Just want to say keep in mind that the OP only said she had an "odd experience" and she said they are "perfectly nice". As this thread grows and morphs, I want to make sure the OP doesn't feel assaulted. I can appreciate that, given the facts as she lays them out, she thought it was a "little odd". And that was all she said.

Liriodendron,
To your point about things being "topsy turvy"; my DH teases that when people say "we like to entertain" it means "we like to show off our house". Not always true, but often, I think!

I agree with Auntjen that everyone is bringing their own variables to this topic and we are not even talking about the same situation. We all are imagining different sorts of guests.

Most people seem to be thinking of family, friends, and close neighbors, ones with similar houses.

On the other hand - Lynxe and her house guest simply did not know each other well enough for him to say that she had a lovely home. This situation would be unusual for most people. Perhaps others are thinking of business associates, etc.

The OP has started a topic that many obviously find compelling. It's such an interesting topic - not "odd" at all.

I find it very irritating when someone starts a compelling thread only to be questioned about their intent. This would be a very boring forum if no one took the time to start interesting threads.

Looking back over mclarke's posts, what jumped out at me is the guests spent most of the time talking about themselves. That could be the definitive answer....

After "proudly showing off" in their home, they came to the OPs and talked mostly about themselves....

That tells me they are not very gracious as guests. A conversation is give and take as are compliments. It is part of being social. One isn't keeping score per se, but if it is all one way, it will come across as "odd" or worse to the other person.

I find I give a lot more compliments over the years. I know how good I feel when someone says something pleasant. A sincere compliment can make my day or add extra spring in my step. I will gladly admire someone's new haircut or tell them they look good in an outfit or color and the smile in return is usually big. People may not always remember what you say, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Try that out in your own house and see how it goes over. I try and catch our sons doing something good, then acknowledge it, and not only point out when they do something wrong.
It does not matter how you are raised once you are an adult with a mind of your own. I am so glad I do not copy or follow many things I was taught when I grew up in my parents' house because I would not want to be like them. They may have been responsible for my actions and attitude when I was a child to some extent, but how I act as an adult is on me. If someone taught you it was wrong to compliment people for making a nice home, then they taught you wrong. Complimenting people on their hospitality, food, wit, looks, house, etc... is all good. It is all part of showing appreciation and an effort to be nice by making someone else feel good. I wish more people were kinder to each other and less worried about being correct based on archaic notions of "breeding". There are many things like equal rights and civil rights that we know better now than 50 years ago. Let's hope giving compliments if you notice something nice is one way we have evolved socially.

Oh dianao! You and I think exactly alike. You have expressed beautifully my thoughts while reading all these diverse responses. Thank you!

..and you deserve a proper spelling, dianalo:>)
I'd like to add one thing of my own re. compliments. I am a huge giver of compliments; it just feels good to 'give'. I, on the other hand, am not especially good at receiving them, but will smile to myself over the day,( or days!) remembering the nice thing said to me. So never second guess the recipient if she seems somewhat blase at the time.

Thank you, dianalo. That was very well said.

And I really like your haircut. ; )

YES, YES, YES, dianalo expressed my thoughts perfectly too.

But this thread has certainly been an eye opener for me. I have had a houseguest many times and she would carefully study everything in my house . . . and then say nothing. Part of it was her dislike of anything being decorated and orderly, but part was, I now understand, her upbringing.

I love a good, thought-provoking thread such as this one. It's always interesting to see how others were brought up and how they think. I was taught it is impolite to ask somebody how much money they make, but I was never taught that it was impolite to comment on somebody's personal items - at least it's okay, even complimentary, to say you like somebody's whatsis. There's a big difference in saying, "oh, what a nice chandy" and "holy crap, that chandy must have cost you three months' salary." The former is a compliment. The latter is prying and personal.

