Report her to appropriate authorities. If something were to happen to the children and it was found out that you knew of the potential for harm, you would be found to be just as guilty. Take the pictures with you as proof that your claims are not fraudulent or malicious.

What does your husband say about all of this?

Yep, most definitely illegal...let the police know, if you can't convince her that this is a STUPID idea. Your DH needs to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that this is NOT acceptable, and the kids need to know, too.

Good luck...

THANK YOU! That is my plan (tell the police), but I was curious what others would say. My husband is fully supportive of the idea of calling the police. We haven't had discussions yet about my 16 y/o SS being there, but our plan is to not allow it (we aren't even supposed to know about this party, but someone told us out of concern because it was announced that there would be drinks - to entice this person to go).

Good idea about having the pictures available.....to show that it has happened before.

Scary thing is we suspect my SD who is 20 may have a drinking problem.....fully supported by her mother (who probably does too -- her mother and father were both alcoholics).

Talking to BM would do nothing -- she would just dismiss us as too strict.....and she would say "see, I'm the FUN parent!!" Here's proof of that: we talked to my SS about drinking when with his mother and he admitted they did on vacation (we know, we saw the pictures) and said that after a couple of days he stopped because he was trying to work out (he's an athlete).......we asked "how did that go over?" and he admitted that they "made fun of" him, but he didn't care.....he didn't want to drink anymore. So she not only provided it to her 15 y/o son, but makes fun of him when he doesn't want it anymore......SICK!!!

In my state, it is entirely legal for a parent to serve a child (even under 18) alchohol and also any other children with parents express permission. I know my X allows wine to my DD. Police are hesitant to arrest children at parties in my town (upper class) as community doesnt want any negative marks on childrens records. Police just call parents to come pick them up. Most calls to police re parties are from kids who arent invited. I think you need to seperate your obviously negative feelings re the childs mom from any feelings toward child.

KKNY: I am curious what state you are in, because as far as I know, in the United States it is illegal for children under 21 to drink. Period. Also, I almost believed that you were providing serious input and good advice.....until you told me to separate my negative feelings from the BM....don't you see this is BECAUSE I CARE about the kids that I'm concerned about this? This is one concrete way to prove that this woman's parenting has her children at risk...since no one can see the other scars that she has caused). It isn't about my feelings towards her...it is about her learning not to put these children at risk. If I was to have a "fun" party with alcohol, I would be dubbed as an unfit stepmother......

Whatever......please let's not turn this thread into BM's vs. SMs.....I want serious feedback on this because I'm concerned about it.

She won't be such a fun parent when someone else's kid dies in a car accident after leaving the party where she was providing alcohol. She won't be so much fun when she's sitting in jail for contributing to the delinquency of minors, or is sued by the un-knowing parents of the other kids there. Let her think she's the FUN parent...that's not really what kids want...They have FRIENDS for fun. From their parents they want boundaries, guidance and safety (even if they don't realize it yet!)

If you call the police will the kids then have records or will it only be the mom? you have to look at the ramifications of your actions.....they may not all be beneficial. I would problby contact cps and ask them what the best line of action should be. If you can't say no to drugs at home....how can you say no somewhere else.....

To Nicksmom: I'm 100% with you....and these are the reasons I hate that she will do this and put these kids at risk. However, from the kids' perspective, we're uptight and she is cool. .....who cares....I know (and they will know) that WE are doing the right thing and that is all that matters.

BTW, I know several people effected by drunk drivers...whether they were killed or disabled for life....and I have a zero tolerance for irresponsible behavior around drinking.....

Thanks for your post!

to Doubts07 -- that is a good question and one I don't know the answer to. I have a cop in my family and I will ask him about this......this is why I don't want my SS to be there. If my SD was there and DID get into legal trouble, I do not think that would be bad -- she is on a path that is dangerous and scary so this is a better way to get a wake up call then killing herself or someone else because of her actions.....(my DH says that he is waiting to get "the call" that something has happened to her.....)

Thanks for the feedback!

