Man oh man, why am I always a magnet to this stuff? Child abuse?

18 years ago

Okay, so I am so way laid back! I am a very sweet and kind person, because I think that is how we are supposed to be. HOWEVER, don't ever tell your 4 year old, in front of me, that you are going to F'in (her words, not mine) kick their head in if they can't walk faster. And when she can't keep up with you because you are walking WAY too fast for a four year old to catch up to, don't grab her and tell her that you will beat the piss out of her.

This was my day. I was at the grocery store, mindin my own business putting the bag of bread in the back seat to not get smooshed.... (hate it when that happens) when I hear a woman just screaming profanity. When I looked up, she was yelling it to a small child that I thought to be 3 or 4. She just wouldn't stop. There were at least 15 of us throughout the parking lot that stood there with our mouth open wide. I finally yelled at her to *calm down* as the little girl was crying and I was afraid for her. Then I was mad at myself as I was afraid she was going to take it out on the little girl. The woman was also carrying a baby carrier with an infant in. The little girl had the saddest look on her face. The lady looked at me right in the eyes, and I thought, oh crap, here it comes. She asked me when I start paying for her kid, I could make the decisions. I said gladly, but until then, she needs to stop verbally abusing her and to never grab her like that again. That is when she started coming at me very rapidly. I thought oh God give me wisdom. She left the little girl just standing to the side of the way busy parking lot driveway. She was scared. I thought, rather than being scared, which I WAS.... just watch that little girl and help her... I called out to the girl, are you okay? She just looked at me scared as can be. I told her it was going to be okay. The woman was screaming at me to leave her alone and not talk to her. She then started then screaming at the girl, see what happens when you don't list. The little girl started crying. I just left my cart sitting there by the car, walked to the little girl and just sat on the curb. When the mom reached us, she purposely dropped the baby carrier, (not real far from the ground as she was holding it down, but still there was a baby in it. She then kicked me in the shin. She was wearing flip flops so it didn't really hurt, but she kicked me. I was then so mad, but thought, this little girl can't see this. After about what seemed like forever of her cussing me out, and her grabbing the little girls hand and walking away, someone yelled that they called the police. Same person put her under citizens arrest, (whatever that means) and told her not to leave. That didn't matter. She left. Police didn't get there for 45 minutes. We took down the license number.

Not sure what is going to happen. We told the police everything we saw. Just sad. Haven't heard anything yet.

Here is a link that might be useful: Our family journey with autism

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (35)

