Thank goodness it's just a study conducted by one set of folks.

No numbers were quoted.

Doesn't it seem odd that the whole study seems to be based upon whether or not it's good to have a step-mom?

Sounded like a stilted study to me. Yet another article to prove that us step-mothers have a lot to fight against, useless studies being one of those things.

HOW ABOUT POSTING POSITIVE, USEFUL, INFORMATION and not yet another bleak statistic on how all the odds are against our families? C'mon, let's try and help and not undermine one another with articles like this.......

"According to the NY times report, a new study shows that it may be better to be a child of a single parent than live with a step-mom!"

I find it facinating that this is the statement you would claim represented a three page article which, if you actually read it, acknowledged that this issue is quite complex and that what it does show is that non-bio parents invest less in a child than a bio parent might. Big shocker - especially if there is a bio-mother out there screaming at one to leave their child alone, coupled with a kid who shoves the 'you're not my mother' in one's face. It also shows what a lot of women on this board have come to realize - that the man usually leaves "parenting" to the woman, then wonders why there is so much animosity.

And I really don't see that your statement represented or even came close to representing what the article really said.

babeinthewoods, I totally agree with your input. Thanks!

babeinthewoods I completely agree with you.!

I just stumbled accross this forum just now, I hope that my comment on this blog isn't horribly out of context, but I have some sincere thoughts about the comments listed in reference to this dilemma.

Personally, I dont find a leg for parents to stand on in this issue. I think it's a travesty. The idea that it is somehow 'excusable' for a parent to mistreat a child.

There was a comment up there that unless I misunderstood it, suggested that this was in someway alright. I dont suppose it crossed any of these parents minds that we're talking about full grown adults... placing blame... on the situation... or worse the children... hmm.. something doesn't jive there. Anyone who assumes the role of a parent, Mother or Father, should realize that they have accepted the responsibility to teach, provide and care for the children under their stewardship ~ regardless of bilogical ties. If they can't handle it, then they were not prepared to enter into that marriage.

Besides, there's not a mother in the universve that is going to say that it's a pic nic to raise children, even if they are your own. It's a matter of equality ~ a child being treated unfairly by a parent is wrong. Simple as that. It doesn't matter what the child does, how can you hold a child accountable to the understanding of an adult? Of course it's going to be difficult for a parent to accept a new child, especially one that is not of their own blood. However, difficulty has never, and never will justify inequality in any degree. We're talking about childrens lives here! Isn't their future worth a little sacrfice on parents part?

I have lived in a home with step parents, and witnessed first hand the inequality of a step parent and the negative effects on the child development. For the Childrens sake, they are not to be overlooked.

And it doesn't only effect the unfavored stepchildren, it also effects the developement of the favored children drastically. They see the inequality and think that it is ok, and begin to think that they are simply better than the other children. This can lead to serious developmental consequences, especially when the inequality goes unchecked and uncorrected.

I have had recent exposure to support groups that are designed to help split families come together, and have healthy interfamily relationships. The thing that I can't figure out, is this whole 'evil Step-Mother' thing. I do not intend to dish out any inequality myself, I'm sure Fathers have their part in it too. But it is uncanny how prevelant this condition really is! I scarcely have heard of a split family that DIDN'T experience this Evil Step Mother situation.

In most cases, the Mother begins the new marriage with good intnetions of treating her new husbands children with love and nurture. The husband of course is desperate to have an environment where his children can have that much needed influence in the home. This all sounds peachy and wonderfull, but usually about six months into the marriage, there begins to be a rift. It usually arrises with the Mother secretly trying to find ways to favor her children, to make them feel MORE important. It slowly increases until it is no longer secret, this of course makes the already vulnerable and confused children of the Father to feel unwanted, and this arouses a sense of justice. This of course leads to conflict, if there's one thing children understand very well, it's equality. Fairness. And from there its a downward spiral, with the parents eventually having to pick sides.

I hope this doesn't rub anyone the wrong way. I realize it's pretty 'stereotypy', but it's been ridiculously common in nearly everyone I talk to. With the exception of a few Mormon familys I've met ~ they seem to have figured out how to make it work.

I suppose this isn't going to be recieved well. My only goal is to help parents better see things from the childrens standpoint, and stop being selfish.

Jorell

ps I try to be very open minded, and would love to hear any alternative veiws.

About this research and what it proves, it is interesting to read the COMMENTS OF THE AUTHOR as she considers KEY another element forgotten in all the posts, THE CHILDREN's FATHER'S ROLE

see:
http://www.princeton.edu/~paw/archive_new/PAW00-01/04-1108/notebook.html

Faculty File:_Stepchild research
After economics professor Anne Case published in August the results of her research on stepfamilies, stepmothers in particular, hundreds of people wrote to Case taking exception to her findings. "There are a lot of angry stepmothers who let me know they thought that I was making them sound like wicked stepmothers, which is not at all what the results were saying," said Case.
Case, who worked on this project with another professor of economics, Christina Paxson, said that it was true the data showed that children raised in households with stepmothers received less health care, less education, and less money spent on their food than children raised by their biological mothers.
But she added that the newspapers that published accounts of her and Paxson's findings, downplayed the role of the father. "They underplayed the role the fathers are not playing. Is the dad thinking, This woman is going to take care of the doctor's appointment? And is the woman thinking that maybe dad should do it?" In the surveys when the father was the respondent, the fathers tended not to remember if the children ever had an earache or a sore throat or ever had to go to the doctor. "If you believe what they report," said Case, "their children are just superhuman children. It's because that's not their beat; that's not what they see."
The findings were taken from two national surveys of American households that publish numerous data, including income, spending, and health habits.
Case, who is on leave this year, teaches a one-semester Ph.D. course on economic development and a one-semester course on domestic policy for the Wilson School M.P.A.s.

MAYBE INSTEAD OF WICKED STEPMOTHER WE SHOULD ADDRESS THE MATTER OF ABSENT AND DETACHED FATHERS ?

Well said Searer!

My son's very lucky to have an involved and caring stepmother. Truly, she's a gem. But she knows I'd prefer to take him to the Dr. myself rather than have her do it. I have made it clear that my 'territoriality' does extend that far. (Of course, in case of emergency, she absolutely can, and has, with my thanks.)

But his father has never, ever, even once made a doctor's appointment. He did make a dentists' appointment once, but only because he wanted the dentist as a client.

Why do so many dad's appear to think that by "providing a good stepmother" that they're doing their job as fathers?