Totallyblessed -- come on over!

I forgot to mention that my DH and both sons play stringed instruments such as guitar, bass, dobro, banjo, mandolin, etc. So do some of our friends. So, it's not unusual to have music and a group singalong! :-)

Bella ~ Are you sure your friends/family aren't saying the same lovely things about your home? You might be pleasantly and warmly surprised ;o)

Thanks for the great postings!

What a wonderful thread for this time of year when many of us are scurrying around trying to make our homes "perfect" for holiday guests.

Cameron's post really struck me. I think I should spend more time cultivating a welcoming attitude and surroundings than obsessing over my furnishings.

Please don't misunderstand...I love decorating my home, for me it's an interest and hobby more than just something that needs to be done. I'm just finding this post is helping me put things in a better perspective as I am champing at the bit to get my new home "decorated."

Bellaflora ~ This is a wonderful thread. I've enjoyed every post.

A house is made of brick, wood, cement or stone. A home is made with heart and soul, with love and happiness. A home survives through rough times and rejoices in good times. Our homes are our havens from the crazy world. Home is where our hearts are. Big or small, expensive or not so expensive, there is no place like home.

Happy home making everyone.

FlowerLady

This is truly the key question of design and decoration that lies between living in a "house" (a structure where people happen to live) and LIVING in a "home" (the constructed and thoughful collection of rooms and spaces that acts as the heart's resting place and soul's grounding center and welcomes in a group of family, friends)

First how do you truly see your house? I've been in many huge overwelming decorated houses here in Dallas -- but they feel cold, empty and unwelcoming -- no matter what the style of decor!

I've been in small houses, condos and cottages that were dark, dirty, cramped and unwelcoming ..... and some places literally give me the "creeps" ..... and yes! sometimes (but not always!!) these places reflected the lives of the people living there! :)

Soooooo -- what makes a house turn into a "home"? First -- the willing spirit that learns to see the difference! And then take those lessons back to their house -- and make some changes ..... finding your very own sense of style for your decor and then balancing out those tricky notions of "function" and "decoration"

I believe that there must be a sense of flexibility (seasonal changes? party? winter storm? kids? pets?); and a sense of fun to bring about CHARM.

Yes -- thats the word .....some homes are simply Charming. Cozy, Welcoming ...... no matter what the style of decor.

How??? How can one house be so cold -- and another one will take you inside itself and offer warmth, comfort and joy?

Well -- in books like Bunny Williams' "An Affair with A House" or Alexandar Stoddard's books -- there are always ideas about creating a warm and cozy home.

I like to see a home with a balance of decoration, function and charm .....

Here's a few thoughts:

Books, bookshelves, flowers of any sort, fabrics and textiles, artworks of many kinds (with stories), tables that are close to chairs, comfortable seating close enough that you don't have to shout, lots of lighting options, electronics used at the RIGHT times (and shut off at times too!), music (to suit the occasion and at the right volume), an offer of drinks or food, a usable bathroom, a thoughtful (changed and refreshed!) display of photos (wall, table or even collected in a bowl on the table)

Hope I haven't rattled on too much -- this is one of favorite decor subjects ...... can't you tell?? LOL!

its interesting to see how each one expresses what homey means to them. Very nicely said to allÂlots of warmth here. bellaflora , I do understand what you mean in the decorating sense . I think you are talking "Visual warmth." I have been in many different homes sometimes, you walk in and they have the right stuff on wallsÂthe way they might group pictures or plates collections. .the perfect fabric, plants and figurines in the Âperfect place Âsome just have that gift. My cousin can literally pick out of peoples trash, bring it home and it looks great! Her house always looks like it belonged in a country home magazine all her finds came from tag sales, junk stores and yes. .peoples garbage.  and you just feel warm and fuzzy while you are there funny, I always have the same question.. .. So many times I was tempted to call a decorator and scream help..(smile) Ree

Lots of food and wireless internet. HBO helps too. Welcoming attitude.

