Since there aren't too many updates, I thought that I would post one from my initial 8/30ish post. The original went something like this: BF and I were eloping on our vacation and he wanted to inform his adult DD's of our marriage via an announcement that we sent to everyone. For several months I tried to convince him that it was not the thing to do, impersonal, etc. I think it was Ceph who offered up good advice to call the DD's while we were away and have them help us plan a dinner/party for sometime after our return. Mr. Sensitivity would not listen. They were his DD's and I had no say.

WELL...we were married last week and got home on Saturday. A neighbor picked us up from the airport and told us that the 20-year-old was very upset and almost inconsolable. Gee, you think! Mr. Sensitivity still didn't get it. He was angry at her for being upset and said that if she didn't like it, and if her sister felt the same way, then there was the door (a few other choice things too). The 24-year-old came home a couple of hours after us and she was apparently upset too, but didn't let on. She said hello to me and nothing else. On her way out of the house she told her dad, "Oh, I got your card - I guess I should congratulate you."

The following morning we saw the youngest and she said nothing, Monday she said nothing, Tuesday she said nothing. I got home that night and he said that the neighbors wanted to have a BBQ or something. He was furious and stated that they had no consideration of his DD's. I told him that I am sure they were invited and I reminded him that his older DD was invited for cake and a champagne toast on Sunday, but she wanted to go out w/her BF. He said that she doesn't like cake. This is before I knew she was also upset. Anyway, he ranted more about how the neighbors and I never consider his DD's. He brought said that one too many times and then I decided they were open game. If he wanted to talk about a lack of consideration, then this is how I felt about the youngest. I said I was sorry that she was so upset, but to act like nothing happened one way or another was disrespectful and rude. Our marriage was the elephant in the room. I'm sure he didn't like it, but I did and always have put his DD's before me. I was the one who made sure she went to the dr when her hair recently fell out...Needless to say, he and I didn't speak at all that night.

Wednesday was just as bad. I spoke to his mom and came to the realization that he didn't want to tell them in the first place because they may not have wanted him to marry (and I don't think it's personal). My MIL agreed and said that he would have felt guilty. When I confronted him on it, everything hit the fan. He threw his ring at me, asked my why I was here, and accused me of never liking his kids. I really blew and told him that I was the one considering them all of these months, urging him to tell them before and even include them. I told him I was sorry his children, ADULT CHILDREN, were so upset, but it was not my fault.

He finally went to talk to the youngest and I called a divorce attorney :o(. I was beginning to get my stuff together to move out and I was going to my car. He was talking to the youngest and she was crying. I felt terrible all the way around. He told me he needed to speak with me, so don't go anywhere. When he finished talking to DD, he told me that I WAS RIGHT. He should have listened and that she was upset to find out like she did. He apologized to both of us and took full responsibility for his utter lack of judgment, explaining to her that I kept telling him you can't do that.

I spoke to his DD about 20 minutes after he spoke to her. We both cried. I told her how sorry I was for her pain and that I loved her dad and her. I also reassured her that he loved both she and her sis, that they were adults and moving foward in their lives and he needed to as well, but that he would ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM and they will always come before me. We hugged and she said that she was actually happy for us. I'm glad that it worked out, but it is not a good way to start things.

So, my new SD said the only thing that worries them is when BM finds out. She said that anytime we go away, even to visit DH father (always a two night stay) she takes it personally and takes it out on them. I reminded her that what happens in our house is our business and what happens at BM is BM's business.

Sorry so long. Geri