maryanntx
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
OMG how scary! It does put you in a bad position because you don't know what to do. I am glad that you stood up for the little child. Can you imagine what kind of life she has. And also glad she was reported to the police.
carol_in_california
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Thank you for standing up to that woman.....sorry you were emotionally and physically injured.
And even more thanks for being there for that little child.
I don't know what the outcome will be but that little girl will remember, all her life, that to one person, she was worth something.
God Bless you.
Related Discussions
Idyll #426 One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor
Q
Comments (104)
Good morning all... I got the snafu cleared up with the checks, except I have not contacted Checks Unlimited yet. The customer service lady was very apologetic. Naturally it was not the store's mistake...it was only the check printing company who was at fault. Whoohoo! I have a new perm! I feel like a new person. :-) I enjoy visiting with my hairdresser as much as I enjoy getting a perm. We have so much in common, and talk non stop. She came up with a lot of good information for what I need, with my remoteness and my ailing DH. Her mother had lived with her the past several years, and passed away recently, at 91. One of her suggestions is that I get a Tracfone with prepaid hours, for emergency calls, espacially, both at home and on the road.I plan on checking on that. She admonished me to NOT get on a chair when doing things like the chandelier job, and told me of a neat stepladder that Walmart sells. ( I told her I had stood on a chair for that job.) You gals are all great inablers. and so is she. :-) I took my camera on my trip out, and got more pics of the devestation along the roads and in town. It continues to boggle my mind. I stopped at the One Stop on the way home. One of the local First Responders was there. She pointed out how much worse the fire hazard will be in the woods this year, due to all the downed limbs and trees. As you all know, our home is surrounded by woods! Nothing gives me a greater fear than a wild fire coming through our place. The predicted rain is beginning. There is the possibility of severe weather....hail and tornados! Just what we need! I got more yard work done yesterday afternoon. More limbs put on piles, and some clean-up in both front and back beds. How I hope my strength improves. The pain and fatigue are overwhelming when I try to do such jobs. I feel so sorry for Michelle, and all others who suffer from chronic pain. Only those who do so can understand what it is like. And the sad thing is...the difficulty definitely increases as one ages. 20 years ago I was doing many of the same things that you all are doing now. I scoffed at the older ladies who kept saying..."Wait until you are my age". Of course, having Fibromyalgia, and arthritis at a fairly young age puts one in a differant category than those who have not had such conditions. Honey, I can understand the job at the florist saving your sanity. When I first got on line it was a 'life saver' for me. Being a member of the Idylls was an added help. then when I goofed up here, the other forum that I was posting on was my mind-saver. I fulfilled my needs there, and am very seldom posting there anymore. My mental and physical setbacks are a constant condition that I struggle with. Having a deteriorating Dh adds to the struggle. I feel as though I am at a higher plateau this year, but who knows when I will plunge again? As I said, I work at it constantly, and I have lots of help...some of which is at a much higher plane. :-) The story of the kitten and the mama cat is very heartwarming. It sounds very much like something both Nolon and Tim would do. I am happy that anothr kind soul took them in. I am not able to do the heavy labor that you spoke of , Honey. I once could, but no more....But I do understand how helpful it can be. My finaces prevent me from getting outside help. My houseplants are an aid to my 'therapy', but they are such a drawback when and if I want to go somewhere for a few days. Even if it was not for staying with Nolon, I would have the plants and the cats to be responsible for. Neighbors would willingly tend to the cats, but I would not,could not, expect them to tend to 100 or so potted plants.:-( I appreciate your kind words, Honey. And the kind words of others also. They help sustain me. V, you have a very intriguing house. I love the pics of the stairway.And the paint color is lovely. Michelle, I hope you can keep your vow towards your place. I certainly did not foresee what all has befell both our house, and ourselves. Having sufficient finances to hire help would make a huge differance also. I never realized how badly a house can deteriorate over the years. I had never lived in one this long before. I can certainly understand the condition of your parent's house. I am sure they did not blindly allow it to get in such a condition. Saucy, I will pass on the rats. Our cats are more than I need to maintain. :-) I am afrad the rats rather creep me out! Eden, I love the story about Bella's dream. What a great tribute to her grandmother. Wow, Kathy! You are catching up on the rainfall aren't you. That is great. I am afraid painting is not the solution to our house's needs. There are too many repairs that need done first. About the only things in the interior that could be painted without major repair first is the woodwork and the kitchen cabinets and cupboards. If they were refinished it would perk things up a lot.The cabinet and cupboards need hingework, but otherwise good enameling would really help. Norma, sorry about your friends RA. I know that is a devestating condition, but varies with it's intensity. It was first thought that I had that, but ruled out when I was not showing the conditions that go with it. Your take on Michelle's parents home is similar with mine, and your DH shares Nolon's lack of interest. Of course, now he is unable to do a lot of the things that he once could. Mary, I am so happy that David's activities are looking up. I can hardly imagine what a relief getting back to a more normal day is to you both. And it is great that Annie had such a nice visit at her aunts. I hope the nerve pain is soon gone. There is no worse pain than nerve pain. Marie, you had such a handsome family! How good that the photogapher had the children smiling. All of the old pics of my relatives are so solemn looking. I am not as good at detecting resemblances as many of you are. I do not see my parents in any of my siblings or myself. My brother comes the nearest. He looks guite a bit lok our dad. If he were dressed the same, the resemblance would be more noticable. We do not have the crossbills here. They are farther north, even in the winter. The main bird of that coloring that we have is the purple finches, and they have been rather scarce the past few years. Honey, your check experience was lots more humiliating than mine! I probably would have never returned to that store. Since I have I new hairdo, the folks in that store will not associate the new me with the earlier snafu. :-) Marian
...See More
Oh man! what now?
Q
Comments (13)