One of the nicest things anyone ever said to me about my home is that she always feels so comfortable. I think that feeling is a result of many factors including the furniture, lighting, decor, artwork, and other things that have been mentioned. But it's not the "things" that make my house a home, it's the overall ambience. We're very casual people, and that's reflected in our home. Nobody asks if it's OK to put their feet up on the coffee table, they just do because they can "tell" that it's OK to do so. People automatically feel at home here. Some of the ways we achieve this:

Lots of wood and natural materials--Our home is log construction, and all the interior walls (and open-beam ceilings) are wood--not one speck of paint or one square inch of drywall. The floors are slate, counters are granite, one wall is brick, and there is a large brick wood stove surround and wood storage area.

Decorative items--a collection of birdhouses on a high shelf; baskets, iron skillets and trivets hanging from the beams in the kitchen; handmade turned wood vases and bowls; and fresh flowers from February to October. I've been known to use rocks, shells, branches, leaves, and pine cones as decorative items. And then there's my silly "themed" guest bath, which I do just for fun (and yes, you can use the fancy soap and towels!).

Whole house audio--our entire music collection is on a computer server and is fed through speakers in the basement rec room, great room, and two outdoor areas.

Always lots of wine, cocktails, and hubby's home-brewed beer. Also a full cookie jar and bowl of candy on the counter.

The surroundings--Our home sits in the middle of 29 acres of mostly woods. From every window you see gardens and landscaping, with tall trees in the background. In the winter, the creek can be heard from inside the house. Wildlife is abundant, and on a cold clear night you can hear the coyotes howling.

Lots to do--We have a pool table, a dart board, miles of hiking trails, baskets full of magazines, Xbox games, and a spa. Or just do what I call "multi-relaxing"--sit on the porch with a glass of wine, reading a book, listening to music, and watching the hummingbirds at the feeder.

No frou frou--You won't find a couch lined with tasseled pillows, gaudy gold framed mirrors, fancy vases, antique furniture that you can't touch, or toile/paisley/flowered fabric. No $200/place setting china, priceless silverware, $100 wine glasses, or fancy table linens. Everything is simple and functional.

Things: Everything you see in your home should make you smile. Really! Houses look and feel great when you use colors, fabrics, and shapes that bring a smile to your own face... every time you walk in the door!

Attitude: Is everything in your home available for your guests to enjoy? Can they use the wireless? Can they move cushions or a chair to just the right spot that makes them comfortable? Is it easy for guests to find: Privacy in the bathroom? A place to put down their tea cups?

Snacks: What you put out will vary according to many factors, but there should always be something available to nosh on. You don't have to ask, "Does anyone want cheese and crackers?" or "Are you allergic to nuts?" Just make something available and let your guests take it from there.

Dogs

This is very interesting. A few years ago, maybe a couple decades, we were friends with a couple who had a daughter that was dating #2 son. There was not much difference in the furnishings or the styles of our homes, as we lived one block from each other and shopped the same stores, basically. We each had recently redecorated and granted, there was a difference in our decor but not that much.

One day as the mother and I were chaperoning a large group of kids on a trip, she turned to me and said, "Sarah (phony name here) wants to know why our house is not like yours. She says she enjoys being in your house but not ours, that your house is so warm and inviting and ours is not." I hardly knew what to say but thanked her and said, "it's probably all the noise from all the kids there all the time, I promise you my house is no different from yours except mine is noisy and strewn to Kingdom come."

Then I got thinking. My evenings were spent making dinner, yelling about homework, reminding about brushing teeth, getting clothes ready for the next day, stopping fights between the two who wanted to use the same bathroom at the same time, insisting that the math expert help the music expert with homework, insisting that the English expert help the math fellow with his English, but our afternoons were filled with neighborhood kids, trips to the park, a basketball goal, a big yard in which to play baseball, and a border collie delighted in retrieving balls, a go-cart, and inside board games, even a few electronic games, a lazy cat and kids sitting at the table playing gotcha games, others drumming and blowing horns, while I baked cookies or made snacks for them. My kitchen was not matched as was her mother's but it had 2-3 cookie jars (mismatched) an old Lay's potato chip container full of the latest treat, cheese crackers, an extra refrigerator in the laundry room for kool-aid and cokes, a washer and dryer always stuffed to the brim and the smell of Sta-Puf.

