No, you are not being too sensitive. When my kids were little we never took them to church. weddings, even restaurants. I'm talking about infants and toddlers. Past that age, only took them if we had one adult per child. And, yes, I spent a a lot of Sundays in the back hallway of our church. If they really wouldn't behave, we went home.

I don't think you're being to sensitive! I know i never had kids,but I HATE going to a resturant for a nice meal and just hearing whining,crying,screaming kids! If they were mine and behaved like that,I'd get the meals to go!We sometimes go out to eat after work when we're both tired and just want to relax.We've taken to going to Burger King,Wendy's and eating in the truck! Geesh!And just to go to WalMart....how in the world do you shop with 3 or 4 crying kids? I'd get someone to watch them or get someone to shop for me.
I know that's not a wedding....but same concept.

No.
We have a "quiet" room in back of the church, with a rest room, where the mass can be seen and heard, but it's soundproofed. It's for children and others who may not be able to sit quietly or may need a handy trip to the restroom.

A true story about a child's outburst in church....I was there, and know the mother.

Back in the 70's when long hair for men started to appear, we had a young, tall thin blond priest who had shoulder length hair.
One Sunday, my neighbor took her little boy to Mass, and this priest was on the altar. In the middle of the most solemn part of the Mass, the boy spoke loudly "Hey, mom - it's Jesus Christ". She "shussh"ed him and told him it wasn't...which only led the child to yell "Sure fooled me".

She has never let him forget it.

PS - the next week, the priest had his hair cut shorter.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. It isn;t fair those other people attending who want t be able so see and hear the service.
Another true story: Our Minister had a young family and his wife and 3 kids always sat in the front pew. One Sunday their daughter Becky, 3 yrs old was really acting out and her Mom picked her up and walked up the isle to the vestibule. Becky reached over her Mom's shoulder towards her Dad at the pulpit and said, Daddy safe me. He Dad said, only the Lord can save you my child. The whole congregation burst into laughter.

I think they should leave them at home when they go to school concerts I've seen so many high school and college music concerts ruined by parents with unruly children no concern at all for the effort the students make good vent!!

Why people don't take their children out of weddings and other events when they are disruptive is beyond me.

As for leaving them home from school concerts - if you don't take kids to school concerts and such, they will never have an opportunity to learn how to behave in that type of setting. (Although judging from the number of men who wear ballcaps to school concerts, I think we are fighting a losing battle.)

If the child was as noisy as you say, I probably would have turned around and looked at the child and parents, and turned around again, especially if it was that disruptive. It is not fair to others, guess that is why 2 our of 3 of our kids spent time either at home with a baby sitter, or leaving an event. Now traveling I have noticed it is not the children that are so bad but people with dogs and motels.

My sister had 4 children that we could take anywhere. When going out to church, restaurant, etc....their father would tell them to "let's put your manners on". He would then put his hands over them and drape an invisible cover over them. As they got older (4-5), they would put their manners on by themselves.

It worked, and we're doing this with my DGD - she knows that it means "be good".

I always compliment the parents when I'm out to dinner and share the space with well-behaved children. I let them know what a pleasure it was to have them there.

I truly feel bad for the kids because they clearly have not been taught. There is nothing any better then to have someone tell you how well behaved your children are. When our 3 were small I took them everywhere I went. We would always do the mommy things and then something for the little ones. One day we were at the mall and when we finished doing what needed to be done we went and had ice cream. There were 3 older ladies and when we were finished they told me what well behaved kids I had. Believe me a little of this goes a long way. Kids can have just as much fun behaving as they can acting up....

I would have turned and gave them the look, too. Maybe, just maybe, it would have done some good...

I can never understand the moms letting their kids push the small grocery carts either. They are running wild with them.. Yesterday when I went there was a mom with her cart and the 2 kids with theirs. The kids were running everywhere. The mom said nothing. She didn't pay any attention to them. It didn't matter if they were bothering everyone else...

Just attended my DGD's wedding yesterday and another DG and family attended, they have 2 girls, ages 6 and 4 and little boy age 2and half. They were so well behaved, I'm proud of both parents,they do an amazing job with their brood, the Daddy as much as Mommy.

Children can be taught to behave or you can provide them with quiet distractions- juice boxes, books, crayons and paper. When I was 3, I attended a wedding with my Motherr. I still remember the pretty bowls of Jordan Almonds at the tables and being told what a good girl I was and so pretty.

At dinner in a restaurant tonight, I was more annoyed by a father talking the whole time on his cell phone than his child sitting quietly with a crayon and paper. I do prefer children being left at home during weddings.

We hired teens to staff the church nursery when we got married. I would certainly turn around and give kids and parents "the look" if kids were disruptive during a wedding. I have a friend who is a retired pastor and he says that when he was preaching he would rather hear a baby cry than an old man snoring. I always compliment parents when their kids are well behaved. The parents are usually surprised that they get a compliment.