Interestingly, if two people came to my home and one said, "you have a nice house" and the other said, "you have a nice home", I would be MUCH more flattered by the second comment. You have, in my mind, told me you felt welcome and comfortable; that I have made you feel "at home". . If you made me feel welcome and comfortable, I would call your house a home, and until reading this thread, I would have thought I was complimenting you, not insulting you. Cultural differences are so interesting, aren't they?

Out of curiosity, Mcclarke, what do you think their reaction would have been if you didn't comment on their house when they gave you their tour?

I can deal with guests who say nothing but dh, I will drag him over to look at something new, in case he didn't notice it and he certainly won't say anything, decorating is under his radar.
But he might ask how much it cost! :-)

I admit I have become too cost consciousness, I don't ask others ever - except close friends and we share all those details- but I am always interested, in how cheap it is and how expensive. Sort of a Price is Right game, can I guess it accurately? Does it look worth it? What is the inherent value?

Mclarke - I think it WAS odd behavior. Especially after they went into so much detail in their home. Sometimes people are just not into decorating so they don't notice and that's just fine but it seems that this is not the case with these people.

There is no way we can know why they didn't say anything.

Dianalo - You did say it best!

When you invite someone into your home, you are allowing them into your personal space. Even if I don't like someone's taste, I manage to find a positive to say as others have said. It is just basic manners/graciousness/thoughtfulness to say something. I do not think it has anything to do with age.

One time, one week after we moved into our newly built home, we invited my husband's family over to see it. They were all great except my SIL who said NOTHING! She walked in and stood in the kitchen as if she had walked into my old house. In her case, she is pretty clueless about social skills and is jealous too. She was new to the family then so I was really thrown off by her behavior but I get it now.

Another situation was when an old friend of my husband's and his wife invited us to their home for dinner. They were so proud of their house - decorated in 1980's mauve and black. It was the ugliest home I have ever seen. As they showed us around, we managed to say nice things. It would have been rude and a send a message to say nothing.

Interesting topic and responses. This forum is the best!

Interesting topic and interesting responses.

"Out of curiosity, Mcclarke, what do you think their reaction would have been if you didn't comment on their house when they gave you their tour?"

What an interesting question. I haven't any idea. It would never in a million years occur to me NOT to comment. I don't think I could do that. I guess I'm just one of those people, brought up to be polite and offer compliments.

I would never ask for a tour of anyone's house, but if someone offers, I always say yes. First, because I like to see people's decorating choices -- I always learn something.

But most of all, if someone offers a tour, to me this is a signal that they are proud of what they've done. I am always happy to admire someone's home (or house), if only to make them a little happier.

Compliments cost the giver nothing, and can mean so much to the recipient.

When someone says to me, "I just painted my kitchen cabinets! Do you want to see them?" Of course I say that I want to see them, and I will ALWAYS say how good they look.

It's similar to this forum. If someone posts and says, "I just painted my whosis, and I really like it, what do YOU ALL think?" I would NEVER post and say that I don't like it. Even if it's mauve and puce and sprinkled with glitter.

Life is too short.

Well you all got me to thinking again (yikes). How and where did the house tour thing start in America? I never ask for a tour of someone's home but will gladly go if it's offered. I live in an under 4,000 sf home; my living area is only 2,600. Why do people come in and ask for a tour? It's all pretty open so do people want to see in closets? We always have projects going on, right now the master bath is ripped apart so I don't want people in there. Am I like most people and want compliments on things? Well yes I do! I like this site for feed back information on if something looks great or very stupid. I like to share with my very close friends. Tours I do not like to give unless pressed, I feel very awkward about that.

"On the other hand - Lynxe and her house guest simply did not know each other well enough for him to say that she had a lovely home. This situation would be unusual for most people. Perhaps others are thinking of business associates, etc"

After posting my comments and rereading, I realized that in the context of this forum, it isn't possible to convey all the subtleties of my experience with this person, the kind of relationship we had, its length, and many others things -- including how that person ended up as a house guest. Suffice to say that, given all that, my guest's comments, well meaning though they might have been, struck a very odd note. All those things were in my mind when I commented, and I hadn't meant to give the impression that I don't like relative strangers commenting on my house!

