I love you guys!! Thank you so much for the sage advice and the virtual shoulders to lean on. Today I called my son and told him I was coming over to help him deep clean his house. I guess I left my cell phone at home, cuz DH had to text DS to get in touch with me. How liberating that was!! I worked really hard at DS's house, but he worked along side me and was wonderful company, so even tho I'm sore and tired, it was a good day. DS was VERY appreciative of me being there to help him and I liked doing it for him. I'm going to try to talk to DH tonight. He has a tendency to avoid conflict, and while I don't want conflict, I DO need him to hear me. DH has been self employed for years, just recently his business (more like a hobby income the last year or so) has just about come to a standstill. The things he makes are not a necessity item, so he's not bringing in the $$ like before. We can basically only count on my income...which is plenty for us to live comfortably on, but not where we can still live like we do and support another person. DH's income was for the fun stuff and extras for the most part. Rose...your DH sounds so much like mine. When my SS lived with us, it was horrible, too. He was much like yours and when he finally left our house for good, it was like a weight off my shoulders. But he almost tore us apart. My DH has always had a tendency to put his family ahead of me. For the most part, I dealt with it, but they've intruded into our life for the past couple years to the point where I can't take it any more. We've got an empty nest, and I want to enjoy it. We were both parents when we met, so we never had time alone together until the kids were grown. We were starting to have fun together when MIL became a pretty much every day fixture in our lives. She started backing off after I complained to DH, and it was ok, but now BIL is here. I'm just not sure of his situation. MIL said that his wife told her she does not want to reconcile. She wants to be friends with him, she loves him but is not in love...blahblah. He's holding on to the idea that they're going to reconcile. He goes over to her place at least once a week and stays there, but apparently stays on the sofa, and the other day he said he had to sleep on the floor because grandkids or something were there. Yesterday he told me he has an interview at a gym, I asked him about it and it's a fly-by-night outfit (he's a certified personal trainer) and he's been talking alot about how unhappy he is at his job (he works in retail and has a decent job w/bennies). This is his history, he's never worked at a job longer than 2 years, and he's just about past that time now, so he's ready to move on. DH said BIL is broke all the time, likely because he's giving his wife the $$, and that is again typical of him. So I'm not sure how the money thing will work. But frankly, it's not my problem!! The holiday thing...when my Dad was alive, he and my DH did not get along. My DH made every excuse in the book not to spend holidays at my parents, so to avoid the fight with him, and the tension if they were all together, I'd take the kids to my folks and he'd stay with his kid. It made me angry, but I chose the lesser of 2 evils. Later, we noticed a trend, DH would get pouty and start picking fights shortly before holidays. I finally figured it out, that he didn't want to spend time with my family and holidays always included them. His family was not nearby and when they were, they wouldn't come...they didn't want to celebrate. So once I figured out his M.O., I realized it wasn't ME, it was him...and I wouldn't let him get his way. He would pitch a fit and try to get out of events, but I'd make him participate. And what do you know, he always enjoyed himself! But I also learned that he;d bug out early, so I got used to it. He's very shy and not comfortable around people he's not really used to. I'm the opposite, I am gregarious and love to socialize. Well, this year, our DD who was married last year said she would like to host Thanksgiving at her house and have her in-laws and her family together. I am thrilled and am excited to do this with her, but as soon as DH found out (he read the email from DD) he said he was spending T'giving with his Mom. He is extremely uncomfortable about DD's in-laws, he only met them the first time at the rehearsal dinner, and barely spoke with them during the wedding weekend. So he's going to try everything he can to try to get out of going. I'm not going to say a word to him about it...I thought about trying to cajole him, but I'm going to let it be up to my kids to make him understand how disappointed they'll be if he doesn't spend time with them because he's shy and being a baby. But now, with BIL here, or at least in the proximity, he'll find every excuse, and likely his mother will want her boys over to her house. Anyway, it's just drama that I do not want to contend with, and honestly, I thought it was all over with...that DH had moved on, because every year I host a big Christmas party with lots of people and he enjoys it. It's almost like he's taken 3 giant steps back now that his brother is here every day. So the more I think about it, the more I think I need to get DH alone...sit him down and lay it out. I've already made up my mind that I WILL leave him if his mother ever has to come live with us!

Lynn, DH and I have a lakefront cabin in the village of Saranac Lake, which is in the High Peaks region of the Adirondacks. In my humble opinion, this area is the closest place to heaven you could find on this earth! Although the village is called Saranac Lake, we are actually on Kiwassa Lake, a beautiful serene lake that is connected to 40 miles of waterway, including the Saranac Lake chains of Lower Saranac, Middle Saranac and Upper Saranac. We love where we are because it has so far been untouched by the typical overdevelopment many lakefronts experience. The lakefront lots are mostly very large (ours is over an acre and considered small!) and beautifully wooded. We spend hours on our boat, traveling through the chain of lakes, stopping at small islands for picnics, waterskiing, tubing, etc. The fishing, of course, is great as well. And in the backdrop of these glimmer glass lakes are the high peaks of the Adirondacks--reflected so majestically in the water. In addition the the fabulous hiking (there are hikes to accomodate any level of ability and the views are to die for), there is a wonderful arts and cultural life here. Saranac Lake is a kind of "earthy crunchy" little village with many new art galleries and little eateries. Very laid back here--picture teeva's, birkenstocks and hiking clothes. Ten miles down the road is Lake Place, home of the Lake Placid Horse Show (attended by many celebrities), fabulous restaurants, nice little shops and boutiques, the Olympic attractions (including regular ice shows, ski jumps, bobsled rides), Whiteface Mt. gondola rides, arts and theatre. Really anything you could want to do is here! We have a five bedroom, semi-rustic adirondack cabin right on the lake. We bought it from DH's family about 8 years ago, DH grew up there as a kid. We love it--it's one of the older ones on the lake and fortunately much of the adirondack charm was preserved over the years. We do rent it out in the summer (in your price range--gee hate to sound like an ad). I could give you the name of our realtor if you'd like!

LOL @ Linda Sew and Sew! While we were stationed in California I worked at a large jail facility for seven years. Those are the very "suicide resistant" toilet/sink combinations we had in the cells there. Nasty things. It's really sad that I momentarily considered putting one of these dual-duty plumbing fixtures in the tiny area I'm designating for the half bath. Thankfully good sense kicked in. I don't want to air family laundry, but I have a couple of distant family members that would have used similar fixtures at certain times in their past lives. What if they came for a visit and had a flash-back reaction to the plumbing? LOL

I agree. Add fresh tomato to msmarion's burger and I'll have one, too! I just read a Cooks Illustrated article about juicy burgers. They grind beef (flank and short ribs I think) in a food processor and never pick it up. Just lightly push into patty form on wax paper. Sounded so delicious that I'm tempted to give it a try. DH would certainly get a chuckle out of me using the food processor as a meat grinder. I would go REALLY ballistic if I went to all that trouble and some 'helpful' guest decided to start whacking them with a spatula!