My Sister-in-Law passed away ... :(

13 years ago

Some of you on Facebook already know this ... my brother Randy's wife Mary passed away a few days ago. She had non-Hodgkins lymphoma and was going through chemo-therapy for it. The doctor told her the survival rate was extremely high when she was first diagnosed and we all thought she would get better.

A couple of weeks ago, I emailed her to find out why I hadn't seen her on Facebook (she used to post something at least once a day). She said she was having eye problems from the chemo and was sensitive to light so it was hard for her to work on the computer. She also said she was feeling very weak and didn't know how she was going to stand/walk at her daughter's wedding in a few weeks. I offered her the use of my electric wheelchair and, like an idiot, I thought it was just typical chemo reactions. Little did I know how serious it was!

I feel so awful for her. She was a funny, sweet and smart person. For many years she had wanted to buy a hobby farm so she would have a place to train her Border Collies and raise some sheep. She finally got her hobby farm early this year and already stocked it with sheep and was working with her dogs. She was excited about decorating/remodeling the house (it had been a foreclosure but had great potential and a gorgeous view) and working in the garden. And then she was struck down with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. What an awful shame!

I really feel bad for my brother too. They have been together for ... geez, it has to be around 30 years. This will be very hard on him. He hasn't been alone in 40 years or more.

It's also a shame that her daughter is getting married for the first time in a couple of weeks and Mary won't be there. Her daughter even wanted to move her wedding up to this weekend so that Mary could make it but she wasn't able to hang on.

Mary is survived by my brother, her two grown children, 2 brothers and her mother. I know they are all devastated. It's not that I was super close to her but I took it for granted that she would always be there. We had plenty of laughs on Facebook and sharing funny emails with each other. She often hosted Christmas at their house too. I will miss her very much.

My brother said before she died, she told him she was looking forward to working with one of her favorite Border Collies, Sioux, again. Sioux died of cancer a few years ago. She sure loved her pups!

Please say some prayers for my brother Randy and Mary's family and her dogs too to help them through this devastating period.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (12)

desertrat1
13 years ago
Kathy,
I am so sorry for your loss! Sounds like she had so much going for her. I will be praying for her family, your brother, and you of course. WOW. Are you close with her daughter who us getting married? Maybe you can be a good support to her during this time. Love you and w/b praying for all!
Love, Jules
garden2garden
13 years ago
My sincere sympathies. Sometimes it's so hard to understand why things happen the way they do. All we can do is remember the good things and pass them along. Prayers all around. Donna
Related Discussions
My poor sister in law
Q
Comments (4)
Are you sure that lady doesnt have a twin over here in Brooklyn, lol. Tell Pat to move. Really, a bigger apt unit is better. Anytime there is a little apt in a big house you have to deal with this kind of stuff. The lady is probably bored and has nothing to do but pick things apt. Telling someone what temp to wash clothes in is ridiculous. I think I would have had to laugh at that. But, living like that is not good, your friend should not have to endure complaints everyday. Oh, can I tell you stories about bored old women.......but my problem has passed away a few years ago....... She will have to be assertive but not mean, you dont wanna cause hard feelings. But start saving and get out.
...See More
My Beloved Mother Passed Away
Q
Comments (4)
My hearfelt sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family. I can feel the closeness you have for your mom and she for you through your writing, which is beautiful to say the least. Prayers go out to you in this time
...See More
My Dad Passed Away -- --way too soon.
Q
Comments (10)
Kelley, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can't say I understand the pain you are going through (no one can because everyone's grief is different). And I haven't lost my father, But all I can say is that I am glad you were able to spend the last moments/seconds of his life with him & say goodbye. So many people don't get that opporunity. It is precious time. I held my little boy in my arms as he breathed his last breath & I am so grateful I had the chance to hold him & tell him how much I loved him as I had to say goodbye before he was taken away. As heartbreaking as it was (and how that 2 weeks in the hospital will live with me forever), I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It was so hard for me to get out of bed for a long time after. And everyday when I look at the clock and it says 8:23am (the time he died). I relive that moment again. Just take each moment at a time & do what you can do to get through. As hard as it is to believe it right now, it will get easier to get through each day. I didn't believe it when everyone said it at first but it does get easier. I still have days that are worse than others but I also have more days where I can be happy & know my son is with me wherever I go & wouldn't want to see me sad. Keep in touch here..This place helped me right from the beginning. I was so glad to find it & glad you did too! Take care of yourself!
...See More
Our 40th "Orphans" Thanksgiving and other news
Q
Comments (0)
In October Geo and I celebrated 40 years together and 6 years of marriage. This month we celebrated another milestone with our 40th Thanksgiving dinner. We started when we first were together having people over that had no where else to go, or weren't welcome by family, to our house for dinner. For many of those years we'd do the turkey on the spit over the charcoals, but finally had to stop that three years ago as it got to be too much for us. Can't believe today it's been 40 years. Even though I'm dog tired at the end of the day, I can't imagine our Thanksgiving being any other way. On a down side, my sister-in-law passed away last Tuesday. It wasn't unexpected, as she'd been told by the doctors to stop drinking and smoking but what did the Effing doctors know? Memorial service is tomorrow, but told my brother there was no way I could make it. Especially since I only learned about it yesterday. He realized that and apologized that someone didn't let me know sooner. Even if I had, I doubt I'd have been able to either fly back or drive. Home is in MI and big storm headed that way. I'm glad I can't make it because from what my great-niece tells me, there might be some family drama at the service. Just what's needed at a time like that. Makes me appreciate our family that Geo and I have acquired over the years. Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving. Now to try and get the house decorated, cards done and out and ready for Christmas.
...See More
nonacook
13 years ago
I am so sorry to hear of the death of your sister-in-law.
I will keep your family in my prayers. May the Lord be with you and yours, and give you help with your grief.

