Hey, Dana

I want to come over to your house. : )

Will you adopt me?

xoxox

Funny, I've often said the same thing to DH about adopting me, lol.

It's a shame, really, that I feel this way (you called it!) and know I can't have the girls occasionally watch the boys. I LOVE my time off w/ the kids and we always do something fun. But, yesterday, it was really nice getting out w/ our friends and having a few, quite a few as the women's golf was sub-par to say the least, hours to ourselves. I almost remembered why I married the man, lol.

However, the Dr. is the man who delivered my sons. I told his wife that I was going to have to find another Dr. and she looked so hurt. I said that I was kidding, but I think I'll feel weird seeing him, um, professionally, then out socially, lol. She didn't get it at all - luckily, I'm on the five year plan and it's only been 3 years. So, there I was, between the two men who knew me so intimately, and the wife...

At the end, my Dr. had DH look at his tooth (we treat the family - DH works on him, I do the kids, we've both seen the wife) and I said, "Well if we're doing check ups here in the parking lot, I'm overdue for my annual!" It was a joke as I'm the one who wouldn't let her DH in the delivery room, LOL. I swear, I'd have given birth alone if it was possible!

Anyway, I did think about your words yesterday: Don't ask them to babysit...

D

Oh, well.

I learned it the hard way, when my kids tattled
on SD--said that they were all out on the roof with
bed-sheets repelling down the side of the house.

OH, YEAH!!!!!

While you're in the adopting mood, Dana. How about me? I'd love to have a stepmum who's even 1 percent as good as you are.

You're sweet. But, we need DH to divorce me and adopt me, you and Southern, lol!

Dana

Dana, do you have any idea why they showed up all of a sudden? Did DH know or have an idea that they were going to do this? I feel bad for you mom, all those people at the house, couldn't have been easy on her nerves!

"the girls were on rafts, at the other end, encouraging the baby to jump off, etc. At one point, my father nearly jumped in fully clothed worried about the youngest. The grown kids were oblivious"

Did this really happen?

These people came to your home uninvited & unannounced when they knew you weren't there, they disturbed your small children's naps, scared your parents witless, & goaded the youngest child to do something potentially fatal...
& you're still not mad enough to clean house?

This I don't understand at all.

If you choose to let people walk all over you in your own home, that's your perogative, but sitting there not doing a thing while *your* elders & *your* children are being endangered...

She's a nicer woman than I could ever be ... I probably would have left where ever I was, gone to MY HOME and used words that would make sailors blush and truck drivers cringe. And told them in no fewer words ... get out of my house now and don't ever come back. But she feels some loyalty these adults. She doesn't want to make anyone uncomfortable and thats all they want to do is make her life miserable.

Vista ... why didn't you mention it to hubby? why didn't you have him call his adult children and deal with it? Thats exactly a point you should have put their actions on him. I know its too late now.

When your parents and hubby are all home .. I would ask your mom directly and for her to tell hubby what his adult children were doing to their siblings his young children. If he blows it off ... then you must take it upon yourself to deal with it how ever you see fit. STOP letting them get away with this behavior ... you need to become a raving maniac ... blame it on menopause who cares just stand up for yourself and your family.. DO IT SOON NO ONE ELSE IS.

Please do not take this as attack on your personally. I just can't believe you haven't lost it yet. I would have a long time ago. Hubby and his adult children would have been set straight or been gone. How many more years are physically and mentally going to be able to put up with being a battered woman? You are battered emotionally no bruises but I think the hurt is worse.

Sidenote: get yourself a new savings account for the insurance check and do not let DH anywhere near it until his children have paid their rent, and other miscellaneous bills you are still covering. Pay all your bills and if anything is left over give him a percentage. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!

I have no idea why they showed. I'm sure DH will say, "They wanted to help out..." when I think they either wanted to get the salt off of them or maybe thought no one would be home and they wanted to eat and swim?

It's simple: I will never leave them alone w/ my kids. Period. These people are more dangerous in numbers - everyone thinks someone else is watching, etc. I'm sure in their distorted minds, they thought, "Well, we took the boys for 45 min. into the pool so Dana's parents could rest." The reality of it was pretty well summed up by Cawfe and Sylvia.

I think by the time I called my mother, they were already gone. The whispering by my mother was to prevent my DH from hearing on the cell phone. My mother and I are tough women to the family (our nuclear families) but completely unassertive to others. My parents would never complain to the bunch or tell DH anything negative about his kids. My father let loose one time and it caused a rift that is still not repaired - and that was about 5 years ago.

Anyway, it's over. I once had a babysitting job in 7grade - my first. I was to have a gf spend the night w/ me after and I thought I'd just bring her w/ me to the job. My mother said, "Be sure they don't mind - call and ask." I thought she was overlycautious, but did it. The woman DID mind and I thought she was crazy - wasn't two sets of eyes better than one? Now, I realize completely what her beef was. In numbers, people get distracted and think 'someone' else is paying attention, etc. That's how drownings always occur here in group functions every year.

I'm afraid I don't believe the girls meant any harm, and in their distorted views, do believe they came by to 'help' to some extent. But, my parents didn't need nor want any of that. I'm just glad it's over. I wish I had someone, anyone other than my parents that I could trust watching the boys...

D

Just remember all this stuff ... in a few years... when they are calling you to babysit while they run off to palm springs for the weekend... Or for wednesday nights daddy dinner!!!!

Funny you mention that. I have a patient who's much younger than her DH, also, and his kids weren't always the nicest to her - but when the skids had their own children, SM took the place of their own mother. She said, "I guess they figure it's been over 30 years since their mom had a baby, and only a few for me, so I'm the want they want advice from and to watch their babies..." But, I could totally see them saying, "Dana, Daddy's going to take us all out to a nice dinner - but that restaurant isn't right for the babies, so we'll be dropping them off for some stepg-ma time w/ you for a few hours!" and expecting me to throw a party and enjoy it all...

In our situation, BM has told the girls she's moving back to CA when she retires in a couple of years. That's another odd move if it happens. I mean, the girls have been gone in college for years, finally move back here, so you want to move to the other side of the country? Weird. I'm afraid I'll be the MIL from he!! who moves in next door to my boys and their wives....lol.

Right now, I'm dreading any 'marriage' situation w/ the SDs. The 22 y.o. who's living w/ the bf is my worry. I love the bf (more than her by far), but I want to somehow work into a conversation that today, when you wait til you're settled to marry, you can have any type of wedding you want 'cause you can foot your own bill! Hint, hint, lol. I'm not opposed to doing something for her, should we ever have $ again, but I'm envisioning the princess for a day/weekend type of event that DH will suggest we sell the house for...and, I actually do believe in the days of the distant past, the bride's family DID foot the bill as their DDs needed to be taken care of, had no careers, and married in their teens. I married at 33 and made more than my parents combined, so there was no way I was having them pay for our wedding which was kind of large to include many of our colleagues, etc.

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me that there is no upcoming engagement...

D