Despite that, I still agree with liriodendrun's last comments.

"If you're decorating obsessed, like most of us here, it rubs you the wrong way when even moving a picture isn't noticed by a friend who regularly visits."

But patty cakes, maybe some of your guests have no idea you're decorating obsessed, or even that you've moved a picture. You're assuming that, since these things are important to you, they are to others as well. I'm not sports obsessed, and because of that I don't think about asking a friend how a favorite team did. I adore my pets, but I don't expect guests who are not animal lovers to say anything about them. You can probably think of similar comparisons....

Speaking of not noticing things people have done to their houses, try this one on for size: After living in our former house for about four years, we had the outside painted, and it went from the very dark red it had been when we moved in to a pale yellow. Now, bear in mind, this was a three-story house, and large, too. Family members who had stopped by many, many times stopped by after it had been painted -- and said nothing. In fact, never said anything, not then, not never. To this day, I wonder: Is it possible that they never actually "saw" the house at all?

"If someone taught you it was wrong to compliment people for making a nice home, then they taught you wrong."

No, they taught you differently. This is not an issue with an absolute right or an an absolute wrong answer.

"I"t is all part of showing appreciation and an effort to be nice by making someone else feel good. I wish more people were kinder to each other and less worried about being correct based on archaic notions of 'breeding'. There are many things like equal rights and civil rights that we know better now than 50 years ago."

I don't necessarily disagree with you in principle and in fact I frequently compliment people. I think people who have made an effort want that effort acknowledged. If one of the artists whom I know has done a piece that I don't care for, I still will make some comment about how much time it must have taken, or how quickly I think it will sell, or how much I like a particular color...or something, anything.

However, I don't agree that the specific issue we're discussing is "archaic." It isn't a matter of knowing "better." That implies that this is one of those value judgments with a heierarchy of good, better, best set in stone or something. Nor does it necessarily have to do with "breeding," although it might. Reread some of the comments here, and you'll see that it might have to do with region of country, background of one's parents, etc.

I have a cousin who lives in a fabulous house with all the right antiques and pieces that Martha Stewart would be proud of. She's always trying to keep up with her sister who lives in a palace on the same compound. Both houses are equally beautiful, but the palace is larger and has more collections than Atlanta.

The queen of the palace always compliments me on my decorating when she comes over. However, the pawn walks through and never says too much at all, ever. Just nods her head, like she's grading me.

I've always thought the pawn was jealous of me in every aspect of my life. So, I really don't invite her over anymore.

If your happy with your home and decorating that's all that counts. But, geez, it wouldn't hurt people to say something.

....Jane

"Reread some of the comments here, and you'll see that it might have to do with region of country, background of one's parents, etc. "

I think lynxe is right. My DH (very middle class upbringing) went to an elite, northeastern university. Occasionally we go to alumni events where we have the chance to rub elbows with "3 P" types -- prep school, privilege, & pedigree. The events are hosted in beautiful homes in tony neighborhoods. I noticed nobody ever compliments the hostess on her lovely home. Nobody ever says "what a beautiful dress," or "I love your necklace." It's like there's an unwritten code that you do not comment on The Stuff. One should assume that the goods come with the territory and are to be taken for granted, as in "Of COURSE it's beautiful! You weren't expecting Wal-Mart, were you? Duh!"

Once at a reunion party I told a woman how elegant her dress was -- just a quiet comment, not gushing -- and she gave a curt "Thanks" then changed the subject. I was puzzled by her reaction then, but now I suspect it's considered declasse' to point out material things (especially if they're expensive).

As for mclarke's guests, perhaps you can give them a pass. They're older, & I think that older people did take their manners from upper class mores from way back when. Younger people's manners are less formal nowadays.

