NO YOU ARE NOT NUTS!! This is a people visit to sit and enjoy not one to be worried about some unruly beast destroying the house .Don't give it another thought.It's your house ---you set the rules.

I agree.. you are not nuts! We have a friend that used to bring her big obnoxios dog with her until I said something.

We were having dinner one night and I had fixed mashed potatoes with our dinner and when started cleaning up she brought the bowl of potatoes in the kitchen and starting flinging them all over my kitchen and her dog was licking it up. I almost lost it! Then after she had flipped potatoes all over my kitchen she set my good bowl on the floor and let her dog clean it up. Needless to say after this and a weekend of other things like this I asked that when she visits she please kennel her dog. At first I don't think she was too thrilled but hasn't brought her "guest" with her since and our visits are a lot more relaxed and enjoyable because I'm not worried about what mess her dog is making.

I would rather lose the visitors for good than let that dog come into my home. I guess you need to get back to them and ask whether the dog will be boarded near them, or do they need the phone number of a place close to you to board it. If that doesn't work, call back again with the lamest excuse ever as to why they can't come visit after all. Maybe then they will get the message

Tell them to bring a crate.

You know, I never met a dog I didnt like, However I did have some very close friends that had unruly kids. It was very hard to tell them that if they could not control their kids to follow MY house rules they would no longer be welcome unless they had a babysitter and left the kids at home. Could their dog be left out on chain at you home for most of the day? If I could have done that with the kids I would have! LOL (dont bash me, just kidding) I can understand not wanting to leave your dog for a weekend and also not wanting to kennel it. I also know bringing an unwelcome visitor can cause friction between friends. I would be very honest with them and tell them you really don't feel you can enjoy their visit if they bring the dog and that it would be such a shame because you really would like to spend time with them.

You're not out of line at all as you have an older pet whose comfort is worth respecting. Also based upon what you've witnessed of the other dog's behavior. It's a big assumption to bring a pet along for a stay in anyone's home.

I would never assume I can take my pup anywhere -even for a quick visit- without an invitation for him to come along. Even to my mother's home, who *loves* my dog like a grandson. He is an excellent house guest, but some of my friend's pets do not enjoy his intensity (he's a Border Collie) or high speed games and I respect that.

I think Lisa's parallel example with kids is a good one. You have to trend carefully when it comes to critiquing other people's pets behavior. You don't want to tell your friends their kids are out of control and it can be much the same with pets!

My husband and I often declare weekends get aways or camping trips with friends as 'adults only' meaning no kids or pets. Nothing against anyones kids or dogs, but catching up is much easier without the 'little ones' sometimes. :)

I think it is incredibly rude for someone to tell a host that they are bringing an uninvited guest, human or otherwise. There is no need to make excuses. You invited your friends and not their dog, period. I would not make excuses that depend on your older dog, because once she passes on your friends will assume that it is OK to bring their dog. Tell them the truth- you do not allow dogs on furniture and know their dog is allowed, plus he is too active indoors for your household. It gives your friends an opportunity to train the dog, which may eventually make him a suitable houseguest.

I've been on the giving and receiving end of that conversation (I asked my host if I could bring the dogs because having 4 large ones is quite an imposition), and it does not damage any relationship worth keeping if the dogs are not allowed.

I agree the posts above, especially meghane's. The courteous thing would have been for your guests to ask you if it would be an imposition to bring their pet. I'd be hesitant about the crate unless the dog is crate trained. He could set to howling and then what would you do? Just let them know as firmly but courteously as possible that you are not currently able to host their dog. I'm a big fan of Judith Martin ("Miss Manners"). She says that when you say no to something like this, you are not obligated to explain your reasons. People don't always want to hear them, and those that do can then argue with you about whether the reasons are valid. She says first to say "no", and if that isn't accepted, to follow up with "I'm so sorry, I couldn't possibly!" Sorry you're stuck in an awkward situation.

I have learned a very valuable word over the years that I use when ever I need to. That word is NO. It is a very fulfilling word, worthy of a nice glass of wine after you use it.

