How to stop current CS for 19yr.old but pay arrears?

24 years ago

I dont know how to explain this, everything about my situation seems so confusing anyway, but please bare with me...

DH has been paying CS for oldest who lives with her BM, DH'a 1st wife. Since we have been together, he hasn't missed a payment (I would not allow it, I felt it was his responsibility!) But, while married to 2nd wife there was an enormous amount of arrearages that racked up to 1st wife! He was not having payments taken out of his pay each week, he was just responsible for writing her a check once a month or paying by M/O. Being like most men, (not all!) his wife took care of the bills, (something I don't agree with at all!!!!) etc...So, he just made the money! she picked up his pay each week and went to the bank and did whatever, he got an amount each week for gas, cigs, lunch, etc....he assumed she was paying the bills, including CS! He later found out half of the monety was going up her nose!! he has said that sometimes he would come home from working out of town for a week to find the electric shut off, an eviction notice on the door, etc....he was hauled into court for nonpayments on a few occasions and things would be okay for awhile, he again assuming 2nd wife was sending 1st wife the CS payments....stupid DH!! ANYWAYYYYY, he and wife2 were together 13 years, cs arrearages to the 1st wife amounted to the thousands by the time he and I got together!

This month, the girl turned 19, she graduated last year (DH assumes she did, severe PAS and PBFH#2 has kept the idea of a relationship out of the picture all these years!) The amount he has been paying is split--half to current, half to arrears.

My ?-FINALLY! How or can we get the current obligation to stop and have all payments go towards the arrears? She has reached age 19, graduated HS a year ago, and we are still paying current plus arrears support payments. We cant get anywhere on the phone, not sure how to word a letter to them since they seem to be so screwed up on the case, they feigned ignorance last time and said, "uh, that case was closed years ago" huh?! he's been paying without missing a beat since we've been together, having it deducted from his pay each week! So we know that is not true!

Now what?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (7)

Mikkella
24 years ago
Is his daughter attending college? If she is, that is probably why the child support case hasn't been closed. Depends on your states laws.
Skip all the little people, and go straight to the head of your local child support office.
Best of luck!
wornoutby5
Original Author
24 years ago
As far as we know, she is not attending college. DH found her after an extensive search a couple of years ago (the mother would move everytime DH found out where they were!) and at the time she had no intentions on going to college, she was barely making the grades to pass HS. Anyway, we live in AL, the case is thru LA, and the wires always seem to get crossed on who is supposed to do what....could our local agency help us with it? like you suggested? or do we continually have to try and get some kind of info out of the LA office? We are just in a mess with all the confusion these workers seem to bring into the picture!
No one wants to give us any answers, we can't afford an attorney! I'm so angry with the way the system works!

Not to mention, he also has 3 kids here that he has custody of, their mother wife#2 hasn't seen them in 2 years and is not made to pay a dime in support or medical and will not ever pay if she can help it. The way the system works, she never will! But, of course, if they had to try, that would mean that they would have to take time away from their manhunt for all the so-called "deadbeat dads" of the country to even begin to fathom the idea of there being a deadbeat mother out there! Heaven forbid!

Sorry, just so disappointed in the way things are going with our situation right now! We have no money for an attorney, so I am trying to find out all we can do for free, which is: stop current CS and get the arrears paid, get bio-dad of the child he has legal guardianship over to pay CS, get the mother of all 3 to pay CS, get them all to help with the medical or something, geez!!! He/we raise them, emotionally and financially, the BM#2 (and bio-dad of the girl for whom we are legal guardians) are allowed to come and go and call as they please, but they want nothing more than contact, no obligations and so far they have not been made to have any!

