I don't think it is normal for brothers to fight...all the time. I think no one steps in to teach them to settle their fights with discussion and compromise. I had two sons and they did not fight, they tried but I don't allow anyone to fight in my home. My sons did not sass me either. I did have problems with one, serious problems but no problems between the boys.

Even opposite-gender siblings can argue. But DH is one of three boys and I haven't heard any stories of constant fighting (or fighting at all). I'd suggest you talk it over with your husband and gently urge him to get counselling for the boys. There must be something at the bottom of the fighting, it's not normal to be mean spirited and negative all the time. They can't be happy.

It's true that they are probably unhappy. One reason could be that they don't hear from their BM very often. She is a very unstable person and acts like a kid herself. Counselling, i'm sure, would benefit them. I am very lucky in that they do respect me even though they don't each-other. As step-moms go that's an accomplishment. I have tried to encourage them to talk things out instead of being hateful to each-other. I am also lucky in that they don't physically harm each-other. It's just verbal but that kind of abuse is just as damaging. Thanks for the input.

In addition to getting counseling for the children, consider a consultation with a child behavior expert for yourself and your husband. (It's great he's on the same page.)

You should be able to get referrals from your pediatrician or the school.

In this case the purpose would be to learn strategies for dealing with this unremitting conflict. If you and your spouse have ways to forestall these sorts of arguments, the home atmosphere will improve, and that will benefit everyone.

Ages of all boys?

16, 13,& 11- the two older boys are the focus of my topic.

I don't think this is warrants counseling. This is nothing more than two boys trying to figure out their place in the family.

My two daughters, age 15 and 8 argued like this for a while, contradicting and trying to correct the other one. The way I stopped this was I let them know the pecking order -

I'm the momma, and I'm always in charge. If I'm not around, D15 is in charge. D8, you are low man on the totem pole, your job is to listen to your big sister. D15, your job is to be a good big sister and look out for her, but if I'm here, you step back and let me handle things.

And I backed this up. If I was going to the store, I left D15 in charge, and told D8 she had to listen to her sister. The only time I stepped in was if D15 was being mean to her sister. Other than that, D8 knew she had to do what her sister said. Of course, D8 didn't like at first that she had to do whatever her sister told her to, but once she accepted her role things went a lot smoother. And once I got D8 to respect her sister, D15 took her responsibility seriously and started looking out for her little sister.

Once everyone knew where their position in the pack was, there wasn't any more arguing.

Now if I could just get them to stop interrupting each other . . .

Amber3902 makes a good point. They do have their own roles in the family and once they see that accepting each-other will make things go more smoothly. We have a new youth pastor at our church. My kids really like him, they say he is so cool and relates to them well. I think I'll use this opportunity to let him mentor the boys because I think instead of talking to a counselor(which they hate the very idea of) they would be more inclined to taking his advice first. Don't get me wrong, I fully support the idea of counseling. But I'd rather see results by using a source I know they would listen to instead of them resenting me for taking them to a counselor they don't feel comfortable with and not getting anywhere in the process.