I have lived with 'functional' alcoholics for years. They can walk, talk, act 'normal' while having consumed enough alcohol to knock over a horse. Unless you know them, you can't tell, and until they've gone over their usual limit that is when most people will say "oh, Bob is drunk, don't let him drive". DH and I won't allow these people to drive to our home, and NEVER did we let our family members ride with them. Sounds to me like this woman is that way. 10 shots early in the day? Normal to a person like that. She'd likely pour vodka into her juice, pop, whatever she was drinking. You usually can't smell vodka (like you can say whiskey or gin) especially if it's her drink of choice. Whether or not her family knew, hard to say. They might know that she drinks, but assume it's 'socially' and not be aware that she's downing a 5th a day in her Big Gulps. One of the most difficult things to do is to deal with an alcoholic family member, that doesn't fit the stereotype of an alcoholic. Most people think of the mug shots of drunks when they think of alcoholics, not Aunt Betty who bakes cakes for everyone's birthday. Lots of people see nothing wrong with toking. They don't believe it impairs you. I disagree. But I won't go to the point of telling people what they should or shouldn't think. I do know that people I know will not smoke weed around me, or knowingly do so when they know I'll be around, since I do tell them I can smell it on them. We watched an interview with a woman I believe was the MIL, and attorneys for the family. Man. I'm a lay person, but I'd have fired those bone heads in a minute if I was hoping they'd represent my family.

Leashed dogs in an area full of unleashed dogs are likely to become defensive - and are unable to get away while leashed if the entire dog park decides to come for a sniff and say hi. It sets a bad precedent and mood right from the get go. Our dog park is leash-optional. No part of it what so ever is fenced. You unfortunately see all too many people panicked trying to find fido because they just assumed fido knows not to go too far. We leashed ours at all times. Not because I didn't think they'd stay with us - we have them off leash all the time outside of the park, when we go camping and such, and they're fine. But at our parks you see far too many dogs who have escaped their owners - and I don't want to be put in a position to defend my dogs when the other owners weren't even there to witness anything that happened. The second last time we ever went - big guy got cornered by two large huskies. We had sat down at a bench and the dogs were lying at our feet. Having a water break, it was hot out. Up come these two huskies and they started to circle big guy and spike up. They were snarling and growling. And he was cowering - which he hardly ever does. He'll puff up usually and stand up for himself but I could tell even he knew he wouldn't win this battle if it came down to it. So there we had over 300 pounds of dog between the three of them - ready to break out in a scrap - and no owners in sight for the huskies. 2 of us to wrangle 4 dogs all together, two of which were very angry. I had to put my little self inbetween the huskies and our big guy, while my boyfriend was poised and ready to get our little one and the big guy outta there should something happen. Then the owners come trotting along and go "Oh, there you guys are! Making friends I see!" I have to admit I didn't exactly handle it with the most friendly language. But it was literally the first time I was afraid big guy would be hurt badly. Usually I am worried that if the owner doesn't come along soon, big guy will hurt their dog - but this time I KNEW they'd do some severe damage to him if anything happened. It would be nice if obedience schools had dog parks of their own - where only members who have completed (and passed) their training would be allowed in. At least then you could expect a certain level of obedience. I think everyone would feel more comfortable then.

