I understand your frustration, but I don't think you can prevent her from showing at the game should she choose to do so. As far as taking him to it, I guess if he's at your house and his things are at your house, there's no need for this 'show' she seems to want to put on to the public. If she still wants to be there for him, then I would view that as a positive, at least for SS. She sounds like she isn't there much, so I guess, as hard as it may be, I'd try to encourage her being supportive of his endeavors as much as possible.

I think the men we deal with are usually much more apt to go w/ the inconsistent flow of the BMs because they aren't the ones stuck looking like fools to the babysitter or the ones who look badly as we have to cancel our RSVPs the day before an event, etc. It's easy to sit back w/ little or no responsibility (with respect to the kids and their care) and tell us to just make a little adjustment in our plans..over and over and over...

Vent here, don't be a doormat, but think of the children at all times - Lord knows she doesn't.

Good luck,
Dana

The frustrating part is: 1) she doesn't know where the game is at (even though we've both lived in this area for years and there's only one highschool by that name) so she wants to show up at my house and follow me there, and here's the good part, without having to talk to me at all. She wants the oldest boy to call her, arrange the time to meet at the house, and then wait for her in the driveway. 2) I'm sick of being the one to tell them 'Mom won't be picking you up tonight' the youngest is 6 and he doesn't understand why this happens, the oldest is just bitter about it he usually gives me a 'figures' or something along those lines.

You are very right about the public show...I could go on and on about that...

Been there done that ... but we had to buy the shirts for the kids.

This is how I deal with all situations regarding will she be there or not??? I just assume she will not show up "Mom is busy" (kids)doing what? "I don't know asking her when you see her"

No matter the occassion I plan on her not making it so when we have a baby sitter or rsvps I add the kids and if she does show up (great) I would rather call to say the kids couldn't make it than the kids are now coming.

School functions she shows up to though ... So I drop them off at school functions. After I make sure she is there.

I try not to disappoint the kids so I don't tell them she said she "might" make it. I just avoid it. I say things like oh good mom is here I can run and do some errands.

No you are not being unreasonable ... but he will not argue the point with her. Easier to give her "her way" than argue with her.

absolutely not.... especially if she wont even have the common decency to talk to you and attempt to be an adult. You have the kids, you take the kids. If she wants to find out how to get to the game she can look it up or if DH so chooses he can give her directions.

Bm of my kids tried to do that all of the time.. the whole not talking to me thing.. it is ridiculous and childish... I refused to accept it any more. If she cant talk to me than I cant do the things she wants ...too bad so sad..... the kids will be taken care of always do always will...but I am not playing her games.

BM goes on and on with the public show as well... Oh my babies... I understand... I suck it up on that one.. if only for the moment it makes the kids feel good. Ironically enough, right now its football... she rarely shows up for practices and then its oh I am super mom those are my babies blah blah blah... Not that she was the person who paid for a single dime of equipment or anything else, went out found the info, got them signed up, takes them to every practice, weigh in, etc... yeah umm that was me... that is me...but she is super mom... sure right. Same for school I do the homework and hard stuff she shows up for open house all into it like oh my baby needs this or does that so on and so on... it works my very last nerve.. trust I know.

I have to agree with you about her just wanting to take him for "show". It is her weekend, if she will not take them all weekend then too bad for her. She can just meet you at the game! I would leave early with ther kids and go run an errand before so that there is no way she can just show up at your house and follow you. I know that may sound mean, but I feel your frustration with BM's who do nothing, but then want to "appear" to be mom-of-the-year for public stuff! She needs to learn that parenting is not a pick and choose event. And your DH needs to side with you, not just let BM get whatever she wants. It seems like so many DH's on here (mine included) just let the ex do whatever so they do not have to deal with them being mad, but they forget to take our feelings into consideration in the process.

Well I found out he has to be there early anyway since its 'picture day' so I called DH and told him that I am leaving early and if she wants to watch him play she can find directions online like any other capable adult.

You are definitely right about DH not wanted to deal with her being mad. Partly because she is incapable of having an 'adult' discussion on any issue, it goes from calm to screaming cursing and calling back 30 times in 20 minutes...I love my husband for being an easy going guy, but when it comes to her antics I really wish he would put her in her place more often, he's the one with custody after all.

mom of 4 - I think we deal with the same woman! I keep telling myself she can say/act however she wants in public but anyone who knows us or the kids knows she's full of it.

So the game ended up being cancelled due to a muddy field. I told SS he should call BM and let her know so she doesn't show up. Well being a kid, he blew it off cause he was busy playing, the day came and went and he never called. That night she calls him to tell him how sorry she was that she didn't show up to his first game etc. etc.. I was proud of SS, he said and I quote 'You're drunk and I'm not talking to you when you do this' and hung up.

This is just one of those things that cracks me up, after allll the drama BM tried to ring us through, she still couldn't follow through...

Amazing. What's wrong w/ her? Couldn't even show up after all the crap she pulled.

Good for SS, but how sad that he now knows she wouldn't have been there, anyway. It would take so much for me to miss one of my kids' events. I don't 'get it' w/ someone who calls herself a 'mother.'

D

If I could figure out what was wrong with her I think I'd have about 500 less gray hairs!

I don't get it either, I can't miss anything my kids do.

I just had to keep from laughing (I know thats bad) but after SS hung up on her she calls DH furious that this is 'all his fault' for him being out of town. Apparently he should 'be here parenting' instead. What that has to do with her blowing off her son I have no idea.

Amazing... she didnt even bother to show. It's rich. Ironically enough, bm didn't go to younger sons first FB game either... apparently BF had some home evaluation thing going on for his custody/child support deal with his kid... I personally dont think his meeting was excuse enough to miss your sons first fame... but then again that is just me...but I was there ;-) I had concession stand duty for the game before his...it was fun

Is it just his games she is not going to? I am a VERY involved mother, and the primary parent, and, for going on three decades have taken my children to probably thousands of activities, seen their plays, listened to their speeches, watched them compete in a variety of activities - but I HATE team sports, especially soccer and softball. I would rather watch grass grow. During the few years one or the other of them was involved in these, I often did not go to their games. I also told them that they could take any sport they chose (within reason) as long as they didn't mind if I didn't watch their games.

In the last three years she has attended one school concert, thats it. Has not been to conferences, baseball, football, meet the teacher, kindergarten graduation, etc... So its not just the sports.

Its not the point that its sports or whatevers.... I go through the same things she tells the kids mommy will be there and calls at the last minute so I can relay the message to the kids that mommy can't make it again. I don't tell them before hand I tell them during the event this way they can't yell at me because she isn't there.

Puts up a stink about being left out of events but doesn't show up to them anyhow. Unless its at school for the boys then she plays mother of the year not for the daughter.. (she says they never bonded)....So I make sure she knows all events its on her not to show up ... did you tell my mom? yes I told her but I don't know if she can make it.