I'm happy that I got the cuttings of what I ordered from UCD, but they sure didn't send me any of these wonderful long cuttings like everyone else has gotten. I got one of one variety and two of another and I'm beginning to feel like an unwelcome stepchild. :( I really happy that I did get the two varieties I wanted, though, but gee..... noss

Thank you to bnicebekind, outinthecld, and amberjul for your response and insights. I want to say that first of all, I am protective of my son. I also worry sometimes that my son takes advantage of things and can be a bit manipulative. The day that I wrote my original post, my husband had gotten into one of his moods and there were a bad scene. This past weekend, however, while my husband was gone, I asked my son to do something (move some wood behind the garage) and he refused to do so. I should tell you that my son was in the store with me shopping one evening and he went to look at the baseball cards while I was in the grocery dept. When I went to look for him, I was paged. Going to find him, thinking he paged me, I found that he had been stopped for shoplifting--which was pretty confusing since neither of us had left the store and he had over $30 in his pocket that I had given him earlier. Anyway, the store made me pay $200.00 to them as they can charge the parent 10x what the kid is allegedly stealing. My husband and I agreed that he had to work it off. Actually, I was quite humiliated and upset and couldn't even speak. My husband actually surprised me and was the calm one and talked to my son. Since that time, even though it was agreed that my son had to work off the $200 with chores, he refuses to do them (usually when it is just me around) and this weekend when my husband was not home, my son got very angry with me, called me names, threw my kitchen chairs around, hit things, slammed the doors, etc. My son is getting to be a good size guy and truthfully, I am not sure I could live with him alone any more. AS for protecting my son, I do. When my husband went after my son once like he was going to hit him, I stopped him and I told him that he or anyone would ever put a hand to my son. I stood my ground and looked him in his face and he knows that I am dead serious about that. Yes, I do feel that some sort of counseling is needed so we can set some guidelines as to what our rights and responsibilities are. Such as, I would never spank one of stepgrandchildren and I don't expect my husband to spank mine...he sees it differently. I have again talked with my husband and I have taken the advice of a counselor in that if my husband loves me, I should be able to get him to see my reasoning. I think he does love me because I did stand up to him and say to him that I do not want to "castrate" him in our home and make him feel like he is not the man of the house, however; I cannot raise my son in fear. I told him that I do not like his temper; I cannot deal with people with bad tempers and if he did not learn to control his temper and learn to think a bit differently, that I would have to let this relationship go. I told him that I did love being married to him and I love the large family that we have together and I love the grandkids, but if that was the way that he raised his kids (I suspect it was and I suspect that was how he was raised, also), that he needed to think differently. I also came up with some compromises for my son and our rules, which he agreed to and I did let him know firmly that we needed to work on this and that I did think counseling was needed. His daughter told me that he had tried counseling before and it failed. I have been to counseling quite a long time for the depression, etc. of my first divorce, the relationship, tragedies, etc., so I do have insight into what needs to be done. I was a very self-sufficient, independent woman, yet now at my husband's request have lowered my income and work at home. This is all right as now I am here for my son when he gets home and I am here when he goes to school, too. I wonder if my husband doesn't have a hormone or chemical or sugar imbalance that brings on his moods as he gets very upset with himself when he gets upset. I am working on the rules and have talked with my son and asked him to work with me. My son knows I love him and I will try to look after his best interests. So, I do appreciate your comments and I wanted to let you know that I will not stick my head in the sand, I am workikng to resolve the issues, I am looking into counseling, and yes, I do protect my son. But, I simply needed to know if I was being one-sided towards my son as a mom and a stepchild myself, was I being unfair to my husband? The thing is, when you talk to someone, it can get you thinking...sometimes my son is in the wrong and sometimes my husband does overreact to things and goes way out of proportion. These are the issues that need to be worked on...now, just to find the right counselor to help with that. Thanks again

