My skids bio mom insists they call her husband "Dad" and my husband ( their father) by his first name. They get in trouble if they slip up.

So, the kids just call both men dad, and both myself and their biomom, "mom", depending on whose home they are at. When Biomom first caught them calling me mom, she went beserk and grounded them. So they try not to call me mom around her, but sometimes it slips out anyway.

When my stepdaughter first asked if she could call me mom, I told her to call me whatever she was comfortable with, but that my own kids call me Atila the Hun, or Tilly for short :)

I'd also agree that this sounds like insecurity on the SM's part... And it's a pretty lame excuse!
I see no problem with SKs calling SPs Mom or Dad if they want to and the SP is fine with it... But it shouldn't be pushed.

IMO, people should be up front with kids about who their parents are and wo their siblings parents are. A young child might not understand that their sister has another mom, but if they're told all along, then it will click sooner or later, and you'll skip the battle of "Why didn't you tell me?!"

My SS also calls me by my first name and I have never had a problem with that. I have been in his life since he was 5, DH and I have always had custody and he is now 16.

My BD (5) understands that I am not his mom, he has a different mom, there is no confusion..funny thing is SS also calls his BM by her first name..noone ever told him to do that, he just did it on his own, of course if you talk to BM, I'm sure I get blamed for that

Other than when I first met SD, and she called me mom on a visit with her dad, we both stopped her. She had only known me a couple of weeks and DH was also concerned that BM would get upset if she went back and said she was calling me mom. Not to mention, at the time we had just started dating and it wasn't appropriate. Otherwise, SD has always called me by my first name except for about a week after the wedding, she called me stepmom. Then she went back to my name. She will probably never ask to call me anything else, which is fine. Her mom reminds her all the time that I am not her mom, she is.

At BM's house, SD started calling BM's BF 'dad' immediately after she met him and even though DH is custodial dad, it has never bothered him. He has no insecurity that he is the dad and SD knows who her dad is. For a while, when SD would talk to her mom's BF on the phone, she'd call him 'buddy' but now that the newness of their relationship has worn off, she doesn't even talk to him anymore when she calls her mom. She has begun to complain about him to DH that he is taking her mom away, which is not really the BF's fault but SD doesn't see it that way. Not sure if she is still calling him dad.

I think that what kids call parents, step parents or SO's is up to the kid and what they feel comfortable with. It's just a title and if you are a good mom or good dad and you know your kids love you, why does it matter? I'm completely against forcing a child to use any term they didn't ask to use but I'm also against denying them the right to choose what they want to say either. The only reason that we did stop her from saying that to me was like I said, we were just beginning to date and her mom might have gotten upset by it. I don't think it's healthy to let kids get attached to every person you date unless you feel it's going to be long term.

Pretending to be a nuclear family will probably come back to bite you in the butt. It would be more confusing to the younger child if they don't realize that step dad is not bio dad. It's probably different if the bio dad or mom is gone. Nowhere to be found and has no contact, but eventually the kids are going to figure out the truth and then you have to explain yourself anyway. If a parent is worried that the step parent is going to 'win', then maybe the should try spending more time with their child because they probably feel guilty that they aren't doing what they are supposed to be and that is why they feel insecure. If you are doing all you can, then your kids are going to know you are their parent.

Let the child call the step mother whatever he is comfortable with. It's only a problem when the adults make it a problem. We helped my youngest son move from out of state with his wife and 3 boys in with us for until he could find a job and an apartment. The first time I sat down to eat with them I saw they had a problem with their middle son. They picked at him constantly trying to get him to eat. I stopped it immediately, told everyone at the table we do not argue at a meal. I said if "Scotty" doesn't want to eat with us, he can just sit there and visit with us. I told "Scotty", if you don't want your dinner I will cover it and save it for later, but remember no one gets a snack unless the eat at least part of the dinner. Their Mom was causing the problem by making a big deal out of it and he was probably enjoying the attention.

If neither bio parent has a problem with it, then I think it is fine.