I'm sure the bride would appreciate not hearing the children either at the ceremony or to hear them on any video tape.

I like the "putting on your manners" . will try it with my GD, even though she is well behaved most times

Well I get slapped down often for using the word etiquette but there you have it. Another example of relaxing standards. Wedding invitations used to be sent out and everyone understood that only the actual names on the envelope were invited. There was not such thing as "and guest" or "and family".

If young children are specifically invited then provisions should be made ahead for them. Personally I would never torture my youngsters by dragging them to a wedding. We sent our congrats and stayed home with them. If we really wanted to attend we got grandma to stay with them We never used a sitter though I have no objections to it. We just parented full time and didn't care to take that route.

I am another that is so annoyed by screaming, crying or loud talking of children in church and restaurants. One day our priest stopped mid-sermon and told the parents that the cry rooms were available. He did not continue until they used it.

I really think that since we now have no use for designated smoking areas we should put children and people who will be using cell phones there.

I had a total of six children at my wedding. All invited. "Almost" relatives who brought their 10 year old along with his older sisters, the flower girl and the ring bearer and a six week old breast fed infant who nursed through the ceremony and slept through most of the reception. All the parents of the younger ones left early enough not to wear out their kids.

Kids at weddings have never bothered me. If the couple invited kids to their wedding, they have to understand that kids may cry throughout the ceremony. If they don't want this, they shouldn't invite them. On the other hand, if the kids are not invited the parents have no right to get upset. For me it's about what the bride and groom wants.

Let's remember....it is NOT the child's fault!!! If you are going to turn around and give the eye to someone, give it to Mom & Dad!!

If they haven't been taught...they can't be anything but naughty!

When we had DD Kalie's wedding, we wanted families there. That was what it was all about! I made packets for each child that were given to them when they sat down. Colors, stickers, things to do! We wanted them there, but we didn't want it to be a circus. It worked out REALLY well!

most of the kids at the last family wedding were in it...but to help durning the reception, the moment i'd eaten, and had my dance with my son, i gathered up the grands and came home...wish dil's family had been as considerate..one little boy had knocked over a floral piece...

Agree with Wildchild. We paid a fortune for a resort wedding. No children were included on the invitations. My very smart SILs brought baby sitters for their children and any other families who brought kids. Children do not need to be at a sit down meal and reception with a band and drinks.

I agree children should attend public events, restaurants, etc to learn how to behave in such settings, but they only learn if their parents actively teach them. If parents aren't prepared to rein in unruly children in those settings then they should not bring them. I remember attending fan conventions when DD was small and had no choice but to bring her. On the whole she was well behaved, but, if she started to cry or act up, we left the hall. I didn't feel the other attendees had paid their entry fees to hear my child crying. Similarly in other public settings.
Many years ago, I attended a midnight Mass for Christmas. On the pew in front of me was a mother and a little three year old girl. The little girl was trying to curl up on the pew and go to sleep, and the mother kept at her to sit up and stay awake, which I thought was mean and totally unnecessary, the little one was only three for Pets's sake. After a while the little girl whispered she needed to go to the toilet. The mother shushed her. This was repeated a few times, then the little girl stood up on the pew and shouted, "I just HAVE to go to the TOILET!!!" The embarrassed mother carried her out of the church very quickly. Personally I thought it served her right :-)

I agree with all of you.it's also very inconsiderate to let a kid act up or be loud at a wedding because they usually tape the ceremony.You would be surprised what the microphone picks up and sometimes that background noise can drown out the whole ceremony!
I took my kids everywhere from the time they were born practically and they were well behaved for the most part.If they acted up they were taken out,wherever we were,reprimanded and taken back.That's usually all it took.Grand kids were pretty much the same.I think a lot of times if you do take them everywhere they are better behaved because they know what is expected of them.I'm not saying they were all perfect by any means because they all had their moments and meltdowns,but they knew how they were expected to act.
"So badly I wanted to give them the look but realized they didn't have a clue in the first place."
Toni-You might be surprised what that "look" might accomplish.Maybe not to the parents but the kids! There have been many occasions in Wal-mart and a few restaurants when kids have been whining or acting up and I would give them,as my kids and grands say,the "Look" and they would get very quiet and shrink down into the basket or hide behind their parent.Most of the time I would follow them for a while or make a point to down another aisle where they were and they would still be very quiet.LOL Kids know,even if their parents don't!

I don't understand why parents want to take their children "everywhere".

There are child affairs, adult affairs and family affairs.

Formal affairs are adult affairs. A formal wedding is a formal affair. Why is that so hard for today's parents to understand?

