Examples of two people who simply are not tuned in to their surroundings: A very old friend came for his first visit ever to California. He came from a smaller city and had rarely ventured outside his state. I placed him the front seat of the car with DH while we spent the day driving from the mountains to the ocean.
Beautiful views from up high glimpsed through he rugged pines, and hawks circling about. The ocean was aqua on that day, and the sunset to die for; all of it very unlike anything in his home state. Well, he spent the entire trip turned toward DH, chatting away. I tried to draw his attention to the beauties around him on a few occasions, but finally just gave up.
A girlfriend came to visit. She had never seen the Pacific ocean,( or California). Our house at the time had great view of the ocean from the front porch. As we walked up the stairs and arrived at the door, she turned around, took in the view and said...nothing. This silence lasted throughout her five day stay. As I dove her to the airport I just had to ask, "So, Mary, what did you think of California?" Her reply was, "Well, it's different". And this is a southern girl. Very weird indeed.

Assuming the popcorn crack will be to see what happens with the removing shoes issue? I ask because I recall this was a hot topic in a previous thread and makes some people ridiculously crazy. Otherwise, I don't know what graywings and others are referring to. Please do enlighten us keeping in mind newcomers to these discussions.

WOW - I never knew if I didn't say anything about the decor it may have insulted someone. I'm JUST getting into decorating. It never interested me before and I didn't know anything about it so I never commented. Of course I would gush about the nice time together or the great food but not on decor.

I don't "see" a lot of things and my DH thinks this is caused by my dyslexia. Only DH knows this about me. I may never notice your haircut, new hair color, clothes, etc. If someone gets glasses it may take months before I figure it out or I may never notice it. My old officemate had laser surgery and ditched the glasses. That took years before I noticed it.

thanks, digging, i'm actually going to repost it as I thought it might get lost

Good for a giggle on the subject of guests getting excited over your reno

Here is a link that might be useful: appreciative guests LOL

I was also bewildered by the comments about people from Germany. My FIL is German, came here with his parents when he was 5 years old, just before World War II. I did not know his parents. They both died in the early stages of dating DH and I never had the opportunity to meet them. But, my FIL could not be further from the description some posted. He compliments everything! He really is just wonderful. He notices when I lose weight, or I've changed my hair, or I have a new piece of jewelry, or there is something new in our house and he always comments positively. From what I've been told of DH's grandparents, they were just like his dad, so I have to assume they were the same way. So, it is not true of all Germans that they don't compliment on decor and possesions. Not sure if it's a regional German thing or not. We are Jewish, and they are German Jews escaping from Hitler when they came here. Not sure if that made a difference.

itltrot - IMHO - I think a no shoes policy is great for those that live in the house, but guests..I would overlook thier shoes. I always take my shoes off when going into someone else's home, but I don't expect people to remove thier shoes when visiting me.
If you are truly wanting people to remove thier shoes because you bought white carpet, maybe you need to have slippers or flip flops for them to wear. Not everyone wants to be bare footed.

Oh, please no highjacking of this thread to turn it into yet another "shoes vs. no shoes" argument! Arrrrrrrrrgh!

(There. I feel somewhat better now.)

The PO has signs all over the house that say "please remove your shoes before entering, no exceptions". We have a whacky rambling house with lots of french doors leading to the outside terraces and I would say there are perhaps 10 of these.

I cannot get them off! I read you are not supposed to use a razor blade. Alcohol doesn't work. I hate these signs!

uhoh

I occasionally get hit with the "take off your shoes" thing when showing houses and very rarely do I feel it is warranted. Most of the time, it is not a foreign born homeowner either...
Just last week, I was asked to take off my shoes to preview a house that had all granite floors (on a dry day). I thought it was ridiculous and quite frankly, not very gracious. My soft soled shoes were not going to damage granite floor tiles. I also have foot problems from time to time with pinched nerves and have to wear insoles and pads in my shoes. I look as fit and healthy as can be for my age (mid-40s) but can be laid up if my feet are not protected carefully. I once wore a pair of shoes I had worn many times before and they did not feel right that time. I took them off after 5 mins, before leaving my house, and ended up off my feet for over a month (and out of work). It is like someone with a bad back if you sneeze wrong, it can go out. I did not appreciate walking on cold hard floors despite the thin socks they offered for me to put on. How would they like to go to work and be told to take off their shoes?