If one or the other does, it shouldn't be done.

This is one of those things that I think taking everyone's opinion and giving everyone their valid say is easy to do and easy to comply with. It's not a big deal unless like Starrgazer says, the grown ups make it one.

SD has always called me Giggle. DD started calling me Giggle at around 1, I don't think it had anything to do with SD calling me Giggle though. DD is a "tester" and still does try to see if it will cause a reaction. I just respond to her as if nothing is wrong. But then again, titles don't really bother me.

Giggle

I don't agree with you there. I don't think the parents should have the say. I think it should be up to the child. It is their relationships with the individual adults that cause them to call Bio's or Step's whatever they call them. Whatever they are comfortable with should just be excepted. They already had to deal with the divorce which wasn't there fault...don't get all political about who gets called what to spare the adult's feelings. That goes for both sides...Step's and Bio's. They have been through enough. Don't get so defensive over titles. It's the actions that count most anyway, not the name you get called.

For my sd's especially I think that they are embarassed by their bm's lack of involvement and calling me mom to have some "normalcy" in their lives. They have few friends with divorced parents, and the ones that are divorced they still see both parents. And all of them live with their bm's.

WE moved last year and they made new friends by our house. I really don't think any of their friends know that I am not the kids bm. My skids always call me mom and all the parents refer to me as the kids mom. Funny that many parents/teachers have told me how much "my kids" look like me! If they only knew!

One time the bm did call when my middle sd had a friend over. I called my sd downstairs and told her that her mom was on the phone, she looked at me shocked and turned as if to see if her friend heard. Then she got on the phone and told bm that she was playing with a friend and wanted to get off the phone. Later when I asked her about why she acted so wierd she told me that she did not want her friend to know because she was embarassed that her bm would move so far away from her.

Wow Mom2, that's rough... I feel terrible for your SKs that they feel awkward about their mom moving away... I hope you guys tell them often that it's not their fault and they didn't do anything wrong!
Poor kids :(
But they're fortunate to have such great Dad and SM!

Doodleboo,

I don't think it is political at all. For most people, it is personal. IMO, this is one of those common blended family issues that is overblown quite a bit.

In any case, if either parents wishes to pursue it legally -- it can be done and it is not looked on highly in court. So, I do think both bio parents opinions should be taken into consideration. Otherwise, you can end up with court crap on your hands.

Giggle
If it's truly personal than the kids should decide what they personaly want to call parents. It's their decision. They shouldn't be forced to call a step parent mom or made to feel guilty by a bio parent if they want to.

And are you kidding me about the court case? How juvenile can you be? People have the money to go to court over what their kids call their step parents? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. If I was the judge I'd ask the kid what do YOU want to call this woman? Then I'd tell the adults involved not to waste my time again with such childish squabbles.

Are you kidding Doodle?!?
People seriously take each other to court over what their kid calls their stepparent?
Yeesh, some people need bigger problems if that's all they can come up with to gripe about. You'd think they'd be happy that someone else loves their child and has a good enough relationship with them that their child think if them as another parent. As a grown-up, they should be putting their own issues aside to be thinking of what's best for their child - which is probably not their parents fighting in court over what the child is allowed to call SM or SF!

Good grief!

Ceph

Giggle said she has heard of cases like these. I think it is ridiculous. I say let the children decide what they wish to call step parents. It is their personal connection with this person that will decide what they feel comfortable refering to them as. I don't think the parents feelings should be first. I think the child's should be.

Not all of the time is it the childs right to choose. Which is why courts frown upon it in any situation. It is almost impossible to tell if it was the SP/BP's pushing or the childs own choosing.

IMO, it wouldn't matter to me but some people it does and I think it is very hard to tell another parent that it shouldn't bother them.

Giggle

I know that you don't personaly think it should be a big deal. It's just shocking to me that it's such an issue with so many other people.

I feel that if you are a secure, non guilt ridden, involved parent you wouldn't feel threatened by what your child calls a step parent. I also think it's horribly wrong to FORCE a child to call someone mom or dad. I swear I'm not being one sided here. I just think it should be for the kids to decide.