I can see how it would be considered good manners to ignore others' material possessions. But I really don't see the harm in complimenting a hostess on her charming home...or her dress, for that matter.

If it had been considered impolite to acknowledge "things" or some sort of breach of etiquette regarding it being impolite or even crass to compliment, then why would they bother to proudly show the improvements they had done?? So this must not be the case. Sorry I usually have some sort of benefit of the doubt type of response.. Hence the nickname from old friends "pollyanna". But I have to say a little of the greeneyed monster showed. They were likely feeling a little jealous.

If they took the time to show you this and that and you responded kindly and gave them props, this behavior was TOTALLY motivated by envy. Not etiquette or some notion that a compliment might be rude. It was not rude for them to show you their decor was it? Maybe they were of the belief they had the the better home or taste and it turned out not to be the case. Especially since the lady responded in a rude manner by not even acknowledging the poster. That shows an obvious lack of graciousness. You may have unknowingly upstaged them. Tough noogies. Sorry, I think they were jealous. Too bad too for that age, you would think by then the life lessons of people and kindness being more important than being best would have sunk in by now. That type of behavior is in no way exhibiting any sort of manners or display of higher class.

Maybe they did not like what they saw! LOL, I don't expect folks to comment on the decor of my place...ever. Even if it was razed and redone completely from scratch. I don't have folks over for that. And now the additional comments of things like "After "proudly showing off" in their home, they came to the OPs and talked mostly about themselves...." are tossing the lovely neighbors under the bus. Sheesh, I would just move!

Sasafras, the original post stated the neighbors had proudly shown their improvements. That wasnt meant to be an embelishment on my part. Merely to point out, they are not opposed to showing their home and improvements as the original post stated. Hence, it wouldnt be declasse or some breach of etiquete to have said something kind about her home in return. A guest/neighbor who doesnt even turn her head to take notice of what her husband and host are looking at? Surely if they didnt like her taste they could have made some kind remark about something! The op did for them. If they were so opposed to compliments, they should not have pointed out their own improvements so the op could comment. Maybe their memory failed them and they forgot they received compliments and that perhaps compliments were in order in turn? That seems to be stretching it a little. I just dont see how its acceptable to open yourself to compliments by showing your own improvements (which is common behavior when most people show and discuss their improvements) and then not reciprocate when invited to that acquaintances home. They may be fine for neighbors, not sure if I would go right to "lovely" as well.

I can echo the cultural differences, having also been raised German. In Germany -- and German American families -- you never comment on belongings. Not surprising for a cultural habitus in which to ask what someone does as a profession is considered quite offensive. I've known a few German folks for years and still don't know what they do...

But! I can relate to the OP's question in a certain way. We had some new acquaintances over a few years ago for the first and last time -- oh, they were dreadful in lots of ways, their first words were "How nice to be invited for dinner! Most of our friends don't have us over because they're intimidated by what gourmands we are." But what struck us most, talking about the evening afterwards, was their utter lack of interest in us, which seemed to be exemplified by their utter lack of interest in our house or any of our belongings.

I never expect folks to comment on the state of the decor, but I am always ready to answer questions about the content of that decor: books, posters, artwork, etc. It reflects us as lively human beings with distinct personalities and interests. If you've been invited to someone's house, it's almost always for the reason of making closer acquaintance with them, and as such it does seem odd to me to display zero curiosity about the things you encounter there. A simple "Wow! Is that a real penis gourd/geisha fan/stuffed opossum hanging on your wall?" would suffice to demonstrate that you have a pulse.

Playing devil's advocate, it's always possible that some people don't reflect their identities via their house and belongings, and thus are immune to the above interactions, although I'm not sure I personally know anyone who fits that description.

Let us not forget that this is a DECORATING BOARD. The posters here have a bias towards decorating. Not everyone does! All this assuming and assigning of motives is done from that perspective only. It's a real hoot!