thanks, john, karen & dibbit for the sympathy & advice! i'm so busy right now i really didn't have time to go out and really check out everything this afternoon when i got home. but from what i glanced, i'm guessing at least 10 or more things are toast. the rest looks ok for now, but time will tell if there was structural damage done that kills things slowly. i feel really fortunate that more things weren't killed outright. the one begonia in particular that my mentor wanted has some live spots, though all the older leaves are toast. couple others are the same way, and then a few others looked completely toasted. maybe under those pitiful leaves the rhizomes pulled through. none of the others would be as hard to replace, so i don't mind so much. some of the scented geraniums didn't look happy, but we'll see. one of my weird plectranthus looks gone, but the other one looks fine, so that surprised me. so far the passionflowers, aristolochia grandiflora, orchids, banana, and some of the others look ok- for which i'm really happy. most of the ee's i was overwintering were downstairs along with the other things that can take little light, fairly dry and basically abuse conditions barely above freezing. i don't worry about the basement til it drops below 20 outside. then i run a single space heater in there too. i used to overwinter a bunch more there but consistently forget to water, etc. and lost too much that way. outta sight, outta mind. karen- definitely if you can get a jatropha seedling i'd be interested. i'd had that plant for 10+ years and it was never happy inside in the winter, though it did stay alive barely. thought i'd try it out there last year and it was a mistake. it was so tall and i kept trying to air layer it or get cuttings with no luck. i have a jatropha podigarica seedling i can trade you for it. that one gets a swollen stem and has round leaves. the one i had and lost has very lacey leaves- like snowflakes. i think the whole problem was that i set the level at the highest setting rather than the next one down, which is what i did last year if i recall right. they are the same heaters, and i'm fairly sure they are fine- so far they have been, til i turned them to high. and something i forgot was that the mini fridge is on the same fuse inside- so if we have a really cold night i may just unplug it from now on. so long as it's not opened it stays nice & cold. i think it was the combo of the 2 plus the fridge that set it off (that power surge you mentioned, but it was my fault!). it's an older house and can only take but so much. there's lots of greenhouse gadgets that i'd love to spend money on, but it's in short supply now. i get charlie's, farmtek and a couple of the other catalogs, so i will check it out. we have a min/max out there that we keep an eagle eye on. guess it doesn't do much good in a case like this, though, huh?
...See More
I've been living with a married man for 8 years!!!!
Q
Comments (28)
Sweet luv let me tell you the most important thing about your situation. You are sinning against God for being with a Married man only consequential things are going to occur to you and he still is going to be married to his wife but your spirit is going to be ruined. Take it from me I was in the same situation as you exact but for 16 years. Everything was so good and every year he was going to divorce his wife and every year it was an excuse. Don't fall for it. I made triple the amount as he did, but 10 years later my sin caught up with me. I lost my income, lost my great career he got nastier and blamed me. He was very verbal abusive then turned physical when he knew his cash cow was living. Get out while you can it will only get worse. I was with him for 16 years you only done 8 I know what the love feels like but it's only one way. Jesus loves you more go after his love. Ever since I left him and got back with the lord my life has been restored. Don't wait to got humble you from your sin and take everything from you. Please trust me it's going to get way way way way worse. Please take it from someone with experience in the truth of what your going through. God Bless you and I hope you do the right thing. Kick him to the curb.
...See More
why is hitting a child NOT child abuse
Q
Comments (23)
I re-read your letter. I applaud you for not abandoning your children, and leaving them to fend for themselves if you left. That is a real father. A father who will make sacrifices for the children. It sounds as if your wife was in the wrong type of counceling. It sounds as though what she really needs are classes in anger management for the well being of your children. Perhaps that is one of the things you will require of her that you will not waiver on. After re-reading your first two posts, I believe that what I suggested in the above two posts sounds like a long shot. And I can imagine how difficult it would be to pull off with a person who is angry and bitter. Especially given how you feel about her. Does she have ANY good points? If so, what are they? I think it would be so depressing to live with someone who has been depressed for 20 years, and is so angry and bitter. If it were me, (OK, I am climbing up on that soapbox for a speech) I think I would tell them that I am sick of them using depression as an excuse for rotten behavior. I would tell her that if it is real depression...meaning chemical imbalance of some sort, then to get herself to a doctor and get her medications right. And if it is depression caused by her own disappointments in life, then suck it up and put a smile on your face and start doing some of the things you need to do. Because the kids and I hate living like this, and your anger and bitterness is destroying our family and the childhood of these children. They do not get a second chance at childhood...this is it, and it is going to be happy from tomorrow on. And if you cannot be a part of making this family a happy and good place to be, then I (meaning you Dave) will step up to the plate and raise these kids and give them that happy, safe childhood. Your 14 year old has so little childhood left, and I (meaning you Dave) am going to make sure it is great! Are you on board, or are you going to continue to hide behind your depression and anger and bitterness, doing your best to make sure home life is crappy for us all? She has a choice to make here. And you may find she is on board, and will begin some new changes, or that she likes being angry and miserable...and then you will know what you need to do. Forgive me for the two messages above, as after I re-read your original posts, I realized how they must sound to someone who is really in the pits in a marriage to someone who is so angry, and bitter all the time. I am not sure any of us could actually rise to the occasion if we were in your shoes and actually pull off what I suggested above. It sounds as if the marriage is just too miserable to actually bring yourself to do as I suggested. Not that it couldn't be done, but it would take a better person than I am to pull it off. Unless she actually makes a decision to change. If she does...perhaps she will surprise you all! In my best pollyanna view...I sometimes think that we can change someone else by being really kind to them. I sometimes have these wierd thoughts that you could take her for a morning of pampering (facial, massage) and then take her for a new outfit, and take just her out to dinner. That by you treating her differently, that maybe she will thaw out, and begin to see herself differently, and begin to change and laugh and smile. That she will "want" to be a better woman for her family. Perhaps it is just wishful thinking...but just maybe????? Anyone, I forget that some people actually "like" to be angry and bitter and miserable all the time. That is their comfort zone. Perhaps she is one of those people. I don't know.
...See More
scraphappy
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You did the right thing! Hope the police can work with CPS to get that family some help. And, as Carol said, that little girl will forever remember that someone made an effort to help her and intervene. Bless you!
donna_oh
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
God Love ya Wendy!