My girlies call me all sorts of names...my first name, cupcake, mama, mom, step momma, teacher...none of them bother me. I let them call me whatever they are comfortable with. I don't tell me "Oh no , you can't call me mom. Your mother may get upset". That's just me though. They sometimes slip and call her my name and she over reacts every time.

Do the girls watch Little Bill? My DD is about the same age as yours and lately she has been calling me Poopy Diaper Mommy like on Little Bill but instead of Poopy Diaper Baby.

Sorry Doodle, I typed the wrong name there!

I didn't like when A__ called me "Auntie"
In fact, it drove me crazy. I was raised that you don't call people who aren't your aunt and uncle by those names. I am definitely not A__'s aunt and didn't want him or others getting confused that I was.
I tried to be fairly positive about finding an alternate name. None were sticking though, and I was getting frustrated.
After awhile, he was just calling me "Auntie" as a joke and it was driving me crazy, so I said "We need a new joke. I'm sick of this joke." "OK. Can the new joke be about shoes in the bathtub?" And that was that.

Once in awhile he slips up and calls me mom. He generally corrects himself and we have a chuckle. He's most likely to call me mom if he's mad, hurt or really really excited.

A few months ago, while thinking of things other than "Auntie" to call me, he said "I could call you mom"
This was well before we were engaged, and I didn't think that would be such a hot idea "Well, but then what would you call your mom?"
He matter-of-factly said "Jane Doe." (but used her real name)
"Uh, no, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think Mom would like that very much."
"Hmmm, OK. Maybe I'll call you CephMom! Or MomCeph!"
"If that's what you wanted, that could be OK, but I'd like it best if you just called me Ceph for now"

He has brought up a few times lately that I'll be his mom or stepmom when FDH and I get married, so he might need a new name for me. If he wants to call me Cephmom or MomCeph once we're married, then he can go nuts, but I'd prefer to just be Ceph until then.

In my hubby's divorce decree it states ... that mother and father shall be reserved for the parents .... something like that ... meaning the kids can only call mom and dad mom and dad ...

Giggle....hahahaha. Yes they watch little bill but as of this second I have yet to be called poopy diaper cupcake. :) I would probably laugh if they did though.

Ceph

I have always thought it was disrespectful for a child to call their parents by their first names. You were right in re-directing your step son to another direction in that situation. I would have done the same thing.

This is not a personal attack against you or hubby. I was just wondering if you could answer this for me since it is in their divorce decree. I am a little confused.....hahahaha.

I wonder how they could force that in court? On what grounds that become a legal issue? When did it become illegal to call someone not a biological parent mom or dad? In which case was it precedented? What if it's the child who decides they want to call you mom? Is the bio mother going to haul the child to court? It would take a Judge Dredd (Sylvester Stallone Movie...lol) type government to invorce a rule like that. Meaning there would have to be a little machine that the child wore everyday with voice recognition software to detect whether or not they were calling step mom mom. And everytime they do an alram sounds and they get a ticket or get slung in the clinker. It just seems a little nuts to me.

Doodle, it is not illegal per se but it can be brought to court under third party interference -- basically a restraining order against the stepparent from interfering in parental issues with both BP's and the children. In my area this is a huge no-no and will get anywhere from a slap on the wrist to a restraining order.

In pseudo's case a contempt order can be brought against the offending party.

Giggle

Well that's great but what if the offending party is the child? That's my whole issue with this. Am I suppose to punish the girls every time they call me mom so I don't get taken to court? It's absurd. I can't imagine getting hauled to court over what my step children want to call me.

I have no idea what could happen but I have told my SC ..." to call me pseudo because you have a mom and I know I would be mad if my DS called someone else mom... so imagine how your mom would feel" My SC's mom is still active in their lives .... so this is not an issue for us.

