Maybe you do need space from this girl. Does she even want to come to your house to visit anymore? I remember my father saying that there would come a day when my brother and I would be too busy to come spend the weekend with him and I thought he was nuts but that day did come. There just was this time where I wanted to just stay home and not have to deal with everything and all the running. It was when I was a lot older than your SD but kids today are different and seem to grow up and change a lot earlier on.

Another thing to consider is that she may be a little ticked about getting no Christmas presents. Maybe she wanted a stereo and you couldn't afford it and whatever but you should have gotten her something. How would you have felt if your parents were divorced and your father got you nothing for Christmas? My Dad used to live with this woman and her 3 boys for close to 8 years. He would buy them all these wonderful things and my brother and I saw nothing at Christmas time from him. We'd even buy stuff for him and the gf and kids. It cause a lot of resentment and hurt and we grew apart from our father. He's sorry he did it all now.

Honestly I used to feel really sorry for you for having this horrible SD in your life. But lately I read your posts and I wonder why the child acts how she does. Some of the stuff you say about her makes me wonder how she feels about you and the whole situation. I sure wouldn't want to go visit my father if I felt I was so unwanted and I wouldn't go there and be all nice and try to have fun either. Who would be comfortable when they know the people there dislike them so much? Another thing you need to consider is your SD is 12 but her mother still controls a lot of her life. So it's probably not her fault she didnt' get to your house the other night. Have you tried calling them to see what's going on? The phone works both ways and if you're concerned, I would be on it and getting some answers.

She got nothing for christmas because she threw a fit and said if we couldn't buy her the stereo (Her mom bought it) then SHE WANTED NOTHING. Her dad did this, not me, I just backed him up. (Which was very hard to do! I laid a few guilt trips on him, but to no avail) But as he said, She did that to herself. We don't play favorites with the kids as you described. I've let SD walk all over me for 3 yrs, something I don't allow the others to do, so why should I continue to let her? She's mad at us because I laid down the law a few weeks ago.

My SD acts the way she does because she isn't the center of daddy's world. It's been 3 yrs of non stop games, I love you can I call you mom, I hate you I'm not coming here anymore, or I'll only come if it's just me and my dad.....She told me when we had our long talk, that it's not that she doesn't like me she just doesn't like me with her Dad. With me in the picture there's 3 other kids. With me gone it's just her and her dad again. (and a chance for her mom) Get it now??

She would be the center of his world again,as well as her grandparents..... they would go out to eat all the time and go to malls etc. That's all he knew what to do with her prior to me. It's all about money with this kid. Since we've been together we go out to eat as a family, we go to movies as a family, we go to the zoo as a family.....but that's not good enough for her. I"ve told hubby to take her out on his own and have some one on one time, which he has done, but that's not good enough. It got to the point where she would only come if we were doing something fun, which is why we stopped doing that.

We've bent over backwards trying to make her a part of this family, and get it shoved up our a&& every time. I am completely at a loss. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here. The minute I blow at her and want to know why she treats me the way she does, she's decided not to come here anymore again. So again this is my fault?? To keep the peace in the family I"m suppose to let a 12 yr old run our lives while the other kids watch and see her getting away with everything? I think not.

I've never done anything to this kid but love her, and she hates me. What the hell did I do? I fell in love with HER DAD. Why does she hate me so much? Because I have three kids in her dads life and she doesn't like NOT being the center of his world. The only thing that'll make this kid happy is if I take my kids and leave, which is what she wants. She wants her Dad and I to split up so her mom and Dad can get back together and her and her brother can move into my house and they'll all be one big happy family. Well I'm sorry if that's what she wants but her Dad doesn't want her mom, but how the hell do u explain this to a 12 yr old hell bent on making it happen? Or with a psycho ex of 11 yrs who still thinks it'll happen again someday?? Hubby has told her this, he told her why he left and how it made her life better, so she didn't have to grow up with two people that fought all the time. But that isn't going to make sense to her when her idiot mother is telling her how much she still loves her dad and if only I were out of the way....I know what I"m up against and it's not fair to any of the kids, let alone hubby and myself. But how do you handle this? I'm just letting it go.