Hugs, Donna (^_^)
linda_in_iowa
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You go girl. I am so glad you stood up for that little girl.
pattico_gw
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I have tears in my eyes....and I'M PROUD OF YOU !!!!!!

patti
grammahony
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm proud of what you did too. I hope they do something with that woman.
Leslie
stephmc72
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I'm proud of you too...this is a very sad story. Imagine what happens behind closed doors! Poor little girl.
donna37
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You did a wonderful thing and hope that the Mom gets some anger management help and the child can get some help.
OklaMoni
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Wendy you are very brave! To bad, woman like her get to have children, and then there a woman that would be AWESOME moms, that can't get pregnant. That really sucks.

I don't know, if I would have had the courage to do what you did, nor can I think of something that would have been better.

I hope, the kids are ok.

Moni
trinitytx
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
That little girl needed to know that what her mom is doing is so wrong. And, Wendy, bless your heart, you did just that for sticking up for the kids and standing up to the mother. Today, you are my hero.

I just want to hug you. You rock.

Trin
clubm
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Ditto from above. Thanks for helping the little girl the
best you could. Very sad.
Lindsey_CA
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Wendy, you did something that is SO important for that little girl's psyche today. Whenever little kids get yelled at by an adult, especially by their parent, the kid feels that no matter what it was, it had to be their fault that their parent is so angry. It makes a kid's self-esteem go way down.

To have you stick up for her like that showed her that she IS a good kid - that it's not her fault, that she didn't do anything wrong. That's HUGE.

Bless you.
nodakgal
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Oh god my heart aches for both these children! Especially the little girl.
I hope and pray something good comes out of this.
Whether it does or not we may not even know, but bless your heart Wendy for trying to help that child!!!!!!!!!!
sjerin
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Wow! You are brave and I admire the heck out of you. I do hope you can find out whether the police and cps followed up on this--sure sounded like a crime to me. I know foster care is a scary thought, but these kids' mother sounds worse. Three cheers for you!
msmarion
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Wendy you ROCK girl!!! Thank you for standing up to that bully. You are a girl after my own heart. I'd have been right there with you. Poor little thing she must have been scared. GRRRR. Now I'm spitting nails. I can't stand people like that.
lisa11310
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Good call! I can tell you that the police HAVE to make a CPS call wether they were there or not. CPS has to respond in 24 hours. I would not be supprised if this woman has more than one report. Bless you for taking action and not being one of those bystanders that does not want "to get involved".
wendylynders
Original Author
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Did not hear from the police so I called them. They found who the car is registered to but when they went there, there was nobody home. They however, do have to report any alleged abuse to child protective services. They asked how they could reach me tomorrow if they have more questions. I will stop down tomorrow to just check up on it. I have a couple of appointments for my son, but will go in after that.
ont_gal
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I hold you high for what you did for that little girl Wendy,but God knows,thank fully,that that idiot didnt lose it and go at you really bad.
Good samaritans,more often than not,end up in a bad place when they try to assist someone.
intherain
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Oh, Wendy, thank you for stepping in. That just breaks my heart. That poor little girl.