I thought it was in all decree's never saw a divorce decree before and hope to never see my own. :)

Depending on the amount of money your willing to spend to argue issues you can have all kinds of things put in a parenting agreement or divorce decree.

I have heard of people putting in there that when the children are with their dad they can not be around any women that are not related to them and vice versa for when they are with their mom.

I have heard of people that do not get along putting specific people who are going to handle pick-ups and drop-offs so they don't have to see their ex.

People have in decrees that a parent is not allowed to drink alcohol at all during visitation, and so on.

"People have in decrees that a parent is not allowed to drink alcohol at all during visitation"

I think that is an excellent idea, especially when one or both parties is an alcoholic. (And before mlly or someone tries to drag my exH into this thread too, this never came up in the writing of my separation agreement, because neither of us drink, nor, as far as I know, does his current wife.)

I agree, the drinking stipulation can be very valid . . . it's just so sad that it really has to come to that. I know a couple who just finished a very ugly divorce, and this was put in place for both. You would like to think common sense would dictate that you not get wasted in front of your kids, but I have socialized with this couple and seen that it does not. It's too bad that the one responsible drinker now can't have a drink because the other doesn't know when to stop, but I find it admirable that the agreement was made that neither would drink so alls fair and the kids are safe.

I do see in decrees now that 'neither parent shall cause another person to be called mom or dad.' I think the important part there is 'neither parent' . . . if the child wants to cause them to be called that, so be it. But, I acknowledge that in some cases it may be hard to determine what the child caused on their own accord and what the child was encouraged to 'cause'.

I just can't help but think it's all pretty silly, but I haven't walked in the shoes of the parent with a child calling someone else mom. I have an SD who calls me mom and two DS's who do as well. If they were to start calling someone else mom, and that person had proved themselves 'worthy' of the title, I would like to think I would be secure enough with my place in my kid's lives to not freak out, but I can't say. It just seems to me that if you were truly putting your kid's feelings first you wouldn't make a big deal out of the fact they love another person enough to call them mom or dad. Part of the parenting dance is learning how to make your feelings and/or insecurities take second fiddle to those of your child, and I think many parents these days are too self centered or immature to be able to do this.

I don't have no drinking, as my X never had or has a drinking oroblem. According to DD, Xs SO frequently has a beer in her hand. As long as the SO doesnt drive with my DD in car, I am really not concerned (but might be with a younger child). The SO has called me when she seemed to be inebriated, but as DD doesnt spend much time with her alone, not terribley concerned. Not aware of any drug abuse issues with anyone in DDs circle.

As to not allowing X to do pickups, that seems strange to me. Our agreement is no third party pickups without other party agreement. Never been an issue.

I think concern with girls should be more with stepfather or older stepbrothers. I suspect why some of these provisions are in custody agreements is dad is concerned about his daughters welfare, and the agreements has to go bothways.

Some how I think parents can come up with some name for steps. Its tough. My DDs polite friends always ask me at first what I should call them, and I tell them my first name. I know, I know, when we were kids, I always called my friends parents Mr. or Mrs. I dont think calling some one by a first name is a sign of disrespect. I think sometimes adolescents call a step "heah you" because they arent comfortable calling him/her mom, Mrs. so and so, or whatever.

"Our agreement is no third party pickups without other party agreement."

I think KK's onto something there. I absolutely agree with this one.
I pick A__ up from school if FDH is at work and we will have him, but BM ALWAYS knows in advance that it will be me, not FDH. I have picked him up from her house too, and she's perfectly OK with this, as long as she knows in advance.
I think that if the BP is available to do the pickup, then it should be them, but that as long as the other parent knows ahead of time and is OK with it, it's fine for a SP or GP or uncle etc to do pickup.

And I think it should go the other way too. I babysat my niece a few weeks ago, and her mom was going to be coming to get her while I was sitting. My brother called her and said "I have to go to a staff meeting this evening. Ceph is staying with 4yo DD while I am out. Would you like to come get her from Ceph at the normal time, or would you rather wait until I got home around 10?" That way she wasn't surprised to see me at the door when my brother was out.

