I tend to (mistakenly, I think) focus on how much my mother and I are different, but I think it's because we live in the same city, so I am around her often. Sometimes I think absence with occasional visits would be better for my perspective of her. :-) Not that she's mean or anything, just because I tend to focus on the negatives. We don't have anywhere near the same taste in clothing or shoes, or home decor, for that matter. She's more "country/casual", and I prefer elegant and sophisticated. We both love color - I'm sure I inherited that from her, and I'm grateful everyday for that. Naturally though, we both love *different* colors. She goes for bright pinks, blues and wild patterns, I go more for greens, yellows and deep reds. It's hard to shop with her for anything, because odds are, what I like, she won't, and vice versa. She's a morning person - I'm a night person. If she didn't live with my father, she'd be a total neat freak, but there's no keeping things neat with him around. I'm more relaxed about clutter. I like things picked up, but a few things scattered here and there aren't going to send me running for the trash can. I do have an obsession/compulsion with drawers, cupboard/closet doors, and chairs or anything that belongs "pushed in" - I absolutely cannot *stand* to see them left open, and must close them immediately when they aren't in use. I probably get that from her as well. Sometimes it's a good thing (there are never any drawers or cupboard doors left open at my house, nor are chairs ever left pushed out from the table or desks), but sometimes it's a curse (I have to practically sit on my hands at my mother-in-law's house to keep from shutting her kitchen cupboard doors when she leaves them open, which is often). I think it amuses my co-workers that I always push in a certain drawer that has a tendancy to slide out just a little as I go past, and I have tape on a file drawer that won't stay closed behind my desk. :-) My mom loves to shop, loves a bargain, and is one of those people who will buy something just because it was "only two dollars!" I hate to shop, and do so as little as possible - when I need something, I am happy if there is a sale, but I don't worry about it if there's not (I just don't buy it if I can't afford it, making due with what I have). Mom loves clothes, and has three closets full - I have one closet full, and won't buy more until absolutely forced to. Mom loves people, and loves being in the thick of things. I hate crowds, and am much more introverted. Mom loves to be running all the time, I prefer to have some "down time" to watch TV, read, and just relax at home. Of course, there is the obvious - I *look* a lot like my mom, to the point that people always ask if we're sisters when we're out and about together. And we both love crafts (different ones, of course). We both love gardening. I love to cook, she cooks merely to eat. So no, I'm not really like my mother much at all, I just inherited some really good traits from her (probably some bad ones too, but no sense in dwelling on those!).

I just spent the weekend with my parents and many other relatives due to the death of my paternal grandfather. I actually spent a lot of time reflecing on this kind of question. I observed how my parents handled things, listened to the eulogy my uncle gave for his father. It all made me think about the influence of my parents and extended family on my values and habits today. I was blessed with wonderful parents, so I learned a lot from both of them. Especially from my mother, though, I learned from these Momisms. Passing them down to my kids makes me a better parent, I think. "Knowing where you come from helps to figure out where you are going." Listen to the old family stories, see the places, it helps you figure out who you are and why, and who you want to be. Spend time with your family, make them your best friends. Afterall, they will be your aunt, uncle, cousin, brother forever. "You have to look past your own nose." Think about how your actions affect others. My kids know that one! And they use it often themselves. "For every right there is a responsibility." The more rights you have, the more responsibilities you have. You don't get the rights unless you live up to the responsibilities. Just because you have the right to do something, doesn't make it the responsible thing to do. She also used to tell us, metaphorically, "Your right to swing your arms ends where my nose begins." "Give up your chair to anyone older than you, don't wait to be asked." People are shocked when my kids do this. But it would feel so wrong to not make them do it. Beyond being good manners, I think it instills a respect for elders and a selflessness that is automatic and transfers to other situations. If there is one piece of cake and two kids, one kid cuts and the other picks first. If kids are arguing too much, make them work together on something. Or make them sit and look at each other without talking or moving. Soon enough they are laughing. Say what you mean and mean what you say. My mother once told my brother, me, and two cousins to stop shouting in the car or she would throw away the candy she just bought us. We kept shouting. She brought us home, into the kitchen, got out the candy (candy corn, I recall), opened the bag and made us watch her dump the entire contents into the trash can. Lesson learned for future parenting: be consistent, follow through. My kids were once fighting over a box of crackers in the car. I gave myself a flashback when, without a word, I pulled off the road, took the box, and in front of their window dumped the contents on the ground and handed them back the empty box, got back in a drove off in one very silent minivan. (One day my kids will quote my own Momism, "There are people in the world who need to fight over food, you are not them.") You are a part of something bigger than yourself. Give back, volunteer. I remember my parents volunteering for many projects over the years growing up. They still do. A house is a house, home is the people in it. We moved often, but I don't think it was a big deal to me b/c the family stayed the same. One of the most important values she taught me was to not judge. In fact, after ovserving my extended family this weekend, I came to realize that acceptance of others is an important value on both sides of my family, maternal and paternal. Since kids learn what they live, I hope that continues for a long time. I hope my kids feel the same kind of unconditional acceptance that I have always felt in my family, and that they learn to pay it forward. But the final Momism, "I was not put on this earth to entertain you!" I hear that come out of my mouth now, and now I get it! LOL. I also hear myself say "Go find something constructive to do." That what she would say if we looked bored.

