I understand. I understand completely.

...got so carried away with my story that I forgot to make my point.

We can't control what happens to the things that someone else has in their possession.

We may end up without something that we wanted, & we may end up with something that we wouldn't have asked for.

If something is especially significant, I would ask for it from the relative who has it, even offer to reimburse that person for the value of it.

If the person isn't willing to part with it, then I'd try to forget about it;
it just eats into your own heart to think about someone else having something that's important to you.

I agreed that heirlooms and special things should be past down to close family members (the children). I am all for that. In my experience my one sister recieved the majority of my grandmothers and grandfathers heirlooms. She is the on that lives the closest to the home place. I was hurt at first but I have let it go and gotten over it.
However, I believe everyday necessary home living items are a different story, for example, everyday used furntiure, everyday dishes, etc. do not need to go to children unless they are no longer going to be used by the parent.

When my father died... my siblings didn't argue over who got what my mother handed out what she thought each should have ... WW2 medals and flag to my sister in the army. His gun collection and huge maps of europe to my brother. Oldest sister nothing ... younger sister and myself nothing. Eight years later when my mother died. My siblings and I gathered to figure out who got what but I had a list my mother had made of what she wanted who to get. The rest was up for grabs. Then the fighting started ... we bickered over petty stuff ... I finally went in took what I was supposed to get and they could fight over the rest. And they did ... they still continue to fight ... 12 years later fighting over pieces of "stuff".

My mother and her 5 siblings were surprised to find out they were due huge inheritence.. back in the 80's the oldest sibling was beneficiary. She was supposed to split it equally between all six. She decided to keep the money and never told her 5 siblings... (reason... she quit HS to get a job to support the family when their parents died.) When they did find out about the money .... the 6 of them bickered for years never spoke to each other again.

Last year my aunt (father's sister) was breaking down her house as she headed to a nursing home...huge collection of family memories, antiques you would not believe. The fighting began again. I wanted nothing. Didn't go to break it down. Weeks later they were still sending me emails of "what I wanted" kept repeating nothing.

Last month at a family BBQ the aunt did not speak to me ... I asked her if I did something wrong? She said how come you didn't come take what you wanted ... I said I was not going to be a part of another family argument over "stuff"... but I have things your father wanted you to have. I said well I will call my children and see if they want the "stuff" because I do not.

My aunt has no clue my siblings were fighting I guess. So I was wrong on both ends to stay out of the fighting over stuff and insulting my aunt because I didn't want the stuff.

I WILL NOT FIGHT OVER STUFF OR MONEY. NOT WORTH IT. YOU CAN'T WIN EITHER WAY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. If it is not in my possession I am not entitled to it. But that is me. Not saying it goes for everyone. Just how I feel about "stuff".

My parents did something wonderful a few years ago. My father had recently learned he had lung cancer and was only expected to live a few more months, so my brother and I both flew across country for one last visit while he was still feeling good. (My father absolutely HATED teary deathbed scenes and had to be persuaded to let us visit at all.)

Anyway, at Mom and Dad's insistance, my brother and I went through the family home and each made a list of the things we would like to have when they were no longer wanted. Since my older sister lives in another country and had already indicated she wanted only a very few items, she was given free reign. Then we flipped a coin (I won), and per family tradition, I had the option to either choose first or let my brother choose first then have the 2nd and 3rd choices before alternating. As we went through the various items, Mom and Dad told us all they could remember of the history behind each piece, and we wrote it down and taped it to the bottom of the pieces along with which kid the piece would go to. It may sound a bit awkward, but in reality, it turned into a lovely afternoon of sharing stories and happy memories, and each kid was assured of getting the items he/she wanted most. It was also a completely 'transparent' system and totally fair - so there were no hard feelings anywhere.

What a wonderful idea Sweeby. I wish my parents would do the same. I have decided with my parent's things I do not want anything unless they insist I take it. Instead, I wish my parents could live forever (wouldn't that be great) or would just sell everything they own and spend it on whatever they want. I want them to enjoy life to the fulliest with the time they have left on this earth.

1. My mom is making every effort to divide stuff up now (my dad died along time ago). Kudos to her.

2. When my X told me to hit the road, he changed the locks. I miss many things of sentimental, no commerical value, like my dads high shcool year book. I have asked him to look for. Between him and his GF (the OW), who doesnt even work, they cant find the time to look for. This woman was so quick to move in, before any divorce, to try to get his money. She deserves a special place in H**l.

kkny, I'm sorry they didn't give you your things.

I'd guess that it isn't that they "don't have time to look" but rather that they threw out everything that they didn't want for themselves.

People really show their characters when they hurt someone without giving themselves any advantage.

I just sold a house for a couple who had split up on bad terms.

The wife fled one day, gathering up what she could & hightailing it out of there.

The husband remained in the house until it sold.

The day the buyer was to take possession, I went over to be sure the seller had vacated.

There was a ton of stuff sitting at the curb for the trash, & one of the neighbors told me that there were a lot of the wife's photos & such in there, so I called the wife.

She said she didn't know how she had missed that stuff, but she was in such a hurry when she left...

Her ex hadn't even told her that he had the things, or that he was throwing them out.

Since neither she nor I knew exactly where the ex was, she was afraid to return to the house, & she asked me if I'd look through the stuff & salvage what I could.

so I pulled out:
a whole box of family photos,
her dad's military records,
her parents' marriage license,
her birth certificate,
something from her grandparents, can't remember what,
& took everything home, & she came & got it a few days later.

I told them to put everything in the garage that they didnt want and I would go through. Even though I work 50+ hours per week, and take care of DD. GF has her makeup and hair to worry about.

I think X is wising up to GF being the most self centered person on the face of the earth.