Well, coming from a "guid" (good) Scots family -- I was taught to say something polite and nice about someone's home, garden etc.

As for my home -- I've had my share of "interesting" comments:

-"Wow, this place is so clean -- you must clean all of the time!"
-"Do you actually READ all of those books?"
-"You must go shopping ALL of the time -- I have more important things to do!"
-"Of COURSE YOUR house would be clean -- YOU have NO children!"
-"How can you stand to live with all of those OLD things?"

......And thats why I spend LOTS of time on THIS forum!!

:)

The joke is on them, Circus.

The connotation of gourmand is a glutton; "excessively fond of eating and drinking".

People always assume its a fancier word for gourmet. Not so.

"-"How can you stand to live with all of those OLD things?"

When did my mother visit your house, Jan? Just ignore her! :P

Q: "How can you stand to live with all of those OLD things?"

A: "Oh, don't you like them? I figured they would remind you of your younger days."

"A simple "Wow! Is that a real penis gourd/geisha fan/stuffed opossum hanging on your wall?" would suffice to demonstrate that you have a pulse. "

Hahahahaha!

Definitely one of the more eye-opening threads. Thank you, McClarke.

I just realized some people I assumed "if you can't say anything nice..." might just have had something nice to say after all. Maybe. :)

That's because we came to Georgia from California, where a pleasant comment on something that appeals is standard. When a few of our rural Bible-belt neighbors visited our new house without comment, I assumed it was just too different from their tastes, whereas newcomers to the area, like us, were free with friendly compliments.

As for proper manners, I also feel Dianiolo has said it well. In an era when people move and travel frequently and lack familiarity with local, insular customs, being gracious seems to require recognizing this reality and adopting more cosmopolitan manners and expectations.

That kind of change will obviously take a lot more time, though, so I genuinely appreciate learning that my use of the word home would be off-putting in some societies. House is such a sterile word in comparison, but it's a simple adjustment to make and I will do it. Right now in case it's out of place here (nobody would ever tell me, of course, bless my heart).

I don't promise not to admire the view or lovely paneling, however, preferring to take my chances of pleasing by giving rather than than of avoiding offence by withholding.

It's kind of bugging me that the consensus is that at the Very Least people who don't comment on the physical decor either have a stick up their @ss or were raised in some kind of archaic manner, and at the worst are self absorbed or jealous.

The way that some people were raised or what culture they are from has absolutely nothing to do with having some kind of constipation of social graces.

Although I don't make random comments about decor, its not like I Never make them, and I always thank hosts for their hospitality, always at the end of the evening, and sometimes by follow up call, email or card. I don't know why people have the idea that "thank you for a great dinner" is insufficient if not accompanied by a ROTE (since it Must be Made to Everyone, apparently) comment about the decor. A compliment that Must be given to meet a Social convention is hardly a compliment. It's like saying Dear Sir at the beginning of a letter. If it is a Convention, it no longer has real intent behind it.

Although I would never call someone else's house a "home" I may say that I was made to feel "at home" during my stay.
(I don't know, I don't even like to say Homeowner's Insurance. I kept saying to my agent that I needed insurance for my new house.)

Where I grew up there were some huge discrepancies in income and socioeconomic class, but oddly there were people with factory jobs who lived like poor people but who had income in the same bracket as the emergency room physician.
It was a very small town and we all went to the same schools and places, there was not any kind of infrastructure that was supported by the class differences, so people were always very touchy about commenting on people's belongings.

In a completely different vein but along the same lines was the display of school pictures. Where I grew up, (and within my extended family though, as well) school portraits were absolutely not hung on the wall in the front hall or the living room where people entertained. In the lower classes it was because they did not want to seem overly proud because someone graduated from HS or college. In the upper classes it was because of course you would graduate from HS and College, and you didn't need to display it. Pictures might be in the LR, but displayed on a table and not facing the door. More likely they were in the TV room, or even the parents' bedroom.