After all the children had grown up, another neighbor asked me why all the kids wanted to be at my house instead of being at others and why did I not allow my children to play in other children's homes because I always had a houseful.

Another friend told me that her son wanted their house and laundry to smell like ours. I told her I use Sta-Puf and she admitted she did too but her son said our house smelled and looked so good and he liked being there.

The answer to that was "I don't know." Then I thought about it, their houses did not seem inviting for children. Not sure why as mine always seemed to be strewn, never dirty, but cluttered with "stuff" and always in the process of being cleaned. Maybe it was the audio and not the visual that made it inviting.

Even my DILs said that. All 3 told their mothers after spending time at our house, that our house was always alive and their houses were 'dead.'

I don't know why that was, but it was filled with noise, children, cooking and love for each other and all the children who visited, and we were very tolerant of child noise, our never-ending debates at dinner and even when they were older, kids liked to come home from college with ours and participate in lively political or social debate, discuss music, etc.

We still have some of their friends stop off to see us all these years later. In fact, I had one offer to help me hang wallpaper at this house as he had remembered helping at our older house when he was in college. The house has changed, as we no longer live in the houses made alive by the kids, made alive by the din. The ambience is gone.

Those same kids grew up loving it when I was cooking something new and invited them for dinner to "test it." They did not always like it but they enjoyed the experience.

It was the mothering and fathering of children and what that entails. The children, the activity, the noise, the interests are what made it inviting and not the furniture or the carpet.

Patricia, in some circles, that is called Chi!

It's not the comfy sofas or the wood beams or the real flowers or even the cookies on the counter. It is the energy that makes these houses homes. All those things -- the wood, the fabrics, the art and books, the cookies and the wine -- are (IMO) manifestations of the energy of those who live there.

Interestingly, we go away for three months every summer. When we come home, the house is "dead." Same house. Same books. Same art. Maybe a few rugs off at the cleaners or whatever. Essentially very little has changed. But it takes a day or two to get the Chi up and running again. Until then it feels like a hollow shell. No energy without its inhabitants.

My tale ~ Recently our DS "came home" from a sorta-kinda estrangement. We had been on tenuous terms for a few years because DH and I had meted out "tough love". Blessed to say that DS finally "got it" and has since moved back to our land. We renovated a workshop on the property for him, which has turned into a lovely, private, well-appointed studio apartment (he's 24). He and his girlfriend came up to the main house a few weeks ago for dinner. While DH and DS were man-talking, DS's girlfriend confided to me that DS had told her one of the things he had missed most about being "home" was the "smell of our house". He said that nothing smelled quite as good. When she asked him what the smell was that stirred up such warm feelings, he replied without missing a beat, "love". I feel extremely fortunate that she chose to share that with me.
Makes a mother proud ;o)

Patricia..
as I read your post, it did something to me..changed my perspective in how I felt about our house being "the house" my kids friends are ALWAYS here.. it seems they never want to go home...they eat here, sleep here and play here..when their moms want them to "come home" they beg to stay a little while longer. It does drain me at times, as it is a constant thing.. but now, after reading what you wrote..it made me realize how fast time goes and this part of my life will be the past..I guess we don't give that thought, or think one day this will change and we WILL miss it. So the next time all the kids are here, my kids fight, cleaning spills ,TV's blasting, making cup cakes and cookies(etc. etc,) and grinding my teeth..I will think of you and your post..thanks! Ree

Amy, I think you are onto something. There was never a dull moment in our home when the kids were there. They always had interesting activities, interesting friends and 2 were artists, one a writer and 2 were musicians. Of 3 children, they painted, they drew, they played, they participated in sports, they learned to climb trees, hit balls, dribble, rebound and punt in life as well as in sports. Now, the only thing interesting in my house is when the cats throw up or the dog craps. Isn't it strange how things change and others remain the same. :)

I am happy for change as my body and mind could not go through all the trips, all the practices, all the recitals, performances and PTA meets, but somehow it is a sad lonesome.