In case of emergency, I think there's a few exceptions... If my brother had broken his ankle and called me to stay with his daughter at the last minute... Or if FDH got rearended and was stuck at an accident scene, so called me at the last minute... Etc
But it would still be courteous to make a quick phone call to the ex to give a head's up if possible.

"Our agreement is no third party pickups without other party agreement."

This is a provision of SD's parenting plan, as is that SD is not to be left with any one other than mom during her parenting time w/o notifying DH. It has never been adhered to well, and now that SD is 13 and mom is married and 'stable' we don't get bent out of shape. When she was younger and mom would have her current boyfriend's parents/siblings/friends showing up to get SD from school or staying with her while mom worked DH would take issue. It wasn't that DH could stop this from happening, but he had the right to meet the person before it happened.

It just seems like common sense - if *you* as a parent are to have the child with you and you won't, you let the other parent know and verify that they are okay with it. We tried for the first right of refusal since mom works off hours and we knew it would pose a problem, but she wouldn't go for it. We may not have liked the options mom used all the time, but it seems SD is no worse for the wear because of it.

Do ANY of these threads ever stay on the subject of the original post? :D

I have insisted from Day One that my stepchildren call me Mommy and I make them tell me all the time how gorgeous I am.

Okay, I'm kidding. About the first one, not the second.

My kids call me Mom, my stepkids call me by my name, our toddler uses both. And she sure as hell isn't confused. She even calls me 'Honey' or 'My Darling' if she hears her Dad saying that to me. Even at 3, she 'gets it'.

The stepmother referred to in the original post might be a delusional control freak, but that doesn't explain the father? Sounds like they're both nuts.

"The stepmother referred to in the original post might be a delusional control freak, but that doesn't explain the father? Sounds like they're both nuts."

snicker.

well...assuming that the stepmother really did have the discussion with her husband.

My brother is a totally laid-back person, & he used to be married to a petite tornado.

When she would get totally beside herself, he'd say, "Chill, Baby."

One day she was off & running on some rant, & her 3-year-old son looked up from his blocks & said, "Chill, Baby."

They'll do it ever time.

Doodle wrote:
"Giggle
Well that's great but what if the offending party is the child? That's my whole issue with this. Am I suppose to punish the girls every time they call me mom so I don't get taken to court? It's absurd. I can't imagine getting hauled to court over what my step children want to call me."

Doodle, sorry to leave you hanging.

It really doesn't work like that. Legally, the biological parent/child relationship is held in high esteem and placed above all else.

The courts will go to great lengths to reunite and promote a relationship with the biological parent/child. So anything seen as an obstacle in restoring the parent/child relationship is severly frowned upon.

If the parent's rights have not been terminated, the courts will order visitation, reunification therapy and will go to great lengths to restore the relationship. I have also seen TPR's overturned in cases where the absent parent has gone through rehab or counseling (whatever fixes their problem.)

In turn, stepparents are Legal Strangers. In most cases stepparents have less legal rights to their stepchild than the childs principal, teacher or school counselor. A Steparent/Stepchild relationship is not legally binding, hence why stepparents do not pay child support upon termination of the relationship and are not responsible for the child under any circumstance. They will also not be granted visitation with the child (I do know of 4 states that have set a precedent with stepparent/stepchild visitation, but that is rare and I believe under abnormal circumstances.)

giggle,

Are you a lawyer now?

I'm not sure about all other states, but in CA, every parent that I've ever heard complain (and I am in family court a lot) that the step parent is being called mom or dad by the child is ignored by the court. Unless the parent or stepparent is doing other things to alienate the child from the other parent, it is not a big deal what the child calls his/her stepparent. Calling a stepparent mom or dad alone is not considered alienation. My stepdaughter calls my dad 'grandpa', she also calls her mom's BF's dad 'grandpa' and she has her mom's dad and my husband's dad. The court has told parents that it's only a title and grow up and get over it. The court has no patience for immature gripes like that.

and of course, thank you for explaining how a stepparent is a legal stranger... where did you go to law school?