They first diagnosed Bill with Non-hodgkins, and we were told slow-growing and at least 8 years. Then they found a second type of cancer-not long then.....
Marlene Kindred
13 years ago
I am so sorry to hear about your SIL Luna....you and your family will sure be in my prayers.
Purplemoon
13 years ago
Kathy, your post is just heartbreaking! When everything in her life was bright and happy...her daughter getting married, the farm, her dogs...its so unfair she was struck down by that horrible disease! Especially a type with a high survival rate. What a terrible tragedy for those who loved her. I'm so sorry.

hugs,
Karen
sunnyca_gw
13 years ago
HI Kathy, So sorry to learn of your SIL passing. Her family will have a hard time with trying to plan a happy occasion & cope with the grief. It's so good that she did get her dream started of raising Border Collies & sheep on a farm hope her hubby will continue on with that so her dream can live on. Maybe the bride has aunts & friends to help out so she can have a reasonably happy day. Sounds like she wasn't tolerating the chemo very well. Everyone is different & some people just have allergies or react against it. I had hoped & prayed that she would be able to beat the disease. Prayers for all of you & that you will get through the days ahead & holidays, 1st year is rough, I lost hubby 25 yrs ago this coming week. My memories of him are all good & hope that memories of her will kept them from having too hard of time. When I was down I would look at his pic & I could just see him saying to me, you need to go on, don't be sad, you are going to be fine! I know that is what he would have been telling me as a week before he died,I woke up in middle of the night with kind of a gasp, I was on a raft in the middle of an ocean & thought I was going to drown or no one would find me. It was odd as I don't dream much & especially since I married him. He held me & said ,everything is going to be OK, you're going to be fine. It takes awhile to get to "fine" tho! Hugs, Jan
luna_llena_feliz
Original Author
13 years ago
Thank you all for your kind thoughts!

Our modem on the computer wasn't working on Tuesday night. It started out fine but completely died around 8:00 p.m. I tried rebooting the computer and turning the DSL box off and on. Nothing worked. When I looked at the computer settings, the modem wasn't being recognized so I figured it croaked. I watched TV the rest of the night and sulked.

The computer worked just fine for Bob later Tuesday night after I went to bed. On Wednesday, it worked just fine too. I was finally able to look at my Facebook page and saw a post from my brother with a link to the eulogy he wrote for Mary's memorial on Tuesday night! I totally missed her memorial/wake! I was so hurt that no one told me about it. Then I checked my cell phone and called my voicemail. My sister left a message on Monday telling me about the wake. I never saw anything on my cell phone saying I had a message.

I am convinced that Mary was haunting me on Tuesday night and made the modem on my computer stop working. I think she was telling me she was a little upset that I didn't make her memorial and wasn't able to say my formal good-bye. I feel so hurt and upset that no one made sure I knew when it was! I check my email and Facebook every day so they could have contacted me that way. I feel so awful that I am embarrassed to go to Mary's daughter's wedding in a couple of weeks. They will think I'm an awful person for missing her memorial. I don't have any of their phone numbers or email addresses. *sigh* As if her death wasn't bad enough. At least I know she cares enough to haunt me.
seamommy
13 years ago
Go to Mary's daughters wedding. Please don't take this wrong, I'm not saying you're not important, you are, but no one will remember that you weren't at the memorial. When we lose a loved one, everything is so surreal, people are so confused by the processes and that helpless feeling you have when you go through the motions of a ceremony and cannot remember afterwards who was there. Your grief is real, your loss is real and no one is going to wonder why you are at the wedding when you didn't go to the memorial. Go to the wedding and put on a happy face for Mary's daughter. Give her the love and support that Mary would have because she is going to have overwhelming guilt for trying to have a happy wedding day so soon after losing her mother. You can lend your strength to those in need of support, and give comfort to those in pain and guilt during a very confusing event. By helping Mary's family in this way, you also learn how to help your own healing to start. Cheryl
jeannespines
13 years ago
Hugs to you, luna...do what you can do...continued good thoughts & prayers for the days ahead for you & your bro's family. Jeanne S.
Purplemoon
13 years ago
Kathy, I'm so sorry. Its really unfair you didn't get to go to the Memorial. If you decide to go to the wedding, you can let them know you never wanted to miss the Memorial and what happened.

I don't blame you for not wanting to attend the wedding tho. You do what feels right to you, and don't worry about the rest!

hugs from the heart,
Karen
oldcrafty
13 years ago
Hope you choose to go to the wedding. Surely don't want them to think you don't care about them at all. After they hear what happened and see how upset you are for missing the memorial service they should surely understand. If you don't go you'll have one more regret. Prayers to you to get thru this
concretenprimroses
13 years ago
so sorry about your sil and about the mix up with her memorial service. I know exactly how you feel about wondering if you should go to the wedding, because I would fee the same way. I think Cheryl is right tho and you should go. I don't remember who was not at my father's funeral, but i absolutely remember who didn't attend my wedding!
Kathy

My Sister-in-Law passed away ... :(

Comments (12)

desertrat1

garden2garden

Related Discussions

nonacook

Marlene Kindred

Purplemoon

sunnyca_gw

luna_llena_feliz
Original Author

seamommy

jeannespines

Purplemoon

oldcrafty

concretenprimroses

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

My Sister-in-Law passed away ... :(

Comments (12)

Related Discussions

luna_llena_felizOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

luna_llena_feliz
Original Author