Posting my gut reaction to your post first...Your sisters house sounds wonderful...I'm wondering if she might feel the same way (admiration) about yours.

I would love it if my sister said those things about my home.

Okay, going back up to read all the responses.

WOW. Great post patricia43. You make me look forward to that time in my life (right around the corner). What a great perspective looking back on it all. Thanks for sharing.

This is so timely because I have been in the process of rearranging some stuff in my house. Because we just got rid of the giant TV armoire and replaced it with a flat-screen TV on a narrow stand, we now have space for a new chair. (Actually not new -- I am taking an old chair that a friend gave us and having it reupholstered.) In trying to figure out if we really have enough space in this particular corner for this chair, I was realizing that we really have a little too much furniture in our living room -- or what we have is just a little too big for the space -- and realized that I LIKE it that way because it makes the room more cozy! So I'd say read the decorating rule books that say, for instance, that you should have a 3' "path" between certain pieces of furniture, or 18" between your sofa and the coffee table, and push it all a little closer together than that. We have a 1920's colonial with smallish rooms, which I think adds to the coziness factor. The newer, bigger homes are harder to make cozy sometimes. Something about an old house just feels more comfortable to me personally. Other things that others have mentioned: original artwork, books, kids artwork hanging around, area rugs, well-behaved dogs, pottery and old metals (rather than crystal and shiny silver!). I think some of this is really personal preference, and of course there are ways to decorate around crystal and silver to make a cozy space. Finally, a rule of thumb I like: in every room, make sure you have something old, and something whimsical.

I am glad to see this post Bellaflora.
I have commented in other posts about some of the homes I have seen posted that look so ......just furniture.
Not one thing out in a kit. Nothing on coffee tables
or end tables, no pictures, etc.
My question has always been .....who are these women.
Uncluttered doesn't mean having nothing but furniture.
I have found at my age that what you walk into is truely who these people are.
Clutter is not pretties on the kit counter or
family pics displayed or pretties on the coffee table.
Lots of pillows, well read books , sea shells . This is not clutter.
Clutter is a box of kleenex ,a dirty glass, a shoe, a dirty saucer sitting on the coffee table with the pretties.
We all know what a cluttered home looks like.
Clutter is *lots* and *lots* of pretties in every color
on every surface in the house.
We also know what a homey home looks like. We have all been in them.
A homey home is not *staged* with the throw *just right* across the chair.
The throw is for a friend to wrap up in as you visit and have hot cho together on a chilly day.
If its folded perfect, no one will feel free to use it as what it is ....a throw.
You have to find that happy medium and usually your
personality resonates from every room in your home.
Take a walk through......as a stranger. What do you see?
I don't think you have to necessarily have *the decor touch* to know whats homey.
I'm not comfortable in a home thats staged, or dirty or lots of clutter.
The best personality in the world can't make me
comfortable in that .
Homey is the feel and the host/hostess and the *look*.
We can all find our look.

Interestingly, we go away for three months every summer. When we come home, the house is "dead." Same house. Same books. Same art. Maybe a few rugs off at the cleaners or whatever. Essentially very little has changed. But it takes a day or two to get the Chi up and running again. Until then it feels like a hollow shell. No energy without its inhabitants.

Isn't that the truth! We notice the same thing when we go on trips and return home, even though we have a housesitter. Still - it's not our familiar energy -- it's not our day-to-day routine and "life force" filling up the space, and it's definitely different when we open the door upon first returning home after we've been away. I guess I've never really thought about it this way before, but it's oh-so-true! I find myself hurrying from room to room, just sort of plumping pillows and fluffing this and that, and now I think I understand that that's a very primal need to get my energy flowing back into the place that I'm experiencing!

Very interesting!

Patricia
Thats why we are called mom. (smile) My mother was the same..we always had kids over, she was always cooking and fussing over everyone, like they were her own kids..now I am "my mother" and never realized how much she did for us until I became her.. life truly is a circle.. Ree

Patricia and others, thanks for the reminder that the children will soon be gone and to remember what truly matters. I was getting anxious just yesterday because there isn't much here inside the house since we just built and moved. But, one of my children remarked how much they feel "attached" to our house. Mind you we have no furniture in the family room yet and spend the evenings talking around the table and then move to (ahem) camp chairs in the family room. :) The children just remember the quality time. And, yes, the smell of the laundry and cookies.