And I have been calling leaving messages everywhere for Bio mom to call us, so has hubby. He went to her house, her BF house, and her work...no one anywhere. I've sent e-mails....and have gotten no response. I called SD friends house she was supposively at and she hasn't seen SD since school let out....so you tell me what the hell I"m suppose to do???

My husband is crushed that his daughter doesn't want to see him as long as I"m in the picture. I've told him to give in to her if thats what he wants to do....just take her every other weekend and do their own thing, at least then she would still be in HIS life... but that would hurt the other kids as they love my SD, and don't understand why she hasn't come. Which is why he won't give in. He tells her it is all of us or none of us.

hi there.... you know what? If I threw a fit over a what I wanted for xmas my dad would have swated my 12 year old a** into next year and I would have gotten nothing. I would have never pulled this crap with my dad and his new wife when I was her age. My dad would not have allowed it and punishment would be a spanking (remember those way back when?) If her mother didnt bother to show up and has not called you that tells alot about how she is being raised. It sounds like to me that her mom doesnt make her respect you or her dad. She needs some discipline..I am glad she is not my step daughter. When she acted like this she would think she was at a boot camp when she came to my house. I give you credit for not slapping her smart mouth. Something that my parents would have done if I would have said these kind of things..I am not a child of abuse either. Just good old fashioned discipline (hope I spelled that correctly.) Good luck to you. YOu have more patience than I would have

I don't know what's going to happen when we do finally get a hold of them. I feel horrible it's happening at all, but I have no control, and I think that's what irks me the most. And your right teeweeone, If I had acted this way when I was a kid I'd of gotten my a&& beat! (no not abuse...good old fashioned dicipline) There's a difference between dicipline and abuse.....this kid definately needs it. And your right as well, on her mom not teaching her to respect me. Her mom doesn't want that. She wants me gone as well. LOL I'm soo loved. *S*

It's 3:30 in the morning and I have been up all night thinking about this whole situation, and I've come to a conclusion. F&Ck it!! LOL I can't change the way her bio mom feels, which reflects how SD feels and acts towards me, so why bother wasting my energy on them? Someday I can hope SD will grow up (and not be a recreation of her mother) and see me for who I am. See what she has done, and maybe even someday apologize....I can hope can't I? lol

But in the meantime my husband is heartbroken, which is what ticks me off the most. Then my other kids are hurting.....and the baby will never know her if she stops coming around.....it's just not fair, but such is life I suppose. As hubby keeps saying she's done this to herself. I just wish it didn't hurt so damn much.

((Hugs)) to you and your husband. He may be on the right track, though. Between mom and her hormones (which I'm sure are ragging at this point in her development) there is probably no way to win with her right now. All you can do is let her know she is loved, and if she wants to visit she can, and if not, that's ok too. She needs to know if she doesn't want to visit, just say so, don't make excuses, no lying. Hopefully, someday she'll grow out of this. If she choses not to see him at this point, she'll know it is her decision, but the door is always open for her to resume a relationship with him.

Myabe I can give you some insight on SD.

I was that person when I was about 14. Parents had divorced when I was 8. Stepmom came into the picture when I was 10.

I really liked SM. But I felt that by liking her I was betraying my mom. My mom never said anything bad about SM, but I felt disloyal anyway. This is how children feel when there is a divorce. I also felt that when my parents divorced, they were not only rejecting each other, but rejecting a part of me as well. After all, I was made up of both my mom and dad and so if dad didn't want mom then he didn't think I was okay either, right?

I know now as an adult that these feelings aren't based in reality. But as a child they were REAL! If your SD's confusion is being reinforced by her mom, then I feel really sorry for her. You say that she doesn't seem to ever be satisfied with the monetary gifts she gets, or the time she spends with her dad. She may never be satisfied. After all, she once had the two most important people in the world to her all to herself. Now she doesn't. And she is a CHILD and is behaving like a CHILD. That doesn't mean her behavior is acceptable, but it's understandable.

I would suggest counseling for her and you and your husband. Separately and together.