You don't take children to a formal setting to teach them how to behave there.You teach manners at home, in family restaurants and child friendly settings. There is a right time for everything.

Receptions with alcohol,dancing, and adult conversations and menus are simply not for children. What does a child get out of it? They don't care about the vows and the toasting going. They are bored. Forced to behave or even naturally behaved children are also bored. The only child I can think of under the age of 10 or so is the poor child who never gets to have fun on his level but is instead dragged around by parents to things "they" want to do. That child with suffer in silence just to be with them. Fun for the child. NOT

Family wedding in a casual setting fine. Formals are for grown-ups.

My brother was married this weekend. It was a formal wedding but some children were invited. They were well-behaved and had fun. I chose to leave my 2-year old at home but he was invited. There were children younger than him there but I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself with him along (and I didn't want to have to leave early). My 6-year old really enjoyed his first wedding.

That was the bride and groom's choice. The occasion was more about family than formality. Of course, this was a big Polish wedding, with members of both families being polka musicians, the bride is also in the polka biz so just because the food and location were elegant and formal, it certainly didn't mean it was boring!

Why aren't formal weddings for children, if the bride and groom want to invite them? In the community where I grew up, children were always invited to weddings, including the receptions, and the receptions were always dinner-and-dancing with a live band and an open bar. No one thought anything of it, and we kids had a blast.

I'm not saying that couples can't decide to exclude children if they like, just that I don't see why children shouldn't be included, if the couple wishes. Personally, I prefer family-oriented weddings that include children.

Most parents I see who bring children to a wedding ceremony just sit at the end of an aisle and duck out if there's any commotion.

Since we didn't have kids for the first 17 years of our marriage I was very aware of screaming kids around us and how clueless their parents are. Now that I am a mother to three small girls I am very aware of how they are acting. I choose not to put them in situations they are not old enough for....long wedding ceremonies would be one!

Wildchild-I didn't mean that I took my kids absolutely "everywhere" LOL They went to weddings if invited and places like church,restaurants,shopping etc.There were of course occasions for adults only.I agree that manners should be taught at home.That is why my children were well behaved,they were taught at home what was appropriate behavior and what was not.Therefore I could take them anywhere and "everywhere" without worrying how they would act.I still believe the younger they are exposed to situations that require them to behave,the better they will behave if the parents have done their job.

New century, new rules. Children are no longer taught to respect adults, just because they are adults. Discipline gets in the way of "being their friend", "kids will be kids and they are only little for a short time..." "we work so much and are away from them so much we just don't have the heart to be mean"

The only problem with this new attitude is the rest of us have to live with the little monsters it creates. When they go off to school they are labeled and drugged as ADHD and in reality many of them are just what you get when you let children raise themselves. I guess not enough of today's parents read "Lord of the Flies".

Lilliepad I wasn't meaning you. I was talking about parents who routinely take their children to want are traditionally adult venues. I took my kids everywhere they would be welcome like you did. But like you I went knowing we would have to leave immediately (for the sake of those around us) if they got cranky or irritable.

I think my gripe is that many people today bring uninvited children or other guests to wedding and formal events.

I've seen other threads where people argue that the host didn't make it clear. Well when the host wrote just their names on the envelope and not their child's it was very clear. But then they argue "how was I supposed to know that?" LOL My kids are well mannered blah blah blah.

Well apparently their manners are not all that great if mom and dad don't understand the basic etiquette of if your names not on the invitation then you don't go.

I think children learning at a very early age that they can't be included in everything is a VERY important lesson in manners. My kids were 2 years apart and their preschool experience overlapped. They were invited to a lot of birthday parties. I never took a sibling to a party unless they were specifically invited. On the other hand I had a neighbor who treated her 3 kids of various ages like they were triplets. Took them everywhere. When the oldest was old enough to join a group that wore uniforms she couldn't even let the child have that for herself. Little sister came to an open event wearing the same "uniform" even though she wasn't a member. EGADS! i always felt sorry for the oldest. She never got to have her "time" once her siblings came along when she was 2 1/2.

Sorry a little off track but this thread reminded me.

As long as we're in a bad mood and discussing "some people", I'd like to rant about adults who get up or enter during the middle of a speech or song.

Please wait until the selection is over, then find your seat or get up to use the bathroom. Teach your children the same!

I just about wanted to go ape all over a family sitting in front of me at the school talent show. Up and down and up and down and up and down.....grrrr.

There are parents at my church who think their kids are adorable running up and down the aisles. it's only adorable to them. For the rest of us....sigh.

Amyfiddler that's so true. Not only the up and down but when going to performance wait until after the final curtain call before getting up to leave. Those performers worked hard whether they are tiny tots in a recital or adults on stage. To leave before the final curtain, whether an actual curtain is there or not, is RUDE!