Having more people in a house and thus more crowding forces a person to have more areas that are intended for day-to-day use rather than show. No matter how nice a highly polished table is, people will feel more comfortable around a table that looks as though it is meant for use. Try decorating spaces in your home as if they were the only such space available in your home... for example if you have a kitchen dining area and a dining room, choose the furnishings for each as if at times it will be the only large table area available in the house, because the other will be taken up with school homework, cooking, dad's taxes, whatever. If you simply must have a showpiece room... a formal living room or a formal dining room, then don't put it in a traffic flow where it can be seen all the time. Showpieces are lovely for events, but they don't make people comfortable day to day.

What is a home without a certain aroma? I have a friend who says whenever she comes to my house it smells of chocolate. No baked cookies here, so I don't know *how* the chocolate smell came to be~*I* don't smell it. LOL

I personally love the smell of lavender as it puts my mind at ease and warms my soul~can it get better than that? Roses can have the same effect. I light candles almost every night, including the summer season~of course the majority are lavender. It still has a lingering effect the next day.

Every home has a particuliar smell or aroma~the fresh smell of a new baby, fresh brewed coffee that lingers thru the day, play dough/crayons kept on a child's table, the particuliar floor cleaner/furniture polish used, a constant fresh floral bouquet on a foyer table, or nothing more that the clean fresh-air smell coming thru open doors and windows.

Of course there *are* times we have the dogie/kitty smells.LOL But, what is a home without a pet, or two, or three, or..........

My house doesn't have it yet, but I'm working on it, and I don't even know what it is, but I think it has something to do with light quality, smells, comfort... a place to put a coffee cup in every room. It's sound quality, that hush of home - rugs here and there, the tick and chime of a clock. Sleeping cats, children playing, music drifting, fire in the fireplace in winter, or the whir of the AC in the summer. A bowl of oranges, a bowl of apples, old plants thriving off in the corner.

It's challenging getting that feel in a modern space, but it is achievable, just more subtle.

Chic
Sounds like a story book..and your house definitely has it!
Ree

love-my-lilhome, that is exactly how I feel! Clutter is not items that you truly love and cherish that are well placed! Clutter is that junk that you should have put back but haven't gotten around to. The garbage that needs tossed, the mail that needs filed, the clothes that need picked up, etc! There is a HUGE difference!

Slinking away in shame here, as there is always a box of Kleenex on every table in my house. My children's wives do not seem to know it is an essential part of rearing children, to have Kleenex nearby to keep those sleeves from showing the mucus from a childhood cold, but I try to keep Kleenex everpresent at every turn and have since my own childhood, just something my mother was a firm believer in, so if I offend with my Kleenex at every turn, then so be it. It's for the little ones whose tears need drying and whose noses need cleaning.

I think what she meant was dirty Kleenex that needed tosse or if your Kleenex box is sitting out like it's a main attraction on the coffee table. My grandmother and mother have tissues everywhere, too, they're just tucked away behind other things. :D

Oh, BTW-I don't think your DIL's are crazy. I have two kiddos and don't buy tissues either. Why? Because they get wasted if I buy them. I save my money, buy extra TP and use that or cheapy baby wipes :) To each his own....

It's all in the attitude--your own. When I have guests over I want them to feel comfortable and for them to feel comfortable you have to be comfortable. I'm very relaxed when I have people over. Food and drink can go anywhere in my home, chairs and tables can be moved, anything to make the guests more comfortable. Last year my DH and I were invited to our DD's future in-laws for a birthday party. My husband fixed his plate and went into their great room and sat down to eat his food and my DD's future father in-law kept asking my husband if he would feel more comfortable the DR table. My husband said no he was just fine, but he kept asking. Finally I told hubby we better eat the the table, before he had a stroke. What's so funny though, is their home is not elaborately decorated. In fact it screams late 80's. When I finally had a chance to talk to my daughter, she said they never eat in their great room. I was never so glad to leave and never really care to go there again. It was one of those visits where you sit on the edge of the sofa for fear of breaking the house rule, actually feeling welcome.