I wish that my family had done that when I was young. I now have a great relationship with my SM. She is a wonderful woman. But there were a lot of years of heartache that I feel could have been avoided. Because when you're a child and an adolescent, you're not always able to identify the feelings your having. Let alone express them in a way that is understandable by those around you.

Believe me, SD is hurting as much as your husband and you are hurting. But she is a child and doesn't know how to get out of this vicious cycle. She is being reactive instead of proactive, which is how children operate.

It's up to the adults in her life to help her get through this.

Just my 2 cents. Because I've been there-

Keli

yeah but at least you REMEMBER your parents being together, and the split obviously took it's toll on you and your siblings. My SD was a yr old when hubby left, she doesn't remember them ever being together. If that were the case then ya I could understand and go from there.....if anything I'd think she'd be pulling this crap with her step dad who lived with her and raised her for 7 yrs, but because her mom says no they're never getting back together then SD accepts it. GRRRRRRR just shoot me.

But thanks for your insight......I give up.

sad to say your saga is keeping me very interested over the holiday season! lol...My friend had a step daughter from h*ll that lived with her and her husband. When she became a teenager that had to actually write a list of rules and punishments. Maybe you could try that?? For instance smart mouth = time out for 2 hours or something like that. It would have to be enforced. If your husband gives you the business on how he doesnt see her that often and doesnt want her being punished put him in time out with her.. lol... I think she should be made to come on the visitation schedule like it or not. If she threws fit than she is punished. Just a suggestion...keep us posted...

Well...here it is wed...and still haven't heard from them...still can't reach them.....

I have tried that teeweeone... when I laid down the law a few weeks ago...and no thank god hubby backs me and I him..lol...besides he'd enjoy a time out.

I talked with hubby today about feeling like a butt head (to put it nicely) about all this and he said not to stress over it.... I said how it's not fair to him that he's in an awkard position, and his exact words..

" I'm not going to fight her anymore. Not the ex, and not my daughter. Why should I give in and choose her over 4 people I love just as much? I shouldn't have to choose...my daughter has. "

Just thought of something from my past....Does your husband spend any one on one time alone with his daughter ever? I'm sure he does this with your kids and the baby you have together, but does he with her? That was my biggest argument with my father when I was 15 and lived with him and the gf and her 3 boys. I NEVER got to spend any time alone with my father and I actually wanted to do this so we could get closer and repair our relationship. He would invite the boy's along to do something but never me. On the few rare occasions we went to the store alone, he'd buy me something (even something small) and then tell me to hide it or not tell his gf that he bought anything for me because the boy's would be jealous. Yet, he went out and bought stuff all the time for 3 kids that weren't his and didn't think twice about his own two kids. Sometimes without realizing it parents do treat the kids that don't like with them totally different than the others. She still needs time with her father and love and support. She may feel she's being pushed aside and mistreated also 12 and most kids become a problem at that age. And another thing...she's ONLY 12. Again, she can't control everything that goes on in her life. You can be mad at her but me more upset with the mother for how she allows her to act and things like that. Your husband may feel his daughter chose her place but I'm sure she's sitting at home crying, thinking he chose others over her, too.

Right now walking away may seem like the best option and all but one day your husband will regret that. He'll loose time and the chance to be close to her. He may get another chance many years down the road but it will never be the same again. Real parents don't just walk away. They get to the bottom of the situation and talk. Walking away is the easy way out and is just running from a problem. What would he do if the girl lived with you? Pretend she didn't exist? Send her to her mothers? That sounds like my MIL and she wonders why she's all alone and 2 out of her 4 children dont' have anything to do with her now. She chose to walk away and write them out of her life, grandchildren and all and why...just because she wasn't in control of the whole situation. How can a parent do thatto their flesh and blood? That's what I like to know. There is obviously a deep lying issue that needs adressed in your situation with SD. Try to talk to her or go to counceling or something! Don't just walk away and give up if you love her.

