Adult SKs - How long do we have to store their stuff? WWYD
mom23step23
14 years ago
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finedreams
14 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
How & where do you store your garden stuff?
Comments (10)I have peg boards and nails in the garage walls for gardening tools and other hardware. There is also a small workshop on the back of the garage which is now garden/lawn storage. One year I went to a garage sale in the neighborhood and bought two small dressers to put in my garage for garden storage. Gloves, small tools, yarn, hose connectors, bags, etc. go in those. The tools I use every day, trowel, and hand weeder, go in the bottom of a pail by the back door. Like gmjan, I have multiples that I don't often use but might. My favorites go in the pail so I don't have to dig through the drawer. I like the idea of a place to hang them so will consider that. We used to move every 6-8 years but have been here 13 years and "stuff" has increased exponentially. Need to do a good sorting and culling....See More? for lilysuzanne40 regarding adult SKs
Comments (10)Hi sunnygardener, Sorry it's taken me a while to find this, but I've been hard at work the last couple of days. I think this problem may be a combination of things: 1) When people are nervous, they tend to talk a lot to fill the silence. I know I was uncomfortable with my stepmother for a long time and would search for things to talk about. Obviously, these kids spend a lot of time with their mother, so she's going to figure in their conversation. Add to that their nervousness and awkwardness about being around you and you have the uncomfortable situation you described. 2) They may be looking for common ground with their dad and the connection with mom is the only way they can find that. There are a lot of memories tied up with parents. When the family dynamic changes, it's difficult to change with it. Pointing out the comments to your stepkids might just make them feel more uncomfortable and widen the distance between you. When my stepmother first came on the scene, she made a big deal about how she was absolutely OK with us talking about Mom (who was deceased) and that we shouldn't feel the need not to bring her up. Two years later, she threw a fit and said she was "sick of hearing about your saint of a mother." After that, I felt very inhibited about talking to her because I was always editing, in my mind, whatever I said before I said to make sure there was nothing in there remotely connected to my mother. Now to my advice: This is going to sound a little crude, but you'll get my point. When one of the kids brings up a comment about their mother, why don't you treat it as you would when someone passes gas in a social situation. The polite thing to do is to ignore it. I'd do the same with the comments. Respond quickly and change the subject to something else. If the kids are bringing up the subject to make you uncomfortable, the lack of response should remove the motivation for doing it. If they are doing it because they are nervous and don't know what else to say, your change of subject will eventually sink in and will give them a gentle cue to change the subject again. Good luck....See MoreHelp with adult SKs and DH
Comments (14)Sm, I don't think I have contact info up due to privacy issues with ssks however I'll check for yours on the GW site. Sadly I don't have much to offer advice wise. The end result for me was to leave and when dh figured out I was really leaving he got us a condo to use from one of his friends til our fixer upper home was complete. That house has not been touched in almost 6 months. Short of cash, yet he continues to pay the land rental on our house that we left ss in. I hoped by us moving out our marriage might improve and in some ways it has because the constant drama isn't in our faces all the time. But in some ways it hasn't. The topic of ss either purchasing our old home or moving into his own place so we can sell it and DH not pay $400 + monthly for a home we don't live in is OFF LIMITS, period. So I have to accept DH will continue his enabling & I do. I will not pay household bills or rent while he continues this, though I do pay for DH's health insurance, groceries,my car pyt & ins and other incidentals along with personal bills. Keeping in mind DH makes 3 x what I make there is still tension and resentment over this he makes little comments but refuses to discuss. What I'm trying to say is you can only decide what you can & are willing to deal with because he is not going to do it your way. It has been an extremely painful process for me and Iam doubtful our marriage will survive it. Now I am leaving soon for the winter, and I cant see a forever future of spending holidays away from my family and my DH because I do not want to be with his kids who have no use or caring for me unless there is something I can do for or give them. Sorry its such a long winded response but I think you need to assess thoroughly what it is you want for YOUR future. It is painful, but you have to look at things with a cold clinical eye I think. Cat...See MoreStep Parents - what rights do we really have???? LONG
Comments (9)There are those who would say that step-parents DON'T have any rights when it comes to the stepkids....not even a right to an OPINION about what should happen with them. They feel that EVERYTHING that concerns the stepkids should be handled by the bio-parents. Another forum I used to belong to was much this way...so I left! But really, there is a pretty big contingent of folks out there who would agree that steps have ZERO rights when it comes to their stepkids. They call step-parents "legal strangers" or something like that...which really never made any sense to me. However, my opinion is that you DO have some rights. You have the right to be respected, for your home/belongings to be treated appropriately, for cooperation (or at least attempted understanding) from your spouse. Now, you have the CHOICE to enforce these things with an iron fist, or you can try to get SS to come to these realizations on his own, or with your help a little more gently. That can make all the difference. Get him excited about a hike. Get some maps, plan the trail. Get a book that shows the local wildlife you might see. Let him pick out the ingredients for some homemade granola, and let him help you make it. Get him a cheap compass for the trip (cheap at Eddie Bauer!). It'll start to become his idea. That's the trick. Not only for stepkids, but for all kids. I find myself trying to come up with creative ways to get things that I want done ALL the time, with both bio and stepkids. Also, help him get excited about the baby. My stepkids were a little "removed" from the pregnancy, also because of the long distance. But when they were here, they went to ultrasounds with us, and helped pick out stuff for the room. They poured over baby name books with me. They were 10 and 13 at the time. They now both have VERY close relationships with their baby sister (who is now 5). None of our kids (his, mine & ours) call each-other "1/2" or "step"...they are just brothers & sisters. So it is do-able, but it takes some work. If you handle this sticky situation the right way, you will be the "cool bonus Mom", instead of the "evil step monster". I have a fantastic relationship with my stepkids. We've had a few little bumps in the road, but nothing we couldn't work through....See Morecatlettuce
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