If there is a follow up question to your using it, simply state that you love all dogs, but the type of behavior the guest allows with their dog, is just not accepted in your house. Plus, you are very concerned about the situation of your old dog. Putting it in this type of situation is not proper, there could be a fight between the two, then how would you feel?

If they don't like it, that's tough.

SG

I agree with everyone , you must stand your ground or you will be miserable the entire visit which will defeat the purpose of you getting together with them in the first place. If they are good people , they should understand.
I have a question which is on the other side of this-
We have two 5 month old pups- it is a long way off but we always go to my Sister's house for the 4th of July and I am thinking ahead on this so bear with me. We go early in the morning to her house (which is about 10 minutes away from our house) - we stay all day and watch fireworks in the evening. Would it be rude to ask if we could bring the pups which will be 8 months old by then? They are large mixed breed pups but we would not expect them to be in her house at all. She does not have any pets. I was talking to my husband and we thought maybe we could take their wire crate and keep them in her large back yard under a tree in the shade for the day except for walks and feeding and a little play time. We could run home and take them out but that would be a hassle to do when they could be right there with us. I want to do the right thing and not impose but on the other hand I don't want to leave the babies home all day alone since they are not used to that with me home with them all the time. What is the proper thing to do? Of course I would ask first and give her the opportunity to just say "no" and I would respect that.But is it rude to even ask?

Jules- I think it is always acceptable to ASK your host if it is OK to bring extra guests, and to make it clear that saying no is understandable and that you'd respect their decision.

OTOH, fireworks are not a dog's friend. We made that mistake once with our first 2 dogs, Kang (Rottie) and Aleks (Husky). Kang literally ran my husband full-speed 5 miles back to the car, and trust me, my husband does NOT run, especially not 5 miles! The poor dog was so scared he jumped into the car and tried to hide under the seat. Not an easy task for a 100+ pound Rottie. Aleks jumped onto my lap and buried his head under my armpit. It was not at all fun for either dog or us. Honestly it doesn't sound like much fun for the dogs to be crated while everyone else is having fun in the back yard either.

I also would have to warn you that I have seen a lot of heat stroke in dogs that are in similar situations. The dogs can see you but not get to you, and they get very worked up. Even in the shade, July 4th can be very hot and humid. Dogs can't sweat and need to blow off heat by evaporative cooling, so the air has to be both cooler and drier than their breath. Most of the time it is cooler, but in July it may not be drier, and evaporation doesn't work in that situation. Between being worked up and the humidity coupled with not a lot of temperature difference between doggie body and the air, they can get into trouble rather quickly. Instead of crating them, I'd suggest tethering them to you. I've done that with my dogs and it works much better. Then put them inside before fireworks start.

simple, inform them that IF they bring the dog it will not be allowed inside. you MUST make yourself clear to them. you DONOT want them to bring the dog. if you try to be subtle about it, they will not take the hint. i would flat out tell them you have hardwood floors and unless they are willing to pay for them to be refinished then they should make other plans.

BTW, my dog goes pretty much evrywhere with me. he is laying here next to me at work right now. but if i am going to a friends i know if he can come or not before i head over. if i have no choice but to take him then i tie him up outside when we get there if they do not allow dogs inside. my wife's grandparents are like this, so every time we go there we take a leader and tie him to the truck. give him room to exercise yet keeps him safe.

Jules, I would NOT take your babies to a 4th of July party. My dogs are scared to death even if they are safe in their own house. The other guest may want to lite fire crackers or other noisy things and feel they cant because of the dogs.( Not that fire crackers are a good thing). I never go anywhere on the 4th so I can be home comforting my babies.