Okay. Believe whatever you want, everyone. This is the only place that a person like myself can even post about these issues without being called a bed-warmer and being told to leave and/or being otherwise insulted. Many of you act as if people don't divorce because they just can't stand each other anymore. IF there was abuse, I could reasonably argue that BM dished it out as much as she accused. Why did take so long to Fiance to get his requirements finished? Well, please don't think for ONE moment that I haven't been UP his a$$ asking him why he waited so long. I've said all the same things to him that you've said to me. For one, he never even saw a copy of divorce decree before getting it from the courthouse himself in December. He had to pay them to fax him a copy. BM swears upon all that is holy, that he signed for and received the papers and that she has copies of his signature(s), but then she refuses to produce them for him. This is usually something she brings up when she wants extra money from him (the last time, it was over the fence that she wanted him to pay for). December '07 is when he learned the specifics of what was required of him. And he's finished those requirements. He was already paying his child support and he kept the same job so the kids were already staying covered for health insurance. Why didn't he do something LEGALLY back then? Well, I completely agree it wasn't smart of him to be so ignorant of his situation. She left him and took his kids without any warning and he was feeling very sorry for himself. He was a WRECK. I've heard it from him and from his friends. He wasn't happy with BM, but his kids were his world. But the biggest reason is this: until he and I got serious, he already had them at his house, every other weekend, and often more than that. It wasn't until she had issues with that and went back on her word that he stopped being able to have them at his own house. In fact, before I came along, she'd talked about giving him legal rights for visitation in court, because she was already bring them over all the time. In short, he didn't go to court because at the time he didn't have to. Stupid, but true. In addition, many divorced men talk about feeling utterly helpless, and feeling like maybe it would be easier on the kids to just move on. Fiance didn't move on, but he thought about it. Men are mostly powerless in custody issues; that's just the truth. There is not a day that both of us don't wish he'd fought this from the beginning. He was ignorant. fiveinall, I find it hard to believe it's so difficult to see that an abuse accusation was the PERFECT out for BM. It ensured her complete control over the situation and now she had a meal ticket until the kids turn 18. It made everyone feel sorry for her and rally around her. No one who knew fiance fell for this, however. This happens ALL the time. I'm not sure what's so hard to believe about that. She wanted out, but was probably afraid of how she'd support herself. If she wrote about exactly how the baby blacked his eye, and didn't change her story until 5 months after she left, well, come on. She's lying. My guess is that she doesn't realize that the entry about that is publicly viewable. Why on earth would she describe it in such detail if it didn't happen? And maybe you're not familiar with walkers that have built-in toys all over them. But I've seen the actual walker in their garage. If he was throwing a little tantrum, and he threw his head around the way he still does, it doesn't surprise me in the least that he'd get bruises. So how does this not add up?? And I will mention, again, that he was 4 or 5 months old when she left. She's written both ages at different times. He was not "a couple of months old at best". Someone mentioned that it sounded like she'd had a job at some point. Yep, 10 whole hours a week at a pizza place. She didn't start school until last year. Someone please explain to me how it's so unbelievable that they didn't have sex much until she wanted another baby?? That was one of *my* biggest complaints in my last relationship. We didn't even have kids! Happens. all. the. time. And no, we didn't cheat on each other. I finally picked up and moved on. TOS (and a few others), you take it upon yourself to be very condescending. Concern for me is one thing, but maybe you could respect that not everyone is an idiot. Fiance made close to $15 per hour, and still does, not that it matters. And he didn't have time to worry about finishing school. He had two people to support, and then 2 more. Providing became his #1 priority. BM didn't even make it through one semester without flunking. I wasn't good in college when I was younger, either. You seem to be judging my fiance by what he earns, which is pretty crappy, and a really good way to keep people from hearing the good points you might make. By the way, I'm well aware that one might see my distaste for BM's laziness as a projection about my own mother. I don't really care. It was reprehensible then, and it's reprehensible now not to pay attention to one's kids. It was evident at the party Saturday that someone was up and about unsupervised again. He had red stains all over his face that I'm guess was makeup, but could also be markers. That's one thing, but they were *this close* to losing their son numerous times for not watching him! That should make anyone angry. Finedreams, please look up retinopathy of prematurity. Fiance can only see very near to him. He can't even read license plates that are right in front of us. Also - he's not settling for unsupervised visitation! That's why he's hiring a lawyer! That's why he's starting a 2nd job today! People are so paranoid here sometimes that they don't notice things that I've already made very clear... It's rather frustrating to go through this and then to have to repeat myself like I'm on trial. Ages! Dates! Could my fiance be lying to me about his vision? Jesus! And finally, can we please get over my screen name? It was the most general thing I could come with off the top of my head. I'm not naive. There's a reason I'm not married already. That's why I'm HERE. I'm not making any decisions or rushing into marriage AT LEAST until he gets his visitation worked out. Having to defend myself though, as a child of divorce myself, against being completely clueless about how all this works, is hurting more than it's helping. Hook line and sinker? PLEASE. That's rude, and not remotely necessary. So I'm going to bow out of here now. Thanks to everyone for their comments. Hope everything works out.

Mojo, I get it, I'm packing now! It seems the more I pack, the messier the old place becomes! Books, after all, are neat and rectangular. I've taken 5 bags to the Library Book Sale donation so far, but have boxed up many times more for the move. Some I've schlepped up already. (It amazes the GC!) I've recycled all the old computer books, and those house design books people gave me when they knew I was building - you know, those useless house plans where frequently there are NO windows on at least one outer wall... I've brought up most of my clothing. With our current heat wave, I wish I'd left more short sleeved things down here! The only kitchen stuff still here (besides food) is the stuff that matches each other, since when the place does go on the market, this would be nice for staging. (We call the other stuff, "mutant-ware", and it is handy for camping... or getting a new residence started...) I did have to buy induction ready cookware, so the old rangetop cookware remains here. I'll be moving most of my current furniture. So most of that is staying here until I sell. I did buy a new IKEA sleeper sofa, as the cost of recovering the old one to fit into the new house would be prohibitive. I am also replacing the LAST of the old "college grad do whatcha can afford" presswood bookcases with finish-them-yourself pine book cases, and I bought a NEW office chair ($70, clearance from $200). I know this means my house won't really tie in together as House Beautiful, but it will be House Comfortable and Affordable. I've lived here since 1991. I do like this place, but hated both the kitchen (dysfunctional) and the driveway (steep, curvy, not winter-friendly). Most of the stress of moving is not from leaving here, though I will carry some good memories, but from just sorting through EVERYTHING! Indeed, I've already decided that a couple ceramic cats I brought up about a month ago will be donated to a fall auction held by a group I belong to. Nice, but... they just don't want to be in the new home. (There are some things I like well enough but don't feel the need to continue to house - I like them well enough to not wish to send them to Goodwill - which may well trash them, but rather find homes where they'll be appreciated.)