I have several large parties a year and everyone, including myself, looks forward to them. I already have people at work asking about my yearly Christmas cookie exchange.

I agree with Papercrane - it's the owners who make it warm, friendly and welcoming.

Style is irrelevant as long as there are comfortable places to sit, tables to put down drinks. Nothing should be so treated as it is so precious that your guests shouldn't touch it - either put expensive items away in display cabinets or use the items and enjoy them and don't get upset if they break. The hardest thing is not to try too hard, just be natural.

We were the house the kids gravitated to and I never needed to bribe kids with fancy treats - tap water was fine and fresh fruit. Kids could sprawl out on the floor and chat, watch tv, play in the yard etc. I allowed them to just be kids with supervision, not directing them. I also know the joy of having my children as teenagers come home and say how much they love and appreciate out home when compared to their friends. Hearing that was a real treat.

Sky

Wow, Ree, thanks! Your house... HAS IT! What a great place!!

I'm continuing to enjoy these posts. Patricia, you really struck a chord with me. I too appreciate the reminder that our children grow so quickly. (typing as I wipe a tiny tear). :o) Sometimes it seems we will be wiping runny noses and washing little faces forever.

chicoryflower~ well said. I especially enjoyed reading your comments!

Thanks, totally! Check out my tissue boxes, btw, folks.

My mother made these.

And allow me to introduce Demelza, the animatronic witch.
: D 'Scuse the dust, please. Demelza's falling down on the job (she's a touch senile).

I wish I had time to read all the responses. When I read "what makes a house a home?" I thought of things like solid wood furniture, pictures, books. And those things are important, but that's not all.

A little over two years ago we were ordered to evacuate, since a hurricane had taken aim for us. After we quickly packed and were taking a last walk-through of the house, I grew quite emotional not knowing if our home would survive...and although I knew everything could be replaced, I was sad.

Our kids were grown and gone, but when I stepped into their rooms, I could see them playing there, and looking out into the backyard, I could see them running and laughing. So I would say, for me, what makes a house a home is the memories.

BTW, our home survived, and with a new roof and minor repairs we were back to normal. We are so blessed.
Susan

I love this thread! Thanks for starting it and responding to it. Every post has been interesting and has added another piece to the puzzle. I am striving to reach the coziness you all describe. It still needs work. One thing that makes me smile is that my little kids call our house their "home" instead of their "house". I do really like that and my neighbor says that speaks to how they feel about it - so that makes me happy.

Thanks for the inspiration - this is a thread I want to print and go back to. :)

Chic
love your tissue boxes, prettiest I've seen...
Thanks for the compliment, you are always so sweet!
Ree

My heart was warmed last night when I asked my husband this question (I urge you to ask others in your family for their thoughts). He said "it's the feeling I get when I walk in the door and see my stuff. I can sit on any of the chairs or couches and lay down and take a nap, I can look around and see pictures of what we have done in our lives, not just painted ones, it's books that we have read mixed with kids storybooks, it's our tennis shoes sitting side by side, it's the grandson's pacifier next to the tv remote. It's familiar, it's history of our family and our stuff."

Our family has had to move 4 times in the last 5 years due to a tragic accident. While I haven't liked each house, it was still our home because it has our stuff.

Seems my home is the same as the OP's sister. Over the years I have had more people, especially men, tell me how comfortable my home is. It always surprises me when a repairman or worker of some sort makes a comment like that.

I'm single and share my home with 2 dogs and a bunch of cats. The dogs are spoiled rotten and the furniture is covered with blankets so they can lay on it.

I decorate my home for me. I buy what I like, not at all what the current style is. I mix newer things I like with old family antiques. I have my grandparents artwork on walls all over the house.

