I kind of agree with TOS. I was 14 when my dad and stepmom married. I love my stepmom dearly. But if she had stepped into my life and declared that my housekeeping skills, table manners, etiquette, personal hygiene, and manner of dress were all lacking even if it were objectively true, I would not have been receptive. Or if she had stepped in and tried to "share" her interests rather than getting to know me and learning what mine were. I suspect you got off to a bad start with your stepdaughter. I'm sure you meant well, but the mere fact that she told you that you might be able to change her dad, but not her, suggests that what you saw as "help", she saw as "criticism" and as you trying to change who she is. If you are interested in my opinion, I would suggest that you back off. The two of you have decades of dealing with each other ahead of you. Try to start over, and take it more slowly this time. Let the relationship develop naturally between the two of you, rather than try to force it into whatever mold or expectations you had in mind that it should be because you married her father. You may still find that you don't particularly like each other as people, but you may also find that without the expectations or pressures of parent/child issues, you get along just fine. She is spending time with, and taking advice from, mature members of your church congregation? How could this possibly be a bad thing? I understand that your feelings are hurt that she is not seeking *your* advice, but while I am sympathetic, that is your issue not hers. Do you want to be told whose advice you should be taking? I think that for the sake of your future relationship, if you haven't already done so, you need to completely back off from trying to help or advise her and simply let this girl find herself. Then get to know who she turns out to be... with no expectations of what kind of relationship will develop. Just let it happen naturally.

I deleted some stuff that doesn't apply to your situation. ............................................................ A couple in my church adopted a little boy whose parents' rights had been severed because of sexual abuse. The first year of life with Daniel was traumatic for all three: Daniel's kindergarten called the new mom to come pick him up because he was approaching children and adults sexually. Daniel went to a few birthday parties & was quickly blacklisted because of his sexual overtures to guests & parents. Daniel & his new parents went to intensive counselling, & the new mom quit her job to take care of Daniel... not only did he need full-time mothering, but he kept getting thrown out of day care. The parents learned that children who have been abused sexually almost always approach others sexually; it's what the children have learned to do for attention, approval, companionship...love, or a cheap facimile thereof. Yet their abusers have also shamed them into keeping the big secret; Daniel never said one word about previous sexual "activity". Based on what you *know* of sexual activity at her mother's house, I'd bet that this young girl has seen, *& been involved in*, a lot more than you know. She'll keep approaching people, girls, boys, grown men, whoever, sexually because *that's what she knows how to do*. ............................................................ Please get some help for this little girl, & keep her safe. If you 'give her back' to someone who's led her a chaotic existence & allowed her to be sexually abused, I think the day will come when you will find it impossible to forgive yourself. I wish you the best.

I wrote this to try to get help with my family or what is left of it. This is the first time I ever posted anything on this forum. So instead of getting help I am getting feed back based on the notion I am a teenager or the same person that wrote something on a wedding. The real issue is that a young girl of 17 has manipulated her entire family to the point that she is now posting blogs on how the ruin your parents life and get anything you want while you do it. Again she doesn't want to spend time with her father her real mother or anyone she justs wants to do what she wants to do.. She is entering her senior year and has no job doesn't want to go to college her father lost his job and he is going into over twenty thousand dollars of credit card debt to continue to keep her in clothes and jewelry he can't nor never could afford he never made more than fifty or sixty thousand dollars a year. He has no health benefits he depends on me and now that she is living with her grandmother I don't even know if she is eligible to stay under my health benefits. She is dating a drug dealer and there is nothing I can do or say about it. Her father says he believes her when she says he never carries drugs or deals drugs when he is with her. Tell me does this seem odd to anyone? I now don't want her in my home anymore in fear that she will bring this home. So since I last wrote these new developments have changed things If my husband doesn't disciple her and I cant how can I let her be around my children or in my home. I love my husband but I have an obligation to keep my children safe and under the new circumstances having her in my home isn't an option.. MY children informed me she was bring drugs in the house and when my son found out he told her he was not only going to tell us but call the police. I am sure she brings things into my mother-in-laws house she is 65 and doesn't speak much English. So although I love my husband my life may have to be on hold until she is 18 in June. She wants to go out and be discovered she is considering working at Disney a character for experience for acting. That is today tomorrow who knows. If I sound bitter I am. I gave this child love, a home, clothes and anything she could want.Including consistence and rules. I was her only parent five to six days a week. Now she has total freedom because know one knows what she does she can lie and they believe it. The fact that she is writing this on her new facebook which her father does think she has since the time she put up naked pictures of her self.Tells you she is really something If she put this to good I swear she could rival Donald Trump

agree with coleen. there was this story on parents forum. This one lady posted her story as estranged parent and how her DIL treated her poorly and that's why she does not talk to her son or somehting of the sort. It did sound like a real story. But people made suggestions to her that she might be too harsh on her DIL and her son, so she should try to treat them nice because they sure cannot be as evil as she decsribed. She got upset and dissapeared. But then as time passed some newly registered member posted a thread about her MIL, in this thread this "young lady" was telling the same story but now from a position of DIL. and she portrayed herself as selfish and mean DIL. Now everybody is yelling and screaming: how dare you be so mean to your MIL, you are so evil and selfish. As time passed though it turned out that that same original poster (MIL) created a new name and decided to impersonate evil DIL as to convince everybody that DIL trully is evil. When it was uncovered both posters (or actually one under 2 names)dissapeared. So people do bizzare stuff to prove the point or waste everybody's time. On the other hand it is OK to discuss hypothetical situation with the wedding or with whatever else even if it is made up. Who cares if it is real, it is not like it makes a difference for us, right? The only difference is that with real story people can provide clarifications and true details to help with discussion but in made up stories we don't have that.