To me, if a host asks one to take off their shoes in the US it says 2 things to me.
1. our floors have delicate coverings and can easily be damaged. If you want to buy this house, be prepared to either replace them or live worried.
2. The condition/cleanliness of our floor is more important that your feelings or comfort.

I know in some cultures it is entirely normal to take off ones shoes when entering a house. In other cultures genital mutilation or not allowing women to mix with men are accepted. Taking off shoes is in an entirely different league, but when living in a country full time, it is generally good to acknowledge the customs local to where you are whenever possible. In Fla, Az or Hawaii people may feel differently about shoes than where the climate is cooler. There also may be sand issues we don't deal with in NY.

I have seen buyers and agents so turned off, they do not enter the house when they are told they must remove their shoes.

I can definitely see it as a rule for family members and even close friends. Maybe even children should remove their shoes too. Having adult guests should mean you are on "company" behavior and maybe a request to please be careful to wipe your feet (only if you see they haven't) and a good mat (or runners) would be the way to go.... I have a mat by our front door on the stoop and rarely do guests not wipe their feet on the way in. We only have carpet in our bedrooms so we don't have to worry about carpets getting damaged. By the time someone is by the bedrooms, their feet would have left debris on the hardwood floors. I also think it is less common to have guests in one's bedroom.

I may even loosen the rules when it is muddy or nasty out and then it would be more reasonable to ask for shoes to be removed. It would be good to offer warm dry socks at that point. On a clear dry day, then I think it is overkill. I also think one can sweep their walk if they know others are coming to further remove a chance of bringing anything in.

Of course, a homeowner can set the rules in their own house, but I only point out how I feel and how I have observed others who don't care for the practice. I would never knowingly dirty someone's floors and was taught to always wipe my feet first before entering. Being told to remove my shoes seems like I am not trusted to use common sense.

Mtnrdredux, have you tried Goo Gone? It's oil-based and works very well to remove stubborn stickers. You may have to employ a bit of elbow grease, but it's definitely worth a try if you haven't already.

Here is a link that might be useful: Goo Gone

Re: people who say nothing.

Once, pretty soon after we had finished the downstairs, we had a homeowner's association meeting because they needed someone to host it in their unit.

Out of about 15 people in attendance, everybody thanked us for the food and having the meeting (I live with a former chef who likes to cook for things like this).

About 1/3 of the people said absolutely nothing about the apartment at all, about 1/3 said "Oh, this is nice," and that was about it; and the other third stayed after the meeting to ask about the renovation and specific things.

I didn't think anything of it one way or the other in terms of the people who didn't say anything or made the minimal courteous statement because I still think some people just don't really notice or care. And I don't mean in a self absorbed way either but in a neutral way. I didn't prescribe jealousy as a motive to any of them.

------

In the decoration forum or the kitchen forum though, there have been people who rhapsodize over plenty of living rooms and kitchens who were kind of conspicuous by their absence of comments over parts of my house. And that's okay, because I don't think everybody has to like everything. And if everybody DID like it, it would all be available at Walmart anyway. I did notice and I didn't think a whole lot about it--but I have gotten a couple of emails from people here that said things like " I find it interesting that _____ has had absolutely nothing to say about your ____."
And *I thought that was interesting in that there must be some kind of dynamic at work. Because in a decorating forum, silence about decoration can have more of an underlying meaning than in the real world:)

IT'S ALIVE!!!

Original Poster here. And as such, I feel like the hostess of this party, so I will provide popcorn for everyone!

Don't you just LOVE my bowl? It's made of priceless Bavarian crystal and was hand-carved by blind nuns in the 14th century.

What? You don't care?

Just wanted to share a moment I had this morning. I went to a stranger's house to pick up something I had purchased through ebay.

She invited me into her house. I immediately thought of this thread, and I thought, let's conduct a little experiment. I bet I can find something, anything, about her house to compliment her on.

The first thing she said was, "Pardon the mess."

As I followed her (carefully) into the kitchen, I realized that I was wrong, so wrong. There was nothing to compliment. Her house was cluttered to the point of filthiness. Piles of clothing everywhere, and the smell of old dog permeated the air. There was a plate of butter melting on the counter.