Imamommy, no I'm not a lawyer. I am in family court quite a bit (3 days a week) and do work for social services. As I said up thread, in my experience and in my area. Pardon me for not repeating it again.

In any case, I was responding to Doodle wondering how/why some of these cases end up in court and explaining some of the legal theory behind it. This is what I have seen and experienced. We are on a public message board and I thought the point was to share our experiences.

Next time I will be so very sure to clear my experiences and thoughts before you, your highness.

Just a little side note... I have read of court cases that have ended up with a step parent paying child support... what I could find was few and far between but to me it was a good step in establishing some step parent rights...

As far as the original question.. I think it is entirely wrong for them force the child to call her mom... My skids Bm wouldnt let them stop calling me Ms.___ it was a little ridiculous and to hear them saying that they get in trouble when they dont say Ms.___ had me hoppin mad... but DH talked to BM (well on several occasions) and Bm finally let it go. The kids did ask me if they could call me mom once and I told them that I would be honored but that I thought it might not make their mom very happy. I told them it was up to them but I think they flashed back to the getting in trouble for not calling me Ms.__ and decided against it. I always told the kids you can call me anything you want as long as it is respectful. I had to include the respectful part because my oldest SS started calling me baby for a hot minute... which granted is what DH says to me most of the time but coming from a 10 year old I found it slightly disrespectful.

momof4, that sounds like a slippery slope. The only times (in my experience) that I've seen a stepparent ordered to pay support is when they have legally adopted the child after the biological parents rights were terminated or the death of the biological parent. I'd be interested to read this if you could point me in the right direction.

LOL about baby.

"I am in family court quite a bit (3 days a week) and do work for social services."

Are these your 'qualifications' to prove you are right or more qualified in YOUR opinion? I own a attorney support services company and deal with family attorney's (as well as all other areas of law) and go to court often. I left social services after 10 years because it didn't pay much and quite stressful. I've also completed my coursework to be a paralegal but since a paralegal has to work for an attorney, I chose to be self employed instead. What's your point in mentioning that?

You said:
"Not all of the time is it the childs right to choose. Which is why courts frown upon it in any situation."

You made statements that (all) courts give a rats behind about what a child calls the stepparent and I gave MY experiences of Judges telling complaining parents to grow up and get over it if that's all they have to complain about.

Imamommy, what is your point? Those are my experiences and my views of this subject, with the explaination of how I came to some of them.

Where did I say all? Perhaps you are having trouble following the flow of conversation, but the reason I mentioned it is because you asked me if I am a lawyer and I answered you. Yes, I do believe I am qualified in my opinion although even just saying that sounds funny b/c I'm sure most people don't think that way LMAO -- more like I have the right to my opinion LOL.

Again, your views and experiences were never in question so I'm not sure where you are coming from. I haven't even said anything to you about your views on this subject??? Nor was I aware if we were debating either one of our views or experiences.

Are we in the twilights zone?

No, you are in Ima world. Dont worry. I tend to think your comments are pretty much correct.

Ima, to quote Sylvia's brother "chill, baby". Giggle too.

You both can have knowledge of the court systems. You can have different knowledges and opinions.
If I went to two different lawyers, they could tell me two totally different things. Both could be legally correct, but completely different.

Other people here share knowledges too: Serenity has made a longterm career of gender study. I took a bunch of classes as an undergrad and do a lot of "hobby" reading on gender studies. It's OK for us to share this topic. Serenity is more eloquent when she explains it, but I know my stuff too.
I have taken years of science, mostly biochemistry. TOS does a lot of web-based research when she needs to know something about biochemistry. This is OK. I have a different perspective on it, and might understand it in more depth, but TOS is welcome to provide the science when it is relevant.

this is one article that I found just now... all I did was google step parents paying child support or something like that and kept on reading articles...at the time I know that I found some related to Florida as well because that is where I live and was happy that there was at least some standing for step parent visitation and step parents financial obligation (my biggest fear has always been if something should happen to Dh I would lose him and the kids)

Here is a link that might be useful: article on step parent financial obligation

Giggle

While I understand what you are saying the courts view point on the subject is I have to say I still can't see how it could really be inforced if it was the child's decision to call the step parent mom or dad. Short of following the child around all day there would be no way to really inforce it.

