A great place to look for college information is the College Confidential forums. There is a wealth of information on almost every topic you could ask for when it comes to college admissions. They have one section on financial aid. Not too long ago there was a thread started by a student who didn't think that $80,000 worth of debt was a big deal. Lots of people informed him otherwise. There are many parents who post on the site. College is getting harder to get into than in years past. There are more students attending than in past years, and it seems that there are more international students applying for admissions. While a few years ago it was fine to apply to 3 or 4 schools, it is not uncommon for students to apply to more than 10. The first thing you and your husband need to sit down with her and discuss (calmly) what, if anything, you can help her pay for. It will help to go to the FAFSA estimator to see what your estimated contributions will be. (EFC) There are many parents who can't or won't pay for their child's college. Getting an estimate of your EFC will be a good place to start. Next your daughter needs to decide on what she might be interested in studying. It doesn't help to fall in love with a school that doesn't have what you want to major in. You might invest in one of the big college guides -- the ones that are bigger than a phone book, that lists all of the 4 year colleges. Then, your daughter can also start to think about whether she wants a large or small school, one in an urban, suburban, small town or rural area. Are big time college sports important? There are even some all girl schools still left -- is that an option? How far does she want to go from home, or how far do you want her to go? This summer is a good time to get a list together. The general thought is 2 or 3 reaches, 2 or 3 matches, and 2 or 3 safeties including at least one financial safety. If finances are going to be a large issue, then she might want to look at lower tier schools where she would be at the top of the application pool. She could be in line for some merit scholarships at a lower tier school. She is in the top 15%. That is very good, but it probably won't get her merit money at the top tier schools. If she hasn't signed up for the SAT, have her do that. The ACT is also a good substitute. The book the 10 Real SAT's is a good prep book. She needs to take the practice tests under test conditions -- quiet and timed. There is a SAT web site that has a practice question everyday. I understand the frustrations of the financial aspects of college. My youngest daughter was accepted to some top tier schools, but with no money. However, she had a choice of 3 schools with full tuition scholarships. She went to one, had a great time, and is now working for a large financial corporation in New York. She is looking to work on her Master's degree part time with the company paying for most of it. She feels so blessed that she has no undergraduate debt. We paid for her room, board and misc. She paid for spending money and books. Oh, she had an internship at the school senior year that covered her room and board and some spending money. We paid less than $650 a semester for her during her senior year. Good luck with this year. It is a busy, exciting time. I hope that your daughter can see the light about financing college. Oh, and if you take out parent loans for your daughter, she probably won't pay you back for them. You have to assume that she won't, so if you can't afford to pay them back, don't sign or co-sign for them. Remember, educational loans can not be charged off in a bankruptcy. Oh, and college loans are getting harder to come by. Again, good luck.

maybe I can tell DD to make sure that the new place will have "no smoking" policy? -- ok, we are getting slightly out of my knowledge here since you are talking about London and I have not a clue about tenant-landlord law in London. However, in the US this would be a very bad idea. Why? G has demonstrated that she will live the way she wants to live, the comfort and well-being of her roommates be damned. It is highly unlikely that she will quit smoking in the house, whether or not it is allowed on the lease (I realize I am predicting the behavior of someone I'm hearing a 3rd-hand account of, but taken with a reasonable grain of salt, I'd say a reasonable prediction). In the US, a landlord renting to more than one person will probably have a lease that says "jointly and severally" blah blah. Basically what this means is that the landlord can hold any and/or all of the tenants responsible for money/damages/etc caused by any of them. In your DDs case, G smokes in the house, LL sends a notice to tenants to stop smoking in the house, G ignores it, etc, until landlord kicks ALL THE ROOMMATES out of the home for violation of the lease. Unless landlord has separate agreements with each person, it is not the landlord's responsibility to determine which roommate is violating the lease and hold that roommate responsible. Landlord only has to determine that the lease has been violated and then holds ALL ROOMMATES equally responsible. Now that all the roommates have been kicked out, landlord still gets to be reimbursed for any damages (for example the smell of smoke permeating his non-smoking rental) and for unpaid rent until he can re-rent the place. And he can come after ANY one of the roommates he can find for full payment. This means he could come after your DD for full payment of all damages and money owed by everyone, and she would be legally responsible to pay it (the other roommates would to, but the landlord would not be responsible for determining who owes how much, he can collect from any one he can find and let them worry about getting reimbursed from the others). If you are renting a place with roommates, you--not the landlord, you--are legally responsible for your roommate's behavior. Basically, you and any roomies are a legal partnership-- just like if a business buys some supplies, one partner can't claim he doesn't have to pay the bill because the other partner placed the order, you are all responsible for each other's behavior. And I say even more knowing she's in London-- yes, very expensive but I'm quite certain there are other group homes of similar affordibility which she could find if she wants. Tell her to get on craigslist or her campus bulletin boards and start looking. But understand the legal obligations of roommates if you're going to have them.