I realized... she obviously didn't CARE about her surroundings. At ALL.

So. Does that make her a bad person? It doesn't.

Did I want to run home and take a shower? I did.

Does that make ME a bad person?

(Remember, you're eating my popcorn here... )

Oh, and that Heinekin commercial is hilarious.

auntjen beat me to the Goo Gone recomendation. That stuff is awesome!

marita40 - yes, you guessed my reference - an expectation that this thread would veer off on a shoes/no shoes discussion.

My two cents... first about the original post and then the OT thread.

My in-laws were East Indians in the UK with a large extended family recently arrived from the Punjab. I would have to be very, very careful in any of my compliments to the more traditional elders for fear that they would feel obligated to give me whatever it was I remarked upon. Literally, they would proudly unwrap the sari they were wearing to present to me or insist that I take home the intricate bronze candle-holder which caught my eye. I learned very quickly that the safest (and most sincere) compliment was reserved for the sumptuous food. I had absolutely no reluctance in accepting that!

As for taking shoes off, I would suggest that it is often more likely to be a regional practice than actually flooring related. Nowhere that I have lived in Canada - big city, suburbia or isolated cabin - have people not been expected to take off their shoes when coming into a home. Especially in winter.
In fact, a lot of people complain that it feels rude and uncomfortable to wear their outside footwear in the house, visibly squirming at the very thought.
And that is why God invented thick socks and purses big enough to carry party shoes :)

Adrienne - You reminded me that my grandma (not Punjabi) used to give us, or try to, things that we admired. The back and forth was quite uncomfortable. I've had other people do the same over the years so maybe you've uncovered the reason I generally don't comment on people's possessions!

I'd prefer to not comment on the oft discussed shoes on or off thing but I have to because it appears that I'm in the minority and we need to be heard. lol Keep your shoes on in my house! I don't want people wandering around in socks or *gasp* bare feet. We wear boots when we are going to be walking through snow or mud and then change into shoes when we get inside. You probably do too but if you forget your shoes no big deal.

Dinalo, thanks for the comment about complimenting people on the prior thread. It is true for me as well, I always feel free to say something nice about a color a gal is wearing at work or new heels or something about a job well done. It doesnt cost a thing to make someone feel good about something, and it makes people feel great. Same thing for family, people like to feel appreciated.

Greywings, I actually laughed out loud over the popcorn comment.

People on these forums are a real trip.

Pal, in your situation with the company, I can see it as being completely normal for some not to say anything about your decor. But in M.'s situation I do find it odd.

I like what you said in your last sentence, " Because in a decorating forum, silence about decoration can have more of an underlying meaning than in the real world:)"

True. I've experienced it many times. Ya'll get the popcorn out for what I'm about to say. LOL. Just be gentle when you disagree.

I've noticed that on this board in particular, the posters of the bigger and more expensive homes and interiors are the "fan favorites" who are gushed upon ad nauseum. It's so obvious too. Not one person has the courage to find fault with anything in their homes. Never. They're the one's getting all the kudos for what their *decorators* did, not them.

OTOH, those who live in smaller homes will be nitpicked to death about *something* or they're completely ignored. Not always mind you, but it happens often.

Now I'm off to make my own popcorn so I can throw it back at you guys! LOL

Well, even here, the silence can have various reasons and not all of them are negative. I may not comment if I have nothing new to say, especially if I don't remember the process. So if a post has 50 "looks great!" I don't feel like I need to be #51.

Sometimes I don't say something because I don't particularly like it. But sometimes I may not like it as a whole, and there is something about it I do like and I will say something.

I think I am also more involved in the process rather than the product, so I am more interested in the problems of the "before" and "during" than I am the after...I feel like my opinion has been expressed along the way and at the end its just not as relevant.

Oakley,
I generally find that posters here almost never find fault with anyone's home. I think that is appropriate.

They will find fault with a person's plans or suggestions, or with something the OP has already identified as displeasing to them.

Other than that, they go pretty easy on people which I think it entirely correct.

If people often gush more over lavish homes, it is not just lavish homes but ones that are entirely au courant. For example, the most raves you will see are for the "One true kitchen". The fact that it is hard to do on a budget, might imply false causality. People ooh and ahh over what is most popular in shelter mags. The closer you come to that, the bigger the applause.

