Oh man...I feel for you.

My DD is 6.5 now but she had horrible temper tantrums when she was 3ish. I found 3 to be MUCH harder than 2. BUT--at least yours is getting it out of the way earlier! :)

I think you are doing all you can. Tantrums are so hard...they can be so frustrating and infuriating to the parent. I think the best thing, hard as it may be, is to NOT give any kind of reaction. If he gets out of bed repeatedly, take him back to bed silently. No words. Same thing with spitting or whatever--deal out the consequence (ie--2 mins in a time-out spot) and don't give any reaction. If he screams, yells, leaves time-out, whatever---just take him back and don't say anything.

When I was teaching we used this tactic quite often. Of course, the first time you have to explain--"you are going to time out for spitting at me" or whatever--but after that, you just have to IGNORE. Once the time-out is over, it's a clean slate.

An egg timer works really well, too, with time-out. It helps the child to know that this is not "forever."

I really think timeouts are good for both the child AND parent because both have time to CHILL OUT.

A change of scenery often works too. If he's throwing a tantrum, get him to another room---put him in the stroller and go for a walk---go outside with him in the backyard. Often, just the change of scene will work wonders.

Hang in there--this too shall pass!

The bedtime routine will probably take a week - maybe two to straighten out, but you're basically on the right track. The only changes I'd make would be after the third time out of bed to pick him up under one arm (head forward, feet back) rather than all 'huggy' on your hip. It'll communicate that you're annoyed and mean business. And of course, not to lie down and snuggle with him -- you're rewarding his bad behavior. To make it easier on yourself, write down on a calendar one week from now and two weeks from now to remind yourself that the end is in sight. ;-)

On the tub stuff, I'd go ahead and let him sit. He's getting 'clean enough' and that's one battle that may not be worth fighting. If you're not OK with that, a hand shower can work wonders. Soap him up, spray him off. Of course, you'll have to keep the hand shower out of reach if he likes it...

What are your morning deadlines? Are you getting him up and dressed because you believe in a set schedule? (I'd relax in that if that's your only reason for getting him up after a rough night.) Or because you have to take him to daycare and get to work? If you need to get him to daycare and he just won't cooperate, then simply pick him up and take him in his pajamas with a change of clothes packed in a bag. (The day care will totally get it!) Explain to him that getting himself dressed and ready is his job, not yours, though you will certainly give him as much help as he needs. Calmly tell him that you cannot allow him to make you late for work, so if he's not ready, he'll have to go to school in his PJs. Then DO IT. My older son pulled this stunt ONCE as a three year old, and was crying with embarassment the whole way to school. I had no idea he would be so embarassed, but he clearly was. He went straight to the restroom and got dressed in 2 minutes flat, and hasn't been late for school in 15 years.

Is your husband around to help? Because sometimes taking a break yourself and handing the little monster off to Dad can make a big difference.

And one final trick -- If you ever find yourself losing it and you really need a break, go ahead and yell. Keep it short and relatively mild -- then tell Sonny that you were bad too, and that BOTH OF YOU need a time out. Then take it - you in one corner, him in the other. When you're done, appologize, big hug, and ask for his help to help you keep your temper too.

Thanks ladies you have some really great advice..last night DH was at home so we took turns putting DS back in bed..We still had to do this for a good hour but it was much less stressful taking turns......sometimes we are on a deadline in the mornings when I have class three days per week and the other mornings are much more relaxed....I think I will totally do the wear pjs to school idea!!
I am also gonna mark on the calendar (I will give us two weeks) of the same exact routine at night (puttling him back to bed) that will be our goal!!
Thanks!

Wow
I have the child of all children who hates bedtime. Bedtime has ALWAYS been a struggle with her. One time I did the nanny thing 50 times seriously. Things have gotten better, but she still gets out of bed so we have to take turns standing guard.

Two is a rough age. I think you got some good advice from the other posters.

Three has been tough as well, but for different reasons. Now that she is talking in sentences she says some pretty naughty things. The other day she told me "I dont want to look at your face anymore!" I thought where in the sam hell did she learn that one! She also mooned me the other day. She is by nature a naughty one for sure.

I feel for you, but hey I always try to remember that there are many of mothers out their who have lost their children or whose children have disabilities that would love to have these problems. Just remember some day these difficulties will be a distant memory and probably pretty funny!

Instead of standing guard at the door -- he'll catch on to that very soon and will hold you hostage -- see if you can use a baby monitor instead, or a toy that makes noise if it's moved. When our youngest was at that stage(then again later when he was sleepwalking), we had a toy car with a 'burglar alarm' built in! If you touched the car, the alarm went off and had to be silinced by the key tag. It was just a cheap little toy, but worked great. We'd set the alarm and place it right in front of his door, and the alarm would go off if he opened his door.

Wow! Feel for you!
I don't have any words of wisdom or advice. Maybe other than is dad helping you out with him? Perhaps not being the only one to put him to bed and deal with it all will help.
Tantrums are difficult, hopefully it is just a short stage he is going through or something. Maybe he wasn't feeling well etc.
Keep us updated, i would love to hear how he is doing. Hang in there mom!