Just had a dinner party for a bunch of "girls", we all used to work together. We get together for dinner every other month and I always offer to cook in the Fall for our dinner. I was quite suprised when almost everyone found time to come, they all wanted to see my new kitchen and baths, which they knew would not be like any of theirs. We spent hours in the kitchen around my new island chatting, snacking and drinking wine. I finally shooed everyone out to the family roof to sit down and be comfortable. Everyone stayed for hours. We don't normally spend that much time together.

My older sister is an interior designer ... her house is pretty to look at. I'd rather live in mine.

It took me a long while to finish reading all the posts (what w/ soccer and ballet and gymnastic and karate and whats not). Thanks for writing your stories. So, being the clinician that I am, I have deduced that recipe for a happy home include:

one mom
bunch of rambunctious kids (the noisier the better)
2 dogs
1 cat
couple of dirty socks
1 week worth of old newspaper
few Kleenex box
arts & books & cheesy photos
lots of comfortable furniture
1 keg of beer (can replace w/ wine if preferred)
unlimited show time & hbo
maybe a wii
plenty of laughters
heapful of friendship
seasoned to personal taste
sprinkle w/ love

mix together, shake well. ;-)

Did I miss anything??

Seriously, reading your posts I remembered that the feeling I have a/b her houses has most to do w/ the scents, the memories, and how I was treated when I was there. It's more than the decoration (though comfortable furniture never hurts).

We just moved to this big cold house and I am a bit daunted at the task of making it into a cozy place for my children, but now I have 'the recipe' to reach for every time I feel a little lost. ;-) Thanks friends.

Love, lots of laughter, an open door for young people, lively conversation, dogs and cats....yummy snacks!

"WHAT MAKES A HOME???" Lots and lots of pictures of family especially children and grandchildren, the great grandparents and if you have them even the great great grandparents!!!! Oh, and don't forget the Pets. Their pictures are important too. But most of all LOVE, It is what makes the world go round.

My grandmother was very very old when I was born, aged 87 when I was born, my father was a very late bloomer.

I remember her little house on Spreckles Ln in Redondo Beach CA was the most wonderful and inviting place. I was very young at age two or three. The house had a odd smell of Bengay and oatmeal cookies. She had older furniture, probably really rather decrepit, but I always wanted to sit on the couch and eat my cookie, which she apparently always baked for me before we came. I remember she had a granny square afghan that I wrapped myself up in. I don't know if there was a TV, there was no children other than me, there weren't any pets,and certainly no wii.

The other place that has always seemed like home was my Great Aunt Sylvia's home at the end of the lane in Grass Valley, CA. That's about the smells too I think. I miss the smell of the woods, the pines and the red dirt give off an enchanting aroma. I could be rich if I could bottle it. I know I'd buy it. The smell of the wood burning cookstove is a particularly endearing smell as well. The smell of coffee brewing. The sounds of my mom and aunts talking and laughing around the big kitchen table covered in a red and white checkered oil cloth, the sound of the ticking clock my great grandfather brought with him from Switzerland when he immigrated. The sound of the creaking and slamming wooden screen door. The sound of Herman the rooster trying to get my aunt Kate's attention. (what a pest he was, he wasn't sure if he was a guard dog or duck but never guessed he was a rooster). There was also the sound of the gravel under my uncles and cousins pickups. It was magic to me and still is. It is what I think of when I think of home. I never felt like that about the house I grew up in and we lived there from the time I was five until I got married and moved away.

Neither of these homes were grand, in fact, they were pretty substandard. My Aunties house had no heat other than the cook stove; no dryer, the clothes went from the wringer washer to the clothes line stretched to the old barn, an unreliable toilet, an icebox that had to be defrosted weekly. It was dark in the living room, which went unused for the most part except when we made our summer visits and I camped out there with all the dogs.

So what makes a home to me? I guess family, familar smells and sounds. It isn't about the furniture or things to keep yourself busy. I think it's about a sense of love and belonging.

Bellaflora, thank you again for starting such a lovely thread. So many of the posts brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful reminder of what is truly important in life.

~Lynne

I was doing a search for another topic and this thread came up, so I wanted to revive with one more comment.

I didn't see anyone mention the house itself as being an element of its homey-ness.

