i have experienced the extreme of this, them trying to destroy us. At first it was just to break us up, when they were in their early teens, now there is just such distain, I feel they are trying to destroy us. Virtually destroy us. They cause all sorts of trouble and make all sorts of claims. My DH and I can't even be alone in a room with them without some bogus claim. He is still torn because he left them with his ex knowing she was unstable when he divorced her. Guilt. They call him and act as if nothing is wrong, and he is torn up again. They are poison and I am forced with making decisions based on their actions. Decisions I never thought I would make. I believed so wholeheartedly in 'unconditional love' but I guess I am not the person I thought I was. Not at all and I have to face that every day, I am ashamed that I don't love them. I am ashamed that I can't handle this anymore. I am not as strong as I believed I was. I tried so hard to love them, so hard for so long. I was so forgiving for so long, I didnt realize that my body was capable of forgivness for only so long. I didn't know that I had a 'forgivness limitation'. I never would have believed it but now I am forced to live with a whole bunch of realities that I cannot change. I cannot love them enough to affect them. I cannot force them to make peace with me. I dislike the person that they uncovered in me, the one with no more forgivness, the one who has exhausted the unconditional love I thought I had. Everyone can judge me and that is fine, but this is the raw reality of how I feel. Your personal judgement can't be any harsher than how I feel about myself and my choices, so have at it. I knew when I wrote this, how harsh this support board can be, I have been lerking for a while.

HU-188136718 -- You really need to be getting yourself a lawyer, if you don't have one already. I'm not sure where you live, but in the US, it is up to each state, within reason, to determine the division of marital property, and if you were technically (on paper) still married to your DH, you may have some recourse/ claim to get some of your joint items or property back or some sort of proceeds. Many times, your first meeting with a lawyer can be for free/ consulting and no fee will be charged. And the couple of times I did this, they were very upfront and clear with my options. Didn't try to blow me off or anything. They could be more resourceful than you think and without a charge for the first meeting! Worth checking it out. My heart also goes out to you because I know what is like to think you have a positive relationship with your stepkids, only to find out after some horrific episode or two that you do not. In your case, you're not only grieving the loss of your husband (or what you thought your relationship with him would be) and the loss of your home, estate and puppy, but also the loss of the relationship you thought you had with your stepkids. Please do not hesitate to seek out outside support from family, friends, ministers, therapists, etc. You need all the support you can get right now. HU-227652862 -- If I were you, I'd probably sit down and make a list of all of the reasons for your husband not to go, including time, distance, health issues, the fact that she needs to learn how to handle her adult problems herself, etc., and sit down and have a discussion with your DH. Since it is a hot topic for your DH, you will have to be the more responsible one to make sure that it does not degrade to a fight. You just remain calm, no matter what, and keep telling him that you love him and are concerned. Now, your DH will probably have only one main reason, although it is a good one, to keep doing these things for his daughter. He may not admit to it, but he may want to take advantage of any opportunity to see his daughter because he loves her, of course. And it may not matter that it is a bad reason or a reason that could greatly affect his health either. And him going there to "fix" things, further makes your DH feel needed by his daughter. It's tough to fight that parenteral instinct. Even though the parent may be being used and it may be detrimental to their health, it's their child and parents make self-sacrifices for their children all the time! So, the purpose of this discussion (not argument) you are going to have with your DH will be for both of you to logically (in theory) look at each other's side or angle. HOWEVER, if your DH wants to continue doing as he has been for this daughter, then that is pretty much his call, as hard as it may be for you to accept. I'd just make sure he knows the risks (including being taken advange of) coming from your angle, and if he does and chooses to do for her anyway, then you have to let it go. They have a father-daughter bond, and sometimes parents and their kids, incl. adult kids, have some sort of odd or near unhealthy codependency going on that on that works for them, regardless of how it may look on the outside. You can't make your DH separate from his daughter. I know people like to think SMs do this all the time, but in reality, no one can separate a man from his child or a woman from her child unless they, they themselves, want to separate.

I encourage my DH to spend times alone with his kids. I've been brought up to realize that not everyone should be included. Like my own son. I love him but i dont want him stuck to my hip! I like my alone time and i like time with my husband. Other times i just want time with the gals. So i think on that end i would agree with some posters that your Dh should spend time with his girls. What i do also understand is why your Dh wont cause it makes him uncomfortable with her physically touching him like that. This is not normal and rubbing and flopping in her daddy's lap at her age is cause for concern. So your DH refuses the ' date' because he sees it as an encouragement for thsi odd behaviour and i agree with him to refuse. But he should refuse explaining exactly why because of his discomfort not because you are excluded. ANd i do not like the way your SD blunted said you are exclude. Because she obviously has issues with you and she could have used different words such as ' Dad ,i'ld like some time alone just the two of us ifyou dont mind. And maybe another time we can all go out but i need some one on one advice and time from you as my father. ' And yes, my husband is exactly like yours most of the time. He is aloof with his own brothers and sisters. Which i'm not used because i'm close with my family and do not mind if they drop by. He does. He likes his alone time with me only.WHich drives me nuts cause i do not like anyone stuck to my hip. I think balance in everything is healthy. Too much of anything is not. Whether it be a person, a computer, a drink, food tect..etc... In the end. If your husband is not comfortable in going out with his daughters whether you have been invited or not, its his perogative to say no. Its just too bad that you are the scapegoat when he does decline. Or words it in such a way the way he did. Your DH defines himself with you. and there is nothing wrong with that. Just like my husband. If i'mnot invited, he tells people to take a hike. I'm proud of him for it but sad at the same time because he should define himself alone not just with me. I guess its to each their own. And how they want to live. You cannot force anyone to phone people whetther its their own family or friends. I used to remind my husband, phone your kids, but now i dont....i should not be his mother. I'm his wife and itshis responsibility to phone his kids. If he doesn't , then its not my fault. Its his and his kids know it. ANyways..we're on vacation! And we're off to the mall to putts around on a rainy icky day! Chin up, dont worry about yoru SD. Let your husband handle it. Even if he doesn't handle it perfectly, its stillhis call in the end.

Agree with the other posts. Why the he// do you stay with someone who, according to you, is wonderful, loving and generous with everyone else including his (not related to him) friends and employees, and treats you and your child like carp? And who expects you to pay for pretty well everything as well as doing all the housework? You're not only a skivvy, but a skivvy who supports this ingrate and enables him to be Mr Generosity to everyone else. I'd be moving back to my place and cutting all ties with this creep. You say you want your children to have a father, but this guy surely cannot possibly be the father you wanted for them, one who gives them the example that Mom is the household slave and who ignores them (forgetting to pick up one from day care???) in favour of others. You may not get child support but then it won't be an unfamiliar situation- you're not getting it now. This guy isn't a husband and father, he's a millstone. Time to slip your neck out of the hole, breathe free and have the chance to find someone who appreciates you, if that's what you want.