I am not aware of any one-time or I was drunk exception to any child abuse laws. I would report. Immediately. And I doubt this will not reoccur.

Ditto, and where was mom when she allowed sex offender into her home and allowed him to be drunk and alone with her 13 year old daughter? Lock her up and throw away the key too....

Definitely child abuse. Even if it were a one time drunken incident, the child was violated.

google your (or his) states sex offender registry ... no longer private info ...

The incident occurred in the UK, where the rights of criminals are very well protected.

The man has since remarried, and his new wife says that he 'made a mistake, learnt his lesson, and everyone should just move on'. She is now pregnant. With a baby girl.

That is sick. They should immediately remove the girl & the new baby girl when it's born from that home. Why do the criminals have more rights than their victims in our society?

I agree the mother is just as guilty if not MORE for not protecting her chld. Disgusting.

sounds like every other sexual predator;
they're all innocent unless/until they're caught, & then it's "only the one time" & it wasn't their fault.

Sex offenders aren't motivated to change;
they enjoy what they do.

Unfortunately, like every other con artist, they can be charming & believable, very convincing to an inexperienced woman.

Completely agree with all views above. This man is a predator and i dont believe its was an 'accident'! bunch of crock!
And the mother is not protecting her kids , she's an enabler.both her daughters should be placed under protective care The situation should be reported immediately.

His new wife must be brain dead. Child molestors suffer from a mental sickness...there is no "mistakes" or "one off's". They have mental issues and I would not trust a man convicted of child molestation with my children and I deffinatly wouldn't have children with one...YUCK!

The mother in this case should get slammed for negligence. She's a moron too. Where the hell was she? Passed out in another room? Being drunk is no excuse for gropping a child. So many pathetic people use the "I was drunk" line as an excuse....disgusting.

I re-read and saw it was the child's FATHER and the mother was there and pressed charges. That makes the man even MORE sick.

I have very little sympathy for child abusers/molestors. No one probably wants to here my opinion on what should be done to them........

I am surprised that the mother doesnt lose custody, for having a sex offender in her home.

Has the father tried to gain custody through the courts? seems to me he would have an excellent argument for this mother not having care and control of her child.

That's child abuse. One time doesn't make it okay.

The mother apparently didn't know until the child told her. Unfortunately most predators are very skilled at intimidating and silencing their victims and this was a child.

Very sick man.

Just to clarify, this man was married to a woman with a young daughter from her previous marriage. He raised this girl as his own child from the age of 5, and then either drunkenly molested her once at 13 (according to him) or repeatedly molested her from the age of 9 (according to her mother)

When the child was 13 she apparently broke down and told her mother what had been happening with her stepfather. Her mother immediately kicked him out and pressed charges against him. Obviously, she divorced him and he moved on to someone else.

His new wife has two children herself from her first marriage, one a young girl, although their father has full custody of them and won't allow them to be around this man. In order to try involve her children in her life with her new husband and their expected baby girl, her argument is that it was a one-off accident, he's learnt his lesson and it won't ever happen again. Oh, and the dad must 'get over it'.

How does a mother do this? My mind boggles.

"Has the father tried to gain custody through the courts? seems to me he would have an excellent argument for this mother not having care and control of her child."

The mother was devastated, and still is, some 3+ years later. She carries a lot of guilt for not protecting her child, but he was smooth enough that she didn't suspect a thing. I don't know how her ex-husband, the girls father, reacted when he found out - like any father, I suppose. It must have been SO awful for them all.

This boggles my mind too.

I think the new wife needs a pysch examination.

The scary part about all of this is that it happens more than you think. Thank goodness that this woman has an exhusband who is involved and did the right thing.

Whoops! I accidently drank too much and got in my car- crashed into your car and damaged your child for life.

Essentially the same thing. Drunk drivers lose their license to drive. Drunk abusers lose their license to be around potential victims.

Zero tolerance. Child abuse is not ok. Stay away from this man. I believe people can change, but if he doesn't understand why people would be distrustful of him now he didn't learn his lesson and is not well. His ex-wife may be psycho. I'd be psycho too if the man I was married to and trusted was sexual with my daughter. He's lucky he's alive, because the thoughts that run through my head aren't very pretty ones. And maybe she did make it up (aside from the one incident), but maybe that's because people didn't take that one incident seriously.