These may be of interest:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-070721hutsell-story,1,7021751.story?track=rss

http://parentingteens.about.com/od/alcohol/a/underage_drink.htm

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,276178,00.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/03/AR2007070302331.html

NY -- and I think this is already SMs bashing childrens mothers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_drinking_age

which states:

"Financial incentives create de facto federal purchase age of 21. The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984 states that revenue will be withheld from states that allow the purchase of alcohol to anyone under the age of 21. Some states do not allow those under the legal drinking age to be present in liquor stores or in bars (usually, the difference between a bar and a restaurant is whether food is being served). Contrary to popular belief, since National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984, few states specifically prohibit minors' consumption of alcohol in private settings (an exception includes Connecticut). In some cases or states, alcohol permits can be purchased at a cost to the parent or legal guardian. New York permits those under twenty-one to drink in restaurants provided that they are with a parent or guardian, the alcohol is poured (if applicable) by the parent or guardian, the parent or guardian hands the drink to the minor person, and the minor person is not seated at the bar. As of 2006, 20 states do not specifically ban underage consumption and an additional 15 states have family member and/or location exceptions to their underage consumption laws. [3]
Federal law explicitly provides for religious, medical, employment and private club possession exceptions; as of 2005, 31 states have family member and/or location exceptions to their underage possession laws. [4]
Underage purchase of alcohol, though illegal in all fifty states, is not a federal offense, although restrictions on highway funding for states that allow it make it illegal federally de facto. See underage drinking in America."

I'm so disgusted that NY allows underage drinking, regardless of what conditions apply. The statistics of children who drink before 21 progressing to alcoholism is astounding, and yet it's allowed in NY. Pathetic.
Where I live (NorthEast)in my particular state, it is illegal, and we prosecute parents who host parties where underage (which means 21) drinking occurs. End of story. Even if it is your own child.
If anyone gave my SS's a drink, they would come into a world of hurt. Totally unacceptable.
The sad part is, like JerseyStepMom said, there are parents out there who feel they need to allow the children to be their "buddy" or be the "cool" parent, and don't realize/care about the damage they are doing. I saw this alot where I grew up. A very affulent town, with kids whose parents had too much money, and no time, resulting in lots of parties with underage drinking going on. Many with the "parents" there. Also resulting in a lot of those children progressing into alcoholics and teenagers with records for DUI. Bio or step, it's criminal where I live, thank goodness!

We had an incident like this with my oldest SD. One of her BM's friends had a party and allowed my (at the time 15) year old SD to drink. My DH found out about it from his younger daughter (my DH is an alcoholic who has been sober for 17 years and works with other addicts in recovery through a christian ministry) and he was furious. He called BM's friend and told her she was lucky he was not calling the police, and if it ever happened again, the consequences would be serious. He also told BM if she allowed their daughter to go over there again, he would have her back in court in a second. So far, his threats have stuck. He backs down on alot of issues (most in fact), but because of his own experience with addiction, he does not play when it comes to this. You and your DH must step in for the safety of his children. They will thank you for it in the long run.

Wow, lonepiper -- thanks for all those articles. I read each one and you have certainly convinced me about how the law views this, and what we should do about it.

I also appreciate lafevem's willingness to share her story. I hope that the BM is abiding by his wishes and not forcing the kid to lie to his dad....that is part of our dilemma - we found this out by accident and I will not breach the trust of the person who told me, so we have to pretend we don't know......

As I said, with my SD having maternal grandparents who were life long alcoholics and a paternal aunt who was also (is recovering for a year now), the cards are against these kids and their genes! My husband tried to explain this to his daughter last year when we found evidence of heavy drinking.....but....we were probably dismissed as "too strict." What scares me is that we found alcohol in OUR house when SD was with us last summer....to think that WE could have been accountable for that is very scary! (though we agree never to leave the kids alone for a weekend at our house!)

One thing I read in one of lonepiper's articles is that a child drinking at age 15 is 4 times more likely to be an alcoholic.....holy cow!

Thanks for all the input.....any other ideas, articles, whatever, would be appreciated. I may print them all out and send them to my SD once she is back at school....

We certainly hope that as well. We don't worry about it as much during the school year, because they don't go out on school nights and are with us every weekend, so we can monitor where they are somewhat. But, they are at BM's during the week during the summer and fear she may allow it again. All we can do is pray, and we do alot of it. lol

How many alcoholics do you know who waited until the legal age of 21 to start drinking?

Most started drinking in their teens.

Posted by kkny (My Page) on Mon, Jul 23, 07 at 14:22

NY -- and I think this is already SMs bashing childrens mothers

Who cares. Then go somewhere where moms can bash SM's all day long. I'm sure more then just SM's would bash a mother if they knew mother was allowing underage children to drink.