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s_dee_gw

Step Parents - what rights do we really have???? LONG

s.dee
15 years ago

I am fairly new to being a SM to a young man. He is 11 turning 12, and since the BM left my DH a long time ago and moved to the other side of the country, we only see him for the whole summer and holidays (Christmas, Spring Break etc...)

My issue is this:

Whenever we have my SS with us, DH goes above and beyond to make up for time lost, but not by spending time so much as opposed to buying him anything he wants. I have repeatedly told him that in my opinion, he needs to spend half the amount of money and twice the amount of time, or the child will have a poor concept of money and take all the gifts for granted. P.S. We are NOT rich by any means. Also, if he misbehaves, DH rarely punishes him, or when he does, apologizes and never follows through. He's reasons are because he only has him for X number of days and he does not want his son to feel like every time he is with us he is always in trouble and then will not want to come to see him.

Well, BM made sure that the son doesn't want to spend time with him anymore because she has begun to poison his mind and turn the son against us. Now the only reason he goes to see DH is because he thinks he will get something out of him. BM also is trying to get her CS increased because she says cost of living in CA is so high. ???

We went to BM's house one day to pick up SS and I saw his bedroom. WOW. He had a HUGE plasma TV with every imaginable video game system & games, DVD player, more toys than Toys R Us it was pretty sad, IMO. The BM I guess does the same thing. Oh and most of the DVDs and video games are rated M for mature, with violence and gore, swearing. And I recently found out he has a myspace page and is quite vulgar and "adult" for an 11 year old. I suggested to DH that he needs to step in and tell his son that he needs to delete the account - but BM said "All the kids have the myspace page" and doesn't want my SS to feel left out. I can't press the issue, he isn't my son. I am not afraid to make rules and follow through with them, the child may hate me now but when he grows up he will appreciate the rules and limits I placed on him, but how can I do anything if DH doesn't?

SS has now become a liar, rude, disrespectful, lazy and out of control. I have had a discussion with DH that if we don't step in now we may lose him for good. But is it already too late????? And why try to do anything when 70% of the time he lives with BM who lets him have the run of the house?

Advice?

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