Sheryl
wendylynders
Original Author
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
It is nearly 1a here and I am still up. I just am so worked up about it. My heart hurts for her. I just keep hoping her mom didn't hit her when they got to where they were going because of me. It makes my stomach hurt so much.
dorothy_oahu
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I will pray that the little girl is taken care of and put in a loving home. Possibly the mother is on drugs.

You know in your heart that God brings you these situations because He trusts that you can handle them. He knows your heart, Wendy.
cosmic_karma
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Good thoughts are nice, prayers may help - but what will really help this child is a follow-up call to the police and CPS. You can be her advocate behind the scenes.
dirt_yfingernails
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You definitely did the right thing. If the mom was so aggressive as to kick a perfect stranger, imagine how she must treat the babies at home. I shudder to think of it. You should press assault charges against her so her physically abusive behavior goes on official records.
trishaw
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You are my hero. You were so brave!

Trish
yvonnekate
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing !! A saying comes to mind that is something like, "If I make a difference in just one childs' life...........
That little girl may always remember what you did for her. And if she doesn't, you will !
My heart just aches for you and that precious child and her sibling. Please keep us posted.
Kathsgrdn
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Very scary! I hope she didn't take it out on the kids later, though. Nowadays, it scary to intervene in stuff like that, don't know if someone is high on drugs, has a weapon on them, etc... Glad you're ok.
petaloid
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
She kicked you -- isn't that assault and battery?

I'm glad that you spoke up, and I'm happy about the police involvement. If she treats her child that way in public she may be even meaner in private. She needs some kind of intervention -- they all do, including the baby.
jannie
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Wendy, thank you for standing up to that horrible woman. You did your best, hope the police followed up properly. That whole family needs counselling!
carla35
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
It took a lot of guts to do what you did.

I'm interested to know what CPS will do. I didn't think they'd usually get involved over verbal abuse stuff or spanking, pulling, shoving, etc... only physical abuse that may be doctor worthy. Sad, and maybe not right, but that's what I thought.

The best thing to get her on may have been her kicking you or, something along the lines of disturbing the public.

I wonder if maybe the mother is sleep deprived and or has post partum depression. Maybe if she does, they'll get her some help. A girl I know would tell me how she was always calling her older child an idiot and yelling at her and such when she had PPD; that she would just lose it. After her PPD cleared up, she was back to normal... wonder if that could be part of it.

Let us know what happens.
Happy_Go_Lucky_Gayle
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
"I will pray that the little girl is taken care of and put in a loving home. Possibly the mother is on drugs.
You know in your heart that God brings you these situations because He trusts that you can handle them. He knows your heart, Wendy."

I agree with Dorothy.

It happened in front of the right Person and group of people.
Vique_Pa
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Bless you! We should all stand up for what is right. That poor little girl couldn't take up for herself. I am going to pass your kindness on, i.e. the next time I see a child being mistreated I will step in and do something about it. Vique.
judy_jay
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
What a brave thing to do. I wonder how often all over does this happen & no one says/does anything. Good for you, you're a special person. That child will remember you forever I'm sure.
trinitytx
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Please let us know what you may have found out today. I have been thinking about this all day. I know you are worried that you may have stirred the pot, but you had to.
The way people act out now a days just blows my mind. I would have done the same thing as you did, and worried into the night as well.
Just think of the sick feeling you would have had if you didn't do what you did.

This kind of crap has got to stop, and it is people like you that take a chance and a stance to make the difference.

Trin
wendylynders
Original Author
18 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
I posted a follow up.... let me find it and bump it.

Man oh man, why am I always a magnet to this stuff? Child abuse?

Comments (35)

Related Discussions

wendylyndersOriginal Author

wendylyndersOriginal Author

wendylyndersOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

wendylynders
Original Author

wendylynders
Original Author

wendylynders
Original Author