I told hubby the same thing, that he can't walk away from his daughter. We filed a motion for contempt today, we go to court Jan 22. I dont want to be the reason his daughter hates him and if he walks out of her life, that's exactly what will happen. I love her, but shesee's me as the reason her parents aren't together...compliments of her mom. If we could get Mom's support in all this, it would eventully work itself out. But that's not going to happen....her mom is helping her avoid us!! So let the courts deal with it. SD will hate us more when she finds out, but I see no other alternative. Someone has to be the adult here.

Sd is being influenced by her mom, I know this. I also know the ex is using SD to hurt hubby, and in the process hoping I will just go away. It's funny to her, and what irks me the most is it's my SD that is being so mentally and emotionally abused, and neither of them see it. I wanted to file for full custody...hubby shares custody now...that'll be the next step. I don't care if she hates me, I don't care if she thinks I'm the devil himself....if this at the very least keeps her involved in her Dad's life, I'll be happy.

And yes he spends quality alone time with her...or atlest he does when she's around!! A typical visit is picking her up after work (he works 12 hr night shifts) they go out to breakfast, then to a friends house (she's friends with our friends kids) and they're usually home by noon. Sometimes they catcha movie, others it's rollerskating.....she's not neglected in any way, and I'm not the type of person who would say no u can't buy your daughter anything, or hide it from the other kids....that wouldn't be fair cause as u said he does do this with the other kids. This is the way it's been since last Jan. But it's not good enough. She still has to come here and deal with me and my kids. I'm telling ya we've tried EVERYTHING!! Counceling..lol...how can I get her to counceling when I can't even get her to my house?? She needs it though.

I'm open to any suggestions...if I'm doing something wrong please tell me!! I apologize for my emotional meltdown in my last few posts....I've had a week to recover, I feel much better now. LOL

Mikella,
That's good that they do spend time together. Sometimes father's figure older children, especially girls, don't need quality time with Daddy and that causes problems.

I thought of something else yesterday about the situation. You said you could understand if she remembered her mother and father together but they split when she was one. Maybe that's the problem...she never saw them together. So in her little head she sees them getting along and things being okay. Divorce is hard at any age but it helps when the kids are older and see the fighting and problems. I got over the whole divorce thing pretty quickly because I saw that my mother and father were not meant for each other and all the pain and hurt they caused one another (I was 9 when they divorced). It also made me appreciate future relationships that my parents had because I saw when they were happy. The sad part about that...they divorced in 89 and my mother remarried shortly after for 11 years and was miserable with the man. Dad was in and out of a few relationships two lasted over a year. The last went for 9 years and they split two years ago and both women tried to control my father and he was miserable but tried so hard to make it work. So Mom divorced and met someone new and remarried 2 years ago and found her perfect match...the male version of her! Dad just met a woman he dated for a little while back after the divorce and they're doing so wonderfully together! I love this woman and hope she's my step mom someday! But because I saw how unhappy they were together, I'm able to appreciate what they have now. I wasn't very nice to the ex's but that's because I could see my parents weren't happy and in a bad situation. Not saying that's the case with you and your husband, just how it was with me. Maybe honestly, the problem is that your SD sees that everyone leaves and nobody stays together. So she figures you're just temporary and so she doesn't want to get close?

Good luck. Glad you got to settle down. Hope the court hearing goes well and you get something settled. Be prepared for anything and everything!

~Leslie~

I know part of SD problem is I am the first relationship she's ever seen her Dad in. Yeah he dated over the years, but never got his daughter involved with them as he knew it wasn't anything serious. He didn't want to subject her to a bunch of different women. never thought of her seeing her parents getting along now, and wondering why it couldn't work. that makes sense. And her mother doesn't help the situation by saying how much she still loves my hubby, (and she has a boyfriend) so why couldn't her dad feel the same way for her mom? (although being with me) Ahhhh..... This makes sense as well.