But the value judgement on all of these things, in my book is neutral, it is neither good nor bad it is just different.

That's because we came to Georgia from California, where a pleasant comment on something that appeals is standard. When a few of our rural Bible-belt neighbors visited our new house without comment, I assumed it was just too different from their tastes, whereas newcomers to the area, like us, were free with friendly compliments.

I have lived in Georgia and Alabama all my life, sometimes in rural areas. Pleasant, friendly compliments are standard every place I've lived. The compliments may be about someone's garden, the big buck deer head hanging on the wall in the den, or the host's grandmother's beautiful china. Or particularly the compliments may be about the food. But every southern person I've ever had here as a guest has complimented something. If your southern guests did not compliment anything, then I would be very surprised to hear that.

If my southern friends and relatives visited a home and didn't think it was decorated attractively, some of them would lie through their teeth and compliment the decor, some of them wouldn't. But all of them would compliment something, unless there was something seriously amiss.

I will say that many of my relatives would be more interested in whether or not you were growing something cool like a black rose or a strangely shaped gourd, raising chickens that lay colored eggs, etc. than in your new house. But they would still find something to compliment about your family, your dog, etc.

I have lived in SC my whole life, Daisy, and it's the same way here too.

But just like ALL OTHER PLACES, we have the rude, the kind, the welcoming and the unobservant.

It seems to me, Rosie, that you have a prejudice against what you consider to be the "bible belt" and how you think (subconsciously perhaps) they should behave- and they responded exactly the way you thought they would.
It's not a stereotype, it's a prejudice.

Where I grew up lying just to give someone a compliment was considered being a phony.

It is, of course, but one can always say something nice, like what a comfortable home you have! Or, don't you just love living near a park?

Kind people will find something.

Uhoh, where'd you get that, Bumblebeez, from my hope that some of our friends were just being reserved? Two of the couples I'm thinking of are actually good friends we see a lot of now. My Bible Belt reference was to the fact that they are much less possession-oriented than back in California. Even prosperous farmers here tend to be restrained in their spending and averse to displays of affluence, except what's inherited. Town folk tend to be more trendy, but still not as happily indulgent as where we came from.

And sure, there have been nice comments, but I was really thinking of my kitchen. Most of us like to cook, or at least do a good deal of it, and it was a lack of compliments there that I noticed because, although it's (fittingly :) short on luxuries and extras, it's very light and sunny and has a lot of work room--my own big priorities. Sadly, my hope's been extremely short-lived. Oh, well.

palimpsest is right on with this comment - "Where I grew up lying just to give someone a compliment was considered being a phony."

From my seat, I don't talk about folks that paid me a visit or ask a bunch of social network decorating forum folks what their problem might have been since they failed to pat my back while they were in my home. Ugh! Makes me wonder more about the poster than the uncomplimentary neighbors to be sure.

I do realize this is a forum section for decorating, but I saw the discussion more of commenting on the neighbors lack of complimentary statement when the visited the OP. I found it incredibly distasteful no matter how fine the decor!

Why isn't "Thank you for a lovely time" enough? I don't understand this mindset that demands-expects-wishes for an insincere compliment on the decor, or thinks it odd not to receive one. Do you really feel better if you receive one? Do you need the validation from others?

I'm glad that's not the case, Rosie, for you, but I still see plenty of affluence all around me, Cashiers, Buckhead, the lake homes in the county I live.

I am uber sensitive to ridicule about the South; from locals expected to be a mixture of Deliverance, Jimmy Swaggert and Paula Dean to general scorn of any bible believin' people.

These caricatures are propagated on tv all the time but I don't any real people like that.