Ooops, this has turned into a horrible rant, I apologize.
Related Discussions
Should I stop paying the Mortgage occasionally?
Q
Comments (30)
Well, I know 2 Accords or Camrys will set you back 53K. A suburban and a camry could be more like 70K. If financed, she is probably upside down, and would lose money selling them. Anyone here ever sold a car on her own? Its one thing to trade in, but quite another meeting strangers for test drives. I guess there is carmax, but I'm quite sure they are in full lowball mode in this economy. You are making several assumptions: 1. Toyota only sell Camrys. They actually sell less expensive models, such as the Corolla. Honda also sell the Civic for far less money. Are they fancy cars? No. 2. New car purchases. The OP can buy used cars. There lots of used cars selling for $10k-15k - heck I saw 2 year old used Saabs going for $15k. 3. Carrying $53K in auto debt is the default and it's not worth lowering debt if you can't erase all of it. Sure, she may be underside down and may still have some debt afterwards but likely it'll be less than $53K. She needs to run the numbers to figure out if it's worth it. Finally, I would take a course at the local community college about basic auto mechanics. Learn how to change a tire, check the oil, change the oil, check tire pressure, etcs. I learned a long time ago that basic auto care is necessary. Ten years ago, I got a flat tire on I-95 so I changed the tire myself - not one person stopped to help me (maybe I looked a bit too competent). We've sold a car to CarMax. I'm sure we didn't get the absolute best price for the car but it was a fair price (I had done some research on the internet to get a ballpark price). It was amazingly easy to sell to CarMax. I would recommend it to people who don't want to do it themselves.
...See More
Update ~ Court today!!!
Q
Comments (14)
What shocked me & DH, was the DCSS was going to agree to drop it down to zero and $50 per month on arrears. I guess they figured she'd pay the $50 and they could stop making her look for work. But, they are a government agency and they seem to care more about statistics that doing what's right. Or maybe they are anti-father, even when he's custodial. She is a parent that they can't collect $316 from and they were willing to sell out SD & DH to make her a parent they could collect $50 from by making it easy. That really pisses me off... because she is very smug about it. She has the attitude of "I'm not working, so I shouldn't have to pay!" or "I can't find a job, so you can't make me pay" and the newest one, "I have a new baby to take care of". Her option to meet halfway: DH had said that she's supposed to come get SD three Friday's a month, so she could drop off her job logs when she comes to get SD. If the court ordered them to meet halfway, she could say it's a hardship to come up here to bring the forms. I don't think it matters because DCSS probably is going to let her mail them in. They don't seem to be interested in doing anything to make her pay. Besides, DH works until 6pm on Friday. He works 45 minutes away, so he would have to drive home to get SD... then drive to the halfway point, which she was proposing halfway from his work to her house. We live in the other direction so he would have to double back and would probably get SD there by 9 pm on Friday night. That is ridiculous because grandma doesn't like to drive at night. lol I think it was very telling how the court viewed it. The Judge told BM she'd better start paying her support from the spousal support until she found a job. BM said if she got a job, child care would cost too much. The Judge told her that when you have a new child, it comes with expenses she should have expected. When she argued that the spousal support is going to end when she marries BF, and he asked her if she will be married by the 20th of June... she said no because her (ex)husband won't sign the papers. So, then he asked her who supports the baby & she said BF does... so she her argument that she has a new baby means nothing to the court in regard to her supporting SD. She was not happy at all. DH was not happy either, we were hoping they would make her do all the driving to give him a break... with the gas prices and with working so much, it is a strain but the Judge is right, she would probably stop seeing her. Of course, I don't think that is such a bad thing... but SD would be hurt by it.
...See More
Child Support issues - wwyd?
Q
Comments (9)
KKNY, she has a savings account but it's not labeled college or retirement and it's very minimal. She was a SAHM until the divorce and only had a few years of enlisted military experience before that. So she had a hard time getting on her feet with a good job etc. From what she was saying at this point she was used to the lack of support as she had to learn to budget without it. Which meant no savings, no activities etc. So now, she can pay the bills but the boys can't do summer activities or possibly fall activities, no summer vacation, no new clothes (second hand), no movie night..you get the drift. Unless her Grandpa steps in, but she doesn't want to ask. I get his problems shouldn't be hers but he is making either choice a problem.The boys will be affected by the activities or not seeing Dad (by Dads choice) Last time this happened the boys kept getting upset with Mom cause Dad kept telling the boys he had no money = Mom's fault. And Ima, I do get it's hard to judge another's financial status. But I do happen to know the guy personally. All 3 of us were in the same unit in the military. After my friend separated (due to having their first child) and he and I would deploy with our unit, I would see him out all the time in strip clubs etc. He was known as a good time charlie and still is. And my friend was married to him lol, she knows how he valued material possesions and having the best of everything. Child support simply was not a priority for him. In this aspect he reminds me of my ex and I do see this coming with Ex. He has been hinting that he's been hit by the economy and can't afford to have DD out for summer visitation if he still pays support. I've offered to pay airfare, but he didn't like that idea. He didn't get up the courage to ask to stop CS, but I know it's coming soon. And like my friend, I do know my Ex's intimate financial details and spending habits. He'd rather take on a $700 car payment for a brand new car than drive around his old paid off car. He likes to buy all the new sneakers that come out right away or buy them at an exorbitant price so he can show that he got them first...weird stuff I know.
...See More
How Much Is Reasonable?
Q
Comments (29)
"Unfortunately, the system encourages hostility/resentment by those who feel they are due more, as the OP, and those who feel they are charged with paying too much, likely as the OP's ex" Here's the problem, in my situation: BD has no idea what the costs of raising a child are. Nor does he care. When we were married, we started off with a joint checking account. He didn't like that because he didn't want me spending HIS money (although it really is OUR money). So he decided to divide up the bills. He paid house, car and groceries. I paid all other bills including ALL expenses for our DS. If I ever ran short, I would just ask him to pay or buy whatever the difference was. He liked that better because he had control over his money. But what happened is that he got a very skewed version of what our household costs were. So now, he doesn't see the CS as support for his son. He sees the CS as the Ashley bill; much like the electric bill or the water bill. He flat told me this "You know, now that child support is raised I don't have to help you with sports costs anymore". I said "whatever". So he thinks that his $90 a year he paid in sports costs made up for his not paying the correct amount of support for 4 years. I'm not hostile at all. And the "system" didn't cause my resentment. I was resentful before the "system" was ever involved. It has always been his view that I take care of all DS's expenses. The difference before was that he was paying for food, shelter and transportation. Have you ever been so broke that you had to sit down with your bills and figure out which ones are urgent to pay and which ones can be put off until next month? I have. Well, BD does that with the Ashley bill. When he's broke or out of work (like right now) or moving or whataever, he decides that the Ashley bill can be put off until next month. Because he doesn't see it as supporting for his son. So he missed his May payment. By that time, he had been out of work for 3 months. I was actually very impressed that May was the first payment he had fully missed. He had only paid partial in March. So, I called the AG and asked about the procedures when a person loses their job. Basically, they don't garnish unemployment until a payment is missed. Okay, that's cool. But they also don't charge interest until a full month's payment is missed. So, basically, if he makes his June payment on time, there are no penalties. That makes no sense. So it's as if he never missed May's payment at all. I'm not out for penalizing him, but where is the incentive to make the payment ontime? I bet he makes his credit card bills ontime. BTW, gini, thank you for correcting my mistake on the calculations. I knew that was the right way to do it, but I was trying to get a quick number and figured it up that way.
...See More
nadastimer
24 years ago
First, I would try to call your local support office and see what they can tell you. Even try calling the office in the state that the mother lives in. Do something because if you don't question it or say something it looks like this may just continue. Hopefully you will someday see a way out of all this and things will be okay.