I think I will take that great advice. We will just run home several times throughout the day and take them out and play. We will not stay for the fireworks this year although we have had this tradition for going on 20 years. Our kids will be frightened I am sure since they get nervous with the neighbor kids just playing basketball out in front of our house sometimes. Thank you Meghane and Lisa for taking time out of your busy day to respond to my question your informational responses help a lot. We are new pup parents and want the best for our babies. I have learned so much from reading this forum and asking various questions. Everyone is so helpful and insightful. As a result- we have managed to teach our little ones to stay out of our kitchen, they are now eating "good" dog food (Innova)and are working on some other small issues. The education from experienced pet parents is invaluable. I look forward in the months and years to come to learn a lot more ways to raise happy, healthy and well behaved dogs.Please, please keep the awesome advice and information coming and I hope someday to be able to give back to others the knowledge that I have aquired here. Thank you again- Jules

Jules.....a child is a life changing thing and of course the dogs are kids! You can snuggel on the couch and watch the fireworks on tv. Thanks for listening to the voices of experience!

The only place we bring our dog is when we visit my in-laws, but they live 2+ hours away, so even visiting for the day would mean WAY too much time for our dog to be left in our house. BUT, our dog is extremely well-mannered and not a shedder, so neither his parents nor his sister minds that our dog comes along-- in fact, his sister and her family enjoy it because it's a chance for their own dog to have a "puppy play date."

If we were visiting friends more locally, we leave her at home and plan our day accordingly. However, if there were a situation where our dog wouldn't be welcomed and leaving her at home wouldn't be feasible, we probably wouldn't go... kenneling is a last-resort-emergency option for us, and we'd rather not subject our dog to that kind of stress.

With that being said, the only dogs I WON'T allow in our house are males who have a tendency to "mark territory" (happened once-- never again!)... but we have a VERY large crate that we keep on-hand, so if our guests' pooches need to be in it, they can be put in it. Problem solved.

Like others have said, it can't hurt to ask first re: whether or not your dog is welcome for a visit. But the reverse is true-- if you (the homeowner) are asked if it's OK and you fail to assert yourself, then your annoyance at the unwanted houseguest is no one's fault but your own.

I agree you should make the rules. At least these are friends and not parents lol. My mother and stepdad have unruly dogs too. They bring them over and let them do whatever they want. I have asked her not to do it in a nice way, but she does it anyhow. Our lab is well trained and mostly stays outdoor unless it is too hot or cold and she never jumps on furniture etc.
Last time they came to visit, they brought 3 of thier big dogs (they have more) and let them straight into my house where they jumped on the new couch (if these were small dogs it wouldn't be a problem but they are huge) then one started to chew on the table leg, then later proceeded to pee on the kitchen floor! arrgh!
My mom put them into the carport at night and we live in a quiet nieghborhood. One dog howled all night and then someone called the animal control! Luckily it all worked out okay but my mom always does this and I can't tell her anything LOL!

I don't understand why some people feel that they must take their dogs everywhere they go. Some places are just not appropriate for animals, period. I don't take my cat to the hardware store, a restaurant, the grocery store, doctor's office, etc. and she would be too well-bred to go even if I invited her.

Put your foot down- it is your home and this person is your guest.
My in-laws dropped in one day with their dog- it was a disaster- she got in wet paint, used the bathroom in the house, and snapped at DS. The dog has not been back since.

My parents had out of town guests recently and without asking they brought their lab to stay in the house. My parents(do not have indoor dogs) just purchased new furniture and put new flooring in the house- neither were dog friendly. The dog was not obedient, heavy shedding, and smelled foul. After about an hour of mom being flustered they asked the guest to put the dog out in the garage and the guests were offended and ended up leaving.
I think it is rude to just expect people to open their homes to pets without their permission.

Of course it depends on the dog, the owners and the hosts. I have a friend whose dogs are very poorly behaved; she knows it and would never impose them on anyone. Well mannered dogs are not a problem to me. But I like dogs and their fur, for a day, doesn't bother me.

Denise54,
You might want to reply with a question of whether they want you to book the kennel where their dog will play with other dogs during the day, or the one where the dog just stays in its own run all the time! Miss Manners has a great trick of simply acting confused when someone assumes they could do something as outrageous as bringing an uninvited dog guest. She always finds a solution that suits her and "assumes" that this is what the outrageous person has in mind all along. Since the alternative explanation (she expects the dog to stay with you) is too rude to be true, the guest "can't possibly" be thinking of doing it!