"they failed to pat my back while they were in my home.
Ugh! Makes me wonder more about the poster than the uncomplimentary neighbors to be sure. I do realize this is a forum section for decorating, but I saw the discussion more of commenting on the neighbors lack of complimentary statement when the visited the OP. I found it incredibly distasteful no matter how fine the decor!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Is it neccessary to be rude to fellow posters? I thought this was a place where we could turn to members for advice, sympathy, guidance and conversation without being judged for our questions.

Interesting topic � I always make a positive comment when I visit someone's house for the first time especially if I don't know them well. To close friends I only comment on something new. I recently was on the receiving end of no comment from a childhood friend I haven't seen in 40 years. I was glad�I felt she was focussed on me and not my stuff.

I don't mean any disrespect towards the OP (or her guests) with my comments, but I've followed this thread as it has progressed and have given it some thought the last few days. I keep coming back to the same thinking, that if you're furnishing and decorating with the opinion of others in mind, then you likely expect anyone you invite in to comment on your abode (as it seems that's who you were doing it for to begin with) and likely to be somewhat confused when no opinion is forthcoming.

As to the guests having shown the OP items they had bought/installed/etc., perhaps it was the OP who appeared curious and the guests were being polite by showing her the new floor/cabinets/whatsis.

Definitely an interesting topic. Bumping notions or not, I've learned some things worth knowing here.

Bumblebeez and Daisy, we moved, knowing there's a great deal to like and respect here, to be close to our son and our Southern daughter-in-law. Certainly, the famed graciousness and generosity are very real. Which reminds me, we're supposed to pick up a pile of greens from some of the people our road is named for.

to be honest, I would have never even notice if they wouldn't have complimented. I think it is really sweet when someone does but not expected nor would I have ever even thought about it. So I don't really find it odd. I decorate for myself and my family and if people like it great and if not...
My goal with any company I have is that they feel welcomed and at home in my home

Chiming in on just a few things, then I'll go read more of the topic. Which is a fascinating read!

Pal, why won't you say "home?" Where we live *is* our home.

I have two theories. One is it's just good manners to say something complimentary on the home if it's your first time to visit. I don't care if a person lies through their teeth or not.

Secondly, we are a unique group because we hang out with each other daily and dish about home decorating. We think about it constantly when our mind's aren't on anything else, we come here to discuss. So in the real world, decorating is probably the first thing we think about when going to someone else's home. We can't avoid it because the decorating is there, in our faces!

Still, it just boils down to good manners. Plain and simple.

Pal, I wanted to add, some people are very jealous of other's home decorating. I've witnessed it myself and it's always from the same person.

What makes me clam up is when I go into a home where they are about 10 social classes above me. I'm literally awestruck and have no clue what to say about their furniture, home, decorating....everything. I mean really, what does one say? You have a nice house? lol

Oakley:

My home vs. my house has a psychological component to it.

I live in a house. I "go home", at the end of the day. If I ask someone to "come back to the house" it has a completely different meaning than "come home with me."

Your house is your home, but it is not mine, so I refer to it as your house. When I have guests, they are in my house. I may try to make them "feel at home." or comfortable, but I do have guests that are invited to the house on a much different level than others. I would not want most people I work with, for example, to feel "at home" in my house.

I never said it was simple:)

Re: the jealousy. As I said upthread: YES, some people will not make comments because they are jealous of something you have, too self absorbed to notice, or have some kind of stick up their @ss. But NO, NOT EVERYONE who fails to make some superficial compliment about how "lovely" your decor is is motivated by ANY of the negative things, necessarily.

What I usually say when I go to someone's house is "Thank you for INVITING ME, it was very NICE of you to DO SO" or "DINNER WAS DELICIOUS, THANK YOU." Referencing what they DID to make ME feel WELCOME. I do Not and Expect many Do Not Live in a certain type of house to please anyone but Myself, and I don't necessarily think people need to be Complimented for Providing for their Own Comfort.

I am not yelling just emphasizing my own feelings since people don't seem to be able to grasp that I can be polite without fawning over your bedspread.