I'm so glad this was posted, as I have a wedding to attend in 2 months---and I have a one week old baby as of today.

Our 2 year old will be staying with Nana and Pop, but I am not leaving a one month old baby for a weekend.

My cousin is getting married in October, and children are welcomed. I would NEVER bring my 2 year old...he won't sit still on the couch for a TV show for 10 minutes, much less in a church or reception. Plus, he would have NO fun, nor would we.

My plan is to bring Campbell, and if she is sleeping, she can attend the wedding. If not, DH will keep her at the hotel, while I attend the wedding and we will all go to the reception, where is it louder and a fussing baby would be less heard (unless it's the first dance, etc, then out she goes if she cries).

We are cognizant of the crying baby interrupting special times for others--I can't believe that some are not.

You are so right arcy, well said.

When I was growing up we went to weddings, funerals and other "formal events" for as long as I remember. But we were taught to behave. Not everything in this world is for just the kids. There *are* adult times and we were taught that we were to behave in any situation, whether at home, the grocery store, other's homes or a wedding. Generally there was a reception after the wedding and it seldom was boring for the kids. Often it was the only time we'd see other relatives and friends and we'd be entertained by seeing them and in a way, showing off, being dressed up and behaving. No, weddings and the like are not training grounds, they're maintenance areas (although I would probably draw the line at infants). If the kids aren't disciplined at home there's no way to start then. Teaching is ongoing and exposing to new things is part of growing up.

And where I grew up alcohol wasn't hidden from kids. Friends and neighbors would often get together for a drink. Holidays included drinks. For that matter there was wine in church! We actually had pretty good examples of moderation shown.

But I do recall some weddings specifying no kids. Not unreasonable. I got a kick out of a couple times where people would be offended if they were invited to leave the kids at home. Some would give the "if you don't want my kids you won't get (or don't want) ME!!!" I applauded the response when the person inviting said "see you some other time maybe".

It makes me feel good to give a compliment to someone whose children have behaved very well in public. And to give the kid a compliment too. It brings a lot of smiles, not just to them but to me too. It makes me feel even better when I can say that they made my day brighter. OTOH, I've offered to get some duct tape from my truck too, and when I hear a screaming kid in a store I've been known to say shut that d@mn kid up! This is *not* a "free country" contrary to what 8 year olds (physically and mentally) like to chant. You do not have the right to shout fire in a crowded theater nor do you have the right to inflict screaming kids on other peoples peaceful enjoyment of life.

One certainly can't blame a kid for having irresponsible parents. But there are a lot of things that can be done. My sister's favorite thing to ask is "Do you have an inside voice?" An old GF would occasionally go up to a screaming/misbehaving kid and say "Do you know that if you don't calm down, I'm going to have to go and slap your mother!"

When I was a kiddie photographer one that sometimes would calm things down when they were crying/carrying on was simply saying "Whoa, what's the matter buddy? Economy got you down? Don't know who to vote for? Ice cubes melting too fast?" Sometimes it'd ease tension.

I'm old century I guess. I believe kids require discipline and need to be taught. And I believe parents have responsibility.

Somehow this reminds me of an old boss who had a unique way of dealing with unruly people, adult or children. Somehow he had a way of passing gas on demand and his innards must have been tied in knots. Anyway, when someone was obnoxious he'd simply walk by their table, hesitate a bit, checking his pocket for his wallet, a pen or something, and mosey on back to the table. Usually by the time he'd sit down the fragrance would hit them and was an effective distraction.

No, you are not sensitive at all.
I don't like it when kids are screaming, running around and talking loudly and ruining those special days. I can imagine the video of that wedding for the couple hearing all that going on in the background. Sad it is.

parents won't be parents these days so many of them.
They won't make them sit, be quiet, they don't bring stuff for them to do like those parents of those 4 kids to keep them busy.

or even take them outside to calm down or just plain leave.

Instead they let their kids go on and on and on and ruin it for ones like you wanting to hear what is being said also enjoy it too.

Restaurants are bad and I feel for waiters/waitresses coping with it all during their shifts.

I feel something should be said and they should be ushered outside until child/ren can calm down and behave.

Parents need to be parented and ushered outside and talked too and told they control their kids or they leave period.

Maybe if society gets down on those parents not tending to their kids as parents do and should then they will be told and bye they can go. Miss out on special things invited

I feel for weddings unless its close family or wedding party, don't bring the kids.

Also receptions too.

I loved what one gal did when I was invited to her wedding, they had it at a hotel and hired someone to look after the kids in a hotel room and so the parents could do what they wanted and be free and stay as late as they wanted knowing their kids were well looked after, they could check up on them too if they wanted.

That way the adults could be adults and not worry about drinking, what was going on and tired kids all over.

It was so much fun, I would recommend that alot.