This should not surprise or disappoint. Corporate America is pushing hard for such an outcome!

Rarely, true creativity is rewarded here. But we dont' see a ton of it and by its nature it is controvesial.

Addressing both at the same time. If you asked me to take off my shoes at the door, it would guarantee I would have NOTHING to say about the decor. I'd be busy walking out the door. LOL!

What oakleyok said! I ate a ton of popcorn in my dump last night!

This place does have some real beautiful homes and folks are proud and have right to be so they show them off. So,Yay!

But yeah, the un-fancy, the old, the rickety, and the out of the box are not so busy shouting out here...could be those folks don't really need to be complimented. When I came here I had a question about floors. I found this section later and have been thoroughly entertained since!

Some of my favorite threads on here are from people who don't have lots of $ to spend on decorating, but a group of people will help them make their house a home. I like when people give decorating advice in million dollar homes. It's cool to see the grandeur, but when somebody is working with a small or no budget and their post has 50 comments on what a lovely home they have, those are my favorites.

On the shoes/no shoes (I'm not doing my part to help it die!), we have a no shoes policy in my family, but I don't impose it on guests. You can most certainly keep them on in my home and I will be sure to do my best not to let you see me cringe when you do. ;)

Shoes is a classic issue of respect for the ways and wishes of others, even if they're not one's own. I was asked to take my shoes off occasionally when I was appraising people's HOUSES, and it literally never occurred to me to be offended. I'm happy to be able to say that, because it wouldn't have been nice to take offense where none was intended. Hope the popcorn's still hot. :)

Daisyinga, I just saw your completely nice #150 message on the mother thread. The first time I had greens, they were cooked just right and served with roast turkey and all the trimmings. Yum! How could I not appreciate them with that introduction? This pile went into my biggest soup pot with white beans and ham hocks, etc., and at least 10 great dinners will be squirreled away for the winter.

Speaking of comments from guests, I remember that one who'd come out from California told me my new couch would be better in a bedroom. No--I just smiled and didn't ask why, and I still don't know what on earth she was thinking. I do know I love its midnight blue and silvery gray leading to the view of sky, trees, and lake.

Shoes is a classic issue of respect for the ways and wishes of others, even if they're not one's own. I was asked to take my shoes off occasionally when I was appraising people's HOUSES

If you had a foot condition which precluded you from going shoeless, you may feel differently. And I'm sure that people who do have these sorts of problems don't like to have to disclose them to everyone whose home they enter for business purposes. I don't think that anyone's things should take precedence over people.

Sounds delicious, Rosie! I am particularly jealous tonight because I cooked a big pot of ham and bean soup and some cornbread tonight. Greens would have been a perfect addition! I like greens best when it's cold, and tonight surely qualifies.

Sorry, I tried not to comment on the shoe thing..... but I can't resist...

Terriks, what about those of us who have allergies and asthma to dust/pollen/etc? Since I have dark wood floors (and asthma triggered by allergies,) I am especially aware of how much dirt is tracked in on the bottom of shoes...

Like those on the other end with a foot condition, I also don't (like to) explain to guests that I try tirelessly to keep dust out of the home so I can breathe.........

(With that said, I do not require anyone to take their shoes off, but most people take them off on their own. It must be a regional thing.... it is pretty normal everywhere I've lived to, at least, offer to take off your shoes.)

This is another one of those complex issues, that goes back to who wants to be the more gracious, the guest or the host. (Meaning who will back down, and what factors might indicate that one deserves more respect than the other.)

I grew up in a town where everyone took their shoes off at the door for a casual visit.

In my house though, my parents didn't even come downstairs without shoes on. Going barefoot reminded both of them of being forced to go barefoot to save shoes during the Depression and they hated it.

If I visited someone who wanted me to remove my shoes, I wouldn't care, and I would do it. But I would be a bit bothered if they expected my 87 year old father whose shoes are scrupulously clean because he barely goes outside and wears rubbers in bad weather, to do so.

Likewise, my sister is not allowed to smoke in the main part of the house, but my parents have friends who are provided with an ashtray without comment or ill feeling.

