Californian: planted Snow Queen this year and REALLY looking forward to it. Last few days FIRST TIME ever seeing FIG BEETLES which I really adore! Neighbor has junky huge peach tree hanging over my fence - we pick up all lousy peaches and get onto compost immediately. Today I was cutting down the overhanging branches and pulling the fruit and found no fig beetles at work nor telltale damage but peaches has to be why they're here because they ain't eating my figs. Try trapping them with sacrificial fruit as my compost pile seems to be, or putting out soda bottle funnel traps with nasty sweet water if you aren't ready for mechanical harvest by one animal or another. It's also possible the beetles are as repulsed by my baby-cooing at them as rattlesnakes appear to be and are fleeing in disgust - so you might want to try that.

Thanks Ima I don't feel that I was threatening or accusing or harassing in my email to him. I let 4 objective people read it first and there were two lines I was told to delete because they seemed not important and just added to the length. My point was to send a short, FYI, notification, just thought you should know type of email. It was to the point and factual, no emotion and no attacks. Just simple. I have not inquired about CS in 6 years bc I've never had to. I've never asked for modification or for a review. Since we were in Court and things came up like non payment of medical bills, not keeping health insurance consistently so the judge ordered a review. I am sure it angered them but direct your anger at the system, not me! Ya know? I did respond. I was calm and I didn't 'apologize' I just basically said I was concerned at how hostile he had become and that I was not aware that there was a law or an injunction stating I couldn't converse with him regarding child support. But left it at that. I don't understand why the words hurt me. They just do. I am 'told' my daughter is treated with this same hostility every day at their house. I think that might be why it hurts me. I feel her pain when I am in her shoes and I'm an adult! I can't protect her from them. I can't figure out how to teach her to stand up for herself when I can't do it for myself. I have a problem with confrontation. And criticism. I can't stand it Internalize everything that is said to me but only by certain people in my life. I'm CRAZY! It's why I'm in therapy. For the record, I've never harassed them. I haven't called them directly in 3 years. In the last 10 months I've called their house 4 times to speak to my daughter. (no answer, so does it count? Lol) I don't email often unless there is an issue but I'm very careful not to antagonize or accuse anyone of anything. I'm answered with 'mind your own business, not your concern, get over yourself, you need a psych eval' Co-parenting is non existent. Up until 10 months ago, for three years dad had supervised visits, SM had no access. I'm hoping that one day, we'll be back on that schedule. My Dd told me last night she wished they were still just doing the 1 Hour visits. But I can't really do anything with that info. I feel very sorry for my girl. She is going to need serious therapy one day. This is the SM that makes my Dd call ME by my first name in her presence while she calls SM MOM... Very controlling.

'my husband is pretty lax when it comes to dealing with these things.' Well, he hasn't had to. So far, he's had no consequences, other than having to hear that you don't like it, but the fact that you don't like it, that it's gross & obnoxious, & that it's stressing you out hasn't motivated him to change anything. If it's okay with ex-wife, & it's okay with son, & it's okay with husband, & it isn't okay with you, & your husband doesn't make a single move to make you comfortable or happy, *you* are going to have to make the change. You're already well on your way to being the cook, maid, & general household help for this messed-up family, & it'll only get worse. People are generally on their best behavior early in their marriages; this is his best behavior. It'll get worse. better to bail early rather than invest more time & energy in a relationship in which you're the least-important thing going. I'm sorry.

Hi Doublemint, Putting aside the pissing match above, I can tell you that I understand your feelings very well. My DH's ex tried these things post divorce once she learned he was dating. I am married to the custodial father with an ex that defies the odds. For years she has put knots in my stomach on a daily basis. Just thinking about the things she says or does to my SD, the way she treats my SD would effect my entire day. I would find myself taking out on my DH and kids the anger I felt toward her. I would spend hours thinking of ways to communicate to her how she was hurting her child, and her relationship with that child. I would exhaust myself trying to make us all get along and put my SD before our own agendas. My DH would constantly tell me to give up, that he had been with her for years and knew that she would not change if it didn't suit her needs. I still thought I could "fix" her and her relationship with my SD - make it into the relationship I have with her daughter who calls me her "real mom." After 10 years, I have given up. He is right - she will not change as she will never admit she is anything less than mother of the year, regardless of what her daughter says to her. There have been many times I have thought of leaving, and countless more times I have wished I would have not gotten involved, but I adore my SD and she adores me. Losing her is not worth losing her mom ... but I'm 10 years into our relationship. If I were at your point, knowing what I know now . . . I don't know that I wouldn't run the other way. Currently I am learning to let it slide - to realize that she doesn't deserve my help and she can just sink her own ship. I am still angry, but it's becoming easier to deal with . . . slowly. Truly, no one can give you a magic answer. You really have to decide what is best for your kids and yourself. It is not an easy as "just ignore it" when you can't ignore something that gets to you on that deep a level. You just have to determine if you have it in you to tough out the adjustment time - which can be years - until you reach the point you can let go. More importantly, you have to determine if your kids will suffer while you tough it out. If the answer is yes . . . no man is more important than your kids. My heart goes out to you - I wish you strength.