When we went looking for a new house a couple or 3 years ago, I had a pretty firm idea of the age, architecture and floor plan that I wanted. We saw so many houses that were the right age, but they just lacked something that I'm unable to describe. They left me empty. Even though the house we wound up buying had been completely abused and/or neglected by previous owners, it had "it". I'm sure our friends thought I was crazy for buying it. (One even told me so!) But now, they see what I saw in my mind's eye. As we have repaired and restored, it has slowly come back to life. And now, as I attempt to decorate the inside and landscape the outside, it's starting to sing.

I don't know if it's the resident's relationship to the house or just the house itself, but I think one of those things is part of the explanation for the "good energy" that the OP described in her sister's house.

I am happy this was brought back up because I did not see Blue Velvet Elvis' post until now and it is really very true, that the best houses one can visit, are neither impeccably or immaculately furnished or clean, but clean and furnished comfortably and the homeowner does not seem to worry about someone breaking something, the homeowner is more than willing to have children visit and enjoys them.

I wanted to share this story since it seems relevant to the conversation and the time of year.

When our #2 was in graduate school, he came home at Christmas, per schedule, looked in the family room and found a "new Christmas tree" there. It was not the usual tree we had with the homemade ornaments, the collected ornaments, ornaments from my mother and grandmother, but a real "florist looking" tree complete with birds, bird nests, berries, moss and beautiful flowers from the wild on each bough.

He instantaneously asked me what was I doing and what was I thinking, that this is not home, stating he did not care to come to this place where a florist tree sat in what used to be our family room, he wanted "our tree" back. He wanted a real tree with the smell of Christmas, all the ornaments from 60 years, to see what he did, what my grandmother had. He was furious and told me this was the coldest our family room had ever looked. I was so very hurt because I had spent a whole spring, summer and fall ordering, buying and gathering the decor for the tree.

I was so hurt it brought tears to my eyes and I had to get into the car and drive around for a while. When I returned, my DH and I put that tree in the formal living room and went out, bought a "real tree" and put our kids' decorations on it. Our #2 son said, "I feel like I am home now. I didn't feel that way when I walked in and saw that faux tree and faux ornaments that have nothing to do with our family. Of course, #3 son was in agreement with him even before the "bird and bough" tree went up.

For several years I had done more than one tree and some years, do as many as 5, but it made me realize what a mistake I had made in trying to please lesser people when the important people in my life were my family.

Just last year, #3 son came in and said to his wife (whose mother has florist decorate her whole house), "No matter what we spend on decorating at Christmas, it just does not seem like Christmas until I get to mother's and see her tree. She takes every lemon in the house, throws it together and makes lemonade."

So in our quest to get the "decorator look," are we forgetting the most important visitors, our own family, who want comfort, who want a collected look and who want familiarity?

No doubt in a few more years, all these ornaments, even the newer ones will belong to my children and I hope my grandchildren on their trips home from college can remark on how their mothers have decorated for Christmas, how they love it and it reminds them of a time when they went to their grandmother's home for Christmas, a time when their greatest expectation was what the packages contained and their most awful worry was whether or not they would be forced to eat the broccoli.

Wonderful post, Patricia, and I agree with you!

You all have already covered all the bases...I just wanted to share a smile!
Last weekend my DH's family gathered to have Christmas at our home. We are a blended group and always enjoy each other. There are a number of young GK's and GGK's between us, and if they are in the house, I sort of keep an eye pealed as to where they are and if they need anything. Oldest GGD was in the LR all by herself just sitting there...I went to see what I could do for her...she moved over for me to sit beside her on the couch, and in her MOST serious tone, she told me "Grandmommie, this room just makes me feel so good, like I am a ballet star or something" So I guess a good room needs a little magic dust sprinkled around to create a ballet star out of a leggy, uncoordinated, beautiful 7 year old!! I sat right down and played Send in the Clowns (her very favorite song to dance to) for her to dance in the candlelight/Christmas tree lighted room...that just happens to have a sprinkle of magic glitterdust!!

Thank you. That's a sweet story, Jaybird, the kind memories are made of.