Well its turning out better now.The bride to be and everyone saids.Its a rehersal dinner and that means dinner.Not drinking.So im fine with that. Even with 65 possibly showing up.The extras are out of state guests coming in the day before the wedding.I can live with that and does seem like the thing to do.As long as im not getting a bar tab im ahead of the game. I do not want to sound like a Cheap Skate that I am LOL.Or that I have something against my daughter inlaw to be or her family.Because I do not they are the nicest people you could ever hope to meet.My son did a good job picking her.They went all thru school together since the second grade.They have been together 6 years now.She went with him to Arkansas and Texas when he was in the USAF.She worked hard at both locations.She also went thru the same thing we did while he was in Iraq.Her family let us know personaly that they were praying for him.That meant alot to us. They have now moved back home and are doing well.They bought there first home 1 1/2 years ago and Yes I would say the Honeymoon is pretty much over LOL.They are now ready to start a family. We are happy for them and are looking forward to Grandkids. These wedding are stressful but I think everything is now falling into place. Now if we just did not have a few no RSVP responses. Then theres my handful of relatives brother included who is to backwards to go.Does not like crowds even if it was a small wedding.My sister inlaw who can not go anyplace without insulting someone.My other brother who is going but refuses to dress up.If it were not for that everything would be looking good.

theotherside, it may be a guy thing, but they don't seem to want to keep 'the gifts'. My DH doesn't want anything that his ex gave him (especially the credit card debt she left) I don't think that qualifies as a 'gift' but she might disagree. His daughter is the best gift she ever gave him, he treasures her every day. It could be that the person that leaves the relationship, usually doesn't want to hang onto the love notes and presents. However, I wouldn't let him throw away the 'family' portrait they took when SD was a baby. That is being saved for SD when she gets a little older. Most of the pictures of her mom that were in his box, I put them in a collage frame for SD's room and the rest, I'll probably scrap book for SD. I think that is better than the shredder he wanted to put them in. (I don't think she ever gave him any romantic gifts, if she did, they were long gone before I ever met him)

Scarlett, thanks for "allowing me to say "screw it". That about sums up how my hubby and kids feel as well as me. At least a good part of me feels. I've tried my best to change the relationship for over 20 years and gotten no where. I continued to try because my mother was alive and continued to want me to. No matter what I did, it never changed. On the other hand, it would be nice for it to, but at this point I don't forsee it happening. My daughter asked me yesterday, if the situation changed, would you ever be able to believe in or trust the change or would you be looking for the "underlying reason and what they are up to". I told her I didn't know and she said she would never trust them after all these years. When I told her that I didn't like her attitude and her taking sides or being caught in the middle between the parents on both sides, her comment was "we have been, both of your kids, because you have been trying so hard for so many years and keep getting shot down and we see how it has affected you. You gave custom handmade graduation gifts to both of my cousins along with graduation cards and only got 1 thank you note from one of your nieces, and both of you kids didn't even get an acknowledgement on either their HS of college graduations. You sent them pics of us from graduations and you got nothing. When grandma died, they wiped out her apartment of almost everything before you and dad got there at the time you where told to meet them there. When we got there, there was nothing left for us to take and everything my brother and I gave our grandmother was gone. When we said something about the stuff, your brother and sister-in-law told us we where lying that their kids gave grandma everything and we gave them nothing. All my brother and I have is a coffee mug we each gave her one year that says "worlds best grandma". They took everything else. So how can you say we aren't caught in the middle. You didn't put us in the middle, they did." She's right about all she said, and I could add so many more things. The reasons for going to this wedding are really not the right reasons to go; because my mother would want me to, to spite them if that's the reason we where invited, ETC. One thing I've learned in the past few years of my health not being good is that life is to short and you never know when your health will be good or bad. Take the advantages of good health and enjoy them, deal with the bad when you have to, but don't torture yourself with what could have been and what you should have done and didn't do. You can't change that. I would love to add a family tie in to a wedding gift for my niece, but I don't have anything to give them. My mother left no will and they left me and my children with very little of anything of hers. As for recipes, well I sent them some after my mother died and was told not to send any more, they don't want them and through out what I sent them. I've spent quite a bit of time talking with my hubby, my kids and my best friend about what is the right thing to do and have pretty much decided, with all of them agreeing, that it's time to put this chapter of life to rest. My health, both physical and mental is far more important than any wedding to attend. I've been through several years of serious orthopedic and spinal health problems, several surgeries for them and am still trying to get back on me feet. Mentally, I'm just too drained from all that I've dealt with in the past couple of years to deal with the any more attempts to salvage something that no one who knows us and the situation believes is there to salvage. My family and friends have been through too much with me to see me suffer or be hurt or insulted again with this family situation. The words are "enough is enough, time to end the torture for yourself. Going to this wedding will be a physical strain on you that you shouldn't do, it may very well set back your recovery again, and you've had enough things happen to set you back that where beyond your control, but this one is." Being honest with myself, what they have said is true. My brother doesn't know anything about the health issues I've had or the spinal surgery, so I can't say anything negative about no contact with them over that. I never called him, nor did my hubby or kids. None of us saw any need to. The people that where important to us knew and where there to help me out with whatever help I needed for the past year and are still doing. I wouldn't expect my brother to have done anything. So, at this point in time, the invitation will be declined. I will send in the RSVP declined and the same day I mail that I will send a letter briefly explaining health issues that include spinal surgery and one set back after the other. I had hoped to be recovered enough to attend, but after seeing my spinal surgeon this past week, his advise is I am not medically or physically capable of attending the wedding or reception. I wish my niece the best and all the happiness in the world and when I am recovered enough, we would love to get together and catch up, see pics of the wedding etc. I will also send a note to my niece as well and will send a gift. It won't hurt to be the one to be courteous and polite. I was brought up that way, brought my children up that way as well. My daughter though, asked to have her name and her brothers included on the gift card when we send the gift and they will contribute to the gift. Again thanks for the advise. It is much appreciated.

Hi Islander, I understand how hard it can be to let things go, and I'm sorry. When I got married, I wanted to have both parents walk me down the aisle, but didn't because I didn't want my SM to feel uncomfortable. I picked out my mother's dress, which did match the wedding colors, but told my SM what the wedding colors/shades were so that she could match too. My BM and SM sat together in the first row. And no, they do not get along! My SM was included for pictures, and although I would have liked to have pictures of just me and my parents I decided it wouldn't be worth the hassle. I agree with a poster above in that the wedding is about taking your vows. Everything else is just fluff. I tell my girlfriends getting married to expect things to go wrong, do not expect perfection, because all that matters at the end of the day is that you accomplished what you set out to do, marry your love. If uncle so and so gets drunk, if your bridesmaid forgets her dress,etc, none of that really matters in the long run. And you'll have a funny story to tell from it. Why not tell it to yourself that way? Here, let me tell it, I can imagine it from sitting in the back 40! Remember when silly BM made that spectacle and took DH's hand? the look on his face was priceless! I couldn't tell if he would deck her or run like the wind! Thank goodness he keeps his cool so well! My wedding had a lot of drama, and I wish people could have stayed as calm as you did. It can be so hard, but the good thing is that while it only lasts a day the impression you make can last a lifetime.