As for the 3 kids you guys have... all you can do is take care of them The system seems to fail everyone and fighting her may get you nowhere. She may on paper be entitled to pay this stuff, but it doesn't mean she will.

~Leslie~
SugarBee
24 years ago
First, you need to dig up the CS papers that made the arrangements for CS. They're usually in the divorce papers. Secondly, if the divorce papers say CS is to be paid until the child turns 18 or graduates HS, don't just call the CS office..go down there. Ask to speak with a caseworker. Tell them the girl graduated or has turned 18 (whichever) and have them stop the payment for 'current' CS and apply it ALL to the arrears.

Good luck. It took us 7 years to get my spouses CS straightened out. So don't hesitate. Don't just call, go down there IN PERSON and take your husband with you so he can sign an affidavit(sp) releasing information and them to speak to you about his case.
wornoutby5
Original Author
24 years ago
We have done all we know to do for now, guess it is time we made plans to drive there.huh?! It was originally opened in LA, but later closed when dh moved to VA, so that is the office where the cs is being sent thru! UGH! we are in Alabama. May take some planning!LOL

Thanks for all the wonderful advice, I have been to other message boards as well as this one and I have had some wonderful advice come my way. I am very thankful for it all.
SugarBee
24 years ago
wornoutby5, if your case originated in another state, try looking up that states CS office on the internet. They usually have 1-800 numbers listed.

If you have access to a fax machine you can fax papers from your home to their office. Just be sure to find out who the caseworker is then follow up because CS offices and caseworkers have a habit of passing the buck (at least they did in our case). Have them fax you a release of information, or pick up, an affidavit that will release information to you from your local CS office where you live. Fill it out there in their office with your husband present. They'll need to notarize it. You can fax then mail the hard copy of that to the other states office and then you will be free to discuss the case with them w/out your husband having to do all the calls. Sure makes it a lot easier if one person is able to call during the day while the other works.

I really wish you the best of luck and hope that the caseworker you get is up to par and will get the job done.

Did you ever look at the divorce papers to find the CS order? You can also fax that to them also to have the CS stopped and the money being taken out applied to arrears. Don't forget to document the 'overpayment' on CS that was not applied to arrears and have them 'credit' the arrears with that overpayment.

Let us know, if you can, what your court order for CS states and then we'll be able to help you out more.
Jessarlyn
23 years ago
I would check out these site, there are great people on both that have knowledge and will help point you in the right direction.
freeadvice.com
prairielaw.com

Here is a link that might be useful: good ones!!!

How to stop current CS for 19yr.old but pay arrears?

Comments (7)

Mikkella

wornoutby5
Original Author

Related Discussions

nadastimer

SugarBee

wornoutby5
Original Author

SugarBee

Jessarlyn

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

How to stop current CS for 19yr.old but pay arrears?

Comments (7)

Mikkella

wornoutby5Original Author

Related Discussions

nadastimer

SugarBee

wornoutby5Original Author

SugarBee

Jessarlyn

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

wornoutby5
Original Author

wornoutby5
Original Author