Still haven't heard from them though....been a week now. The ex will be served the paperwork Monday, so we should hear something THEN....We got a lawyer....I gave him the notebooks I've been keeping for the last year. One with copies of cks. for support, and anything else we did for SD, and one for visitation. He said proving contempt will be easy now. So hey I did something right!!! LOL

Mikkella,
I'm not in your situation and I won't pretend to be, just have a thought to throw in here for you. Someone mentioned trying to get your SD into counseling and you said that you couldn't get her into counseling since you couldn't even get her to your house. Can you and your DH talk to the courts and maybe get court ordered family counseling? I don't really know how that stuff works since I've not been in the situation but I do think that your SD and the whole family needs to go to counseling to sort this out, bio mom too, it sounds like she definitely needs it!
I hope I haven't stepped on anyone's toes or anything, just trying to be helpful!
Angie

Going for full custody is the worst thing you can do. She already feels as if you have taken her mother's place. If you do that, it will prove in her mind that you are. This opens the door for her to run away. How is she being physically abused? Do they hit her? I have never seen you say anything about that before. ANother thing. I kind of feel you are trying to hurt the girl's mother. You are the one pushing for full custody. You are the one smarting off to her about things just as much as she does to you.

My son got the same message from his dad when we divorced.
"I still love your mom and would like to be married to her, but she doesn't love me."

My poor son didn't know what to think. I couldn't really tell him at the time the full reason for our divorce (he was 5). That his dad had cheated on me and was a drug user.

I chose to take the high road.
I tried really hard to never say anything negative about his dad. I also told my husband not to either. I also encouraged my husband to develop a relationship with my son apart from me. They go to movies together that I don't care for, they go fishing, watch football, etc.

Eventually my son learned that he can't depend on his dad or trust him to live up to his promises. He knows that my husband and myself are ALWAYS there for him emotionally and physically. He knows his dad is a flake, but will always love him because he is his dad. He loves my husband in a different way, but there is a connection there.

My husband still slips sometimes and wants to compete with my ex for my son's affections, but I nip it in the bud.
Let my son figure it out.
If I tried to prevent my son from spending time with his dad, he would begin to idolize him. It's best that he does spend a lot of time with his dad, because then he gets the full picture of what his dad is really like.

I would definitely go for the contempt of court.
Realize however, that her mom will twist it around and make herself the victim in the matter.

You may win the battle but lose the war.

Brandym,
Who said anything about abuse? Or about full custody? The way I understand it, Mikella and her husband are trying to at least see the kid. The mother isn't keeping up with her visitation and other things. The girl was supposed to go to their house over a week ago and never showed and they've had no contact with her either even after several phone calls and all. I thought they were going to court to try to get the mother to stop using the girl and playing these games. Seems fair enough. If the father doesn't do anything it will come back later on that he didn't care at all and just walked away from the child. They're trying to prevent that from looking like what happend.

~Leslie~

Brandym,
It is plain as day that the mother cannot handle herself or raising this kid. She allows her daughter who is only 12 to play games and basically say whatever she wants to anyone. She does not make her respect even her own father. When my parents were divorced my mother would never just not show up and not call. As far as hurting her mother....why because she is willing to take on this problem full time and raise this little piece of work called her stepdaughter? HMMMM... I thing she could find alot easier ways than this. At the age of 12 neither one of my parents divorced, married or whatever would allow my mouth to overrun my a** like this little girls does. I realize there are two sides to every story. BUT...if the original poster is willing to take this child in her home and all the problems that will come with it than GOD BLESS HER!! I personally had a mouthy 12 year old that when grandma came forgot how to listen to me and her dad. I reminded her how really quick AND I would not want to be in that sitution again no matter how much of an egghead her mom was..

In all of Mikella's post she brags about mouthing off to the girl's mother. In one of the posts she made above she said "I wanted to file for full custody". I am just saying that everything she does seems to be fueled by this woman.

I react to her actions Brandym. I would like to file for full custody, and so would hubby. What's wrong with this? (it's also just a thought not an action) And I never said anything about physical abuse....I said she is being mentally and emotionally abused. (which is worse in my book) I want what's best for my SD, and we're trying to do it in a way where everyone comes out the winner. (If thats possible) And yes the Ex and I have our own "civil" war, due to her stupidity. I never initiate it, however I won't allow her to walk on me in my house either. I'd love to do more then "Hurt the girls mother." I'd actually enjoy beating the crap out of that psycho, but it wouldn't accomplish anything. What am I suppose to do? Lay down and take whatever bio mom throws at me? Sorry, but I'm not like that nor will I start now. And no everything I do isn't fueled by this woman. But when it comes to SD, and visitation, hell yeah. Your accusational tone with me is falling on deaf ears. I love my SD, and want her in our life. Why shouldn't I fight for this? And yes I may win the battle, and lose the war but when all is said and done at least I know we tried.