Palimpsest - I completely agree about the use of the word "home". "You have a lovely home" sounds so phony and awkward to me. A police detective (investigating a family member's death years ago) complimented my house upon entering it and that struck me as very, very odd. I wondered if he said that about every house he entered? Even murder scenes? "Wow I just love how those pillows pick up the gold in that rug!! Now where did you find the body?"

I do not expect anyone to comment on my decor (And they don't LOL). I do not usually comment on the houses of acquaintances. I will comment on something very obvious when visiting those with whom I am friendly.

But I think many people are thinking about family and close neighbors, with whom it is normal (in most circles) to discuss home improvements. The OP's neighbors sound very much like mine. They practically frog-march me to their house where I am expected to ooh and aah over their latest and greatest and yet when they come to my house they simply stare at things and it is a very weird feeling. It does not hurt my feelings in any way, it just makes me wonder. As the OP wondered about her neighbors. That's all their is to it. Not "distasteful". No need for nastiness.

Interesting comments, and insights. I thought also about the point made that this is a group of TKO or can we say for this forum.. HDO..and that people like us will have certain views on such behaviors. I admit I may be a little predjudice with a subject like this. My friends have interesting and varied tastes some opposite to my own, I still can admire their choices and compliment them, it is no way considered crass to do this in my circles. They gave a tour and with that comes some commentary in turn, which they accepted. Its so obvious they are fine accepting compliments, or they wouldnt have given a tour of their own upgrades. Try as one can to make them sound as perhaps from a generation or class that doesnt stoop to such levels doesnt work for me. Asking how much did it cost is nothing like saying, I like your choices. One is rude and nosy another is general graciousness.

I still think if it was acceptable in the neighbors minds, that they show MClarke around and she gives compliments on their work, compliments must be an acceptable notion to them. It just seems wholly one sided. Furthermore, I see no reason an elderly woman would not turn to see an item so noticed by her husband that the item was taken off the wall for closer examination. She was probably annoyed that so much fuss was made of your poster. Sounds actually immature. And after that effort of removing the item from the wall, neither made any comment in any positive way. THAT is downright rudeness. I personally dont find anything in their behavior that directs me to feel they were so polished in their manners or that they were so highly finished they were above giving something so declasse as a compliment. MClarke probably doesnt want to come across as stating it or bragging, it but it sounds like maybe she upstaged them with her decor, and they didnt expect it or like it. In either case I find her behavior in excellent and gracious taste and the neighbors in poor taste.
This also isnt a case of fishing for compliments when everyone comes in the door, Im sure we arent that far gone here in this decorating blog. Its a case of them showing her around at their own emhancements and she was gracious, then they were not in return.

I always compliment someone on their home whether I 'like' their decor or not. My sil has completely different taste than me but when she has done a home project, I know alot of work and thought has gone into it. Its so easy to just say, "wow, that is so pretty, you did a great job!". Its not phony or condescending to appreciate the effort someone has made. Its very easy to ooh and aah over someone's gorgeous house, but everyone appreciates guests who can appreciate the care and thought that has made their house a home. I, too, find it odd when we have a guest over that says nothing. I have a relative that has visited 2 of our homes and has never once uttered a word like "nice house" or anything, yet when you visit her house (very modest, but pretty and warm) she can spend hours telling you about every little thing she has done. I always compliment her and I mean it.I guess it all comes down to good manners which seem to be more rare everyday.

I don't believe in insincere compliments (I'm not a good actress anyway). But if you try you can usually find an honest compliment.

LOL

Here is a link that might be useful: now these are good guests!

Rosie, I'm glad you find us gracious and hospitable, and I hope you enjoy living here in Georgia. As Bumblebeez said, we do have our fair share of rude jerks. And I'm so impressed that you like greens! None of the non-southern friends and neighbors we have over on New Year's Day like collard greens. They like our other food, but not our greens. I don't think I would like them, either, if I hadn't been raised on them. Enjoy your greens!