a helicopter person has been going on for ages.

Sam, 26 years for me at the University! My co-worker of 15 years complains all the time about helicopter parents. Of course she THINKS she's not but guess what? Her daughter got pregnant from a one night stand and came home to her house to have twins 5 years ago. She can't make a move without her mothers approval. And I mean on anything! So far co-worker is raising her grandbabies. I can see helping out but she took over on day 1! The daughter just turned 30 this year.

Dean's X-Wife is a Helicopter Parent. OMG! Every time the DS gets fired or quits a job, she finds him another one. He is 25 and lives at home with Mom.

I'm getting upset just thinking about this. So, I'm not "even" going into more details.

Yes, my older sister. Her oldest son is 47 and he can't fart unless he calls and asks mommie first. He's an alcoholic. Her 2nd son is pretty much the opposite. Oh he's had his problems, but has straightened himself out, got a job, and an apartment a couple of blocks from his job. He walks to work most of the time, because he doesn't have a car. Yet. Mommie runs the tires off the 2003 Chrysler Town & Country van my mom sold/gave her and her DH last month. She supposed to make payments to mom for it, but it'll never happen. So then mom goes and buys a 2007 Town and Country, and now has a car payment.
Sorry to ramble on. This has been a burr under my saddle. And for my younger sister too. Can you tell?
Leslie

We rent a small efficiency apartment on our property and it never ceases to amaze me how many parents call for their grown "children". I always ask who the apartment is for and they invariably say, "My son/my daughter, etc." My response is always, "And why are they not calling me directly?". They usually get the drift.

I've learned a new term in this thread; "Helicopter" parent or spouse!

I have a dear friend that is an great example of both. I feel so sorry for her, but I wouldn't even try to suggest for her to give them some slack and see what happens.

I don't know... I know some helicoper parents but checking into college stuff for your child doesn't necessarily put those parents in that categoory IMHO.

I take it you're talking about 17, 18 year olds and not 30 yr olds. Many kids that age are still kinda of immature (due to lack of life experiences and hormones, not bad parenting!). If the parents are paying or helping fill out the forms for the kids for loans and grants for college, etc. then I don't see a big problem with them doing some of the leg work for college entrance. The high schools around here push for more parental involvement. I'm sure there's a happy medium... but I have a 'friend' who's son did all his own college stuff, and it wasn't because of good parenting, but parenting neglect. I felt sorry for him, being so young, he really had no clue on so many things.

Now, if the parents start calling the professors when Johnnie only gets partial credit for an answer on the test... then, I'd called that helicopter parenting.

I can't really judge if a parent is a helicopter parent if they are making a few calls for their child. Is the child playing video games and texting while the parent calls or are they working and/or studying? Life is hard, it doesn't hurt to have a bit of administrative help every now and then. It doesn't mean the child is helpless.

A child may be considered an 'adult' at age 18 but try separating yourself from your parents to attend college at that age - loans and grants are based on your parents finances. In many cases they will only lend the money to the parents, not the student. Many divorced parents are forced to pay for advanced education as part of their child support agreement. If a parent has a financial stake in a student's education, I can't blame them for taking an active interest.

My husband comes from a helicopter family. They are all pretty much helpless on their own but somehow they manage to survive as a group.

I think my parents were the opposite. We went to school and came home. The school sent home whatever information my parents needed (basically just grades 4 times a year) and my mom came to conferences with my teachers whenever they had them. We all obtained our own jobs. They were always there for us and still are but all four of us run our own lives and always have, as long as I can remember.

i couldn't stand to have an adult child underfoot...and with 4 it would have been pretty crowded...so far so good, on their kids being fairly independent (oldest grand is only 10)

who knows? are they making up for lost time?

OMG! I had to laugh when I read these! My step-daughter is like that with her son. Her uncles used to tease her that she couldn't go in the Army with him when he joined and she couldn't go to Kindergarden either, he had to do that on his own. The kid is now 5 and she cuts everything down so that he won't choke, and he hasn't learned to eat certain foods because she's afraid he'll gag on something! He was invited to a sleep over, and she spent the night too! When he was an infant and was crying because of diaper rash, she called 911 instead of calling her Mom, grandmother, etc. And in spite of everyone bringing this to her attention, nothing ever changes. Oh, well!

I have to say I am not....even with Sydney and all her problems she has over come (most of you know them) she has taken on alllll the college stuff herself......everything...from taking tests to enrolling to getting housing and getting her food card to touring the campous...I have yet to see the college...we will take a day here shortly and i will go but I have seen nothing done nothing she has taken all of it herself...Tanner is at my sisters in Texas at 15 working...at their businee and on the farm...he gets paid for it but took it upon himself to find out if they could use him and if he could go...he said he knows he is only 15 but he has lots of espensive hobbies and wants to pay....
Now I don't mean to sound mean but Brians mom who raises dylan is a helicopter granny she does everything for him he is almost 16 1/2 and has no desire to find a job his idea of a great time is sleeping all day and playing on the computer all night...I have offered to take him job hunting etc...he said and i quote he is not Sydney or Tanner and he will get a job when he is ready....OKAY....last time I offered.....Stacy