Quick update for the newer poster here: we have tried to deal with this problem when skids were younger because they were neglected then just as the babies are now, but to no avail. We involved CPS but they didn't see a problem and we also went back to court but the court counselor did nothing with the provided information (all documentation we had gathered over the years). Instead they interviewed the skids, which was age appropriate, but they did not realise that the skids were instructed on what to say by BM. Even though FDH did try and make it clear that the skids were pressured into saying what BM wanted them to say, they didn't want to know about it.

I guess BM knows how to walk a fine line, the skids miss a lot of school, but just not enough that the school or the education dept want to do something about it. The skids don't get a home cooked meal all that often (just fan for themselves) but that no one sees. BM drinks all night then sleeps all day, nobody knows any different. What goes on behind closed doors, no one knows.. Even FDH and I don't know half of it, because everything's a secret.. sad sad sad :-(

Secrets are the worst... most of our issues with SD started because of the secrets... BM would make everything a secret so the kids had to hold all those secrets.

as far as the drinking just be a "good role model" ... I do not drink BM was never a drunk but she did drink alot ... if that makes sense ... she would tell the kids they make her drink etc.

We have fun with out drinking ... you don't need to drink to have fun and be social ...

they will get sick of watching their siblings eventually if not they will just not bother when they get older.

if she gets drunk daily while kids are at home, dad can file for full custody.

I'm pretty sure she drinks every night, but I don't know if she gets drunk every night. She gets drunk at least a couple of nights a week, I know that much.

He should get custody, I agree, but he didn't. We are not sure we should try again. We were in court in 2008 and we could not prove the alcohol-problem BM has, our documentation was disregarded and FDH even got portrayed like he was nitpicking by the court counselor. It was disheartening to see him try so hard and get a kick up the bum for it.

Yesterday I had an unexpected talk with SD13. She mentioned something about the drinking (coincedence!) and I thought I'd take JNM's advice and be honest about what's going on. So I told SD I was disappointed to hear so many stories about the drinking again and that I had hoped BM wouldn't go back into the habit after she had the babies. SD13 agreed with that, grabbed a seat and started talking. Basically sharing her experiences and unloading all the cr*p. I'm so happy (for lack of better word) that she was sharing with me :-)
I felt encouraged to also ask her if she felt guilty for coming to our place and if it's hard to get away. She did say that it is, and I then told her that she doesn't have to feel guilty. She's not doing anything wrong by looking after herself. Helping out with the babies when she is with BM is normal, but having to look after them when BM drinks is not ok.

Yabber,

So sorry for you and your family about BM. That seems really good though that SD is talking to you about it. Maybe after the holidays, you could try talking to her a bit more and see if she would corroborate what you and DH feel about BM to child protective services. Is there anyone else who would take the younger children if BM did have them removed?