What makes a person an adult? Being able to resist temptation and remove oneself from compromising situations. I don't care if the girl was in a bikini on his lap "begging" for it. An adult gently removes the child, removes themself and prevents harm from being done.

one time accident my rear... I couldnt care less even if it was... A one time "accident" with my daughter would be all it took to land me in jail. I am just glad that the dad of the current step children is on the ball and not allowing that man near his children.... to bad mom isnt to bright herself. I certainly hope someone is watching over the new baby girl to be... such a shame.

This kind of stuff happens more often than you think. Although this mother may have truely been fooled, a lot of mothers will move just about anyone into their home for money or love or whatever their immediate needs are. These are the women that are more worried about themselves than their children. I see on TV or read on the internet all the time of stepfathers abusing or even murdering their stepkids.

In my own experience, DS's dad's Godson was murdered by his stepfather because he wouldn't eat his lunch. He closed-fist punch the child (20 months) and he fell out of his highchair and fractured his skull.

Not that long ago, in a county near where we live, a 6 year/old little girl was found raped and hung in the building outside their home. Immediately the stepfather was arrested because they found child pornography on his computer. Turns out he wasn't guilty of the rape and murder, but now he's in jail for the kiddie porn.

To answer the original question: Yes, I think it is child abuse. My uncle molested my aunt because he was drunk. She's never gotten over it.

terrible. nothing else to add

How exactly does one "accidentally" grope someone, anyway?

Of course it is abuse, and I bet it was, in fact, ongoing.

I just feel sick.

One time or onging, I don't believe people of this horrific character change. How a woman could think having a child with such a person makes me want to vomit.

This is dreadful.
What sort of crappy mom marries a child molester!?

I'm past feeling sick over this. The man's new wife is my DH's ex, BM to my SD9 and SS11.

I have absolutely no objectivity over this. I love my s/kids and it sickens me that their mother chose this man over them and that they will not have the joy of developing a loving relationship with their new baby sister the way they did with our BS3.

She has told my DH that he should let the children visit them because she will make sure her husband is never left alone with them. I think there is something very wrong with this woman.

so so sad... so so dreadful. I am so happy your DH is protecting his children. Thank god for the both of you... there is absolutely something wrong with this woman

"she will make sure her husband is never left alone with them"

No, she won't.

She believes his lie, she believes children are safe with him, & he'll guilt her into leaving her children with him to prove she trusts him.

That's what those guys do.

Barefoot-

How sick is she NOT to freaking realize that if she has to promise your husband that she "will never the leave the kids alone with him" that maybe...JUST MAYBE, he should not be in the house with children in the first place!

God! Case in point...just because you have a biological child and you are technically that child's mother/father does not mean you are fit or deserving. What a ding bat!!! Sounds like something the girls mom would do.

Does anyone remember the story about the creepy old guy that kept bugging the girls for kisses....ew ew ew. We put a stop to that REALLY fast. That was when we told biomom her judgement was s*** and she had to go to rehab to ever be able to pick up the girls again.

Of course you know the story, she went for a few weeks, checked out against medical advice and then hauled ass to a town three hours away from her kids without saying goodbye. If murder wasn't illegal that woman would be on my hit list......

You are ALL right. Doodle, Sylvia, this is the most mind-boggling thing she has ever come out with. And there have been plenty. She spent several years doing everything she could to try destroy my marriage and our family and it was quite a while before I could detach myself from her drama. In the beginning, I hated her for it all. Then I pitied her. Now ... I don't know.

I have always said that, no matter what she says or does, she is still the mother of two children in my life that I love dearly. So I have always tried to at least respect her for that, if nothing else. But a mother who can do something like this is like dog doo under my shoes. When I see her I am polite, but that's it. I'll never understand it, and I don't want to!

Dont ever ever ever let your SK's go there. I wouldn't even let BM have visits unless they were supervised for fear she might bring him around.....
That man will not stop and it is your and DH's job to make sure your children are never exposed to him.
You are doing the right thing don't even entertain her idea of letting the kids visit with him around....
They are both sick

Is he on probation or anything? Isn't there some kind of law that could protect them further? I mean I know around here there are a lot of laws with the registry and not being able to go within certain feet of schools daycares playgrounds etc... I mean I guess it would be extreme to say a child molester can never get married (but then I can think of a few extreme things that I would prefer be done to them) but to allow someone like that to marry someone and basically placing two young innocent victims at his mercy and whim... Is there not anything to protect that from happening? I suppose it is assumed that parents would know better ... but then there are child abuse laws because some just dont know better.

