You handled it great!
Too many committees = goofing off.

If she's 17, why isn't she driving herself?

In our house committees and sports and extras go away really quickly if school performance and grades aren't up to snuff.
I think you handled it just fine - life is about making choices and at 17 she needs to learn that!

Why isn't your DH, her mother (assuming she is back from africa) dealing with/doing this? How did this job fall to you? Just curious.

And yea if the grades are stinko and classes are being skipped those committees would be nixxed in a hurry. If it were my kid that is. As a Step mum you are really powerless there except to refuse to be the taxi service.

~Cat

She doesn't yet drive, it's pretty expensive here to get insurance for kids...

Cat, I am the "driver" for the kids. BM doesn't have a car anymore, she tells everyone that she "doesn't believe in cars because she wants to make the world a greener place" but she actually lost her car because it was on loan to her from her boss and she stole some clients from her boss and worked for them privately, then her boss found out and fired her and took back his car..It's very sad really...

The "parenting" mostly falls to BM because DH has tried over and over to parent SD's. When he does impose curfews or takes away a priviledge, SD's just run back to BM, she takes their sides, tells them "there there, he can't do that to YOU, WE won't let him!!" and that's that. It's a big case of manipulation, BM has taught them since they were young...

Hmm, well that complicates things. I guess you could just refuse to be the driver until you and DH feel she has addressed her poor grades/attitude. If BM doesn't like it, well I guess SD could always go green and hoof it, or not not be able to participate in all these activities.

When my DS started driving (same insurance issues here as in most areas) the deal was this 1. Grades and schoolwork had to be kept up to standards. 2. DS had to work and earn enough money to pay for his gas, ins & maintenence for his vehicle. 3. Any tickets would be be paid for by him and if it happened more than once the car would be gone.

He did in fact get 2 speeding tickets within 3 months of each other and I took his car away and sold it. He was mortified to have to ride the bus for the next year. I was terrified he would get himself killed or kill someone else. Now he is a very good driver, but I don't think I slept that first year. Everyone thought I was so extreme, but I don't regret being that harsh at all. My youngest SS we had to force to get his license at 17 because he would have been perfectly happy to have a chauffer forever, it really got ridiculous! (not the same SS we've had all the issues with)

Back to your SD, what would happen if you just step back from this and let your Dh deal with it? That way it's not your problem and you won't have that frustration. Also it may be a really good learning experience for her to not have you to taxi her around.

JMHO, just doesn't seem fair that this has ended up being your problem. The girl has two able bodied parents. Maybe you can choose to "go green" for a while?

Hugs,
~Cat

Cat:
"He did in fact get 2 speeding tickets within 3 months of each other and I took his car away and sold it."

That is classic! I would've done the same thing. Fortunately, when my sons started to drive, they knew I meant business. Follow the law or pay the consequences. I had a large chalkboard in the kitchen and on it, in bold letters were the words "There is no bail money." That meant ... if you get in trouble, don't call me to bail you out. We made it through those teenage years without incident.

Shannon:
SD needs to get a drivers license.
Insurance under a family plan shouldn't be more than $50.00 per month.

Cat, good for you, that you took away your sons car...I think you did the right thing!!

Terinick, we don't have money to buy SD a car, and BM has no car as I mentioned in one of my posts, so I don't think that's going to work. SD did call me and DH and ask us to drive her to a "meeting" last week that would have taken about 45mins. there and 45mins. back so DH stepped up and told her "No way". She then called me again and left a very long whiny message that could she please have a ride, and why she needed to go to the meeting,etc...so I called her back and said NO nicely but firmly, told her again that grades and school come first. And the best part, she brought up that she "wasn't trying to guilt me into doing it" and I replied "well, trying to 'guilt' me into anything DOES NOT work...!! I felt so good with myself...:)

I'm not suggesting you purchase a car for the girl ... I'm suggesting she get a drivers license. Talk to your insurance company and ask about adding a teenage driver to your policy. Most companies give discounts for drivers ed classes and good grades. If she gets her grades up and proves she is trustworthy, perhaps Dad will let her use his car to get to her meetings on occasion.

So I am making the assumption that her after school job is for her to buy herself luxuries....and not to help pay bills in the home. If it were my child I would say:

"since you are not going to class and not doing homework you are not allowed to go to these committee meetings or have an after-school job. Until you go to all your classes each day for a month and bring your grades up-- school and home will be it for you! I will not drive you anywhere but to/from school."

There is no reason why this girl can not go to class and do homework if she has all this time for committees and an after-school job.

As Nancy Reagan so aptly put it "Just say NO."

This has turned out to be my favorite word the past 6 months :0) You are not her Taxi service, errand girl, personal driver-make other plans for your time. If she can't get herself to class and pass with decent grades why should you be at her disposal?

I think I'd join an evening book club or Ladies group and leave them all to it.

Best of luck and let us know how it all shakes out, I'm curious to see if your SD applies herself to her studies.

~Cat

Shannon, I agree with mom2emall and really everyone. A part-time job is good at one level but is not more important than homework and focusing on school work. Plus the money from the job probably is going for clothes, downloads, movies, concerts whatever.

Totally agree, all the committees need to be put on hold or eliminated if her grades aren't where they should be. While BM may be the primary parent, you don't have to be the support system for this stuff you don't like.

Nope, there is no TAXI on your forehead unless you put it there as in Stop sign.