I agree about court ordered counseling, that's a good idea. I'll run it by the lawyer and see if he can make it happen.

ty Stacey *S*

Mikkella, you and your hubby are doing what you feel is best for your SD. It is SO difficult to raise a step child, to be sure! And you are quite willing to do so, knowing the brainwash job she has had from her BM. Good for you! I know where you're coming from -- you'd just like the BM to go *poof* and take up residence in Iraq ... because you know she is NOT a good or positive influence on your SD, not teaching her to become a responsible and caring adult.

This, for me, came clearly into focus during our holiday vacation. My brother's fiancee has a daughter who is 10 and only 8 months older than my SD, but BOY ... they are WORLDS apart. This girl is polite, articulate and very funny. She acts her age and was a pleasure to be around. Unlike my SD who acts like she's 3 and is so very insecure and needy -- JUST LIKE HER MOTHER! The entire time we visited, I couldn't help but reflect on the stark differences between the two.

Yeah, I know some will say "personality differences", but the fact is that my SD is operating from her greatest influence -- her mother. I know that if we had full custody of my SD this would change when she spent more time with us ... SO MIKKELLA, YOU GO FOR IT and best of luck! Hopefully you and your husband can get this girl before it's too late and you then have a troubled teen on your hands. ....cringe ....shudder......

He he he....the ex finally calls today to complain about me supposively telling HER DAUGHTER about the psycho ex she had 10 yrs ago. LMAO This crazy lady TOLD ME about him in front of 'HER DAUGHTER"

She even tried to convince my husband that they really did get back together for 3 weeks 10 yrs ago, and he tried to argue with her then decided it was a waste of air. She's convinced it happened so let it be. She's mad because her daughter caught her in this lie. She asked her Dad if it was true, and he told her no...this ticked the ex off.

Then her excuse for not calling us is she has no long distance and called his work instead and left messages with the guys. LOL Not possible as the shop was shut down for 2 weeks. Caught in yet another lie. Next excuse was that SD never told her she had to bring her up here after the party....SD yelling in the backround "Yes I did, quit your lying" Then hubby made the comment that e-mail costs nothing, all she had to do was hit reply to the several we sent. It was here that she brought up the papers she was served. Said they were unnecessary, that we could work this out ourselves, and we'll definately have SD this weekend....like that'll fix everything??

I think she's actually scared now, which is a good thing, but she's more loopy then normal. Which is just scary. lol

Ahhh the saga continues.

I told hubby that I will nolonger deal with this woman. That the only contact I will tolerate is picking up, our dropping off....no more coming in for coffee, holding our baby, telling me about the days when she and my hubby were together, or throwing herself at him... she's not my ex, and I dont have to deal with her. He told the ex she wasn't allowed in here anymore, that if she wanted to drop SD off, fine, do exactly that. Needless to say she's not a happy camper. Should've been done a LONG time ago.

You invited her in for coffee? What a brave woman you are! I can't handle my hubby's ex for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I tried being really friendly, but her needy, whiney, sugar-sweet-fake-voice and oversized irrational butt get on my nerves BIG TIME. If I worked with a person like her I'd go nuts. I cut contact long ago. If she calls, I'm pleasant, but that's where it ends. She has never been inside our home and I expect she never will. We talk at the door for pickups and dropoffs, but I rarely make an appearance unless I have to answer the door!

So, why the bogus excuses? Did she just NOT feel like bringing her over? Your SD will catch on to BM's lies, etc. eventually -- unless, of course, she grows up to be just like mom! Save her Mikkella, save her! ;-)

LOL@ save her....We're trying!!