My dream kitchen is something along the lines of a cross between the "Something's Gotta Give", Christopher Peacock, and acountryfarm/jbrodie/julia/elizpiz kitchens (to mention just a few GW inspirations), but we have neither the space nor the MONEY for those unbelievable spaces, so I constructed my own version. I designed the kitchen, and based on my design, slowly set about purchasing items for it. Though it has worked out for us, it definitely is risky if you take as long as we have in the process, as your appliances could run out of warranty. Our garage continued to fill with my "little acorns", as DH called them, as we were able to spend the money. We did not want to do this on credit. Our biggest savings has been with labor. When you get DH and I standing in the same room, you have our construction team. I am Design, Planning, Painting, and Assembly. DH is Production, Engineering, and Finance. We make a pretty good team and haven't killed each other. Yet. ;^) So instead of all fully integrated, paneled appliances, stacked inset cabinets with dovetailed drawers, and large, deep farmsinks, we have IKEA cabinet boxes with all its fittings, custom doors that I will paint to be my dreamy creamy white with moldings, trim, and accents that we have added. I did get one large white farm sink and a copper prep sink that I love--on ebay. Instead of the $500 faucets I spied, I got Price Pfister at bargain prices, and I actually really like them. I am a huge internet shopper and found absolutely incredible bargains. I learned to be a supersniper on ebay. :^) I even bought my appliances from there and saved hundreds of dollars. I was not planning on soapstone, I actually coveted Blue Pearl granite, and my patience paid off because I found someone who gave me my dream granite for a remarkable price. I did not get the fancy edge I wanted, but I am OK with that. I got the fancy edge on my IKEA butcher block (longed for a walnut top from Grothouse)instead. In place of yummy Gramercy Park-like tile, we have Menard's standard 3 X 6 field tiles, listellos and trim pieces that were on clearance, so our backsplash was very inexpensive, relatively speaking. My Giorbello glass and marble mosaic was the most expensive part, but I only needed a few sheets, and I purchased them online for a decent price. I will be sewing my own bench cushion covers and window treatments, versus having them custom made for lotsa $$$$. So we made many concessions so-to-speak, but I am--so far--really pleased with how this is turning out. I will always feel a little wistful when I see these amazing kitchens posted on GW and elsewhere, but I won't feel that I totally missed out. I will always admire a beautiful kitchen.

Penny--I can't believe how fast time is flying--6 days!! Here is what I think we are planning on going with: As soon as all of the guests are seated and just before the seating of the special family, the candlelighter will light all of the candles on the candleabras. Then all of the special family and grandparents will be seated. Next, MOG will be escorted down asile by G (not my choice but I suppose it will work) and will remain standing at her seat until the MOB is escorted down asile by my younger brother (GM) to her seat. The G and GM will remain standing at the mothers' seats while the two mothers together walk up to the table where the unity candle and the family candles will be. They light the family candles at the same time and then walk back to their seats. The G and GM will then exit. Goodluck!! Springbride04