Boy, some people have a lot of time on their hands. No, actually I said we were together for 25 years, unless there is a typo somewhere. We were married for over 20 years. I have not been divorced for 9 years - I said he left about 9 years ago. The divorce process takes a long time in my state when you have children. I met my H when I was 20. He is older than I, he had married quite young, and his divorce had been final for a couple of years. "Did you "consult" your ex when it was time to take your children off the breast? or you just did it? Of course I consulted him. And he wasn't my exH then. Did you consult ex when it was time to decide if your menstruating daughters should use a pad or tampon? That's their decision, not mine or his. Did you ask him if it was ok to give your children any form of birth control? the pill, condoms? or you just did it because it needed to be done?" That would be their decision as well. They weren't allowed to date when they were young teens, too young to get to a doctor on their own. "Promoted breast feeding, read stories every night, was an active participant in their "young years", went to all their games, took them to drs. appts., whatever they needed he was right there," Yep, pretty much - except he didn't go to "all" their games, especially since the kids were not really into sports. I don't care how you raise your own children. Assuming we are not talking about pedophiles or parents who beat their children, parents get to decide how to raise their own children, in consultation with each other. It is no one else's business - not stepparents, teachers, doctors, social workers, in-laws, or the neighbor down the street. Even if a mother or father is not a great parent, they are still almost always the best parent for THEIR child.

I'm sorry DD is struggling, this is hard for everyone! But rest assured that many solutions are available to help. Colleges are really good at helping out students like this, but only if you go ask. Lots of students start out on a rocky path in college but they can learn how to succeed. Setting aside the possibilities of ADD and the like, which we can't diagnose from afar, there are plenty of other strategies that DD can learn. The main point is that she doesn't just need to learn the subject matter, she needs to learn how to learn. Not all instructors point this out, but every college's counseling/advising/tutoring center will be able to help with this. If she's putting in the hours of studying and attending classes and still not getting decent grades, then it's definitely a strategy problem. And the good news is that this is highly fixable. Some common study methods, like reading, memorizing words, and highlighting the textbook, are not very valuable. Others, like drawing diagrams that show processes and relationships, or explaining topics in your own words to tutors, are hugely valuable. If you want to Google around, look up self-regulated learning (AKA, learning how to learn). Read the top section of this web page and see if it sounds familiar. http://serc.carleton.edu/sage2yc/studentsuccess/self_regulated/what.html (PS, I wrote these web pages, I work in science education). Another must-do strategy is to go to the office hours of the professors. This is ridiculously helpful, for all kinds of reasons. Yet few students use this option. Again, putting learning disabilities aside, it sounds like DD has yet to come across an approach to learning that works for her. In lower grades, she could pull it off, but in college it's much harder to squeak through. A 2 year college is an excellent approach because of the lower stress and greater emphasis on teaching and advising, rather than sink-or-swim scenarios that can happen at big universities. She is lucky to have your support. That is an enormous factor for her success. I work on issues related to what you're facing, so if you have specific questions, feel free to send me a note offline. Good luck to all of you!