"It is hard to have your parent who you have been relatively close to go off and marry somebody who makes a relationship difficult." I'm sure that's true. It's also hard for a parent to have a child that goes off and marries someone who makes it difficult for them to have a good relationship with their child. But it happens all the time and either the parent can accept that their children are grown and they aren't going to share the closeness they once had, or they blame the new spouse for keeping their child away from them and it puts the child in a position to choose between their parents and their partner. I'm sure there are many parent-child estrangements because the child chooses the spouse. If the parent insisted on maintaining the same closeness they once had, they might be seen as interfering and is probably where the terrible stereotype for a meddling mother in law comes from. The meddling mother may also be hurting but there comes a time when they have to move on from the empty nest and let their kids have their own life. Same thing with parents. If parents spend half their life raising kids and once the kids are grown, they want to have their own life and it doesn't include the grown kids as much as the grown kids like... then I guess they have the right to do that. Would it hurt? probably. But, it's the parents choice as to how much they want, even if there was a time when they doted on their kids. My stepdaughter's mom used to spend a lot of time with her kids. Her daughter got used to that and when mom met her BF and left, that stopped. It's her mom's fault, not the BF's. "Just because it is not your experience, and you get along just fine with your stepmom, doesn't mean we all have had the same experience you have had." I didn't always get along with my stepmom. There were problems and tensions, she may not have been thrilled for us to drop in and stay a few days when we did, sometimes we called and sometimes just showed up (probably because we didn't think anything of it & considered it "dad's" house) but in retrospect, it was her house too. As young adults, we didn't care about that, to us it was our dad's and we were entitled to see him when WE wanted. It did cause problems and dad was often put in the middle. I'm sure it was hard for him. It wasn't until I had my own children and got together with my exBF and was raising his children too, that I started to realize the dynamics of blended/step families. I started to understand her position. I began to realize how hard it can be to raise someone else's children or in her case, deal with children that were raised in a different way than she raised her own. My dad had to deal with her kids, which I know wasn't easy for him. But, it took a while for her and I to connect and it wasn't always easy. I ignored some of the things she did that annoyed me or were hurtful. I'm sure she ignored some of the things I did that bothered her. There were only about four years that her and I got along and then she had a brain aneurysm. She's been in a permanent vegetative state since and I am the only other relative (besides my dad) that will care for her. Her own children don't see her and don't even call to see if she's alive. They've already sued my dad to claim that he has spent all her money (their inheritance) and he was able to prove that yes, he spent all her money on her care and he has also spent more than she ever had on her care. So maybe the fact that I am here, feeding, bathing, clothing and changing her diapers along side him, that he and I are closer than we have ever been. He appreciates what I do. I do what I do because I love him and while I'm not sure I can say I loved her the same as I do him, she deserves better than to be abandoned by her own kids and I wish I had gotten more time to be friends with her and build our relationship even more. I was able to talk to her about things I couldn't ever talk to my own mother about. I had a better relationship with her in those few years than I have ever had with my 'bio' mom. I guess you might be luckier than me in that category. Everyone has a right to their own feelings and opinions. If I heard a mother whining about her grown children that don't come see her anymore because they got married and have their own families now, I'd tell her to take up some hobbies, take a class, go on a cruise, or just generally 'get a life'. Kids grow up.. it doesn't stay the same and parent's are just as entitled to have their own life too. My oldest son was 19 when I married my husband. He had moved out already and criticized many things about my husband. Yet, when he wanted to join the Army, he went and did what he wanted. He didn't listen to me when I voiced my concerns... I love my son and always will, but my relationship with him has changed and it will never be the same. Our closeness may evolve over the years and I'm sure there will be times we are closer than at other times. I'm not happy with all his choices but he is an adult and he does what he wants. I'm an adult and he may not like that I got married and he may not like my choice in partners, but he has at almost 22 years old, realized that I am entitled to my own life. and I know all about the feelings when another woman is in dad's life and trying to make changes or makes digs/comments that to everyone else may sound innocent, but to you they sound like a personal attack... but subtle. But, then I remember that I'm 39 years old and my dad makes the choice to have someone in his life. I maintain a close relationship with my dad despite anyone else's interference. It's my choice to smile, pretend I don't get the dig, be sweet as pie and I call him if he doesn't call me and I go see him. I may be luckier that my dad is responsive to my relationship with him but then there were years I didn't see him at all so it hasn't always been wonderful and I wasn't a "daddy's girl", which may affect my opinions. If my dad didn't want to see me much (if he made excuses that he can't talk to me or I can't come see him) I'm sure I would be sad but I would also be busy with my life... my husband, my stepdaughter, my kids, my job, custody/support issues, problems with ex's, running a household, after school activities, paying bills, and of course GW.

Also, FWIW, I have ZERO expectation of ever getting anything from any of my step-uncles or step-aunts... wouldn't dream of it. Now that may be because I am an only child and there weren't other kids raised with me in my household, and I agree that if I had half-siblings, it might make a big difference in how I FEEL about it. But even if I felt shafted, I just don't think people generally expect (or should expect) to inherit directly from step-uncles and step-aunts. Or even BLOOD uncles and aunts (whom I don't expect to inherit anything from, either, btw). And as of now, I don't even "expect" to inherit from my own father, since as of the last year and a half, every time he raises the subject of my inheritance, the number goes way down each time. Like he's easing me into the cold hard fact that I will get nothing of what he's promised me for many years. Because this greedy woman he married and her sister and her sister's YORKIE might feel EXCLUDED if they don't get every last drop of everything. Poor THEM, right? (It's a good thing I haven't lived my life counting on it, as my SM has, or I'd be in some crazy-ass debt like she's somehow managed to get herself into ---she works F/T & she's never had to pay bills, how is this even possible?--- and I'd be seriously up a creek without a paddle.) It hurts me deeply, it sucks to high heaven, and it's like being stuck on a train and watching it proceed towards a collision with another, more aggressive train barreling towards me inch by inch, in sloooooow motion, and there's nothing I can do about it. But do I throw a fit or get pouty or remove my father from my life or decide I "can't" be "loving and gracious" towards him? NO! And he's my FATHER! Not my g.d. STEP-UNCLE. Sorry to get hyper-emotional there, and sorry if I'm not crying a river for any step-niece or step-Yorkie who isn't getting what THEY perceive to be so rightfully "their due". I'm sure everyone is very approving of the fact that I am being such a good girl about respecting my father's wishes to do what he wants with his estate and loving him unconditionally ---and there are some who may even suggest that I, his daughter (not his step-niece) wouldn't even have the right to FEEL hurt and upset--- and yay on me for putting up and shutting up so properly. But meanwhile poor ol' OP's DD might FEEL EXCLUDED from her FAMILY by mean old selfish step-uncle because of where he puts his money, and we can't have THAT happen, can we! Sorry to be so testy, but the more I think about this question, the more the whole double-standard thing kinda pisses me right the h3ll off. Okay, calming down now....