Yes, I know the shoe comment would set people off. I'll admit it's not a guest friendly policy, but for us and our new home with carpet that was just weeks old we were overly cautious. I think most people can appreciate that until the new factor wears off you can be a bit extreme in protecting something you've spent a lot of money on. And over the years, we've gotten more lax about the shoe policy.I think maybe it's a regional thing like someone stated because other than the once incident with the stepmother we've rarely asked. Most people see a pile of shoes around the door and automatically remove them.

I've never asked party goers to remove their shoes, I never made my 95 year old grandmother remove her shoes, Nor did I ask my mother how broke her heal to remove her shoes. I have asked that they make sure they were clean and sticker free. There is nothing pleasant about stepping on a sticker barefoot in the middle of the night that was tracked in on someone's shoe.

I'd never ask a stranger or acquaintance to remove their shoes but then again I'd never invite a stranger into my house.

I live in a rural area with lots of mud, slush, dirt, etc. Yes in my area its common for the vast majority of people to offer to remove shoes. Or they walk in and automatically go to remove them. I immediately brush them off and tell them not to worry about it. This includes my contractors with heavy lace up boots that look like they would be a real pain to put on and off. Boots are my shoe of choice (campus style, cowboy, knee high dressier ones, etc) and I know what a pain it is to remove them sometimes.

And on another somewhat related note: I HATE my feet. I feel they are ugly - my toes are long and skinny like fingers. There. I said it. So if I'm wearing a heel or flat (any shoe worn without a sock), I dread removing them, but of course I would still offer immediately upon entering someone's house.

"If you had a foot condition which precluded you from going shoeless, you may feel differently. And I'm sure that people who do have these sorts of problems don't like to have to disclose them to everyone whose home they enter for business purposes. I don't think that anyone's things should take precedence over people."

Shoeless equals sockless?

I've been asked to remove my shoes in several cases and never gave it a second thought. In one case, my hosts had a large collection of antique Oriental rugs, and they did not want large gatherings of people walking on the carpets with shoes that might conceivably have tracked in dirt and grit. Since everybody who visited this house took off their shoes, nobody gave it a second thought. It took a few extra minutes coming and going, but then, so did taking off a winter coat, scarf, gloves, etc. and then putting them back on again when leaving. In another case, the hosts were Japanese, and removing shoes and replacing with slippers was simply something one did.

I was at an event held in what had been an 18th century house with original floorboards, currently used as a place of business. I was standing next to a woman wearing high heels who stepped backward and inadvertently sent a heel completely through a board. Never mind the damage, which seemed to have been repaired perfectly by the time of my next visit - that woman might have sprained an ankle.

The policy isn't necessarily guest-unfriendly. I think it depends on how it works, and on how the request is handled.

I'm going to say it, (Aunt Jen, look away) but floors are meant to be walked on. While I do understand removing muddy boots and such, I have little patience with carpets and flooring that can't handle normal household traffic.

And what about furniture? Are you grossed out that the behind sitting on your sofa also sat on the chair at the doctors office? Where who knows what also sat on?

I am not remotely critical only now pragmatic, as I've been through the trenches of flooring life.

In my perfect world, everyone would remove shoes before entering and slip on the freshly laundered carpet slippers in the door basket. Never would outside grime enter our home. Peace would reign and I would be happy at how clean everything is.

But in my less than perfect world, my dog has middle of the night diarrhea, and in the way only dogs will, has sought out the newest and nicest carpet for this event.

Then, there's my precious Dad who lives with us. He must wear shoes at all times and use a walker. That walker has been through some areas that would make me bathe in hand sanitizer.

And then there's the regular way one of my dogs (we have 2) has of licking the floor a lot. I am constantly yelling at her but hey, she's twelve and does what she wants.
And who knows what they've walked through outside!

My dad was more meticulous about the house than my mom. He had a no shoe policy for us six kids. He built a beautiful shoe shelf inside the "back room" (the kids TV room) where we were trained to kick off our shoes and place them neatly on the shelf.

Woe be the kid who left their shoes on the floor.....

Our friends were told by us to take their shoes off. We didn't think a thing about it. Adults were never asked.

Whenever my brothers come to my home they automatically kick there shoes off at the door. My husband wears his shoes in the house all the time. I don't care either way as long as you're not trailing mud through the house.