And no I don't invite the ex in she just comes in, and asks for coffee, sits at my table making idle conversation about her past with my hubby, mind u the same stories change each time she tells them. Plus she brings her son with her so all the kids go off and play, my kids see her and give her a big hug cause she's always been "oh so sweet" to them....it's the only time I wish they were older and could see through her crap. My hubby works nights 6-6, so she'll show up around 4:00 and wait for him to get up...meanwhile he's hiding in the bedroom listning to her bull on the baby monitor....lol....Coward. LOL Which is why I don't want to, nor do I have to deal with her. She's not my ex dammit. **S**

As for the bogus excuses, I'd say it wasn't convienant for the ex to bring SD here. When there's something in it for her, say she wants to go out and can't find a sitter...then u bet your a%% she's on our doorstep. Or if she wants her support early...which I put a stop to....or she wants me to make pictures for her (don't do that anymore either) .....u get the picture. I tried playing nice, but she is just a psycho. Literally.

I love this comment : her needy, whiney, sugar-sweet-fake-voice and oversized irrational butt ...lol...it describes his ex perfectly...

oh and I found out SD never went to the camp we shelled out half the money for,which was suppose to be her birthday present, so hubby is taking the money out of her support this month and buying SD a present...lmao the ex is not a happy camper. SD said she was never going to camp, that her mom needed the money to pay her lights before they were cut off. And people wonder why I want to beat her? LOL At the time we gave her this money I had been out of work for 3 months and about to have the baby, it's not like we had it but I came up with it for SD. Not to pay the ex's damn bills!! GRRRRR.

I really feel sorry for your SD. If someone doesn't straighten her out quickly ... she will go through life manipulating and terrorizing as her BM does. As for EX telling lies ... I have met this kind of person. They lie so much and so naturally that they begin to believe the BS that they are spreading around. Keep providing that solid home for your family. Spend your energy on them. I think SD is a gonner if you don't get custody.

It's sad rosie, but I agree with you.

BM is taking us to court to raise child support as a counter for the contempt. I want to strangle this BEAST!!! Granted child support hasn't been modified legally in 8 years, hubby and the ex worked out an extra $100. on top of garnished wages, and he buys everything SD wants or needs, so it was fine for the last 8 years. Now all of the sudden it's not fine anymore?? Hubby offered her another $100 (he'd have to quit smoking to do this) and she said no that wasn't enough. Basically by the time she's done we'll break even, and she'll end up having to put out MORE MONEY to pick up all the extra's we normally cover for SD...it's ironic, but she's screwing herself. So let her. LOL

We had SD last weekend, and she told me BM saw an e-mail SD sent to a friend calling her mom the "B" word, and BM freaked out, was packing her stuff and ready to send her to live with us perminately, only SD brother was crying and begging his mom not to do this, which is what stopped her this time. SD also told me that BM told her " I am the ONLY mother you will ever have, 'Mikkella' means nothing to you," and SD actually stood up for me (falling on the floor here) and said it wasn't fair of her, that her dad and I are almost married, her mom freaked out on her again, yelling screaming, making her cry, so she let it go. I told her it was a nice thought but to avoid conflict at home to just agree with the "B" word. LOL Then SD told me that she's afraid cause she's getting a "C" in school, and we all know if SD gets a "C" she'll be coming to live with us. Well not now since SD is turning into BM cash cow so to speak, and I am so tempted to tell SD to throw that in her face, but I won't stoop to the Bi**hes level. Instead I told her to ask her mom if she really wants her to live there, and if the answer is yes then ask her why her home is a constant threat when it's suppose to be a safe haven?

After this conversation hubby took the two oldest girls bowling, while I had the 2 little ones. We went to get some milk at the store a block from my house and who is there?? BM....what makes it odd is I live in NH...she lives in MA....what the hell is she doing in my state? I was good, I promised Hubby I wouldn't start anything but god I wanted to. My son was excited at all the candy, saying "Mommy look mommy look" and BM started mimicking him and laughing at me....ummm, okay....I didn't even respond to her.

If it wasn't for money we'd have custody willingly signed over by the BM...that is sad.

On a lighter note, our wedding is quickly approaching....another reason BM is being a "B" word. LOL

OMG .... that will drive her over the edge!!!!

Wow....keep us posted...I give you credit girlfriend..