Children really do naturally gravitate towards their parents, and there really I dont think is much you can do about it..Im sorry you feel left out...can you all not just all walk together? I have a family of five and we pretty much just walk as a group and If someone needs to get by us we just move out of the way........
But honestly I never really thought about the way we walked together until this post....we are made up of 2 bio's 1 Step and DH and myself....
I think this might bother you more because you feel maybe a bit rejected like your not part of the nuclear (cant think of the right word YWIM) family?

Anyone else have these sort of issues? --all the time.

May I suggest asking one child to hold your hand and the second hold Dad's? Are they too old for that?

I feel terribly guilty asking for one more thing when my husband feels stressed trying to make everyone happy. Instead of making it a big issue after the fact try suggesting a solution in the moment. I know my Husband would go along with almost anything as a "simple request" at the time but if I waited till we were alone and said Hey, this bothered me today he'd respond much differently saying I'm making a big deal of nothing. Presentation is everything. Ask for what you want, and good luck.

I suspect part of this is you were stressed out with buying a car (I always am, because I dont buy cars that often) -- and if this had happened at the grocery store, you would have laughed it off. I dont know if you bot the car, but I would suggest, next time, send hubby over 30 minutes or so ahead of time. If you only have one car, drop him off, take the kids for ice cream or something, then join him. He will have started dialog, and even better, can bargain with the missus has to weight in.

I am assuming that the kids do not live with their father full time, and that its a visitation situation.

I notice from one of your other posts, that you are not yet married to the dad, just recently having become engaged. I think that if this issue, which is actually pretty petty, is bothering you that much, you had better not rush into marriage.

If the kids dont live with dad, and they are 8 and 5 years old, of COURSE they are going to hang all over dad when they go out with him. The fact that you feel left out and not part of the family, and are pouting about it, suggests that maybe you dont really understand how much harder this is going to get. On a scale of stepfamily problems, the issue that has you so disturbed probably isnt even a 1.

Your situation just changed. They know you are marrying their dad. Dont try for instant family. It takes a lot of time, and a lot of looking the other way, not getting bothered, and not reacting. If you are thinking about you, then you are going to have more problems than you can possibly imagine in the future.

My first thought when reading the original post: "WHY would anyone take their (small) kids to go buy a car??? WHY??? It is stressful and usually takes a long time, especially if you end up buying it. (unless you are very lucky and get the car you want at the price you want and there's no haggling but then there is always a ton of paperwork) Kids get restless and hungry, tired, etc. That's one place that I'd invest in a babysitter or go on a weekend the kids are not there.

Nevertheless, I agree with whoever said one with dad, one with you. You can take turns... teaches them to 'share' dad too. It would depend on their age of course and it's more understandable with younger kids. If they only see dad EOW, then it makes it a big deal to get to hold dad's hand, etc. But, if you work on building a relationship with the kids, they might not see you as competition for dad's attention. If they are getting lots of attention from dad AND you, they will hopefully be less likely to treat you as an outsider.

and I agree with Kathline. It takes time, patience, understanding and more patience. They may not want dad to get married but don't know how to say it so they act out. It may have nothing to do with you, it won't matter WHO dad is going to marry. If you take it personally, there is bound to be resentment. When you marry someone with kids, you can't have the same kind of relationship with your spouse that you can have when there are no kids. The kids are there and everything (or it will seem like everything) you do will be with taking the kids into consideration... and you have to be prepared for changes at the drop of a hat. After battling my husband for months in court to get full custody of their daughter, his ex met a boyfriend two weeks later and moved from the county and gave him full custody, not something we expected. Worrying about who holds who's hand and where do you stand is minor, save your energy for when they yell at you that you are not their mother and if it weren't for you, their parents could get back together. (see, they don't even have to blame you for the break up, you are a reminder that the reconciliation is probably not going to happen... even if it never was anyways) When they get angry and don't want to direct it at their mom or dad (who they really are angry with) step mom/dad becomes a convenient target.

I think KK may be right that you were already uncomfortable with the situation at hand, and this just added to it. She had good, constructive advice for a better method if you have to repeat the process.

I also am in Kathline's camp that this situation is one of 100 that will make you feel left out as you enter into this family. It really is different once you become a permanent thing - a step parent. It makes it 'official' that mom and dad aren't getting back together. I makes it 'official' that you will get more time with dad then they will. Even if they loved you before, they may not like you for a while.

One of the hardest, and most important, things about parenting is learning how to drive from the back seat, as often that's where you (and your wants) will be. Moving things along and holding them together from the backseat while you take care of everyone else's needs. It means pick your battles wisely - know what really matters and what doesn't.

For the record, in our family of 5 - one full time step and two joint - DH and I rarely walk together. We each usually have a younger child, and SD is often holding the other of the youngest's hands. We know 'our time' comes later, after we deal with the kids (and after I get off Garden Web!!) and we accept that. It may not be our ideal, but we are secure with it.

Good luck to you - it's along road you are on. I wish you safe and happy travels!

Boy have I been in your situation (see previous post about falling down a hill while FSD and FDH are walking like 20' ahead of me). I know exactly how you feel and I feel that way constantly. Not as much anymore since FSD lives far away, but the actual instances themselves are more intense.

JNM is so right about driving from the back seat. You will basically be the one taking care of everything, but with no real authority and no gratitude. Your authority as an adult and financial contributor will be undermined constantly, but you can do nothing about it. In my home, it seems like I'm the only one with a sense of time. Church on Sunday mornings is so hard! FSD lays around watching TV and won't get her hair done or get dressed. DS wants to do everything FSD does so then he's not getting dressed. FDH watches TV with FSD until the very last minute and then gets in the shower leaving me to continue to try to motivate and check up on the progress DS and FSD are or are not making. FSD procrastinates long enough on doing her hair that FDH comes in and does it for her. All the while, I haven't even been able to get dressed. So I end up being the last one ready and the reason why we're late. See? Textbook example of driving from the back seat.

Sometimes you just have to insert yourself. For instance, if the three of them are walking in front of you, walk up and playfully grab one of the kids' hands and swing it back and forth all while smiling. Maybe something like that will help. I'm not saying insert yourself into everything, but situations this minor should be okay for you to hop on in there.

If you don't include yourself now, the exclusion will be an accepted practice and will only get worse. I know this to be true. My FDH basically kept me at arms length for over 4 years. Then he realized the damage he was doing to not only our relationship, but my relationship with FSD, his parents and his siblings. But, it was all too late. It's an issue even as recently as the first week of August.

lol I do not have young children anymore. I am thinking that maybe there is something about gender of children, don't children gravitate towards parent (step or bio) of their gender? Are they boys or girls?

here...my experiences of walking with BF and his grown DDs....makes me laugh. DDs would walk on both sides of me and all three of us doing girly talk and BF dragging his feet behind us or trying to squezze on a sidewalk next to us or walking all away ahead of us. haha. And if my DD was with us, then there are 4 of us doing girly talk and BF does not know where to walk. They are not children though so it might not be relevant. I still I wonder if it is a gender thing?

I agree that keeping everyone happy could be stressful for a man.