To me it is also like the courts are forcing the child to pick a favorite which is really haard on a child who loves two people.

I only say this because the girls call me mom half the time. I used to try to correct them but Jonathan said stop. Just let them call you what they want. Even when they were trying to call me by my name they'd slip up and say mommy first. I think it's natural when you have a woman that is taking care of your needs 95% of the time to become refered to as mommy. They can't help it and I can't make them stop. I don't feel the courts could hold the girls or me reliable for that.

Doodle, I guess I didn't wrap up my point too well. The children of such cases would not be held responsible. The biological parent and stepparent would be. I've seen in a variety of ways, although there isn't a specific cause and effect consequence and it also has to do with other varying factors in the specific case as to what would/could happen.

Ceph, I am always chill, baby ;)

lol, now I'm envisioning a chain gang of dads & stepmoms that are paying their debt to society for allowing a kid to call her 'mom'. I don't see too many dads that get bent out of shape if the kids call stepdad 'dad'. Maybe guys have better things to worry about, like being expected to support two households.

Actually, in my experience :) the vast majority of these cases is where the child is calling Stepdad - Dad. Not Stepmom - Mom.

It probably has to do with the imbalance of custodial mothers vs. custodial fathers.

look for all of us stepMOMS in our orange jumpsuits on the side of the freeway . . . :-)

Personally I think if there is a bioparent in the child's life that is the person who should be called Dad or Mom. I had a stepdad who was my dad because my dad was not in the picture. My kids love my husband and spend more time with him than their own dad but they call him by his name. They have a dad and he gets the respect of being called Dad.

If my exhusband remarried I would be very disappointed if my children were asked, encouraged, or forced to call her mom- I'm their only mom.

As a stepmother I would not want to be called Mom by my stepkids unless it were a situation where their BM had passed away or was not part of their life in anyway. If I don't show respect for the BM (as crazy as she is) how can I expect any in return.

But I might just be sensitive about it because I can't even bring myself to call my MIL or stepMIL mom even though I love them both very much.

ROFL... The day I call FDH's mom "mom" will be the day the sky turns orange and the earth spins backwards.
(This is the woman who phones FDH about five times a year - once at Christmas, once for his birthday, once in the summer and usually twice to be mad at him... who yelled at me because she didn't want to deal with her other son's stuff when the condo flooded - I had cleaned most everything up, she just had to get FDH's brother's stuff out of there and store it, but she told me to deal with it... whose response to our engagement was "Oh good, I'll take you out for supper"... who won't call A__ her grandson because "he's not your kid"... she's a peach)

LMAO! Okay so I COMPLETELY agree with Ceph. I actually do love my FMIL but I could never call her "mom". She always makes these little comments to me all while smiling and laughing. My mother would never do that to me. Like one day I told her we would go out for lunch. She said she didn't want to and I said it was her son's treat. I said that he wanted us to have a nice lunch together so he gave me some money. She says (all while laughing, of course) "Well if he gives you money, what do you give him in return?" I was shocked and just told her that he doesn't always give me money, but that he had to work so he wanted to help me take his mom to lunch. What I should've said is "SEX! LOTS and LOTS of SEX!" LOL! The look on her face would've been priceless. LOL!

My stepkids call me by my first name. Stepson refers to me as "my stepmom" or, if he's talking about his dad AND me, he says "my parents" or "my folks". My stepdaugter refers to me as her "bonus mom". She thinks stepmom has a negative connotation. Whatever.

Of interest, our youngest (1/2 sib to both my steps) usually calls me mom or mama or mommy, but sometimes calls me by my first name, like she hears the other kids call me! I just laugh.