So your step sister in law is being a bi*ch for some reason...what crawled up her a** and died? Did anything happen between you two to make her do this or is this something that is just out of the blue? I'd tell her to bite me...but that's just me, I have this problem with being blunt and not taking any crap...LOL....Ask her why she's doing this to only YOUR immediate family, and go from there. If you don't x-mas will be ruined for you anyways, as you'll be harboring resentment towards her.

I would forward a copy to all the siblings and parents asking if they received a simliar email. Call it to your brother's attention and see if he knows about it. That would really embarrass her. In the meantime, just try to be nice to everyone else and it will emphasize how much of a terd she is!

I had a sil that did that once. I told her, I didn't expect any gifts, but that I would still give something to her children because I loved them so and the gifts I give are born of love not of expectation or reciprocation. Shut her up quickly and she did continue to give to our children to this day.

Thanks so much for your input. I don't know that I have done anything in particular to her to make her act this way but like I said, we have never really been friends. However, it still hurts my feelings that she had singled us out like that and I really want to know why. I am still trying to decide if I should confront them and ask for an explanation or just let it go. I hope that my brother does not know about all of this because I would hope that he would not allow her to do this. I bet that she is planning to but gifts for everyone on her side of the family. I think that I am still going to buy her and my brother a present regardless, just to make them feel bad.

Maybe you should print out her email and hand it to your brother in person, asking him what the problem is. He still might not know a thing about it. It's also possible they've unilaterally decided not to exchange gifts with any of the family this year, due to finances or whatever, and you're the first one they notified. Ask your brother before you start feeling too upset and saying or doing things that you may regret.

I certainly support the idea of giving hard evidence of the communications to your brother. Gently asking if there is a problem that you should be aware of etc. I HAD a SIL who did things in a similar way. It however got worse and worse, the whole family got together and we would always have things for her kids (as well as token gifts for her and bro) but she HAD ALWAYS MAILED ours to our home address ... nothing ever arrived. She got to be a major joke, my problem was that my BROTHER knew what she was doing and didn't seem to mind. Once in awhile something was mentioned in front of my mom, who got very defensive for us picking on her fav son. But, year after year the kid(not Bro's, mine and other siblings children) got very hurt about gifts never arriving from Auntie L and Uncle Bob. I finally asked them to stop lying to my children, and if they were too cheap to buy gifts for the kids, then stop setting up get togethers (Always talked up get togethers with mom -- suggesting gift exchanges at Thanksgiving so in-laws could have Christmas)with the gift exchange componet.

Say something, don't sit back and take it.

Would it help if you stopped worrying so much about family members giving gifts to everyone? My family stopped this long ago because there were too many siblings and in-laws and grandchildren. We used to exchange names so that if you had two kids, you gave presents to two neieces and nephews. But that's also stopped since we're older and most of the cousin's are married with their own kids. I think it's better when people don't expect gifts. It's too much when you have to worry about buying stuff for every family member and how many people these days end up in debt because they do this? We've gotten to the point where I make crafts for our parents because that way they get something and it's more personal but that's it. That way we have the money to spend on our son or the gifts to one another and we're not paying a million bills back after the holidays. I don't think it's supposed to all be about gift giving either. Enjoy the time you spend together and don't expect much. Now my family plays dirty bingo. We all buy cheapy gifts from like the Dollar Store or something and they go on a pile in the center of the room. We get numbers and as someone calls your number you go get a gift or take one from someone else's pile. We have fun playing the game and who cares if all we have at the end are hair scrunchies and matchbox cars? LOL

Also, you can go ahead and forward any e-mails but be ready for anything that's coming to you. Someone in my family tried doing that just to cause a fight and well we're now written out of my MIL's life because she mistook the e-mail and assumed stuff and decided she hates me without knowing the story. I think that I wouldn't be calling everyone about the e-mail and wait and see if something is said to you from someone else. If Christmas comes and they don't get anything for your family, they will be the ones looking bad.

Just an update. I received the following email from my SIL this morning...

This is just something that Adam and I decided together.

We can continue to go back and forth with e-mails and "phone calls" or we
can just accept this and move. PLEASE DO NOT GET ***** OR MYSELF A GIFT AT
CHRISTMAS, WE DO NOT WANT ONE FROM YOU AND ****, AND WE WILL NOT ACCEPT ONE
FROM YOU GUYS. We are not trying to hurt your feelings and I don't like to
be so blunt, but you do not seem to understand.

To say that "Christmas is Expensive", that does not make since, and that is
not the reason at all. We have just chosen not to exchange with you and
****, we hope that you can understand this and we will be able move on from
this issue.

Again, Please do not get **** or myself a gift at Christmas, we will not
accept one. Please try to understand.

WHAT A WITCH!!!

It takes a 'special' kind of person to be willing to mess up Christmas, and your brother is married to one! I especially liked the part in her email where she says "try to understand" and "not trying to hurt your feelings"! AS IF! How can you understand when she won't explain, and how can you not feel hurt, since that is her intent?

Never mind the witch! Talk to your brother asap. That's the relationship you need to protect. He may be going along with this, trying to keep the peace in his house. I'll bet that's a full time job for him.

I sure wish you the best...keep your chin up. I hope you will let us know how things are going for you.
Take care. JacLyn

Well, honestly if I didn't get along with someone, I wouldn't want to have to buy them something for Christmas. I also wouldn't want anything from them because you know they just did it because they HAD to and the gift wouldn't come from the heart..it would probably be junk anyway. So whatever happens, happens. Use the money you usually spend on them to buy better stuff for the others or your kids or yourselves. They made the descion, let them live with it. I know it hurts but I wouldn't try to make a big issue out of it and worry it to death. There are bigger things to worry over and pain in the butt relatives arent' one of them I'm learning. If you still don't feel good about the situation, then buy them something. Let them cause a scene over it at Christmas and look bad if they want.

Thanks for all of your feedback. I am trying to just get over it but it is not easy. She has caused some really hard feelings between my brother and I. I have tried to contact him directly but always hear back from her. I guess he is not man enough to stand up to her or to talk to me either one.

I guess this one will not ever be resolved but my dad and step mom are both somewhat aware of the situation. That makes me feel a little better.

Thanks to everyone for letting me vent!

aabm3240,
If you are going to be in a situation where gift giving or an exchange occurs, please make your SIL's message (as she wrote it - don't paraphrase or alter in anyway, if possible don't even print it out -- show it as recieved on the computer) known to the other parties involved. This situation SCREAMS to me "set up". You will do as she said and NOT get gifts, then in a big show she will make a lot of commotion about how cruel YOU are for ruining Christmas by excluding them. Tell SIL fine, if that's the way she wants it, but you are sharing her communications with the rest of the family.

Susan (who is tired of being used and abused by nasty siblings and in-laws)

Hey Susan,
great advice. I am have the same problem with the rude and crude stepsisters...Not to this extent but, it gets old. There is one in EVERY family...

Oh my gosh! Just who died and made her GOD??? Sounds like she needs some professional help. If I were you, I'd be the bigger person. Get small but thoughtful gifts for them anyway, especially your brother. Present them in the same manner as the rest of the family gifts. If they make a stink about not wanting to accept them -- guess who looks like the fool? Not you.

It also sounds like she's got your brother wrapped, or bullied. Try to maintain your relationship with him in some manner, because I'd bet that this live wire of a wife won't be around forever ...