And like sylvia said... she definately won't keep those kids away from him.

at least 2 good points here:

if you have to "promise" (she's already taking responsibility for his actions, a classic way that con artists & abusers shed their own responsibility & manipulate people into becoming their enablers) that your husband will never be alone with children, then...
he shouldn't be around them at all.

& mom-of-4 makes another good point-

it seems like sex offenders are *always* prohibited from being within a certain distance of children.

You might check with law enforcement, maybe contact his parole officer.

His arrest and conviction happened in the UK, where this man lived until recently. BM flew there to visit him for 2 weeks just a few months into their 'online' relationship, ended up staying for 6 months, and came back here with him a few weeks ago. In the UK he was on probation (or parole) until 2010, but his probation doesn't apply here, although my DH has met with the local police and discussed it with them. They have requested this mans file from the UK and will decide when that arrives if they will allow him to stay here or send him back.

I believe they left the UK to come here because Child Services were going to take the new baby away when it was born.

See, that's the part that really sucks for me. And I've REALLY struggled with this. Because I DON'T want this baby taken away from her - purely because it is my s/kids baby sister. At the same time, I don't believe this child will ever be safe with them.

DH and I are hoping that if the police decide he cannot stay here, they will go somewhere else and not back to the UK. It really is a horrible situation, because wherever they go he will be free to do whatever he wants, but then at least he will be away from the s/kids. But what about other peoples children? What about their new baby?

I thought at least here in the US that you couldn't leave the state without permission if you were on parole or probation...maybe its different in the UK but I would contact the UK police and notify them that he is in the US couldn't hurt to try?

Barefoot: have you and DH talked to immigration? I have a very close friend who married a Swedish man and the immigration process was pretty extensive. They've been married for I think 5 years now and still have to update immigration from time to time. (I know because they've asked me to write a statement that yes I know them and know that they are truthfully living as a married couple blah blah). I don't know for a fact that being a convicted sex offender means you can't legally immigrate here, but I certainly hope it does. So, if this man is a sex offender in his home country, they may have moved him here illegally, first of all, and second of all even if he slipped through the cracks and was approved permanent residence as a spouse of a citizen, that status can be revoked.

you most certainly cannot immigrate to the US if you have any kind of shady past. Unless of course you hide it well but then it could be found out any time and you would be deported.

I would most certainly first of all contact UK police and inform them of what is going on. then i would contact immigration and let them know that sex offender immigrated and has little children in the house. It does not matter what status he has it could be easily revoked and he could be deported.

If you have any kind of criminal record at all, even for shoplifting at the age of 16, you will be denied permanent resident status.

When my husband and I got married, we had to go t hrough the immmigration process in the United states, and then later we had to go through the immigration process in Canada , when we moved back there. In both countries, one of the main concerns is if you have ever been convicted of any crime. If so, you can kiss immigration goodbye.

Its interesting to note the difference in the two countries. In Canada, if you have had a DUI, you are permanently disqualified from even visiting the country.In the United states, if you even admit to smoking a joint once at a party two decades ago, you will be denied entry, but a DUI is not a big deal.

Wow! US law is really interesting. I am on a South African passport, and need to go for an interview with the US Embassy here before even getting a holiday visa to visit for 5 days. They're really tight on security.

Anyway, he left the UK without informing the authorities. We are in Africa, and I believe Immigration here is now aware of this all and waiting for the police file to arrive from the UK. They will decide what to do when the file arrives. Hopefully I'll be adding a positive update soon!

Barefoot,

I understand how you don't want to see your skids lose the chance to have their baby sister in their lives, but just think of the life their baby sister might have if she stays. I think the only thing that might give this girl a fighting chance is a new set of parents. If her mother doesn't have the good sense God gave a goose and her father is a sex offender, what hope does she have? As horrible as it sounds, I think for them to be returned to the UK and the baby taken away if mom doesn't give dad the boot is a better option than life as this Daddy's Little Girl.

Although I understand your feelings about not wanting the kids to lose their baby sister in their lives. But, her losing the child is not necessarily the end all. You can always try and keep track of the kid yourselves...whatever happens to her. OR consider the possibility of taking her in yourselves if it came to that... (although obviously this would be a huge undertaking)