I can only remember being asked to remove my shoes as an adult twice. When touring a model home and touring a Mies van der Rohe house. I thought it was odd at the model home - it's not like it's a national treasure.

I missed the other no/yes shoes thread. I haven't thought about the shoe shelf in years. Thanks for letting me reminisce!

Well said, Bumblebeez! (Besides, that rear-end seated on your Henredon sofa may have just farted in the car moments before entering your home! ;-D)

Haha, probably on the Henredon.

Those who let their cats and dogs sleep with them in their own or their kids beds, RAISE YOUR HANDS. The same cat that just got out of a so-called meticulous litter box? The same dog that just got let in from the out-of-doors? How do you take off their shoes? Oh, yes, I know! You clean each paw with disinfectant after every visit! Be sure you get between each toe and under their claws, too. Who knows what lurks there. Can't be too sure, you know. Do they lick you after they've, you know, licked themselves? Or......other animals? HEAVENS!!!!

By all means make your guests remove their shoes before entering your homes. They may be too stupid to wipe them carefully on the doormat you have so thoughtfully provided.

As Ricky Ricardo would say, "Ai yi yi, yi yi!"

Amen, Bumblebeez.

I should have mentioned that if my shoes were muddy/snow filled or there were any question that I might track stuff in, I'd start to take my shoes off of my own volition. I am a considerate adult and know how not to ruin other people's houses. I also learned early on as a real estate agent not to wear high or spiky heels. I just get put off when I am told that to enter the house one MUST remove shoes. It can be offered, such as "if you'd like to remove your shoes, we have booties/socks for you to put on", which would be taken as a strong hint. If someone has a foot problem, then they could politely decline, assuming their shoes were not dripping mud or water. It can also be difficult if one is wearing fashionable boots because often the socks are not meant to be seen and may look awkward exposed. Some people have difficulty removing or putting on their shoes for other reasons such as a bad back, advanced age, or their weight. If there is not a good place to sit in order to switch footwear, it can be awkward.

As a strategic matter when selling your house, it behooves the sellers to show their house in all its glory being clean and spotless, but not to act like it takes constant vigilance or the house will fall apart. Kind of like saying "oh...this old thing..." when someone comments on your dress. I practically killed myself de-cluttering and touching up when we put our first house on the market. I even rented a storage unit and started to stash out of season clothes in rubbermaids and most of our storage stuff in there. I pared down the linen closet by half and put all the Xmas stuff in there. People would remark on how neat and clean my house was and how well it was kept. Little did they know how hard I had to work extra to present it that way. I had 2 toddler boys in the house and so to keep it smudge free and organized was a real chore when we were showing our house to strangers. I would want them to imagine themselves living in our lovely organized home with their things and not imagine how much work it was to have it look so sparkling clean. I am generally a clean housekeeper, but no one accuses me of being neat ;). To be fair, when the new buyer moved in our house, not only was it clean, but I vacuumed and Windexed my way out the door. She saw spotless when it was shown to her, and that is what she received after closing on it.

If the house has nice flooring, you don't want potential new buyers to think they have to be anal to keep it looking nice. You are trying to make it look effortless. If you acted stressed to have a guest enter your house, that sets a poor tone. People try to decorate with warmth and that undoes the effect.

I also think it is different to ask close friends and family to remove their shoes than to blatantly ask guests who you do not know well or know at all to take off their shoes. A shoe rack and basket of clean socks/booties with a "feel free to take one" sign would be enough. Many people will take the hint and if a few don't, that should not be the end of the world. Floors were meant to be walked on.

If you live in a region where having a guest remove their shoes is the norm, then the above does not apply. Around here, it is viewed as odd and uptight. It occurs in maybe 1-2% of the houses. Many families have it as a family policy to keep the house clean day to day, but would not dream to impose that on guests. I like the kids or hubby to take off their shoes when dirty, but then find they often dash outside in their socks to get something and then come back in, defeating the whole purpose.... I therefore sweep a lot and our Roomba gets quite the workout. We have carpets only in the bedrooms and so I can be less uptight because they are not right upon our entry or exit doors and a dirty "hard" floor can be cleaned (yet again, sigh).

OK, since the shoe subject just won't die ...

If I were to request my guests remove their shoes, my luck would have it that one of the cats would do a "stop, drop and scoot" right across the rug in front of us all.

