Figuring out the Dynamics of a Step Family
Good day to everyone,
I have been reading through lots of posts for days now. I am trying to figure out a good way to help my wife and my kids bond. I am not asking any of them to assume SM should replace biomom. My kids and biomom have a good relationship. I guess I Should give a little history first...
I have a son (14) and daughter (11) with (now) ex-wife, and she also has a son (18) from her first marriage. We had years of issues that lead us to separation and eventual divorce. Separated/divorced about 7 years ago. Met my wonderful wife shortly after the separation and dated for a couple of years before getting married almost 4 years ago. Since our marriage, we have had a son and daughter. So, it's a packed house! I have custody of my kids (and yes, my step son goes back and forth with the other two... I've been dad for most of his life) about half time.
My wife has had trouble bonding with my kids, which I think has been much more profoundly obvious since having children of her own and seeing how wonderful, loving and affectionate she is with them. They don't fight really, but just don't seem to care whether or not they spend any time together. I don't expect them to be best friends or even for her to share the exact same bond that she does with her own children. But, I would love for them to get along and want to do things together. I have put some of the pressure on my wife to take the first steps in trying to form some kind of bond with them. Is that fair to put on her? I have talked with the kids about her, letting them know she is going to be around forever, and that they should also be making an effort to get along with SM. Their reply is that they just feel like everything is indifferent between them. I don't want to create a problem where there isn't one, but at the same time, I don't want to leave a door open for a problem to grow in the future.
Any one have any experiences or advice that would help?