"I'm going to say it, but floors are meant to be walked on. While I do understand removing muddy boots and such, I have little patience with carpets and flooring that can't handle normal household traffic. "

amen to that :) It's become more common where I live and it's all about protecting the precious floors, and since we don't get snow or have mud, and on a rainy day if people wipe their feet they aren't going to track in much sand it is so over the top. It's like before you even enter the house the host is saying - your comfort is not important to me and don't ruin my nice house. ugh.

I think if people have a family no shoe policy that is just as effective since they are the ones tracking in and out of the house on a daily basis, but if your floor or house are so fragile that you have to start making rules for guests, maybe you shouldn't invite people over lol. :) To me a lot of this seems to come down to a new level of materialism, where "things" are given too much importance.

Here is MN it is quite common for visitors to offer to take off their shoes or boots. Our wicked weather means months of heavy boots, snow, slush, and wet. People are usually eager to get them off so their tootsies can be free and warm once inside. I never go to someone's house without assuming I'll do the same (that is, without checking my socks for holes and/or packing a pair of slip on shoes in my purse). I've never demanded that people do it, but I've also never encountered a situation where guests didn't ask my preference or just take them off automatically.

I think a no-shoes policy is fine for family and very close friends or asking folks to remove their boots (who are usually wearing socks), but I honestly cannot fathom inviting several guests over and asking them to remove their shoes. Family and neighborhood kids? Yeah. That cuts down on all the work and dirt. But everyone?

Has no one heard of toenail fungus? Bunions? Cracked heels? Embarrassment because you need a pedicure? Foot odor? Ugly feet? :) Socks that are in less than perfect condition? Surely there are exceptions for the elderly? Do you stop to think that any of your guests with the above conditions might be embarrassed?

OK, the post title caught my eye as it's always been a sore spot so I was reading like crazy until all I was reading about was shoes so I stopped..never did get to the beginning :). Just want to say that I'm relieved to see that this bothers other people. We were building a home once and friends wanted to stop by. Now mind you, everything was pretty much done, new home,decor, etc., but the carpet had not been installed yet in the LR (yeah, it was back in the carpet in the LR day). The only thing that was said was the wife, and she said "OH! I like your carpet"
I could go on and on about other similar experiences like this with friends and relatives (we've had a lot of different homes) but just felt compelled to share this.

I thought this was about people who say nothing?
Shoe topic? I skipped probably 1/2 of this thread. Hijack galore.

Returning to something the 1st poster said. I think it's a good clarification about complimenting something vs. commenting on it's $$ value. The compliments she described were perfectly ok in my family as well, although if it hinted at value? How gauche.

So it goes.

On saying nothing: pal has pointed out that refraining from commenting on decor is not necessarily rude. It's an alternative tradition of manners. However, I think people come to GW not only because they're interested in kitchens or decorating--but because they're somehow involved with a real project. It's one thing to say nothing about a house's decor during normal circumstances. But I can certainly see how people might find it odd when visitors know they have just completed a major, stressful project and still say nothing.

Shoes: The purpose of making guests remove shoes is to humiliate them into complimenting the family photos on the living room walls. ;)

Now you forced me to agree with you again Marcolo! I love your last line ;)

As I'm sure has been suggested before, I think that the meaning of a lack of comment/compliment by a guest can often be explained by the relationship or personality of the guest. People who are comfortable with themselves and their own homes are often more free with compliments (I find this to be true even outside of the home/decorating arena). When we visit my mother-in-law, she takes us around, shows us what she's updated/painted, etc., and we generously ooh and aah. When she visits us, she absolutley will not give out a compliment, but might acknowledge that something is new without saying anything nice. We have come to expect this. She may be a bit jealous and competitive, and wants her house to be the best. Oh well. I will continue to say nice things when she's done something nice to her house, because it's the right thing to do.

"Shoes: The purpose of making guests remove shoes is to humiliate them into complimenting the family photos on the living room walls. ;)"

Hahahaha ha ha!!!!

I think the "noticing" bit is important. Pal's dowager etiquette manual would not allow any attention to be paid to the house at all. I think that's fine. What's irritating is people who examine every inch of a new kitchen or bath like they're at a CSI crime scene and then say nothing.

Exactly